{"id":897,"date":"2009-06-22T08:36:19","date_gmt":"2009-06-22T16:36:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/when-talking-doesnt-work-how-to-navigate-a-slump\/"},"modified":"2013-08-20T13:48:24","modified_gmt":"2013-08-20T21:48:24","slug":"when-talking-doesnt-work-how-to-navigate-a-slump","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/when-talking-doesnt-work-how-to-navigate-a-slump\/","title":{"rendered":"When Talking Doesn’t Work: How To Navigate a Slump"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Image courtesy of SeanRock<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

One tenet you\u2019ll often hear in personal development circles is that \u201cit\u2019s good to talk\u201d or \u201ca burden shared is a burden halved\u201d. Sometimes, though, when feeling down, you\u2019ll talk to a spouse, parent or friend about how you feel … and you\u2019ll find that you\u2019re just dragging yourself into a deeper and blacker mood.<\/p>\n

So why is it that talking doesn\u2019t always help? And how can you help someone who wants to talk to you about their woes?<\/p>\n

Talking Often Focuses on the Problem<\/strong><\/p>\n

Perhaps you\u2019ve been feeling a bit down recently. Maybe you have bleak days when it seems like you\u2019ve lost your direction in life. You might talk to a friend about it, detailing all the things you wish you could do (if only you had the money, or the time, or the skills), and endlessly dissecting everything that\u2019s wrong in your life.<\/p>\n

Talking about everything that\u2019s wrong just reinforces your focus on things that aren\u2019t currently working<\/strong>. If you\u2019re already in a bad mood, it\u2019ll send you spiralling further and further down. Have you ever had the experience of \u201cworking yourself into a state\u201d \u2013 feeling a bit anxious or angry about something, and dwelling on it until the molehill becomes a mountain?<\/p>\n

Tip for Helping<\/em>: If someone wants to talk to you about everything that\u2019s wrong in their life, encourage them to find something that\u2019s good. Ask \u201cwhat\u2019s been better recently?\u201d This is a technique that the coach Mark Forster uses and explains in his book How to Make Your Dreams Come True<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Talking May Mean Saying Something You Regret<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you\u2019re in a bad mood, or feeling very fed up about something, it\u2019s easy to think that your state of mind represents your real feelings about a job, relationship, or life situation. The truth is, how you feel when in a bad mood is no more \u201creal\u201d or objective than the way you feel when everything\u2019s going swimmingly.<\/p>\n

One danger of trying to talk through your bad moods is that you\u2019ll end up saying something you\u2019ll regret.<\/strong> Perhaps you\u2019ll think, at the time, that you\u2019re telling your friend a few home truths … but later you\u2019ll realise that you don\u2019t really think that of them at all. Maybe you\u2019ll tell colleagues that you hate your job, despite finding it perfectly pleasant most of the time: do you want your words making their way through the office grapevine to your boss?<\/p>\n

Tip for Helping<\/em>: Try to treat anything that someone says in anger, or while upset, as something that they don\u2019t really mean. If you do end up saying something that you regret, don\u2019t be too hesitant to apologize once you\u2019ve calmed down.<\/p>\n

Talking Only Works if Someone Listens<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, most people in the world are not good listeners<\/a> \u2013 and I include myself here. When listening to someone, it\u2019s easy to let your mind wander, or to stop concentrating on their words in order to think about what you\u2019re going to say next. We often don\u2019t even hear the actual words that are said \u2013 let alone the intention behind them, and the wealth of stuff that is implied.<\/p>\n

You may get frustrated when you talk about your problems because people just don\u2019t seem to understand<\/strong>. Perhaps they brush off the major issues as unimportant, and attend to the minor ones; perhaps they offer advice when all you wanted was someone to listen patiently. Maybe they\u2019ve completely missed the point.
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\nTip for Helping<\/em>: Learn how to listen actively. If you\u2019re seeking help, try going to a life coach, counsellor or someone else who has been trained to listen and to help you work through problems.<\/p>\n

Do you find that talking to someone when you\u2019re in a bad mood helps you to feel better \u2013 or does it tend to make things worse? Have you been able to help people by listening to them when they\u2019re going through a bleak spell?<\/p>\n

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Related Articles:\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

An Active Guide To Listening <\/a><\/p>\n

Seeking Solitude: 17 Ways To Find Time For Yourself <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Image courtesy of SeanRock. One tenet you\u2019ll often hear in personal development circles is that \u201cit\u2019s good to talk\u201d or \u201ca burden shared is a burden halved\u201d. Sometimes, though, when feeling down, you\u2019ll talk to a spouse, parent or friend … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":12770,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[38,33,32,21,6],"tags":[1745,538,2882,4651,2883,2881,2880,2879],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Talking Doesn't Work: How To Navigate a Slump - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So why is it that talking doesn\u2019t always help? 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