{"id":87893,"date":"2021-06-08T11:21:43","date_gmt":"2021-06-08T19:21:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?p=87893"},"modified":"2021-06-14T22:06:25","modified_gmt":"2021-06-15T06:06:25","slug":"beating-social-comparison-how-i-found-enough-in-4-ways","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/beating-social-comparison-how-i-found-enough-in-4-ways\/","title":{"rendered":"Beating Social Comparison: How I Found “Enough” In 4 Ways"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

\u201cHow much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2015 Marcus Aurelius<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I began my journey as a writer, I ran into several fellow writers online. Initially, I loved interacting with them and sharing thoughts about our different journeys. But soon enough, they started to feel intimidating and my internal narrative flipped. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How are they so put together? How have they achieved this accomplishment already? Why can\u2019t the rewards come so easily to me? Why can\u2019t I afford this expensive vacation and write a book and be regularly connected with fellow readers and do everything else with as much ease as others? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naturally, this made me more anxious. But the worst part of social comparison is that it kills the joy out of all the existing <\/em>achievements. You might be standing on the greenest grass and still want a slice of what your neighbor has. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stopped celebrating all the tiny worthwhile accomplishments. Nothing provided me contentment, peace, or joy. But everything changed one day when I saw another social media post. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was one of those people whose life you witness in neat, aesthetic, algorithm-driven boxes and think \u201cHow does she do it all?\u201d But she wasn\u2019t talking about her achievements (that would make me feel not-so-great about myself) today. She was talking about how she\u2019s taking a social media hiatus to combat her social comparison problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was surprised. How can someone\u2019s life that seems so perfect to me be ridden with the same grass-greener-on-the-other-side problem? That\u2019s when I realized that the culprit in both of us isn\u2019t the lack of awards, money, or rewards, it\u2019s the demon within <\/em>us that social media exacerbates. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beating social comparison isn\u2019t easy. With 24\/7 access to view the best part of literally everyone\u2019s lives right at the click of a button, it\u2019s hard not to measure up yourself against your friends, colleagues, or celebrities. But here is what helps me on quieting that voice most days: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Keeping A Gratitude Journal <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are tremendous scientific benefits to keeping a gratitude journal. But personally, for me, the biggest one is how it reminds me of all I do <\/em>have rather than everything I don\u2019t. In some ways, it feels exactly the opposite of browsing on social media. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I keep it simple: I write three things every morning that I am grateful for on a Notes App on my phone. I revisit those things on afternoons that the comparison bug bites me. I follow the same routine before sleeping – writing the 3 things I am thankful for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a tiny habit. But it changed my life. The benefits aren\u2019t immediate, but slowly, I started witnessing abundance in my life instead of scarcity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of diminishing my own achievements with someone else\u2019s bigger achievement, I started to realize there\u2019s enough sunshine for everyone. The dialogue \u201cWhen will I get that?\u201d shifted to \u201cI am happy where I am, working towards where I will be in the future.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the way, I also congratulated (truly<\/em> this time) others for their accomplishments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Tracking Achievements <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A dear friend and I realized that we often keep each other accountable for doing more <\/em>– reading more books, exercising often, working harder, etc. And it\u2019s awesome. Having a buddy follow up on you creates a system of showing up and getting things done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While talking about social comparison, we realized, why not do the same? Keeping each other in check for noticing our own achievements forced us to acknowledge that even the tiniest progress counts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We began by making a group where we tracked our accomplishment(s) of the day. If one hasn\u2019t shown up, the other is supposed to ping \u201cWhat\u2019s your achievement for today?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And many days, I have nada. But I have to come up with something<\/em>. That\u2019s the rule. So, even if I write \u201cI did 1\/10 tasks on my to-do list today,\u201d it counts. Seeing yourself being built like that gives a self-esteem boost that no amount of social media brag can beat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Name That Inner Critic <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Everyone talks about being self-aware of the negative voice that puts you down. \u201cDon\u2019t listen to your inner critic,\u201d they say. But how? It\u2019s too difficult to realize you\u2019re down a social comparison spiral when you\u2019re spinning in one (trust me, I know). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But one trick that helped me is giving it a name and addressing the voice with it. I chose \u201cMonster KitKat\u201d – feel free to name your own inner monster around your favorite chocolate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whenever I would notice myself getting in a slumpy mood, I\u2019d ask myself, \u201cIs Monster Kitkat speaking to me?\u201d And most times, yes. She\u2019s there. And she\u2019s nasty. She doesn\u2019t want me to believe I am ever good enough. Giving her a name made her so much more noticeable when she came up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I\u2019d talk myself out of Monster Kitkat\u2019s whims. And I\u2019d be kind too (I am speaking to a part of myself<\/em>, after all). When she\u2019d go all berserk on not achieving enough, I\u2019d say, \u201cI know you\u2019re scared and anxious, Monster KitKat, but we\u2019ll get there. Comparison of someone\u2019s social media strengths to our weakest weaknesses isn\u2019t a fair scale. Worrying won\u2019t get us there any sooner. So, let\u2019s enjoy what we have now.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You wouldn\u2019t believe it, but she (Uhm, I) listened. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Turn Comparison Into Admiration <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll tell you I love connecting with others. Forming genuine connections online and offline fuels me. This is literally how I run my newsletter community where I write – by forming relationships with my readers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I love connecting with fellow writers who are more my allies than my competition. But social comparison takes away that genuineness in a conversation. Everything is tainted with that Monster KitKat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I discovered that transforming my habit of comparison into admiration is the best way to eradicate that voice. Instead of thinking \u201cWow, I wonder if I\u2019ll ever achieve that,\u201d I thought \u201cYay, good for him!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It takes a little deliberate effort in the beginning. But once you get into the habit of admiring instead of comparing, you see yourself forming better connections. A bonus is that you also begin to realize that there\u2019s a person <\/em>out of these neat boxes of social media – someone who\u2019s just like you having good days and <\/em>bad days. It opens up room for compassion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Social comparison makes you rely on external metrics to evaluate the quality of your life. That is not only inaccurate but mentally taxing. Fortunately, there are good habits that you can form to eradicate unhealthy social comparisons. I hope you found my journey relatable and the tips useful! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me know in the comments below what you named your inner critic (point #3)! <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Author Bio<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rochi is a staff writer at\u00a0Elite Content Marketer<\/a>\u00a0who relishes fresh poetry. She talks about books, poems, and the troubles of everyday life on her\u00a0website<\/a>. If you believe there is nothing that cannot be cured by some Mary Oliver poetry or a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode, subscribe to her\u00a0weekly newsletter<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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