{"id":79568,"date":"2020-03-04T19:59:37","date_gmt":"2020-03-05T03:59:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=79568"},"modified":"2020-03-10T10:35:53","modified_gmt":"2020-03-10T18:35:53","slug":"5-ways-we-invite-constant-conflict-into-our-lives","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/5-ways-we-invite-constant-conflict-into-our-lives\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Ways We Invite Constant Conflict into Our Lives"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Some of us encounter jerks all the time. Perhaps an aggressive\ndriver flipped us off on the way to work, a harried woman cut in front of us in\nthe checkout line at Target, or a coworker said something rude about the new\nshoes we wore to work \u2013 all in one day! But while most of us will encounter\nrude behavior from time-to-time, if we are responding to jerks on a regular\nbasis, then we need to take a closer look at our own behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although there are numerous ways to invite conflict into our\nlives, there are a few that almost always trigger others, including:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Righteousness. <\/strong>If we find that we must not only prove our\npoint, but also simultaneously prove ourselves superior to others, we will\ninvite an ongoing conflict with others.<\/li>
  2. Projection. <\/strong>Projection is the fine art of seeing what we\ncannot tolerate in ourselves\u2014what we despise and hate\u2014in other people. There\nare times when we invite people into our lives that align with the qualities\nthat we have contempt for in ourselves just so that we can keep them around to\nabuse. However, usually people resist our projections, which in turn creates\ndiscord between others and ourselves.<\/li>
  3. Weaponized victimhood. <\/strong> If we block, disallow, or otherwise interfere\nwith the attempts made by others to soothe our pain and suffering, we convey to\nthem that what they are offering is ineffective or insufficient. In doing this,\nwe not only interfere with their attempts to help us feel better, we also\npunish them for being unable to do so. When using ourselves as weapons against\nthe world, we convey to those around us that our misery is somehow their <\/em>fault\nand use our sense of being victimized to punish others.<\/li>
  4. Turd hurling. <\/strong>If we cannot stand seeing other people\nthriving or happy – and feel like we need to ruin it in some way (perhaps by\nsaying something derogatory, bringing up their own suffering, or otherwise\nsquaring the good feelings of others) – then we can expect to encounter a great\ndeal of conflict. <\/li>
  5. Patrolling. <\/strong>If we acutely observe the behavior of other\npeople and chastise them when their behavior is “wrong,” we will\ndefinitely agitate others. This is closely aligned with righteousness.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n


    \nEach of these behaviors\ninvites conflict and puts us in an adversarial relationship with the world. To\nengage in each one of these behaviors is to put on a “kick me” sign.\nIf we are unaware of what we are doing, we will just assume that these\ncounterattacks are actually unprovoked. In response, we over-protect ourselves\nagainst the possibility of being hurt, which in turn, makes us more susceptible\nto the counterattacks that we are trying to avoid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    But there is good news: our unkind behavior is a defense\nmechanism that we use to protect ourselves – it is not <\/em>who we\nare. And this means that we can do something about it! Next time an\nincident arises that tempts us to engage in one of the behaviors listed above,\nwe can:<\/p>\n\n\n\n