{"id":79558,"date":"2020-03-03T20:37:24","date_gmt":"2020-03-04T04:37:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=79558"},"modified":"2020-03-08T19:40:57","modified_gmt":"2020-03-09T03:40:57","slug":"recognizing-the-gas-lighters-in-your-life-and-turning-the-tables","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/recognizing-the-gas-lighters-in-your-life-and-turning-the-tables\/","title":{"rendered":"Friends or Fakes? Recognizing the gas-lighters in your life and turning the tables"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div>\n<p>A true friend is a true gift. Friends are the\nfamily we get to choose. It\u2019s often our friends that we form the closest bonds\nwith, who see the best in us, who have our backs through good times and bad.\nUnfortunately, not all friends are created equal. In fact, there are even those\nfriends who may give the appearance of being there for you, yet don\u2019t actually\nhave your best interests at heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you have a friend whose interactions with you leave you confused,\ndoubting yourself, or wondering what\u2019s wrong with you, you may be victim to\ngaslighting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gaslighting is a term used to describe a subtle, yet powerful form of\npsychological and emotional manipulation that is used against another to\nundermine their confidence, perspective and sense of value. You may have heard\nthe term in reference to unhealthy relationships with partners, spouses or\nclose family members. However, we\u2019re just as easily susceptible to gaslighting\namongst our peers, and if we aren\u2019t aware of it, can give these fake friends\npower over our sense of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gaslighting is not always obvious, because it is often done gradually or\nunder the radar. Some in your life may be gaslighting you if they are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Constantly\nneeding you, and making you feel bad, mean or wrong if you don\u2019t deliver<\/li><li>Being highly\ncontrolling of situations, trying to restrict or dominate your choices<\/li><li>Misrepresenting\nor twisting facts to make you question and doubt your account of things.<\/li><li>Building you up\nand being kind to you in one moment, then withdrawing attention or criticizing\nyou in front of others the next.<\/li><li>Causing\ndissonance between you and other friends behind your back, gradually isolating\nyou, while being nice to your face.<\/li><li>Being\nunaccountable for their unkind actions. They\u2019re always the victim, and you the\nperpetrator.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are 5 effective steps taking back control when you\u2019re being\ngaslighted:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li><strong>Read the signs<\/strong>:&nbsp; Firstly, recognize when something is \u2018off\u2019.\nGas-lighters are good at covering or twisting things, so trust your instincts.\nListen to your body, does it feel stressed or \u2018on guard\u2019 when this person shows\nup? Are you emotionally up and down with this person \u2013 needing or seeking their\napproval, then feeling distraught when they ignore you or are hurtful? We all\nwant to be liked and accepted, but when you make another\u2019s opinion of you more\nvalid than your own, you inadvertently create a situation where people can take\nadvantage of you. Start by recognizing that on some level you have allowed\nthat. Realize that no one can take your power without your permission. When you\nknow it was you who gave it up, you also know it\u2019s you \u2013 and only you \u2013 who can\ntake your power back.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><strong>Reclaim yourself<\/strong>:&nbsp; Gaslighting isn\u2019t personal. It\u2019s not\nhappening because there is something wrong with you. It\u2019s actually the opposite\n\u2013 you have a strength you\u2019ve never acknowledged before. Begin to reclaim\nyourself and know you get to choose what happens next. You can choose not to be\ninfluenced by or drawn into any further manipulation. Rebuild trust in\nyourself, your perceptions and know that you\u2019ve got this.&nbsp; <br>\n<br>\n<\/li><li><strong>Create some distance<\/strong>:&nbsp; You don\u2019t need to make any rash moves in\norder to change things. In fact, confronting and fighting a gas-lighter rarely\nworks, because they thrive off your emotional reactions. Simply stepping back,\ncreating a little distance, and being less available can quickly start to make\na difference! <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><strong>Be the bigger person<\/strong>:&nbsp; If someone is gossiping about you or\nspreading lies, don\u2019t waste time defending yourself. Your true friends will\nknow something isn\u2019t right and will emerge to be there for you. Dignified\nsilence and not descending to their level will speak volumes. Move forward,\nkeep rising, and be all you can be. Leave those who don\u2019t have your back in the\ndust.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><strong>Value yourself<\/strong>:&nbsp; Self-empowerment is the ultimate key to going\nbeyond fake friends. Value and respect yourself and stop looking for external\nvalidation. Renew your commitment to you. Start a gratitude journal and each\nday write down 3 things you are grateful for about you and what you\u2019ve created.\nKeep increasing your sense of self-worth and reconnect with what you truly want\nin life. Your life is about creating your happiness, not anyone else\u2019s.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If\npeople in your social circle are gaslighting you, it\u2019s because they know you\nare potent and brilliant, and that you don\u2019t see it. When you claim your\nself-worth and embrace your own power, gas-lighters have nothing to exploit or\nhold onto. The best way to turn the tables on fake friends is to stop hiding\nyourself and turn up the volume. Be you in the world without apology and\ninspire the true friends in your life to step up and be all they are, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Smriti Goswami is a Business mentor, life coach and certified facilitator of several Access Consciousness\u00ae special programs, including Joy of Business, Being You, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.accessconsciousness.com\/en\/micrositesfolder\/Right-Voice-For-You\/\">Right Voice<\/a> and Access Bars\u00ae. She is a certified FAA Commercial Pilot, experienced glider pilot and owner of Mumbai organisation, ArtEscapades.\u00a0 A committed advocate for women\u2019s empowerment, Smriti offers individual consultations and classes around the world, empowering people to think out of the box and follow their dreams. You can connect with her at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.smritigoswami.com\">www.smritigoswami.com<\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A true friend is a true gift. Friends are the family we get to choose. It\u2019s often our friends that we form the closest bonds with, who see the best in us, who have our backs through good times and &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/recognizing-the-gas-lighters-in-your-life-and-turning-the-tables\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":79559,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[41,21,58],"tags":[7764,66,4635,4651],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Recognizing the gas-lighters in your life and turning the tables<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you have a friend whose interactions with you leave you 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