{"id":78673,"date":"2019-12-03T14:38:18","date_gmt":"2019-12-03T22:38:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=78673"},"modified":"2019-12-06T08:54:15","modified_gmt":"2019-12-06T16:54:15","slug":"how-forgiving-my-childhood-bully-made-me-a-better-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-forgiving-my-childhood-bully-made-me-a-better-person\/","title":{"rendered":"How Forgiving My Childhood Bully Made Me a Better Person"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Growing\nup, I was not the cool kid – and my peers noticed. I couldn’t escape \u2014 they\nwere relentless. They would tease me in the hallways, call me fat and poke my\nsides. They would pass me hateful notes in class and watch as I tried to hide\nmy hot, angry tears. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\nmost of the name-calling happened behind my back. I knew from their glances and\nstares, whispered words and pointed fingers. And all of this was just as\npainful as the cruel words spoken to my face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My\nonly hope of ever fitting in was to join Girl Scouts. The outdoors were my\nescape and I adored everything about nature. So, when I hit the fifth grade, I\nsigned up. By that time, however, most of the mean girls had already laid claim\nto the troop. Instead of finding a safe place and acceptance, I found myself in\nthe same hostile environment as before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thankfully,\nby the time middle school came around, we moved to a new school district. Only\nthen did I finally feel like I was accepted for who I was. I certainly wasn’t\nthe most popular, but at least I had friends and no one to openly harass me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding Forgiveness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\nwasn’t until college that I realized most of the mean girls I faced in elementary\nschool were dealing with their own problems \u2014 parents filing divorce, siblings\nwith alcohol and drugs addictions and low-income households. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mean\ngirls, and others at the top of the popularity pyramid, are just as desperate\nto fit in as misfits are. And they fit in the only way they know how, by tearing\nothers down. These bullies are witnessing and responding to social pressures\nand learning how to act by watching their family members’ interactions. Then, they deflect\nabuse by abusing others.<\/a> They act out to gain attention that they otherwise wouldn’t receive at\nhome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\nquick Facebook search quickly turned up pictures of my childhood bullies, now\nfully grown adults. Some were married, some were successful business\nprofessionals and others even had kids of their own. Their smiling profile\npictures stared back at me and I realized they probably don’t even remember me.\nSo why were their mocking voices still so clear in my mind? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because\nI was still letting their words rule me. The bullies were still affecting my\nlife. And the only way to silence their voices in my head was to forgive them.\nSo I did, because, quite frankly, holding a grudge against someone who probably\ndoesn’t even remember you is absolutely pointless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moving On<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While\nforgiving might have come easily for me, forgetting has been a different\njourney entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bullying\ncan inflict serious damage on mental health,\nsocial well-being and self worth<\/a>. So, undoing years of mental and verbal abuse\nrequires me to completely change the way I see and speak to myself. After all,\nif someone tells you you’re fat or stupid long enough, eventually you come to\naccept these things as facts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So,\neach day, I consciously\nchoose to be kind to myself<\/a>. I remind myself I am beautiful, smart and worthy of love and I make\nsure I tell my two daughters, they too, are the same. Actively speaking kind\nwords to myself has given me more self worth than ever before. Being a mother\nhas done wonders for my attitude. I no longer second-guess my decisions or\nwonder what others will think of me. As long as my choices come from a place of\nintegrity and honesty, I can be confident in my decisions and myself as a human\nbeing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forgiveness\nhas taught me how to love myself better and, in doing so, love others better.\nMy bullies’ harsh words came from a place of pain deep inside them. Many adults\nstill speak from this dark place of abuse and pain. So each day I make an\neffort to be kind and show grace to everyone, because every single person is\nfighting a battle I know nothing about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While it may have been a long time coming, forgiving my mean girls was ultimately the best thing I could have ever done for myself, my confidence, and the way I approach difficult people. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, passionate freelance writer, and the blogger behind\u00a0Mindfulness Mama<\/a>. Follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Growing up, I was not the cool kid – and my peers noticed. I couldn’t escape \u2014 they were relentless. They would tease me in the hallways, call me fat and poke my sides. They would pass me hateful notes … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13370,"featured_media":78674,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,21,6],"tags":[4033,4653,4651,4629],"yoast_head":"\nHow Forgiving My Childhood Bully Made Me a Better Person<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-forgiving-my-childhood-bully-made-me-a-better-person\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Forgiving My Childhood Bully Made Me a Better Person\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Growing up, I was not the cool kid – and my peers noticed. 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