{"id":7698,"date":"2011-10-24T21:30:06","date_gmt":"2011-10-25T05:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=7698"},"modified":"2013-10-09T09:54:52","modified_gmt":"2013-10-09T17:54:52","slug":"10-ways-to-be-happy-on-purpose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/10-ways-to-be-happy-on-purpose\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways To Be Happy, On Purpose"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHe who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness\u201d<\/em>
\n~Chinese Proverb<\/p>\n

I was at a Women\u2019s Leadership Conference about a year ago and had an \u201cah-ha moment\u201d. We were all introducing ourselves and asked to share a few things to help with the process. One question left me baffled and ultimately changed my life; \u201cWhat do you do to make yourself happy?\u201d.<\/p>\n

At the time I honestly didn\u2019t know. I had a great job, friends, and family. I was independent, young, healthy, and yet I couldn\u2019t figure out what made me happy. I vowed that day that I would be happy on purpose because I was tired of waiting for happiness to happen.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not been an easy road, but it\u2019s been the most fulfilling adventure I\u2019ve ever been on and I feel that I should now share what I\u2019ve learned with others.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Know Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cToday you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.\u201d
\n<\/em>~Dr. Seuss<\/p>\n

How many times have we heard \u201cno one will love you until you learn to love yourself\u201d or \u201cnobody knows you the way you do\u201d?<\/p>\n

So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?<\/p>\n

The good news is that if you don\u2019t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you\u2019re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cOpen your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you\u2019re living?\u201d<\/em>
\n~Bob Marley<\/p>\n

The question we all got asked when we were little was \u201cwhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d Now the question is \u201cWHO do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d You\u2019ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the time to figure out what\u2019s next.<\/p>\n

Think of the \u201cideal you\u201d and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled \u201cHow To Fake It Until You Make It\u201d<\/em> in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let\u2019s DO this!!!<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You\u2019re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who\u2019ll decide where to go…\u201d<\/em>
\n~Dr. Seuss<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Be Authentic<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you\u2019re not in this world to live up to mine.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Bruce Lee<\/p>\n

Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your idealized self it\u2019s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who you think you should be. Don\u2019t compromise your values, morals, or true personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you\u2019re trying to be somebody else, who\u2019s going to be you?<\/p>\n

There may be certain things about yourself that you\u2019d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it\u2019s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.<\/p>\n

To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die.<\/p>\n

\u201cFew are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts\u201d<\/em>
\n~Albert Einstein<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Understand that you can only control yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you\u201d<\/em>
\n~African Proverb<\/p>\n

As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people; others will do, think, and feel what they want and there\u2019s little I can do to change or even influence that. I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.<\/p>\n

I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.<\/p>\n

For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of \u201cmoving on\u201d or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.<\/p>\n

The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there\u2019s no point worrying about it because I can\u2019t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something\u2019s being done!<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t like something, change it. If you can\u2019t change it, change your attitude.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Maya Angelou<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Achieve balance in all things.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cBefore Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.\u201d<\/em>
\n~ Zen Buddhist Proverb<\/p>\n

There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.<\/p>\n

The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Learn to let go.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.<\/p>\n

Ask yourself \u201cHow is this working for me?\u201d Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?<\/p>\n

To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can\u2019t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>someone, not caring for<\/em><\/strong> them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf things start happening, don\u2019t worry, don\u2019t stew; just go right along and you\u2019ll start happening too.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Dr. Seuss<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cLove the life you live. Live the life you love.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Bob Marley<\/p>\n

So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration when really it\u2019s within ourselves and up to us \u2013 no one will do this for you!<\/p>\n

While at the Woman\u2019s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a \u201cmother\u201d to something \u2013 I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he\u2019s been such a blessing for me. We\u2019ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I\u2019ve learnt a lot being a \u201cPack Leader\u201d for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.<\/p>\n

So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you\u2019ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Focus on the positive.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThere are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle\u201d<\/em>
\n~Albert Einstein<\/p>\n

The expression \u201ceverything happens for a reason\u201d annoys and upsets some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer, for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think \u201cin everything I have to find my own reason\u201d. Instead of asking \u201cwhy did this happen to me?\u201d I ask myself \u201cWhat positive thing can I find in this?\u201d By focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough you\u2019ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.<\/p>\n

The good wouldn\u2019t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It\u2019s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome people feel the rain. Others just get wet.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Bob Marley<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Surround yourself with like-minded people.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cA man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends\u201d<\/em>
\n~Chinese Proverb<\/p>\n

Change is never easy. It\u2019s even more difficult if the people you choose to spend time with aren\u2019t the \u201cright people\u201d. Just ask someone who\u2019s had to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it\u2019s like being around people who haven\u2019t quit or cut back yet. It\u2019s easy to fall back into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It\u2019s the same when you\u2019re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?<\/p>\n

So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can\u2019t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it\u2019s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had to \u201cweed out\u201d people who I thought were my friends \u2013 these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn\u2019t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.<\/p>\n

Sit down and write out two lists for yourself \u2013 on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don\u2019t matter and those who matter won\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/em>
\n~Dr. Seuss<\/p>\n

10. Keep going<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you can\u2019t fly then run, if you can\u2019t run then walk, if you can\u2019t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.\u201d
\n<\/em>~ Martin Luther King Jr.<\/p>\n

I was watching Firefly (2002-2003 TV series) and there was a saying that a few soldiers shared that was an even better version (I think anyway) of the Martin Luther King Jr. quote: \u201cWhen you can\u2019t run, you crawl. And when you can\u2019t crawl you find someone to carry you\u201d.<\/p>\n

Sometimes you can\u2019t do it on your own. But you can\u2019t just stop either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed when I could no longer do it on my own and it\u2019s made all the difference in the world.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even when it\u2019s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.<\/p>\n

\u201cLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving\u201d<\/em>
\n~Albert Einstein<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Melissa Morrison\u00a0is a Job Developer with YesYouCan Employment Consulting in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario Canada. She works with people who have disabilities in finding meaningful employment and facilitates motivational and job-ready workshops. Find out more about Melissa and YesYouCan\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don’t forget to sign up for the PickTheBrain\u00a0NEWSLETTER<\/a>!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Related Reading:<\/em><\/strong><\/div>\n

Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness <\/a><\/p>\n

The 6 Components of a Happy Life <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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