{"id":7574,"date":"2011-10-19T22:10:36","date_gmt":"2011-10-20T06:10:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=7574"},"modified":"2013-09-13T09:35:11","modified_gmt":"2013-09-13T17:35:11","slug":"how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.<\/p>\n

If we could just get through the drama, the business decisions and real work isn\u2019t that hard\u2026<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to blame drama on others.\u00a0 After all, you\u2019re the good guy in these dynamics; why don\u2019t they get it?\u00a0 One of the most difficult challenges for aspiring leaders is to \u201cown their stuff\u201d\u2014to acknowledge that they are equally responsible for creating any situation where drama exists.<\/p>\n

I learned this lesson working on a writing project with another author \u2013 my dad. He had some great ideas that I was happy to work with. But then he became controlling. It was easy for me to see how things were falling apart \u2013 and it was his <\/em>fault! He was the one who wasn\u2019t listening. He was the one who was setting impossible deadlines. I was ready to take all I knew about eliminating drama and apply it to him.<\/p>\n

Most drama is caused by four primary energy-draining personalities that sabotage workplace collaboration and synergy: the Complainer, the Controller, the Cynic and the Caretaker. \u00a0The Complainer is the one who is never at fault \u2013 not enough time, resources or support. The Controller has to be in charge \u2013 perhaps micromanaging, sometimes being the bully. The Cynic must be right; often pointing out how others\u2019 ideas will never work and making fun of the person who brought it up. The Caretaker wants to be liked so much that they say yes to everything, which becomes a problem when they bite off more than they can chew and they miss deadlines.<\/p>\n

Like me, most people want to start with the question: how to I help others change?<\/em> But, we have found that before you can guide others, you have to take inventory of your <\/em>interaction strengths and the ways you <\/em>sabotage relationships. The strength inventory is usually easy. It\u2019s fun to appreciate your talent and amazing ability to do what you do. The sabotage inventory is more difficult. It requires the vulnerability and courage to seek others\u2019 candid observations and advice about your behavior.<\/p>\n

Taking my own advice, I asked myself what my part was in creating the drama. I wondered which Drama personalities I was using that were sabotaging us. I noticed how I had fallen into Complainer. I didn\u2019t have enough time to do everything he asked and his requests were too hard. I realized that I would have micromanaged someone acting the way I was. Then I saw my Cynic. The enthusiasm I had at the beginning of the project had become critical\u2026 I saw everything wrong with what we were doing, but didn\u2019t offer any suggestions to change. Once I saw myself in these drama roles, I could shift into taking responsibility \u2013 renegotiating our deadlines and making suggestions for how we could change the writing to be better.<\/p>\n

By identifying and correcting the four drama roles (Complainer, Controller, Cynic, Caretaker), you are well on your way to eliminating drama. If you want even more clarity, invite your work colleagues, family members, and friends to give you timely, direct feedback.<\/p>\n

Here is a quick way to start looking at how these drama roles show up for you.\u00a0 Ask friends and coworkers:<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Where do you see me complaining? Not taking responsibility for my situation?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Where do you see me controlling? Taking over and micromanaging?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Where do you see be being cynical? Discounting others or being sarcastic?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Where do you seem me caretaking? Rescuing others instead of letting them do things on their own?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You can also take a free drama assessment<\/a> for yourself.\u00a0Let me know what you find out about yourself. And what can you do to change?<\/p>\n

Kaley Klemp and Jim Warner are the authors of The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers, and Boss. <\/a> You can get a free sample of the book on Facebook.<\/a> Follow them on twitter<\/a>. Read more about them at www.dramafreeoffice.com<\/a>. Or, just get the book on Amazon<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":7663,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[721,1697,66,4629,274,1698],"yoast_head":"\nHow to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-10-20T06:10:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-09-13T17:35:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"399\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"382\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Erin Falconer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png\",\"width\":\"399\",\"height\":\"382\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/\",\"name\":\"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-10-20T06:10:36+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-09-13T17:35:11+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2da8ae162c097bdb749ab098472b4cc5\"},\"description\":\"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself\"}]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2da8ae162c097bdb749ab098472b4cc5\",\"name\":\"Erin Falconer\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1173c63284b173ff225e5f87a1af5028?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1173c63284b173ff225e5f87a1af5028?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Erin Falconer\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/erin\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","description":"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","og_description":"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/","og_site_name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","article_publisher":"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain","article_published_time":"2011-10-20T06:10:36+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-09-13T17:35:11+00:00","og_image":[{"width":"399","height":"382","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png","type":"image\/png"}],"twitter_card":"summary","twitter_creator":"@pickthebrain","twitter_site":"@pickthebrain","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Erin Falconer","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/","name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Screen-shot-2011-10-19-at-2.23.35-PM.png","width":"399","height":"382"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#webpage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/","name":"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#primaryimage"},"datePublished":"2011-10-20T06:10:36+00:00","dateModified":"2013-09-13T17:35:11+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2da8ae162c097bdb749ab098472b4cc5"},"description":"It\u2019s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it\u2019s common to hear about the \u201cDrama\u201d plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-drama-free-start-with-yourself\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to be Drama-Free? Start with Yourself"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2da8ae162c097bdb749ab098472b4cc5","name":"Erin Falconer","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1173c63284b173ff225e5f87a1af5028?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1173c63284b173ff225e5f87a1af5028?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Erin Falconer"},"url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/erin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7574"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12163"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7574"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7574\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7663"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}