{"id":729,"date":"2008-10-08T06:00:03","date_gmt":"2008-10-08T10:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/put-yourself-first\/"},"modified":"2013-09-26T09:17:30","modified_gmt":"2013-09-26T17:17:30","slug":"put-yourself-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/put-yourself-first\/","title":{"rendered":"Why It&#8217;s Not Selfish to Put Yourself First"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><\/p>\n<p>One piece of advice that I\u2019ve come across in the writings of several life coaches is that we should act in our own best interests. My initial reaction to this is to feel uncomfortable \u2013 like most people, I worry that I\u2019m being selfish if I put myself first.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019ve come to realize that acting in your own best interests, when done properly, isn\u2019t a selfish act \u2013 it\u2019s a way to ensure that you\u2019re making the very best of your life, so that you can help those around you to make the very best of theirs.<\/p>\n<p>So, what are your best interests? How do you base your actions, your goals, your time-management and your life on them \u2013 and how will this affect the people around you?<\/p>\n<p>I would suggest that acting consistently in your own best interests involves four areas:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Meeting your physical needs, such as getting enough sleep and exercise<\/li>\n<li>Meeting your emotional needs, such as asking for support when you need it<\/li>\n<li>Meeting your mental needs, such as having a stimulating job<\/li>\n<li>Meeting your spiritual needs, such as taking time to meditate or pray<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<h2>Physical needs<\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019re regularly exhausted because you never take time to eat a proper meal, get a good night\u2019s sleep, or get some exercise, then start making these things an absolute priority.<\/p>\n<p>Do you stay up late with your spouse, watching TV whilst slumped on the sofa half-asleep, because you think he\/she will be offended if you go to bed alone? Are you the one who always insists on getting up with the kids in the night \u2013 even though your partner would be perfectly happy to? Do you have no time for your own breakfast because you\u2019re too busy preparing lunchboxes for your children?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYou eat on the run because you believe that you shouldn&#8217;t take time for lunch; there&#8217;s too much work to do. You eat the \u00e9clair, the doughnut, the cake, all the while knowing this isn&#8217;t really taking care of yourself. But to really take care of yourself, you have to think of yourself first.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8211; <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.goodhousekeeping.com\/health\/advice\/feed-your-soul-0907\"><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">End Emotional Hunger: Take Care of Yourself First<\/span><\/em><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Being well-rested, and taking care of your health, means that you\u2019ll have the energy you need to help those around you. If you feel constantly frazzled, you\u2019re likely to snap at your loved ones when you least mean to.<\/p>\n<h2>Emotional needs<\/h2>\n<p>Some of us end up being the \u201crock\u201d who friends and family come to with problems. It\u2019s a great privilege to be known as a good listener, but sometimes it\u2019s hard when you feel <em>you <\/em>need support \u2013 but you\u2019re worried about burdening people.<\/p>\n<p>Ask a good friend or a relative if you can have a chat with them. Explain that you\u2019re going through a difficult time, and it would help to have someone to talk to. They\u2019ll be more than glad to help, especially if it means they can return a favor that you\u2019ve provided for them in the past.<\/p>\n<p><em>Healthy selfishness is a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation and concern for yourself. It includes a willingness to respect your own feelings, desires, and needs as well as to trust your knowledge, ability, and experience. \u2026 In a practical sense, it means doing such things as resting when you&#8217;re tired or <\/em><strong><em>asking for emotional support without apology.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lhj.com\/lhj\/story.jhtml?storyid=\/templatedata\/lhj\/story\/data\/1140639867307.xml\"><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Why It\u2019s Healthy to Put Yourself First<\/span><\/em><\/a> (emphasis mine)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you don\u2019t reach out to other people when you\u2019re feeling sad, angry, low or lonely, you can end up turning to unhealthy sources of comfort. Whether it\u2019s supersized bars of candy, a bottle of vodka, or drugs, all of these will eventually be damaging to you and to those around you.<\/p>\n<h2>Mental needs<\/h2>\n<p>We all need to feel challenged and stimulated by our daily life. If you never learn anything new, never push yourself to think a bit harder, or never do anything that tests your limits \u2013 you\u2019ll probably end up feeling that life lacks meaning.<\/p>\n<p>On the flip side, if you\u2019re completely out of your depth with a particular area of studying or work, you\u2019re unlikely to be unhappy, stressed and anxious.<\/p>\n<p>These are three classic scenarios of people whose mental needs aren\u2019t being met. See if you recognize yourself in any of these:<\/p>\n<p><em>John works in a factory. It\u2019s boring, repetitive and low-paid work, but it\u2019s a secure job. His real passion is computers, and he started a couple of programming courses once \u2013 but he quickly gave up, convinced that a career change would be dangerous to his family\u2019s security.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Amy is at home all day with three small children. She loves her kids dearly, but misses her high-powered job in journalism. But her family need her, and she convinces herself that she\u2019ll be able to restart her career once the kids have all left home.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Mark is a Physics major, and hates it. He wanted to study Theatre Management, but his dad insisted that there was more money in science. Mark spends every evening struggling over his textbooks, feeling more and more lost as the semester goes on.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Do you think any of these people are able to meet the needs of those around them? Do you think that John, Amy and Mark\u2019s loved ones want them to feel unhappy and unfulfilled?<\/p>\n<h2>Spiritual needs<\/h2>\n<p>When life is busy, it\u2019s hard to take time for things which feel unproductive \u2013 like attending a religious service, meditating, taking a long bath, or praying. You might feel guilty about \u201csitting there doing nothing\u201d if you\u2019re engaged in one of these activities.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s crucially important for us to find space and distance from day-to-day life, in order to take a fresh look at things. Some great thinkers have flashes of inspiration in the bath (Archimedes\u2019 <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Eureka_{54c12dad2cc2b53ae830e39915b1a3e70288dbcbbeb8bbf8395437c5dc3c512c}28word{54c12dad2cc2b53ae830e39915b1a3e70288dbcbbeb8bbf8395437c5dc3c512c}29\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Eureka<\/span><\/a> moment comes to mind\u2026). I\u2019m sure that you\u2019ve had your own experience that sometimes the solution to a tricky problem, or a new insight on life, comes when you\u2019re just relaxing.<\/p>\n<p>Letting yourself take the time you need, without feeling guilty, means that you\u2019ll be able to support your family and friends with your perspective on problems or situations that they might be in. You\u2019ll be in a better state to not only cope with, but excel in, your own life.<\/p>\n<p><em>Do you consciously act in your own best interests? Have you ever felt guilty about doing so? How does putting yourself first help you to be a better human being?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Written by Ali, who runs the blog <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.alphastudent.com\/\"><em>Alpha Student<\/em><\/a><em>: helping students get the most out of university.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Image by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/technowannabe\/499023331\/\">Todd Baker<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One piece of advice that I\u2019ve come across in the writings of several life coaches is that we should act in our own best interests. My initial reaction to this is to feel uncomfortable \u2013 like most people, I worry that I\u2019m being selfish if I put myself first. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/put-yourself-first\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":730,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[24],"tags":[221,91,4641,280,2281,4629],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why It&#039;s Not Selfish to Put Yourself First - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"One piece of advice that I\u2019ve come across in the writings of several life coaches is that we should act in our own best interests. My initial reaction to this is to feel uncomfortable \u2013 like most people, I worry that I\u2019m being selfish if I put myself first. \u201cYou eat on the run because you believe that you shouldn&#039;t take time for lunch; there&#039;s too much work to do. You eat the \u00e9clair, the doughnut, the cake, all the while knowing this isn&#039;t really taking care of yourself. 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My initial reaction to this is to feel uncomfortable \u2013 like most people, I worry that I\u2019m being selfish if I put myself first. \u201cYou eat on the run because you believe that you shouldn't take time for lunch; there's too much work to do. You eat the \u00e9clair, the doughnut, the cake, all the while knowing this isn't really taking care of yourself. 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