{"id":6989,"date":"2011-07-27T11:02:38","date_gmt":"2011-07-27T19:02:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=6989"},"modified":"2013-09-12T07:57:29","modified_gmt":"2013-09-12T15:57:29","slug":"how-to-stop-worrying-what-others-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-worrying-what-others-think\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Stop Worrying What Others Think"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/a><\/p>\n

Do you often walk away from people thinking, \u201cDid I say the right thing\u201d; did I offend someone\u201d; \u201cshould I have said or asked \u2026\u201d?<\/p>\n

Do you frequently hear that \u201clittle voice\u201d in your head saying: \u201cWhat will they think?\u201d?<\/p>\n

Do you often feel you need to be a certain way to be accepted by others and you can\u2019t just be yourself?<\/p>\n

Most people are concerned about what others think about them and many say and do things just to get the approval of others.\u00a0 These thoughts and behaviors seem to be so much a part of who we are and are so common in others that we assume that they are just part of being human.<\/p>\n

In fact, however, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever. <\/strong><\/p>\n

How?\u00a0 By eliminating the beliefs that cause them.\u00a0 Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: \u201cWhat makes me good enough is having people think well of me.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Today, I\u2019m going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you) and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life.<\/p>\n

Early in life many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves like \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d \u00a0(Almost every one of the 13,000 clients we\u2019ve had from 60 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed or angry when their children don\u2019t do what they\u2019re told, most children conclude \u201cthere must be something wrong with me\u201d if mom and dad are upset with me so often, or \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc.\u00a0 Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school: \u201cHow will I get people to like me and how will I make it in the world if I\u2019m not good enough?\u201d<\/p>\n

And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling \u201cnot okay\u201d about ourselves and anxious to some extent.<\/p>\n

And then one day a solution appears.\u00a0 We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like and they give us a very positive response.\u00a0 How does that make us feel?\u00a0 Happy and very good about ourselves.<\/p>\n

The first few times that happens we feel good but don\u2019t make anything of it.\u00a0 And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn\u2019t feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and\/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is: \u201cWhat makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is a very special type of belief.\u00a0 It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay. <\/strong>And when it doesn\u2019t happen we don\u2019t feel very good about ourselves.<\/p>\n

Well, if we don\u2019t experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur?\u00a0 All the time! <\/strong>Anytime anyone doesn\u2019t like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our \u201csurvival strategy,\u201d our method for making us feel good about ourselves.\u00a0 At that point the underlying belief: \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d is uncovered and stares us in the face, leaving us feeling not good enough and producing some level of anxiety.<\/p>\n

As a result, the need to have others think well of us is experienced like a drug addiction by many people.\u00a0 When they achieve it they feel good for the moment, but it\u2019s only a matter of time before they need another \u201cfix.\u201d At that point they become obsessed about getting it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are other \u201csurvival strategy\u201d beliefs, such as What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly; what makes me good enough is being successful\/wealthy (can you see now see why some people are obsessed with this?); and what makes me good enough is taking care of others.\u00a0 And it\u2019s possible to have more than one.\u00a0 But based on our experience in our private practice, \u201chaving people think well of me\u201d is the most common.<\/p>\n

It now should be clear why so many people are obsessed about what others think about them: Most people have the belief \u201cI\u2019m not good enough\u201d (or some variation of it) and \u201chaving people think well of me\u201d is the remedy most of us have found to cover up the anxiety that stems from having that belief.<\/p>\n

If the obsession about having people think well of us is a direct result of having several beliefs, the way to get rid of the obsession is to get rid of these beliefs.<\/strong> You can eliminate \u201cI\u2019m not good enough\u201d using our free interactive web program at http:\/\/www.recreateyourlife.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Your comments and questions are welcomed.<\/p>\n

Morty Lefkoe is the creator of The Lefkoe Method, a series of processes that free people from their self-imposed limitations.\u00a0 His work has been used by over 90,000 people in over 60 countries.\u00a0 To see Morty\u2019s weekly blog please go to http:\/\/mortylefkoe.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Copyright \u00a9 2011 Morty Lefkoe<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo credit: ambrown<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most people are concerned about what others think about them and many say and do things just to get the approval of others. 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