{"id":66449,"date":"2019-06-26T20:33:08","date_gmt":"2019-06-27T04:33:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=66449"},"modified":"2019-06-26T20:33:08","modified_gmt":"2019-06-27T04:33:08","slug":"how-i-stopped-scrolling-my-life-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-i-stopped-scrolling-my-life-away\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Stopped Scrolling My Life Away"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

\u201cWhat did you mean you didn\u2019t know?! I posted it on Facebook!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many times have you heard this statement from friends\nand family members?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Staying away from social media is not easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone you know is on one single platform.  Even when you want to switch to an entirely\nnew one, where would you go!? That is called the network effect. You\u2019re \u201cstuck\u201d\nin this one place since everyone you know congregate on that same platform.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was a phone addict since 2011 when I received my very first mobile the HTC\/T-Mobile G1. Around that time, Facebook already took over the social media reign that previously belonged to Myspace. Popular social networking services Twitter and Instagram had also witnessed daylight by then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This whole concept of posting short updates and commenting instantly on other people\u2019s posts was fantastic at first. I jumped right in, not knowing what kind of implications this would have. Social media looked so innocent back then. It was new, it was a new way of fast communication and it was exciting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more I continued my usage, the more I entered the infamous rabbit hole, unconsciously. 30 minutes a day changed to one hour a day. One hour a day changed to 2 hours day. Somehow social media knew how to lure me back in. The more I was using it, the more I was prioritizing this task of staying online and communicating with my online friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It got to a point where social media became more important\nthan communicating with my offline friends. The irony was that some of those\npeople online, were not living that far away from me. But it was just\nconvenient to post updates online so I don\u2019t need to repeat myself multiple\ntimes. I noticed this was becoming a problem, since our conversations became\nless significant. Our comments to one another were simple and public. Not a\ngood development, if you want to create meaningful and deep relationships with\npeople.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My realization that I was spending too much time on social\nmedia, was when my girlfriend demanded my posts constantly on her Facebook\nwall. She demanded love quotes, poems and photos from me. She wanted to show\nthe world how happy we were and how much we were in love. Ironically, that made\nus break up, since I refused to post for the sake of showing off. It shouldn\u2019t\nbe important what people think of us. Our relationship is our business, and our\nbusiness alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I continued my search for a solution to this compulsive\nbehavior. I felt alone, isolated and bored when I was not using social media.\nThe advantage of this dark time, is that the determination to do something\nabout it became greater. When you\u2019re in a situation where you are simply \u201cfine\u201d\nor \u201cokay”, it is harder to maintain a certain level of motivation. However,\nwhen you\u2019re completely fed up with your situation, in my case how social media\nand my phone were robbing my time, you are more open and receptive to new ways\nof doing things. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Tony Robbins quote that stands out when I think of my\ntransformation period is: progress equals\nhappiness<\/em>. I realized I wasn\u2019t progressing, but regressing instead. I want\nto feel happy and fulfilled in life. I want to do well in life, I want to have something\nto be proud of and be someone to be proud of. I realized in order to have I\nhave to do. I order to do I have to be. It hit me that a lot of suffering that\nI felt when exploring my social media feeds such as feelings of jealously and\nsadness, was a sign of something missing in my own being. My feelings were\ntelling a lot about myself, about how I perceive myself and how I talk to my\nself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was this image that I had of myself that needed to\nchange. Why was I competing with other people online? Why would I compare my\nups and downs with the constant ups that are being posted online? Why am I\ncomparing my chapter 2 with someone else\u2019s chapter 9? I realized that instead\nof posting a life I want to live and posting a persona I want to be, I need to start\nworking on living that life, and becoming that person. I realized that if I\ndon’t know how to be alone, I will only know how to be lonely.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To start becoming productive, I started to learn WordPress.\nThis was in 2013. I wanted to make a website since 2005, so the concept of \u201cit\nis hard to start\u201d is fully understood by me. But when you take that first step,\nyou quickly tell yourself: it wasn\u2019t that hard was it!? But there is no point\nof ruminating about the past, what was important is that I finally took that\nfirst step. I created a website about the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. I was super\nproud of it and it was a fantastic feeling to share my World Cup passion with\nfootball fans all over the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not only did I realize what a great feeling it was to\nfinally produce something instead of mindlessly consuming all the time, but\nalso that social media is not inherently bad. It is not bad and not good, but\nit isn\u2019t neutral either. Not only did I work on myself by producing and\ndeveloping skills, but also did I learn about the tricks phones and social\nmedia websites use to make us hooked. The endless scroll, the purposely chosen\nred icons, the like button, personalized information that algorithms choose for\nyou to see, notifications, seeing someone has read your IM message etc.  These features are all carefully designed to\nmake us addicted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the biggest lesson I learned is that social media\ncompanies explain to you constantly why you should use their platforms, (and\nyes, some advantages are valid), but they purposely don\u2019t tell you how to use their\nplatforms. It\u2019s okay to use social media, but with limits. Social media was a\ngreat tool to promote my World Cup website for example, and I gained lots of\nfans because of it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how can you use social media and your phone, and stay in\ncontrol while addictive forces are working against you? Well for many, digital\ndetoxes, tracking apps, blocking apps, Apple\u2019s Screen Time and Google\u2019s Digital\nWellbeing are the solutions. The problem here is, that you are not in control.\nYour desire is still there. True, after keeping up with a digital detox the\ndesire fades away. But it is practically impossible not to be somewhat\nconnected to the virtual world. When it comes to dumb phones, I agree they can\nbe helpful. However, I wanted to understand and improve myself in such a way,\nthat I can use tech for all the right reasons, instead of resorting to a simple\ndumb phone just because I don\u2019t believe in myself and my ability to use a\nsmartphone effectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what I found to really combat your phone and social media\naddiction while still using tech for the right reasons, is self-actualization.\nI went through a process of introspection, a process of spending more time with\njust myself. This is a daunting task, since when you catch yourself telling a\nstory about yourself when you\u2019re by yourself, it is often not a positive one.\nYou want to build yourself up and raise your standards. You can do much more\nthan just sitting around checking social media to see if people may be feeling\nsad just like you, so you don\u2019t need to feel jealous. Or being in constant\nspectator mode seeing how people are \u201chappy\u201d online while you keep complaining\nabout your own situation. Build your self-esteem and self-confidence. Work on\nyourself and compare yourself with your yesterday\u2019s self. Learn to care more\nabout yourself than about other people\u2019s opinions about you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A last advice is to be mindful about your usage and be\nconstantly aware of your opportunity to choose a specific response to any trick\n(e.g. notifications) flying your way. Replace your reactive mode to a mindful\nmode. We are not dogs. We have the ability to choose our response. We have\nconsciousness, which can empower us if we use it. But if we don\u2019t acknowledge\nit, then social media can rob this power from you, and as a result your life.\nTake ownership of your time and your right to enjoy your life. I know I did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am much more mindful about every task and very conscious\nabout my mortality. I realize that this day today and time are never coming\nback. Life is an hourglass that keeps running regardless of how you spend your\ntime. The feeling of producing is so satisfactory, that I can\u2019t envision myself\nscrolling for hours anymore, chained to my phone and social media platforms.\nHelping others and feeling purposeful and significant are core values that have\nstuck with me. One of the most important lessons from my transformation is that\nI am able to enjoy being by myself. The story I tell myself about myself when\nI\u2019m by myself is a positive one, and no validation is necessary from my online\nfriends to feel good about myself. I appreciate the people around me and my\nloved ones, and I\u2019m very conscious that I remain phoneless when I\u2019m in their\npresence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope I have inspired you to\nbecome more mindful about your phone and social media usage. Life is short and\nfinite. Show your phone who is the master and focus on your development and\nprogress. You won\u2019t believe how much your future self will thank you for that.\nRemember that the only person you are destined to become is the person you\ndecide to be!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Johan Versteegh<\/p>\n\n\n\n

www.socialmediabreakup.com<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

I suffered from phone and social media addiction few years ago, and managed to unhook myself from tech. I didn\u2019t just abstain from tech, tech is here to stay. Nevertheless, I learned how to use screens mindfully and I\u2019m very aware of the detrimental effects screens may have on us. My friend and I are life coaches who help individuals to recover from phone and social media addiction. We don\u2019t just help people with stopping \u201cliking and posting\u201d their lives away, but help them to become a better version of themselves as well. Essentially we help people live their lives with purpose and addiction free.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWhat did you mean you didn\u2019t know?! I posted it on Facebook!\u201d How many times have you heard this statement from friends and family members? Staying away from social media is not easy. Everyone you know is on one single … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14759,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[3709,11,5,17,6],"tags":[51,4639,4629,2304],"yoast_head":"\nHow I Stopped Scrolling My Life Away<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Show your phone who is the master and focus on your development and progress. 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