{"id":6433,"date":"2011-06-09T22:23:41","date_gmt":"2011-06-10T06:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=6433"},"modified":"2013-09-10T12:36:36","modified_gmt":"2013-09-10T20:36:36","slug":"how-to-be-persuasive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-persuasive\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Be Persuasive"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Screen-shot-2011-06-09-at-2.07.44-PM.png\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Not so long ago, influence was claimed as a matter of birthright. Now, even for the highborn, influence is a skill that is honed with dedicated practice, feedback and reflection.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to be more persuasive:<!--more--><\/p>\n<p><strong>Being right doesn\u2019t equal winning<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Too often people get stuck in a trap of thinking that if I\u2019m right I <em>should <\/em>win. You won\u2019t. It\u2019s a terrible flaw \u2013 and I\u2019d advise you against it.<\/p>\n<p>Truths are subjective \u2013 and both parties must accept them as true or they\u2019re just opinions. And haven\u2019t you ever noticed how often what people think <em>should<\/em> happen is quite often what they <em>want<\/em> to happen?<\/p>\n<p>More than we\u2019d like to admit,<strong> we structure our beliefs based upon emotions and desires <\/strong>rather than facts.<strong> <\/strong>Understanding that is the core of powerful persuasion.<strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Understand <em>why<\/em> they want what they want<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Develop a keen understanding of your audience. If it\u2019s one person or 6 billion, find out what they want. <strong>Do not assume that you already know. You don\u2019t.<\/strong> Ask them lots of questions, and seek to be surprised.<\/p>\n<p>Ask them about what\u2019s important to them, and then what is important about that, and so on, until you reach a really fundamental human emotion like \u2018So I feel safe\u2019 or \u2018Then I feel needed\u2019. When you do, you have reached the core of what\u2019s important to them (about that).<\/p>\n<p>[It can be difficult doing this and not sounding like a therapist \u2013 but try. A bit of \u201cOh wow, okay. Why is that?\u201d in a conversational tone can help]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Identify which are the logistical challenges, and which are the emotional triggers.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The logistical challenges might include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Time constraints<\/li>\n<li>Financial constraints<\/li>\n<li>Other (laws, travel, prior commitments)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And emotional triggers might include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Appearances (How will this make me look?)<\/li>\n<li>Internal struggles (How do I feel about this?)<\/li>\n<li>Happiness (Does the idea of this make me happy?)<\/li>\n<li>Trust (Do I feel comfortable?)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Handling the logistical challenges is a matter of being flexible \u2013 \u201cWhat about if you paid in installments?\u201d \u2013 and that is relatively simple. But <strong>logistics will probably not be at the root of whatever is going on<\/strong>. Aren\u2019t there times you\u2019ve made crazy decisions, that you couldn\u2019t really afford to make, simply because you wanted to so much? <strong>Make them want to, let them find a way.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Copy their wording exactly<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Copy their wording exactly. If you paraphrase, your wording will quite likely make them want to reject the idea because it sounds unfamiliar. To them, feeling \u2018safe\u2019 might mean something similar to \u2018security\u2019 or it might be closer to \u2018intimacy\u2019 \u2013 you won\u2019t know, so just copy them. You want your audience to feel as if you understand them really well, and using their wording will create that illusion.<\/p>\n<p>Asking questions can simply be a matter of repeating their statement with an upward inflection so it sounds like a question: \u201cSo getting married in a church is important to you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Let them agree with you<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The act of asking them questions and repeating their wording will encourage them to keep saying \u2018Yes\u2019, and this has a very powerful effect. The more times someone says yes to you, the more likely it is that they\u2019ll agree with your final conclusion.<\/p>\n<p>People will feel compelled to maintain any view they\u2019ve stated publicly, so it\u2019s also important that you don\u2019t let them state their objection to whatever you\u2019re persuading them to do or believe. They\u2019ll stay stuck with that rather than admit they\u2019re wrong. So don\u2019t go straight for your goal, and if you think they\u2019ll disagree, start asking more questions.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Make them like you<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For them to like you, they must feel alike to you. That was a stupid sentence. The more you can <em>subtly<\/em> mimic their patterns of speech, choice of words and body-language, the more they\u2019ll experience the feeling \u2018This person really gets me\u2019 \u2013 and as you are similar, you\u2019ll naturally adopt similar views.<\/p>\n<p>If you do this overtly, they\u2019ll feel mistrustful, so be natural and just get into a mindset of being like them. If they are introverted, keeping their limbs tucked to their body and head bowed, then do that. If they speak loudly, then match that. You\u2019ll gain insights into their way of seeing the world, too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sell them an experience<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Then, backed with a full understanding of how they think, what they feel and what\u2019s important to them, create an experience. Still mimicking their style, gently nudge them towards your goal.<\/p>\n<p>If safety is important to them, emphasize the safety, using their words. If they like adventure or excitement, make it appeal to that. If they have a competitive streak, then set it as a challenge. <strong>Ideally, it should feel like their decision.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Then, really set a scene: \u201cWhen you\u2019re there, standing at the open door of a plane as wind rushes around you, an instructor strapped to your back. When that green light comes on\u2026\u201d Make it visceral and engaging, using as many senses as you can; the new car smell, the first-date nerves, the sound of dolphins.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve attached positive emotions to it, and woven it into their core values, they will feel compelled to follow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Clinch it<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve convinced them with facts, then you\u2019ll need to clinch the deal straight away, before their emotions create some rationalizations to change their mind.<\/p>\n<p>There are various techniques for this \u2013 the \u2018double bind\u2019 is a famous one: Offer them a false choice \u2013 like \u2018Would you like me to call you, or would you prefer that I text you?\u2019 \u2013 so either result is in line with your goal.<\/p>\n<p>Generally, if you\u2019ve done your job well, it can simply be a matter of letting them stew on it.<\/p>\n<p>Emotional changes take longer but are more sustainable, so giving them private time to adjust is probably advisable. Leave a door open for them; give them a business card or some way of taking it forward. Make sure it\u2019s simple and personal.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Voila! <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re now someone who <em>knows<\/em> many of the elements to becoming a powerful persuader. Now, practice it \u2013 over and over. Convince people of strange facts, to do things, and to do things they were already going to do. Try things out and see what works for you.<\/p>\n<p><em>Harry Key is a \u2018provocative speech and confidence coach\u2019 based in London. He teaches people and businesses how to get the results they want by engaging with the world in a confident and congruent way. Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.harrykey.com\/\">http:\/\/www.harrykey.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Not so long ago, influence was claimed as a matter of birthright. Now, even for the highborn, influence is a skill that is honed with dedicated practice, feedback and reflection. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-be-persuasive\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":6460,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[38,6],"tags":[1424,1421,1423,1420,66,131,4629,1422],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How To Be Persuasive - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Not so long ago, influence was claimed as a matter of birthright. 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