{"id":592,"date":"2008-07-02T05:00:02","date_gmt":"2008-07-02T09:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/listen-this-habit-will-dramatically-improve-your-conversations\/"},"modified":"2013-08-16T14:11:42","modified_gmt":"2013-08-16T22:11:42","slug":"listen-this-habit-will-dramatically-improve-your-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/listen-this-habit-will-dramatically-improve-your-conversations\/","title":{"rendered":"Listen: This Habit Will Dramatically Improve Your Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Your non-stop talking makes you seem like a jerk. I\u2019ve never met you before, so if you are perfect at listening in a conversation, I apologize. That message wasn\u2019t intended for you. But a lot of people do have a problem with listening. They fill conversations with the sound of their voice. I know, because I\u2019m one of them. The listening habit has been something I\u2019ve been trying to build with myself. There are plenty of selfish (and non-selfish) reasons why becoming a better listener is useful. I\u2019m sure you don\u2019t want to miss out, just because neither of us run out of things to say.<\/p>\n

Some Selfish Reasons to Listen More <\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to think of the selfless reasons to listen. People want you to listen to them. By listening, you can help someone with a problem, or help them come up with new ideas. But listening also has selfish benefits that make it worth the investment.<\/p>\n

The biggest selfish benefit is that you learn more with your mouth closed. You\u2019ll learn more about other people, and often, about yourself, if you stop talking. Those ideas are useful if you want to improve yourself. Going without feedback is improving in a vacuum, it\u2019s almost impossible to do.<\/p>\n

Listening also helps you think. When you\u2019re truly listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak, you can chew over your ideas more. You can mull on points of the conversation longer. In the end, you\u2019ll appear a lot wiser if you explain a fully-digested point of view, than if you just blurt out the first response that comes to mind.
\n
\nBuilding the listening habit also makes better friends than trying to be an impressive conversationalist. People like the guy who listens more than the guy with the best jokes or funniest anecdotes. Be interested, rather than interesting.<\/p>\n

How to Build the Listening Habit<\/strong><\/p>\n

The amount you talk is a function of your conversation style. Some people won\u2019t have trouble holding back comments and can easily listen in a conversation. If you\u2019re like me, you\u2019re instinct is to treat conversations like a battleground, loading ammunition and firing ideas to match the wits of whoever you\u2019re competing against. Unfortunately, unless you meet up with a person of the same style, the other person may have to surrender to your barrage of comments.<\/p>\n

Building the listening habit doesn\u2019t come easily to everyone. But, even if you never run out of things to say, you can improve. I\u2019ve used a few strategies to become a better listener that you may find useful.<\/p>\n

Bait Them<\/strong><\/p>\n

If the person you\u2019re talking with doesn\u2019t feel too chatty, bait them with a comment. Throw something at them which will make it easy for them to talk. The most common route for this is to ask them questions about themselves. \u201cMe\u201d tends to be the most popular subject, so getting a person to talk about themselves is an easy target for conversations.<\/p>\n

Going the \u201cme\u201d route isn\u2019t always the best strategy. If the conversation steers away from things you both have in common, you may have a hard time listening. It\u2019s hard to have a twenty minute conversation with a sailing enthusiast if you\u2019ve never been on a boat before.<\/p>\n

In those cases, I suggest picking conversation points which are easy to relate to. This will be different in each person, but sports, travel or work can all be common threads.<\/p>\n

Master the Short Anecdote<\/strong><\/p>\n

I remember being taught that listening was making comments like, \u201cI see,\u201d and \u201cUh-huh,\u201d while nodding my head. This is one of the worst ways to carry on a conversation. Listening shouldn\u2019t force the other person to do a monologue.<\/p>\n

A better strategy to listen is to master the short anecdote. This is a 2-3 sentence comment on something that the other person has said. If they are telling a long explanation of their work as an accountant, you could comment on someone you know that does accounting or something you know about accounting.<\/p>\n

Short anecdotes are better than blanket signs of listening (\u201cI see…\u201d) for a few reasons:<\/p>\n

1. They break up the conversation. You give the person long enough to think of new ideas, without hijacking the conversation thread.<\/p>\n

2. They show you are genuinely listening. You can make blanket statements without actually hearing anything. Short anecdotes show you are actively listening to the other person.<\/p>\n

3. They give the other person a chance to conclude or switch topics. Instead of letting a conversation die off, small comments offer the opportunity for that person to switch topics without an awkward pause.<\/p>\n

Watch the Conversation Balance<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re having a longer conversation, pay attention to how long you talk. If you notice you\u2019re starting to dominate the conversation, step back and bait the other person. This way you can sit back and listen.<\/p>\n

All of these tactics might seem a bit too detailed for regular conversations. Shouldn\u2019t you just be natural, and not worry about the exact percentages of who says what? In that, I\u2019d have to agree with you. Conversations should be natural, so worrying about the details of who is talking or explicitly trying to bait someone is stupid.<\/p>\n

However, listening is important. You might not even realize that you\u2019re ignoring the other person or dominating the conversation. Listening helps you learn, think and make connections. People who accidentally trample the conversation may be missing out on opportunities they would have, if they just learned to listen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Your non-stop talking makes you seem like a jerk. I\u2019ve never met you before, so if you are perfect at listening in a conversation, I apologize. That message wasn\u2019t intended for you. But a lot of people do have a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":593,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[1996,2697,2280,2862,2863],"yoast_head":"\nListen: This Habit Will Dramatically Improve Your Conversations - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s easy to think of the selfless reasons to listen. People want you to listen to them. By listening, you can help someone with a problem, or help them come up with new ideas. 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