{"id":52937,"date":"2017-11-03T19:02:23","date_gmt":"2017-11-04T03:02:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=52937"},"modified":"2017-11-03T19:02:23","modified_gmt":"2017-11-04T03:02:23","slug":"how-to-help-a-partner-struggling-with-clinical-depression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-help-a-partner-struggling-with-clinical-depression\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Help a Partner Struggling With Clinical Depression"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I first met my wife, I had no idea that she had a history of clinical depression.\u00a0 Of course, she had told me about it before we were married, but I did not really know what that meant.\u00a0 I had not had any previous exposure to serious depression in people.\u00a0 By the time we were dating, she was already on a mix of anti-depressants.\u00a0At the time, the effects of depression were not immediately obvious to me.<\/p>\n

The first time we experienced a major loss together was\u00a0in the first year of our marriage. It was the first time I really got to see what she was like when dealing with depression, on top of dealing with grief.\u00a0 Within the first couple of months of being married, I got my wife pregnant.\u00a0 It was not exactly a planned pregnancy, but we were ecstatic nonetheless.\u00a0 We started making plans for our first baby, and had fun picking out names, going back and forth tossing around different combinations of names until we could agree on some.<\/p>\n

Then, half-way through the second trimester of her pregnancy, my wife had a miscarriage.\u00a0\u00a0It was devastating, to say the least.\u00a0 We thought we were in the safe zone, since we had passed the first trimester.\u00a0 We had already told our families about their first grandbaby and had gotten them excited, and now we had to call them and tell them the shocking news.\u00a0 It was more than we could stand.<\/p>\n

My wife was still taking college classes at the time, trying to finish her degree.\u00a0 The grief was overwhelming, and she fell into a depression.\u00a0 She could no longer get up to go to class.\u00a0 She dropped out of all her classes half-way through the semester.\u00a0 All she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.\u00a0 When she was awake, she was like a zombie, and would break out in tears intermittently throughout the day.<\/p>\n

We have been married seventeen years now.\u00a0 It has been seventeen years since we lost our first baby.\u00a0 Nothing has come close to that experience since then, but my wife still has her ups and downs.\u00a0 She still struggles with depression.\u00a0 We have been blessed with two beautiful girls since we lost the first one, but we never forget our first baby.<\/p>\n

Even through our first loss and my wife\u2019s struggle with depression over the years, I still love my wife and care for her deeply.\u00a0 Over the years, I have learned a lot about clinical depression and how to deal with it.\u00a0 So what do you do when your partner is dealing with serious depression?<\/p>\n

Depression is not their fault<\/h2>\n

When dealing with clinical depression, most of the time, it is not the person\u2019s fault.\u00a0 It is not something they can change on their own.\u00a0 It\u2019s not something they did to bring it on.\u00a0 They can\u2019t just pretend it\u2019s not there, or wish it away.\u00a0 It\u2019s not all just in their head.<\/p>\n

After our oldest daughter was born, my wife fell into post-partum depression.\u00a0 This is often caused by the abrupt change in hormones in the body, and is somewhat common after a woman gives birth.\u00a0 This can be one type physiological trigger.\u00a0 There could be environmental factors as well that trigger depression.<\/p>\n

Often times, clinical depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.\u00a0 Anti-depressants work by trying to correct those imbalances, making it easier for synapses to connect.\u00a0 In many cases, as in my wife\u2019s case, this kind of chemical imbalance is and can be hereditary.\u00a0 There is a long history of clinical depression going up my wife\u2019s family.<\/p>\n

It does no good, then, to place blame on your partner, or get angry at them for not being able to change their mood like you can, or to get out of bed and be productive.\u00a0 If your partner has been diagnosed with clinical depression, then you have to understand that it is not their fault.\u00a0 There is nothing they did to bring it on, and there is nothing they can do to just \u201csnap\u201d out of it.<\/p>\n

Get professional help<\/h2>\n

Clinical depression is a serious illness, and it is not something you can change with herbal supplements or teas, for example.\u00a0 Some of those over-the-counter solutions may help with minor or occasional cases of anxiety, but they should not be relied upon for serious illnesses.\u00a0 The first thing you need to do is see a psychiatrist \u2013 not a psychologist or therapist, but a licensed medical doctor.<\/p>\n

If your partner has not seen a psychiatrist yet, it may be time to consider taking him or her to one.\u00a0 A psychologist may refer your partner to a psychiatrist, if they suspect there may be a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be addressed.\u00a0 Only a psychiatrist can write prescriptions for medicines that can help with the chemical imbalances, and will work with you to find the correct dosage.<\/p>\n

When my wife got pregnant with our first-born, it had only been a few months since the miscarriage, and she was still dealing with the subsequent depression.\u00a0 We discussed our options with her psychiatrist, and we decided that the benefits of her not feeling depressed were greater than any risks the medications might pose during the pregnancy.\u00a0 Thus, she went back on antidepressants during her second pregnancy.\u00a0 Our daughter was born strong and healthy.\u00a0 You and your partner must make these kinds of decisions, with your doctor.<\/p>\n

Help your spouse take their prescription medications<\/h2>\n

One of the symptoms of clinical depression is feeling a complete lack of motivation to do anything.\u00a0 It almost borders on apathy.\u00a0 Part of this lack of motivation applies towards seeking treatment, and taking any prescribed medications.\u00a0 That is why it is important for you to be supportive and take your partner to a psychiatrist, pick up their prescriptions, and help administer the correct dosage every day.<\/p>\n

Anti-depressants do not work overnight, and they must usually be taken for extended periods of time, if not for the rest of their lives.\u00a0 There is no short term solution.\u00a0\u00a0 Counseling and therapy can help you and your partner deal with issues as they arise, but in the long term, the medication prescribed by the psychiatrist must be allowed to work.<\/p>\n

These kind of medications are not the kind that can be missed.\u00a0 Since they affect the chemical balance in the brain, even skipping one dosage can make a person feel off.\u00a0 Every morning, I take out my wife\u2019s prescribed medications in the right dosage, and personally hand them to her, along with a glass of water to help her swallow them.\u00a0 Make it easy for your partner to take their medications on a regular schedule, and do not give them an excuse to miss taking it.<\/p>\n

Finally, be patient, understanding and loving<\/h2>\n

Dealing with a depressed partner is difficult, under any circumstance.\u00a0 Dealing with constant, clinical depression can be especially challenging, but it doesn\u2019t have to be if you follow the guidelines above.\u00a0 There is help.\u00a0 There will be ups and downs, particularly when the doctor is trying to find the right mix of medications and the right dosages that work.<\/p>\n

Through it all, remember why you love your partner, and be patient.\u00a0 It does get better.\u00a0 Just because your partner is struggling with depression and may be taking medications does not mean that they won\u2019t know or remember anything you do or say.\u00a0 They will remember, even when they are feeling better.<\/p>\n

While they are feeling depressed, your partner may even say things or do things that hurt you.\u00a0 This is when you have to be strong, and just let it slide.\u00a0 Let it go. Realize they are not in their right mind, and continue to show them you care and will not hurt them.\u00a0 This is when you must find strength in the love you have for your partner, in the love that brought you together in the first place.<\/p>\n

Encourage them to get up and do things with you, even though they don\u2019t feel like it, but don\u2019t force them to do anything they don’t want to.\u00a0 Invite them to go on a walk with you around a park.\u00a0 Nature and fresh air can lighten a person\u2019s mood.\u00a0 Offer to cook them a meal, or give them a massage.\u00a0 A massage can release endorphins, which enlightens the mood.<\/p>\n

Most importantly, just be yourself \u2013 don\u2019t be patronizing.\u00a0 Depression is a long-term illness.\u00a0 Just because you may not be suffering from depression does not make you better than your partner, and it does not make your partner any less of a person.\u00a0 It just means they need help \u2013 your help, as well as professional help.\u00a0 We could all use some help once in a while.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I first met my wife, I had no idea that she had a history of clinical depression.\u00a0 Of course, she had told me about it before we were married, but I did not really know what that meant.\u00a0 I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12619,"featured_media":52939,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[3709,32,24,9,21,58],"tags":[1743,6314,4642,822,66,4651,4629],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Help a Partner Struggling With Clinical Depression<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Relationships are challenging to begin with, but when you add in depression you have to be able to dig deep to help a partner who is suffering. 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