{"id":51072,"date":"2017-07-31T20:16:08","date_gmt":"2017-08-01T04:16:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=51072"},"modified":"2017-09-12T14:11:41","modified_gmt":"2017-09-12T22:11:41","slug":"how-to-re-integrate-a-splintered-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-re-integrate-a-splintered-self\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Re-Integrate a Splintered Self"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

Have you ever felt more voices inside your head than outside on any given day?<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, due to unhappiness, trauma, loss, and other issues that cause negativity to our emotional insides, we can break apart and spend days, months, weeks, and years in the middle of internal arguments.<\/p>\n

This self-fragmentation adds to our unhappiness, because it reduces us to a place of internal poverty.<\/p>\n

It robs us of our chance to know emotional wealth, the optimizing of all our internal assets.<\/p>\n

Good news: if you suffer from such internal disagreement and inner alienation, here are some tips to bring yourself back together and for your psyche and soul to move forward as one.<\/p>\n

Here’s how.<\/p>\n

1-Listen<\/h1>\n

Identify the voices inside you.<\/p>\n

Last week, I wrote a letter from one clearly defined part of myself to another.<\/p>\n

These parts had NOT gotten along for some time, but now, I suddenly saw clearly that they could be first partners, then part of a larger, happier whole.<\/p>\n

Borrowing Gail Sheehy\u2019s wonderful terms from \u201cPassages\u201d, one part of me was \u201cThe Seeker\u201d, and the other was \u201cThe Merger\u201d.<\/p>\n

I was concentrating on looking back and somehow making sense of the most difficult part of my life, and I knew that time had fragmented myself.<\/p>\n

The letter from the \u201cSeeker\u201d to the \u201cMerger\u201d and the response identified the key disputes concerning what happened during that period.<\/p>\n

2-Accept the Different Parts of Yourself<\/h1>\n

One of life\u2019s great lessons is accepting.<\/p>\n

From my work on the stage, both as actor and playwright, I know that one of the theatre\u2019s greatest gifts is the art of improv. Yes, improv is just what it sounds like, working on something without any preparation and making that lack of preparation a gift.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s not the core of improv.<\/p>\n

The core of improve is acceptance.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re on the stage doing improv, if your partner tells you you\u2019re in the desert, then you\u2019re in the desert, even if the theatre happens to be leaking rain at that moment.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t accept, you can\u2019t do improv.<\/p>\n

If the splintered parts of you can\u2019t accept each other, then you can\u2019t \u201cperform\u201d or participate in the drama of life together.<\/p>\n

So, each part of you, read that letter, overcome the negativity toward the other part and accept that why he or she did or didn\u2019t do something.<\/p>\n

3-Find Your Internal Coach<\/h1>\n

Your Internal Coach is really simply a fancy or inspirational name for a nourishing internal parent.<\/p>\n

After my Seeker and Merger accepted each other, they realized they need another internal force who would supervise their integration, bring the best out in both, help them set goals, and most of all, help them find happiness in every moment, in every situation.<\/p>\n

The biggest thing the internal coach does is outlaw toxic self-criticism inside the newly integrated being.<\/p>\n

4-Coaching to the Best Outcome<\/h1>\n

Each day holds the possibilities of happiness, regardless of circumstances.
\nEach day holds the possibilities of making the most of opportunities, no matter what they might be.<\/p>\n

Toxic internal criticism creates a re-splintering, and you have just overcome that, so here\u2019s a way to mediate both feelings and events in a way that teaches with compassion.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how.<\/p>\n

5-Diary Time: Record the Day\u2019s Events and Feelings.<\/h1>\n

1-Give thanks for all, no matter what. (Remember your improv training around acceptance!)<\/p>\n

2-Perhaps you made a mistake or didn\u2019t do something as well as you might have.<\/p>\n

The splintered is not inclined to provide a teaching moment in such circumstances.<\/p>\n

The coach will.<\/p>\n

The coach will act as your kind adult and say, \u201cWhat would have been a better approach?\u201d<\/p>\n

You will tell the coach, and the coach will applaud your maturity.<\/p>\n

You can then add that to what you\u2019re grateful for.<\/p>\n

So, you see, each day is a new opportunity to reknit yourself, in case any splintering went on during the day.<\/p>\n

Everyone wants to live their life with a full deck.<\/p>\n

Everyone wants to make the most of who they are.<\/p>\n

Everyone wants to be happy.<\/p>\n

These elements are all about a life of wealth.<\/p>\n

An integrated being is the best way to maximize your assets. Be rich!<\/p>\n

\n

Lars Nielsen has decades of experience helping individuals and businesses discover and share their core message. Whatever your message or audience, grab his “Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet”<\/a>\u00a0and put his time-tested techniques to work immediately.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever felt more voices inside your head than outside on any given day? You\u2019re not alone. Unfortunately, due to unhappiness, trauma, loss, and other issues that cause negativity to our emotional insides, we can break apart and spend … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11620,"featured_media":51119,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,6],"tags":[5305,3910,4653,66,6127],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Re-Integrate a Splintered Self<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The splintered self: Have you ever felt more voices inside your head than outside on any given day? 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