{"id":50523,"date":"2017-07-15T21:13:33","date_gmt":"2017-07-16T05:13:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=50523"},"modified":"2017-09-12T14:12:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-12T22:12:00","slug":"how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026emptiness can never be eliminated, although the experience of it can be transformed.\u201d<\/em>
\n-Mark Epstein<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ever feel out of control?<\/em><\/p>\n

Ever feel so empty you can\u2019t be satisfied?<\/em><\/p>\n

A couple of weeks ago, that\u2019s how I felt.<\/p>\n

It was the wrong kind of emptiness, when you ARE filled, but you either don\u2019t know it, or worse, don\u2019t accept it.<\/p>\n

Snoring Emotionally<\/em><\/p>\n

I had talked with my long-time, wonderful therapist, someone I trust, about a series of very important things.<\/p>\n

Yet, somehow, I didn\u2019t feel the release I expected to feel, so I was psychologically \u201chungry\u201d.<\/p>\n

Because I was unconscious of the real problem, I was \u201csleeping\u201d in an emotional sense, but noisily, as if I were snoring.<\/p>\n

I walked away from the conversation feeling frustrated, as if I\u2019d hit a wall. I wanted to wrestle with something or someone, but no partners were available.<\/p>\n

1-Take an Emotional Inventory<\/h1>\n

The next day, in the car on a half-day trip, I still grappled unsuccessfully with my unsettled state.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, since I\u2019m a veteran of these kinds of feelings, I knew that, to feel better and more at peace, I had to be an observer
\n.
\nI listed the feelings I was experiencing. Anger. Loss. Resentment. Frustration.<\/p>\n

2-Turn Down the Volume<\/h1>\n

Now that I\u2019d slipped back into observer mode, I experienced more balance, more ability to manage stress, more peace.<\/p>\n

I realized that I had to relax before anything else, otherwise I couldn\u2019t return to the health and stress hardiness that I\u2019d learned to experience and bring about over years of difficulty.<\/p>\n

Now that I was a bit detached from the negativity, I could not be taken over by the power of that state.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t have to be a prisoner of the emotional volume of that negativity. I could turn that volume down and observe it, but not be subject to it any longer.<\/p>\n

3-Surrender \u201cThe Demand\u201d<\/h1>\n

As I drove those quiet roads, and my observer self began to assert itself, injecting more calm into the situation, I realized what the problem was.<\/p>\n

For starters, when I\u2019d gone to see my therapist that day, part of me demanded that she \u201ctake care of it\u201d, that negativity, implying that I had no control over it.<\/p>\n

But, that wasn\u2019t my normal behavior, nor my normal mindset.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d accepted long ago (after long and difficulty years), that my therapist was only a surrogate for the strongest part of myself.<\/p>\n

All she did was mediate and facilitate a conversation \u201cbetween me and me\u201d.<\/p>\n

As anyone who has experienced therapy knows, when I say, \u201call she did\u201d,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m really expressing an enormous service that this trained and caring practitioner provides, not so much by doing, but by being, and most of all, being present.<\/p>\n

4-Listening to the Parent INSIDE<\/h1>\n

Turning down the volume of the unhappy child allows the observer to manage what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n

That fertile quiet and emptiness allows a renewed conversation between the inner parent who is always present, always available, but not always listened to and that child.<\/p>\n

But, I already knew this. Why had my child turned up its volume angrily, sucking at the air to find a satisfaction beyond satisfying?<\/p>\n

Because part of me was ready to relive an old trauma that I had been talking about, but not experienced.<\/p>\n

In fact, I had to re-experience it, in all its ugliness and pain, in order to move past it.<\/p>\n

5- The First Clue<\/h1>\n

One day before my session, I had brought out bag after bag of trash from my house to be picked up.<\/p>\n

It was raining, and I felt dreadful, that somehow, I didn\u2019t deserve to release these old things to the curb and the disposal they deserved.<\/p>\n

I had thought I\u2019d feel great about getting rid of the stuff.<\/p>\n

After all, it was from a quarter century earlier, the unhappiest time of my life, when I\u2019d moved near my parents after living away from them for over a decade.<\/p>\n

They hadn\u2019t been nourishing parents.<\/p>\n

My father had treated me in all the ways that a kid could want.<\/p>\n

Then, after working away from home for a couple of years, He’d come home,<\/p>\n

He looked just the same, but now abused me every way he could, and my mother, for no apparent reason, encouraged his negative behavior.<\/p>\n

This about face and my inability to 1) find a reason for it; and 2) let go thinking that I had to be to blame caused a lifetime of searching for answers and release through therapy.<\/p>\n

While I lived away from them, in therapy, I not only figured things out, but I quickly accepted my own parenting role. I worked consistently to be the external parent I had known only too briefly.<\/p>\n

But, when I moved up to be near them, the child inside me reared up, like a confused and agitated creature.<\/p>\n

That creature, demanded that they fulfill what I expected of them.<\/p>\n

6-Surrendering to the Pain of the Past<\/h1>\n

I\u2019d worked through some of the earlier traumas over the past decade, and I knew that I had rounded several corners. But maybe this was the hardest challenge yet:<\/p>\n

I had to overcome the pain of the move near my parents and the disillusionment that came with it.<\/p>\n

This was the disillusionment of age eight, now repeated by someone over thirty with children of his own, and now experienced a quarter century later.<\/p>\n

When my children left the house, and their voices no longer a familiar presence every day, I was free to take up the challenge again of parenting myself.<\/p>\n

I simply needed to apply the same constant compassion and attention and selflessness to myself with which I had parented them.<\/p>\n

As I drove over those quiet roads, I sighed with sudden understanding and release.<\/p>\n

I finally experienced the emotions I\u2019d hoped for a day earlier, but was incapable of achieving, because I expected someone else to give them to me.<\/p>\n

Now, alone with the steering wheel, I found I could drive myself to this place of peace, re-accepting that ever-present parent inside.<\/p>\n

Now, I knew that the pain of twenty-four hours earlier could subside.<\/p>\n

Now, I knew that pain could be replaced by fertile emptiness and big thoughts and the skill to manage my psychic space.<\/p>\n

Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d.<\/p>\n

Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.<\/p>\n

\n

Lars Nielsen has decades of experience helping individuals and businesses discover and share their core message. Whatever your message or audience, grab his “Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet” (http:\/\/www.makemessagematter.com\/<\/a>) and put his time-tested techniques to work immediately.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201c\u2026emptiness can never be eliminated, although the experience of it can be transformed.\u201d -Mark Epstein Ever feel out of control? Ever feel so empty you can\u2019t be satisfied? A couple of weeks ago, that\u2019s how I felt. It was the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11620,"featured_media":50763,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[32,21,6],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-07-16T05:13:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-09-12T22:12:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"888\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"621\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"lnielsen\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png\",\"width\":888,\"height\":621},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/\",\"name\":\"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-07-16T05:13:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-09-12T22:12:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e02d258087903e809e0004477673a249\"},\"description\":\"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart\"}]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e02d258087903e809e0004477673a249\",\"name\":\"lnielsen\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/198e5938bc7ac80b34fbd8a362c524ae?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/198e5938bc7ac80b34fbd8a362c524ae?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"lnielsen\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/lnielsen\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart","description":"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart","og_description":"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/","og_site_name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","article_publisher":"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain","article_published_time":"2017-07-16T05:13:33+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-09-12T22:12:00+00:00","og_image":[{"width":888,"height":621,"url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png","type":"image\/png"}],"twitter_card":"summary","twitter_creator":"@pickthebrain","twitter_site":"@pickthebrain","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"lnielsen","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/","name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/Screen-Shot-2017-07-15-at-6.16.25-PM.png","width":888,"height":621},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#webpage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/","name":"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#primaryimage"},"datePublished":"2017-07-16T05:13:33+00:00","dateModified":"2017-09-12T22:12:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e02d258087903e809e0004477673a249"},"description":"Remember, some emptiness cannot and should not be \u201cfilled\u201d or \u201csatisfied\u201d. Sometimes it is simply necessary to accept that emptiness with the right inner parenting such that the emptiness becomes fertile.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-satisfy-a-hungry-heart\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"6 Ways To Satisfy a Hungry Heart"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e02d258087903e809e0004477673a249","name":"lnielsen","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/198e5938bc7ac80b34fbd8a362c524ae?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/198e5938bc7ac80b34fbd8a362c524ae?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"lnielsen"},"url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/lnielsen\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50523"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11620"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50523"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50523\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/50763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}