{"id":49696,"date":"2017-06-06T19:49:02","date_gmt":"2017-06-07T03:49:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=49696"},"modified":"2017-09-12T14:13:34","modified_gmt":"2017-09-12T22:13:34","slug":"the-ultimate-reframeorwill-you-save-your-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/the-ultimate-reframeorwill-you-save-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Get Your Self-Talk to Ground Zero and Save Your Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.<\/strong><\/em>
\n -The Talmud<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Everybody gets impatient, everybody.<\/p>\n

But sometimes, that self-impatience crosses a line, and it becomes toxic.
\nI know all about it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been living it, so here\u2019s the benefit of some hard-won (and still winning) experience.<\/p>\n

The Problem<\/h1>\n

Recently, I saw a friend post a message on social media to the effect of, \u201cYour past is just a story, don\u2019t let it upset you.\u201d Or, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about the past.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wanted to make people feel better, but missed an opportunity.<\/p>\n

We have a chance to characterize the past, no matter what it was, to have meaning, significance, and ultimately, a positive mental and emotional outcome.<\/p>\n

Reframing<\/h1>\n

Reframing is the useful and healthy practice of changing the \u201cframe\u201d or context of something.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, a trauma survivor, your ego\u2019s last ditch defense of self-criticism frames everything, large or small, negatively.<\/p>\n

And, even now, years of therapy later, with sudden uplift and emotional breakthroughs, I still get impatient.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a \u201cclip\u201d of internal conversation:<\/p>\n

\u201cLars, you know what\u2019s wrong at this point, get going!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet going,\u201d is really, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Or,<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy haven\u2019t you written 20 books since last year or made hundreds of thousands of dollars from your new blog?\u201d<\/p>\n

Subtext: \u201cOkay, so you\u2019ve failed and wasted your life until now, so don\u2019t waste any more time!\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the last gasp of self-criticism, the glob of toothpaste at the end of the negative tube, even now, as I\u2019m doing great stuff.<\/p>\n

Ultimate Reframing<\/h1>\n

Positive Self-Talk is crucial when you turn a corner.<\/p>\n

Here it is, what I\u2019ve said and keep saying to myself\u2026the ultimate reframe.<\/p>\n

I deserve more than what\u2019s happening right now, I deserve a story of the past that is as positive as it can be.<\/p>\n

Otherwise, my present isn\u2019t all it can be.<\/p>\n

The ego loves human doing.<\/p>\n

Self-talk about the past, kind self-talk, restores the human being.<\/p>\n

Listen to the response to that last glob of toothpaste before I throw the glob and the tube into the trash.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saved my life. I could have been a monster because of my childhood, but I wasn\u2019t. I\u2019ve been a great spouse, a great parent.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

1-I saved my own life, so I started and saved others. I made an entire healthy generation possible.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s it\u2026Ground Zero.<\/p>\n

What amount of money, what number of books, what list of external achievements can compare to this truth, this affirmation that turns what appears as a waste to the self-critic into the hero\u2019s quest where he escapes danger, then, goes back and faces that danger for however long it takes to overcome it?<\/p>\n

But I didn\u2019t stop there.<\/p>\n

2-I\u2019ve succeeded in EVERYTHING in my life that I had the power to do or to change\u2026everything, including the biggest thing, transcending a traumatic childhood.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

And finally:<\/p>\n

3-By the time I was twenty-five, I\u2019d sung in six of the most prestigious concert halls in New York as part of small, elite choirs; performed major musical theatre roles; appeared as captain of my high school\u2019s quiz team six times; written scores of poems. Plus, later, while holding down almost 40 years of full time administrative work, I wrote and acted in my own plays, started my own marketing company, and, yes, I AM one of the chosen few whose blog posts have been published in Pick the Brain.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

So, the ultimate reframe is the ultimate self-affirmation: if I died now, would my legacy be secure?<\/p>\n

Yes. That\u2019s why it\u2019s the ultimate reframe.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

The Moral of the Story<\/h1>\n

Yes\u2026the past is only a story.<\/p>\n

But, you have the choice to make that story toxic or triumphant.<\/p>\n

Through reframing.<\/p>\n

Would you allow your child or spouse to torment himself or herself with twisting or diminishing every bit of their past, robbing it of a positive context and so robbing them of a happy present?<\/p>\n

Of course not.<\/p>\n

Whatever happened to you, whatever you did or didn\u2019t do, the only way to make the best of the present is to make the best of the past.<\/p>\n

Ready to save your life? Ready to make it the best it can be?<\/p>\n

Then, transform your story. Make it as compassionate, kind, and uplifting as you can.<\/p>\n

Because it\u2019s not just about what you\u2019ve done. It\u2019s about who you are and who you\u2019ve been.<\/p>\n

The power of story.<\/p>\n

Make your story the kindest it can be, fight back and win against toxic impatience.
\nStories stick. Own your story, get to ground zero.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re worth it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Start writing now.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Lars Nielsen writes full-spectrum communication, and now\u2019s your chance to sign up for his newsletter for his website, Make Message Matter. Go to http:\/\/makemessagematter.com\/ and, download his free guide to messaging, “How to Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet”.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world. -The Talmud Everybody gets impatient, everybody. But sometimes, that self-impatience crosses a line, and it becomes toxic. I know all about it. I\u2019ve been living it, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11620,"featured_media":49967,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,32,21,6],"tags":[5305,4653,4641,4631,66,387,207,1399],"yoast_head":"\nGet Your Self-Talk to Ground Zero and Save Your Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Whatever happened to you, whatever you did or didn\u2019t do, the only way to make the best of the present is to make the best of the past.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/the-ultimate-reframeorwill-you-save-your-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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