{"id":4258,"date":"2010-11-20T00:10:13","date_gmt":"2010-11-20T08:10:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=4258"},"modified":"2013-08-28T07:25:49","modified_gmt":"2013-08-28T15:25:49","slug":"how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-communicators","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-communicators\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal with Passive Aggressive Communicators"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

As mentioned <\/span>before<\/span><\/span><\/a>, I like to focus on receptive and expressive intelligence, which I call <\/span>CQ<\/span><\/span><\/a>. Passive Aggressive Communicators (whom I call the PACs) have a low dose of CQ and can often trigger your own CQ to plummet as well. It takes a great deal of skill, self-empowerment, and candor to remain unfettered and productive around PACs.<\/span><\/p>\n

My way of dealing with these people is simple: when they are being slippery and elusive, I know I need to be forceful and direct. This cuts through their unclear communication and forces them to speak honestly. In the end, it\u2019s better for everybody involved.<\/span><\/p>\n

You know you\u2019re in the presence of a PAC if you start to think to yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cWhat is this person getting at? Why won\u2019t they just say it?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cI don\u2019t understand what this person is saying, but he certainly is talking quite a bit.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. \u201cWhen will she get to the point? She\u2019s been floating around it for over ten minutes now.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. \u201cI need some clarification before I can commit to this person, but he seems so enthusiastic. Does he understand what he\u2019s proposing?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    This can be frustrating to no end. There you are, standing with a drink in your hand, listening intently to someone you only just met, and they are weaving a tale that doesn\u2019t make a bit of sense. Still, you were drawn to them initially and you don\u2019t want to throw away what may very well be a fruitful interaction. How do you respond? Try something like this:<\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m afraid you\u2019ve lost me. What is it you\u2019re getting at?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
    2. \u201cI\u2019m sorry to interrupt, but I don\u2019t understand. I have a few questions before you continue. [Questions]<\/span><\/li>\n
    3. \u201cHold on. I\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m a little confused. In one sentence, what do you want me to know?<\/span><\/li>\n
    4. \u201cThat\u2019s all well and good, but before I make any promises or commitments, I need clarification in a few areas. [Questions]<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      The important thing to remember is that passive aggressive people get wrapped up in a lifestyle of never being straightforward. Don\u2019t let them pull you into that. Responding assertively to them may be unexpected, but your way of communicating \u2013\u00a0clearly, effectively \u2013\u00a0will leave no wiggle room for them to guess at what you\u2019re saying. And, if anything, asserting yourself will raise you in their esteem as someone who is not interested in nonsense. That reputation is more valuable and comforting than all the fluffy chitchat in the world.<\/span><\/p>\n

      Now, you may have noticed that in 3 of my suggested responses, apologizing is always one of the first things I do. That\u2019s because, as useful as candor is, compassion is an important balancing factor. In all those situations I could have said something like this:<\/span><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \n
          \n
        1. \u201cStop. What are you trying to say? Just spit it out.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
        2. \u201cHold on. You\u2019ve been saying nothing but nonsense. What are you getting at?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
        3. \u201cGet to the point already.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
        4. \u201cDespite all your grandstanding, I\u2019m still not sure if you\u2019re serious. Do you understand what you\u2019re proposing?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Saying things like that can burn a bridge that you may want to cross later. Balancing out your candor with a dose of compassion is the best of both worlds: you\u2019ve filled in the gap of your understanding and avoided being rude. By being compassionate, you\u2019re being respectful to someone who you may have, admittedly, judged incorrectly. You cannot know a person\u2019 whole story in a single night, but neither can you afford to waste your evening.<\/span><\/p>\n

          If you\u2019re ever caught in a quagmire of someone speaking passive aggressively (PACs), do not hesitate to be assertive and to communicate clearly and effectively (CQ). You\u2019ll get farther and it will save you a very unwelcomed headache later.<\/span><\/p>\n

          I hope this has been helpful to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

          Be well.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          My way of dealing with these people is simple: when they are being slippery and elusive, I know I need to be forceful and direct. This cuts through their unclear communication and forces them to speak honestly. In the end, it\u2019s better for everybody involved.<\/p>\n

          Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":13017,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[4646,745,51,887,886,66,4629],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Deal with Passive Aggressive Communicators - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As mentioned before, I like to focus on receptive and expressive intelligence, which I call CQ. Passive Aggressive Communicators (whom I call the PACs) have a low dose of CQ and can often trigger your own CQ to plummet as well. 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