{"id":42361,"date":"2016-07-22T20:49:10","date_gmt":"2016-07-23T04:49:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=42361"},"modified":"2017-05-27T08:49:14","modified_gmt":"2017-05-27T16:49:14","slug":"the-3-reasons-why-you-dont-need-to-fit-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/the-3-reasons-why-you-dont-need-to-fit-in\/","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Reasons Why You Don’t need to ‘Fit in’"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Today, I have a very special message for anyone who feels like they don\u2019t belong.<\/strong> I\u2019m writing for the people, who look at the world they live in, or the schools they attend or the work environment they inhabit, and can\u2019t find their place. The ones who, very sadly, try to change themselves in the hope they will become more accepted or perhaps, one day, \u2018fit in\u2019.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m one of these people and, in this article; I\u2019m going to share 3 very powerful lessons I\u2019ve learned which have enabled me to turn this feeling on its head and use it to my advantage.<\/p>\n

So read carefully, apply the insights and you\u2019ll be able to carve out your own place in this world without having to compromise your values or alter your personality.<\/p>\n

My Struggle to \u2018Fit In\u2019<\/h2>\n

My first experience of feeling like I didn\u2019t belong occurred when I moved to secondary school (I was 11 years old).<\/strong><\/p>\n

Suddenly, the whole game had changed. Being a kid, and becoming a teenager, was no longer about having fun, it was about being cool.<\/p>\n

For some reason, we all had to dress the same and wear a certain type of clothes. If we wanted to seem grown up or hard, we had to smoke and later on drink and do drugs. And our value wasn\u2019t determined by how good a person or friend we were, it was determined by how good you could make someone look if you were friends with them. <\/em><\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t \u2018fit in\u2019 to this environment and as a result, I spent a lot of time on my own. I barely had any friends; I didn\u2019t go to any parties and never celebrated my birthday. I have memories of sitting down next to kids in class and them moving because I was seen as the loner who nobody wanted to associate with.<\/p>\n

My next experience of feeling like I didn\u2019t belong occurred at University. <\/strong><\/p>\n

The problem here was that I didn\u2019t drink. Back then, and I\u2019m sure it\u2019s the same now, the whole social scene, especially in the UK, revolved around alcohol.<\/p>\n

However, I couldn\u2019t understand why it was cool to drink to the point where you were physically sick. I didn\u2019t understand how a night out was considered great if you couldn\u2019t remember anything that happened the next day. And I thought that all of these \u2018big nights out\u2019 were just detracting from the bigger<\/em> picture of where our lives were heading.<\/p>\n

Again, I couldn\u2019t \u2018fit in\u2019 and this time the consequences were worse. I went from having a couple of friends to having no friends at all. Baring a few pleasantries, I barely spoke to anyone for the whole 3 years, spending most of the time in my room. And the absolute highlight of my week, (and I\u2019m ashamed to say this because I despise the place now) was a trip to McDonald’s on a Saturday night and then going to the cinema to watch a movie alone.<\/p>\n

My last experience of feeling like I didn\u2019t belong occurred when entering the world of work (or what some people describe as the \u2018Real World\u2019). <\/strong><\/p>\n

I was terrified at the prospect of working 40 plus hours a week for 40 plus years of my life in a job which, at best, I wasn\u2019t passionate about and, at worst, bored my brains out. I couldn\u2019t understand why so many adults accepted spending the majority of their life being somewhere they didn\u2019t want to be, working with and for people they didn\u2019t like and receiving little reward beyond their monthly pay cheque.<\/p>\n

There was no way I wanted to be a part of this world so I decided to fight back. . .<\/p>\n

Fast forward to now, and I\u2019ve been successful in doing so.<\/strong> After many years of struggle and learning, I\u2019m pleased to say that I\u2019m happy, successful at working jobs that I enjoy, and have found a place and people with whom I belong.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re currently feeling like you don\u2019t \u2018fit in\u2019 then I\u2019m guessing this is somewhere you\u2019d like to be.<\/p>\n

To help you get there, I\u2019ll now share with you the 3 lessons I learned during my journey.<\/p>\n

1. Reject the \u2018Real World\u2019<\/h1>\n

You don\u2019t have to accept or live in the \u2018Real World\u2019 (or anybody else\u2019s take on how your life should be). <\/strong>Our parents, bosses, colleagues, friends and the media use this term to stop us dreaming and make us conform to the small, limited world that they believe in.<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the really exciting thing, it doesn\u2019t have to be your<\/em> reality. Accepting the \u2018Real World\u2019 with all its bullshit limits and restrictions about what you can and can\u2019t do is just a choice. If you\u2019re like me, and don\u2019t want to have anything to do with it, then you\u2019ve got some exciting options.<\/p>\n

With 100{54c12dad2cc2b53ae830e39915b1a3e70288dbcbbeb8bbf8395437c5dc3c512c} certainty in its success and validity, you can begin to create your<\/em> world with its own rules for engagement, standards for how people should treat each other and control over how you use your time.<\/p>\n

And the reason I say with 100{54c12dad2cc2b53ae830e39915b1a3e70288dbcbbeb8bbf8395437c5dc3c512c} certainty is that the notion that there\u2019s one way of living to which we all have to adapt is scientifically inaccurate.<\/p>\n

Consider this (the following information is taken from a documentary called The Brain by David Eagleman), when we see and take in information from the world around us, there\u2019s six times more traffic along the neurons between our visual cortex and thalamus and there is between our eyes and thalamus.<\/p>\n

Why is this relevant?<\/p>\n

Think of the Thalamus as the centre point of the brain, and the visual cortex as the storehouse and the eyes as the window to the outside world. Therefore, whenever we take something in from the world, there is 6 times more information about what we\u2019re seeing coming from inside our brain than there is from outside.<\/p>\n

This means our world is, largely, created within our brain and the meaning we<\/em> give to the things we see, rather than being something outside ourselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Therefore, since you\u2019re living inside your mind, you have every right to make your world a happy, harmonious one and are under no obligation to accept the world that is presented to you.<\/p>\n

2. Not being \u2018Normal\u2019 is a Blessing<\/h2>\n

Have you ever asked why it is that, no matter how hard you try, you find it so difficult to \u2018fit in\u2019?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t ever ask to be normal.<\/strong> You\u2019re so much greater than normal.<\/a> Embrace your uniqueness, show it to the world.<\/p>\n

The Imitation Game<\/em> is a brilliant film about Second World War hero and Enigma code breaker Alan Turing. Turing found it impossible to \u2018fit in\u2019. He was gay at a time when it was a crime to be so, a loner and didn\u2019t care for the etiquette’s of society. He made an incredible contribution to the world yet The System treated him shamefully. After the war, he was medically castrated for being homosexual and his code breaking work was ignored due to the Secrecy Act.<\/p>\n

This sent him into a deep depression, and towards the end of the film, we see him a broken, lonely man. His one friend, Joan Clarke, consuls him by telling him something that every person who regrets not being \u2018normal\u2019 needs <\/em>to hear,<\/p>\n

“No one normal could have done that\u00a0<\/em>[referring to Turing’s work]. Do you know, this morning, I was on a train that went through a city, that wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for you? I bought a ticket from a man who would likely be dead if it wasn’t for you. I read up on my work, a whole field of scientific enquiry, that only exists because of you.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Now if you wish you could have been normal, I can promise you, I do not. The world is an infinitely better place precisely because you weren’t.”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

3. You are an Agent of Change in the World<\/h2>\n

There\u2019s a brilliant quote from George Bernard Shaw and it goes like this,<\/p>\n

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world,
\nThe unreasonable man adapts the world to himself,
\nThat\u2019s why all progress depends on the unreasonable man.<\/em><\/p>\n

You feel like you don\u2019t belong because there\u2019s something important you need to change.<\/strong> It may be other people\u2019s attitudes, like Turing it might be a much needed invention or technology you need to develop, or it might be a unique path you need to walk that will result in uplifting others.<\/p>\n

So don\u2019t fight this feeling of not belonging. Instead, listen to what it\u2019s telling you and act on it. People are going to tell you to live in the \u2018Real World\u2019, and that what you want to do is not possible, but they can\u2019t stop you. The thing you thought was your life\u2019s curse may actually be the blessing that\u2019s going to open the doors to a life beyond your wildest dreams.<\/p>\n

(This article is based on a talk I recently performed for Inspire\u2019d Stage in London. To watch that version, click here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

Special Offer for Pick the Brain readers!!!<\/strong>\u00a0Want to learn more about how to use your unique gifts to live an extraordinary life? Then Click the link below and get your FREE eBook.<\/p>\n

Escape The System: 50 Insights to help you live an Extraordinary Life<\/a><\/p>\n

About the Author<\/strong>: Joe Barnes is creator of the\u00a0Screw The System\u00a0<\/a>website and author of the critically acclaimed\u00a0Escape The System<\/a><\/u>. His mission is to give all Dreamers, Adventurers and Entrepreneurs the inspiration and information necessary to pursue their true calling. He also works as a hypnotherapist and tennis coach.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, I have a very special message for anyone who feels like they don\u2019t belong. I\u2019m writing for the people, who look at the world they live in, or the schools they attend or the work environment they inhabit, and can\u2019t find their place. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1014,"featured_media":42832,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,32,112,6],"tags":[3910,5302,4641,1054,66,4652,4629],"yoast_head":"\nThe 3 Reasons Why you Don't need to 'Fit in'<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Today, I have a very special message for anyone who feels like they don\u2019t belong - anyone that has struggled to 'fit in'. 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