{"id":3872,"date":"2011-03-02T13:49:35","date_gmt":"2011-03-02T21:49:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=3872"},"modified":"2013-09-05T09:44:57","modified_gmt":"2013-09-05T17:44:57","slug":"youre-playing-the-blame-game-and-everyone-knows-it-heres-5-easy-ways-to-stop-forever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/youre-playing-the-blame-game-and-everyone-knows-it-heres-5-easy-ways-to-stop-forever\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 30: You\u2019re Playing the Blame Game And Everyone Knows It – Here\u2019s 5 Easy Ways To Stop Forever"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/a><\/p>\n

According to Harvard Business Review: <\/a> \u201cPlaying the blame game never works. A deep set of research shows that people who blame others for their mistakes lose status, learn less, and perform worse relative to those who own up to their mistakes. Blaming is contagious.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bottom line is simple. When you blame others for how you feel, you give them your power.\u00a0 No one can make you feel anything.\u00a0 No one is more in charge of your destiny.\u00a0 Believe this and watch your confidence soar.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s an illusion if you believe, \u201cIf they\u2019d be like that, I\u2019d be like this.\u201d You give away your power by believing your state is dependent on others.\u00a0 By playing the blame game, you shout to the world:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I have no control over my life\u2014I\u2019m a victim<\/li>\n
  2. Other people in my life are more powerful than me\u2014I\u2019m a victim.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    How can you end the blame game permanently? \u00a0Start accepting responsibility for your reactions.\u00a0 Anyone can trigger a state of sadness, anger or guilt.\u00a0 But, it\u2019s crazy believing if they were to change so could you\u2026Tony Robbins<\/a> says it\u2019s a lack of \u201cemotional fitness\u201d.<\/p>\n

    Simple shifts will make you the captain of your ship. By accepting the responsibilities for your reactions, you don\u2019t have to share credit for your hard work needed to learn life lessons.\u00a0 Owning that no one can make you feel anything is your welcome mat to unleashing your confidence.<\/p>\n

    Realize the friction you feel at certain times is an illusion of a loss of control. Use these six steps to change your vibration to incredible confidence, and step up to change the only thing you truly have control over\u2026YOU.<\/p>\n

    #1 Own Your \u201cs&*^t\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

    If you must blame, then do so responsibly.\u00a0 If someone crosses a line, let them know, but don\u2019t start your sentence with, \u201cYou.\u201d\u00a0 Calmly say, \u201cI know I\u2019m not perfect, but when you say x, I begin to feel sad.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s not your fault I\u2019m feeling like this.\u00a0 I\u2019m working hard to do better, but could you help me by avoiding statements like x, y or z?\u201d.<\/p>\n

    Accepting your contribution to the stress, you give others permission to get real, too.\u00a0 You might find your load lightened by acknowledging room for improvement on your side, too. Regardless of fault, stop internally kicking yourself.<\/p>\n

    Even if their response isn\u2019t what you had hoped, realize you can still choose how you feel (just like when you watch a scary movie and look away at the gory parts). Doing this will re-focus your lens to what brings you the most value.<\/p>\n

    Listen to your inner voice, accept your contribution to the situation and begin making better decisions regarding where you spend time, energy and effort.<\/p>\n

    #2 Pick Your Battles Strategically<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Don\u2019t put baby in a corner.\u00a0 If you desire to move past a conflict, find a neutral place to share your frustration freely. The heat of the moment, when someone already pushed the trigger, will not be your shining moment.\u00a0 Take a deep breath, walk away and wait until you can defuse your reaction to approach the other person in a constructive manner.<\/p>\n

    #3 Focus on I Feel Statements<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Words are power and if you use or listened to them improperly, they\u2019re weapons of mass destruction.\u00a0 Comfort the internal you for a happy external you.\u00a0 Everything you need is at your fingertips.<\/p>\n

    Nothing exposed you to a loss more than using 3-year-old phrases like all the time or you never.\u00a0 Pick battles you can craft with words for a win-win, giving you a long-term solution to a fantastic future.<\/p>\n

    Including others on the secret that you aren\u2019t perfect, that you\u2019re human doing the best you can with the resources you have, adds a needed amount of vulnerability.\u00a0 If this admission sincerely comes from your heart, it\u2019s easier for your partner to be compassionate.<\/p>\n

    #4 Ask Permission To Build The Bridge<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Slight tweaks are sometimes all you need to improve your life.\u00a0 If your partner is suffering, try to experience their pain.\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to solve it, just let them know they matter.\u00a0\u00a0 Try using the LAER method to facilitate a healthy conversation.<\/p>\n

    Helping doesn\u2019t mean shoving your opinions in their faces (no matter how right you think you are).\u00a0 Try this approach, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about how you are feeling and I might have some good advice for you; would you like to hear it?\u201d\u00a0 If they say no, walk away.\u00a0 Seriously, just thank them for their time, let them have space, and leave the door open by saying, \u201cWhen you are ready to talk, I\u2019m here for you\u201d.<\/p>\n

    I recently told my husband, who is trying to figure out his next career, \u201cI don\u2019t care if you do nothing. Just be happy doing nothing, or do something.\u00a0 But either way, own the space you are in and be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Sending love, compassion and clarity for them will empower you, putting you well on your way to crack the confidence code.<\/p>\n

    #5 Focus On Moving Forward<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Regrets are the lies the minds tell us.\u00a0 You can\u2019t move forward when you look over your shoulder and carry your story like a 100 lb backpack.\u00a0 If you are still sharing your 10-year-old melodrama, you weigh everyone down, including yourself.\u00a0 Stories of the past are your stepping-stones to where you are today; they are not who you are! Let the present moment define you and watch as momentum builds, boosting your energy and moving you and everyone else you love to a happier place.<\/p>\n

    Blame rhymes with shame, which is where blame comes from.\u00a0 Accept who you are. Stop reacting. Start taking action today to grow your confidence with clarity for who you are. Set boundaries for what you want, and accepting responsibility for every moment of your life.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    The FREE PickTheBrain “90 Days to a Better You” eCourse was built to give you more confidence than you ever thought possible. You get one confidence boosting email a day, a motivational quote, and a photo to inspire you – all for Free<\/p>\n

    Join us today…<\/p>\n

    <\/form>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    It\u2019s an illusion if you believe, \u201cIf they\u2019d be like that, I\u2019d be like this.\u201d You give away your power by believing your state is dependent on others. By playing the blame game, you shout to the world: Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":4444,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[754],"tags":[890,4653,604,66,4629,891],"yoast_head":"\nDay 30: You\u2019re Playing the Blame Game And Everyone Knows It - Here\u2019s 5 Easy Ways To Stop Forever - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"According to Harvard Business Review: \u201cPlaying the blame game never works. 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