{"id":3706,"date":"2011-03-18T08:07:37","date_gmt":"2011-03-18T16:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=3706"},"modified":"2013-09-05T13:26:32","modified_gmt":"2013-09-05T21:26:32","slug":"trouble-saying-no-do-this-to-find-your-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/trouble-saying-no-do-this-to-find-your-voice\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 14: Trouble Saying NO? Do This To Find Your Voice!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/a><\/p>\n

You know the feeling all too well…<\/p>\n

That sinking sinking sensation that starts to swallow you whole, the second after you\u2019ve agreed to do something you really didn\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n

You know you need to leave the yes-habit behind forever, but do you have the confidence to say NO?<\/p>\n

The first thing to remember is to never beat yourself up. You are not spineless, a pushover or insecure, you\u2019re a human being. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans have relied on cooperation and trading favors to keep themselves sheltered and fed. Our ancestors saw that those who weren\u2019t willing to lend a hand found themselves without friends to help them out, sometimes to the detriment of their survival.<\/p>\n

These days our friendships, family, workplaces and communities are also dependent on people helping one another to function and thrive. Yet the demands on our time have multiplied and it\u2019s no longer possible for any of us to be entirely at the disposal of others.<\/p>\n

When helping others means you no longer have time to meet your own needs, you must take steps to make sure balance is restored.<\/p>\n

Say NO Without The Guilt!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, it doesn\u2019t pay to be wishy washy or vague when saying no, hoping the other party gets the hint. It\u2019s much better for all involved if you can say no without ambiguity.<\/p>\n

Keep these pointers in mind the next time you\u2019re saying NO:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Provide a Reason: Offering a reason why you\u2019re saying no will soften the blow and reassure the other party that it\u2019s not personal. You don\u2019t need to go into elaborate detail, a simple \u201cI have other plans for that day\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m already fully booked\u201d offered with confidence, will work.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes people will try to wear you down or anticipate all your objections so they can counter each one. Don\u2019t waste time being angry or offended. Know you don\u2019t have to keep explaining yourself and have every right to continue saying no.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t allow yourself to get trapped! Beware of the person who approaches you asking what you are doing on Saturday, particularly if you own a truck. You can be vague if you don\u2019t want to lie but don\u2019t leave yourself open to them giving you something to do!<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Related to number 3, plans to relax and unwind are a commitment to yourself. Be thoughtful about what circumstances warrant breaking commitments to your own self care. Watching a friend\u2019s kids so she can take her baby to the emergency room for seizures – worth it. Watching a friend\u2019s kids so she can go to the movies even though this is your only free weekend of the season – not so much. Put yourself first so you can be there for her at a later date.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If you do want to help, suggest compromises. Set firm boundaries and stick to them. Sadly, some people will continually try pushing those boundaries. Keep a note for next time. They might mean well and still be good friends, but keep in mind you\u2019ll get more than you bargained for when you try and help them out.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The more times you say no and nobody dies and the sky doesn\u2019t fall, the more comfortable you\u2019ll feel with it in the future. So keep up the good work!<\/p>\n

Remember, the reason you have trouble saying no is because you have a genuinely helpful heart and empathy for others. These are gifts you can channel into many positive things IF you make sure you are giving yourself the self care, rest and relaxation you need to be the best person you can be.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The FREE PickTheBrain “90 Days to a Better You” eCourse was built to give you more confidence than you ever thought possible. You get one confidence boosting email a day, a motivational quote, and a photo to inspire you – all for Free<\/p>\n

Join us today…<\/p>\n

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Sean Platt is an author and professional ghostwriter<\/a>, and part of the crew at the lifestyle design site<\/a>, Your Life\u2019s Blueprint. Life\u2019s better when you follow him on Twitter.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first thing to remember is to never beat yourself up. You are not spineless, a pushover or insecure, you\u2019re a human being. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans have relied on cooperation and trading favors to keep themselves sheltered and fed. Our ancestors saw that those who weren\u2019t willing to lend a hand found themselves without friends to help them out, sometimes to the detriment of their survival. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":3849,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[754],"tags":[4655,4653,841,840,66],"yoast_head":"\nDay 14: Trouble Saying NO? 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