{"id":36496,"date":"2015-11-03T21:17:14","date_gmt":"2015-11-04T05:17:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=36496"},"modified":"2015-11-05T21:54:24","modified_gmt":"2015-11-06T05:54:24","slug":"5-ways-bounce-back-self-betrayal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/5-ways-bounce-back-self-betrayal\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Ways to Bounce Back from Self-Betrayal"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

We\u2019ve all done it. Selling yourself out.\u00a0 Saying and doing things that go against your inner values.\u00a0 Self-betrayal can start out as small acts of disingenuousness.\u00a0 Like those little white lies you tell to cover up what you truly believe.<\/p>\n

Those times when you don\u2019t honor how you really feel. Saying \u201cyes\u201d when you really mean \u201cno\u201d.\u00a0 Saying \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d when you\u2019re really not okay. \u00a0\u00a0Not speaking up when you feel that someone has violated your rights.\u00a0 Self-betrayal can take a toll on your self-worth and self-esteem.<\/p>\n

It all starts in childhood when we are taught that inauthenticity pays off.\u00a0 It\u2019s so much easier to sell out just to make other people feel comfortable, then it is to be who we really are. \u00a0We put others need before our own. \u00a0We long to make our parents and friends love and like us. In the process, we betray ourselves when we try to be someone we are not simply to fit in.<\/p>\n

Why We Betray Ourselves<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, you probably find it much harder to grant yourself grace when you\u2019ve done things you know you shouldn\u2019t have.\u00a0 I find it much easier to forgive others who have betrayed me than when I\u2019ve betrayed myself.\u00a0 It\u2019s as if I almost expect others to not live up to my expectations.\u00a0 But, when I don\u2019t live up to my own standards, I really beat myself up.<\/p>\n

My most recent incidence of self-betrayal happened when I stayed with a job I hated just to pay the bills. My intuition told me that there were greater things in store for my life if I would\u2019ve just moved on sooner.\u00a0 But, I kept the position anyway because it was \u201csafe\u201d, only to be downsized a short time later.<\/p>\n

Why do we do things that violate our personal values?\u00a0 The number one answer is fear.\u00a0 But jealousy, old temptations, and bad habits can also lead us to compromise ourselves.<\/p>\n

5 Ways to Move Past Self Betrayal<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Realize that everyone screws up from time to time<\/strong>. I like to remember the Maya Angelou quote, \u201cWhen you know better, you do better\u201d.\u00a0 Recognize that you did the best that you could do with the information you had available. Be kind to yourself. Dust yourself off and move on.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
    1. Get to know your true self<\/strong>. What makes you happy? What motivates you? What scares the hell out of you? Understand the core of who you are. That way, in the future, you\u2019ll be less swayed to compromise you own value system.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
        \n
      1. Re-evaluate your values<\/strong>. It\u2019s stressful to live an incongruent life. Our behavior shows us what we truly believe. Say you cheated on your significant other. Maybe you thought that you valued fidelity. But, in actuality, your behavior didn\u2019t reflect that belief.\u00a0\u00a0 In the future, you may decide that you want more flexibility when it comes to your relationships.\u00a0 Decide how you want to live your life.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
          \n
        1. Develop your own set of ethics<\/strong>. Many times we find that our value systems are imposed on us by others.\u00a0 It might be gleaned from our parents, life circumstance growing up, from our friends, or from the society in which we live.\u00a0 Create your own sense of what\u2019s right and wrong and build your own moral code.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
            \n
          1. Learn to never say never<\/strong>. I find that when I say what I will never say or do, I box myself in to a corner.\u00a0 It\u2019s as though I\u2019m inviting lapses in my personal integrity.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what the future holds for me. So, I\u2019ve discovered that it\u2019s best to keep all my options open. \u00a0Keep an open mind about all of life\u2019s possibilities.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            —<\/p>\n

            Donya Molock is a freelance medical writer, journalist, and psychiatric registered nurse. Visit her blog Inner Psyche<\/a>, a personal development site for women.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            Self-betrayal can start out as small acts of disingenuousness. Like those little white lies you tell to cover up what you truly believe. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":36498,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[4653,4631,66,207,3637,4705],"yoast_head":"\n5 Ways to Bounce Back from Self-Betrayal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Self-betrayal can take a toll on your self-worth. 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