{"id":35324,"date":"2015-09-02T21:57:17","date_gmt":"2015-09-03T05:57:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=35324"},"modified":"2015-09-07T19:43:59","modified_gmt":"2015-09-08T03:43:59","slug":"5-strategies-choosing-long-term-gain-short-term-pain-avoidance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/5-strategies-choosing-long-term-gain-short-term-pain-avoidance\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Strategies for Choosing Long-term Gain over Short-term Pain-Avoidance"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/p>\n

There are two things that parents of small children can\u2019t stand. \u00a0One is a child making noise when we\u2019re trying to get work done. \u00a0The other is a child making no noise at all.<\/p>\n

Because if they\u2019re not making noise, they\u2019re usually getting into trouble.<\/p>\n

So consider this scenario: \u00a0you run to see what your too-quiet two year old has gotten into and find him playing with the snow-globe your sister brought back from her trip to Switzerland last year. \u00a0Since this is not the best toy for a toddler, you smile at your child and gently take the snow-globe out of his hands.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when the screaming begins.<\/p>\n

What do you do? \u00a0Do you endure the shrieking child or give back the snow-globe?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re normal, your thinking probably works its way through the following steps: \u00a01)\u00a0 He can\u2019t really hurt himself with the snow-globe. \u00a02)\u00a0 He probably won\u2019t break the snow-globe. \u00a03)\u00a0 I never really liked the snow-globe anyway. \u00a04)\u00a0 If he does break it, it\u2019s no big deal to clean it up. \u00a05)\u00a0 So is it really worth making him miserable by taking it away?<\/p>\n

But we\u2019re not really worried about the child\u2019s misery, are we?\u00a0 We\u2019re more concerned about ourselves.<\/p>\n

LESSONS LEARNED<\/p>\n

In the end, the odds are pretty good you\u2019re going to let the toddler keep the snow-globe.<\/p>\n

But the real issue isn\u2019t the snow-globe; it\u2019s the lesson you\u2019ve just taught your child.<\/p>\n

Why did you take the snow-globe away in the first place?\u00a0 Because it wasn\u2019t a suitable plaything for a child. \u00a0By doing so, you taught little Johnny that some things are bad for him and therefore off limits.<\/p>\n

By giving it back to him, you teach him that if he makes enough of a fuss, he can get whatever he wants, even if it\u2019s bad for him. \u00a0Better to let him keep the snow-globe in the first place, despite missing the opportunity to teach him limits.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s entirely normal for little children to cry when they don\u2019t get what they want. \u00a0But when they always get what they want by crying, they never learn how to take no for an answer. \u00a0A few years down the line, you have a teenager who has always gotten what he wanted by throwing a fit, and a few years later you have an adult with the same temper.<\/p>\n

And you thought you had problems with an unruly two-year-old.<\/p>\n

CHILDREN OF ALL AGES<\/p>\n

The error we make is not properly evaluating the difference between short-term pain and long-term pain. \u00a0Long term pain is almost always worse. \u00a0But short term pain is now<\/em>.<\/p>\n

In many contexts, we all have a natural appreciation of this principle. \u00a0We get an education now so we can have a career later. \u00a0We get up and go to work now so we can afford to pay our bills later. \u00a0We go to the doctor to check out suspicious symptoms even though we\u2019d rather ignore them, and we go to the dentist for cleanings even though she might discover a cavity. \u00a0We go to the gym to sweat and strain because we understand the rule of no pain, no gain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

But when it comes to the many gray areas of daily living, we become children again and the rule flies out the window. \u00a0It\u2019s just not fair<\/em>:\u00a0 if we have to endure the unpleasant realities of life in school and work and personal health, shouldn\u2019t life conform to our wishes the rest of the time?<\/p>\n

Two friends were walking through town when they were caught in a sudden thundershower.<\/em>
\n\u201cQuick,\u201d said first, \u201copen up your umbrella.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cIt won\u2019t do any good,\u201d said the second. \u201cMy umbrella is full of holes.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cSo why in the world did you bring it with you?\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cI didn\u2019t think it was going to rain!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Reality doesn\u2019t change to accommodate us, and our failure to plan for the future won\u2019t make the future sympathetic when it arrives. \u00a0Neither will our good intentions lead to success if we don\u2019t prepare for whatever might<\/em> be and not just for what we hope<\/em> will be.<\/p>\n

THE CALCULUS OF AVOIDANCE<\/p>\n

Shahzeen Attari, a professor at Indiana University, surveyed over a thousand subjects to determine how Americans believe they can best conserve water. \u00a0What she found<\/a> was that about 43 percent thought that shorter showers and turning off the tap while brushing their teeth would produce the greatest savings. \u00a0In fact, the greatest reduction in water use comes from switching to high-efficiency appliances like washing machines, dishwashers, and toilets.<\/p>\n

After interviewing Professor Attari, NPRs Shankar Vedantam proposed the somewhat obvious explanation that people resist the high-efficiency solutions because of the initial expense. \u00a0Even though they stand to recoup their investment over time and save money in the long run \u2013 not to mention conserving water at the same time — the short-term outlay overrides the long-term benefits.<\/p>\n

Then they rationalize their decision by convincing themselves they are addressing the problem by saving water in the shower and while brushing their teeth (even though one has nothing to do with the other, and they could easily be doing both).<\/p>\n

TRICKS OF THE TRADE<\/p>\n

This offers several insights into how we can fool ourselves into making better decisions. \u00a0Psychologically, I\u2019m much more willing to give up a little at a time than all at once. \u00a0That\u2019s why people pay finance charges rather than paying cash and why there are layaway plans for future purchases. \u00a0It\u2019s also why the government may subsidize eco-friendly products while imposing punitive taxes or bans on products it believes are not in the public interest.<\/p>\n

But we really don\u2019t need the government to do the job for us. \u00a0If we know what\u2019s in our own best interest, we can trick ourselves into doing the right thing through various kinds of self-manipulation.<\/p>\n

Increase the penalty<\/strong>. \u00a0Oh, that evil snooze button, the device that may eventually be blamed for the fall of Western Civilization. \u00a0Just nine more minutes; just another nine minutes; just one more nine-minute nap. \u00a0And before you know it, you\u2019re flying out the door late wearing a mismatched outfit with your hair uncombed and without breakfast or coffee. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t worth the extra dozing when you did it yesterday, but you\u2019ve done it again today.<\/p>\n

A self-imposed fine can be a powerful incentive to get up. \u00a0Drop a quarter in a jar for every time you hit the snooze button. \u00a0When it reaches ten dollars, give it to charity. \u00a0Or add to that a competition with a similarly time-challenged friend or colleague. \u00a0The first one to ten dollars takes the other one out to lunch.\u00a0 Then start over again.<\/p>\n

The very act of paying for oversleeping might cure you faster than you think.<\/p>\n

Increase the reward<\/strong>. \u00a0You want a new thousand-dollar computer, but even the $700 model is a stretch for your budget. \u00a0So find something small you can do without. \u00a0(Do you really need that donut, another lunch out, or one more vente-frothy-latte-whatever-accino?) \u00a0Every time you pass up one of those trivial little pleasures, drop the money you didn\u2019t spend in a jar and wait for it to add up. \u00a0When you reach $700, take the money and add $300 to get the model you really want.<\/p>\n

What if you\u2019re not in the market for a new computer?\u00a0 Then use the money to bribe yourself with a fancy dinner out each time you make it a month without caving.<\/p>\n

Take the challenge<\/strong>. \u00a0This is really just another version of the first two. \u00a0Want to stop smoking (or drinking, or gossiping, or having an extra dessert)? \u00a0Find a friend who also wants to kick the habit and put up $100 each — or more, if you need more incentive. \u00a0First one to give in pays the other.<\/p>\n

Become an analyst<\/strong>. \u00a0Lists of pros and cons are hard to argue with. \u00a0When you have trouble getting yourself to do the right thing, writing out the reasons for and against may produce such a lopsided result that you\u2019ll be too embarrassed with yourself if you don\u2019t to concede to logic without further waffling.<\/p>\n

Become a philosopher<\/strong>. \u00a0Tempted to take the low road? \u00a0Ask yourself any or all of the following questions: \u00a0What if I were in the other person\u2019s shoes? \u00a0What would make my mother proud? \u00a0What do I want my son to think of me? \u00a0What if I ended up going viral on YouTube? \u00a0How good will I feel about myself?<\/p>\n

We have more control over our actions than we think we do.\u00a0 With a little thought, creativity, and self-discipline, we can turn our fear of short-term pain into long-term happiness.<\/p>\n

———<\/p>\n

Rabbi Yonason Goldson<\/a>, a talmudic scholar and former hitchhiker, circumnavigator, and newspaper columnist, lives with his wife in St. Louis, Missouri, where he teaches, writes, and lectures. \u00a0\u00a0Request the first four chapters of his new book Proverbial Beauty: \u00a0Secrets for Success and Happiness from the Wisdom of the Ages<\/a> at this link for free or order now on Amazon<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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