{"id":34511,"date":"2015-08-05T21:44:52","date_gmt":"2015-08-06T05:44:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=34511"},"modified":"2015-08-08T08:34:03","modified_gmt":"2015-08-08T16:34:03","slug":"3-tips-make-epic-change-seems-impossible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/3-tips-make-epic-change-seems-impossible\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Tips to Make Epic Change when it Seems Impossible"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

\u201cThis is just the way I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

Those seven words are the most dangerous words you can use to describe yourself.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been there. I used to struggle with making friends and socializing and I got to a point where I finally gave up and said \u201cThis is just the way I am.\u201d I felt defeated. I thought I had tried everything and did my best, but then I realized… I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I realized that resorting to thinking I\u2019m a certain way and just leaving it at that was a cop out. How would I ever expand my network? How would I build the business I started if I couldn\u2019t make any connections? The truth was that I had to get over this and do things differently, so I did.<\/p>\n

Today I want to share three tips that I used to make an epic change that I once thought was impossible. These tips are vital in order to make any major life change. They personally helped me build an awesome network, professional connections and a strong support group.<\/p>\n

Tip #1: Watch your words<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cYour identity is nothing but the decisions you\u2019ve made about who you are, what you\u2019ve decided to fuse yourself with. You become the labels you\u2019ve given yourself. The way you define your identity defines your life.” -Tony Robbins<\/em><\/p>\n

The words you use to describe yourself and your world have a direct impact on the way you perceive your life. Using negative words turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and a negative feedback loop that\u2019s hard to break.<\/p>\n

These negative words are so ingrained in your brains because you\u2019ve used them for years, you spout them out automatically and unconsciously. This is because these mental habits are wired in a part of your brain called the basal ganglia.<\/p>\n

The basal ganglia is a primitive part of the brain responsible for running on \u201cautopilot\u201d to reserve our brain power for more important things. You\u2019re unconsciously feeding your mind with negative labels.<\/p>\n

In order to begin changing these negative mental habits, start identifying what words you use and when<\/i> you use them and\u00a0replace them with words that empower you.<\/p>\n

For example, if you face \u201ccrippling shyness\u201d change your narrative to something like: \u201cI tend to be quiet around others, but I am working on improving this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Using less intense words like \u201ctending to be quiet\u201d will reduce the intensity of the feelings you associate with your shyness. By adding an action item to the statement, you\u2019re telling yourself you are open to making a change and taking action. This transforms a statement that will beat you down into one that is encouraging.<\/p>\n

Write down the words you use to describe yourself and come up with new, transformative statements that will help change your self-perception.<\/p>\n

Tip #2: Achieve a Small Win<\/b><\/p>\n

Small wins are also known as micro-goals. They are smaller, achievable goals that you can work towards that will help propel you to success. For example, if you struggle with social skills and your ultimate goal is to attend a networking event with hundreds of people, you may set a micro-goal of greeting five strangers on the way to work to start.<\/p>\n

Setting up and achieving these small wins will release dopamine (the \u201creward\u201d brain chemical), making you feel happy and motivated. This positive feedback loop will encourage you towards achieving even more micro-goals.<\/p>\n

By achieving a few small wins you\u2019re immediately proving to yourself that change is possible. <\/i>It may take you a few months or even years to achieve your larger goal, but having momentum by achieving smaller, chunked goals will help propel you towards success.<\/p>\n

Tip #3: Get rid of the ego<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is just the way I am\u201d is a code-phrase for \u201cI want to identify with a particular part of my ego.\u201d In some circumstances that may be fine, but when you honestly look inside yourself and realize a change must occur– let go of your ego.<\/p>\n

One of the best ways to realize that your ego is unimportant in the big scheme of things is to explore nature. Going outside and observing natural beauty helps you gain a new perspective and elicits powerful feelings of awe.<\/p>\n

\u201cResearch has shown <\/a>that even brief experiences of awe increase modesty, humility, intellectual curiosity, and happiness\u201d.<\/p>\n

When we experience a state of \u201cwonder\u201d or \u201cawe\u201d it helps us realize that there\u2019s so much around us, we\u2019re a tiny speck in the universe!<\/p>\n

Go to a nearby beach, body of water or anything that can make you appreciate the natural world around us. The goal is to make yourself feel small. Gaining a new perspective of the world around you is a very powerful way to realize that the pieces of the ego you\u2019re holding on to may not actually matter as much as you think.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Conclusion<\/b><\/p>\n

Changing your mental models are key to growth and self-development. Telling yourself that \u201cthis is just the way you are\u201d limits you from becoming the person you want to be and living life to the fullest. Take an honest assessment of yourself, will changing a certain aspect of your personality make life better? If so, start watching your words, achieving small wins and getting rid of your ego.<\/p>\n

——<\/p>\n

\"Katrina\"<\/a>This is a guest post by communication coach Katrina Razavi, founder of CommunicationforNerds.com<\/a> She helps people who struggle with social skills and communication become socially bulletproof and live their best lives. If you found this post helpful, get your free eBook: 5 Ways to Avoid Awkward Conversations NOW!<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThis is just the way I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

Those seven words are the most dangerous words you can use to describe yourself. 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