{"id":34420,"date":"2015-07-30T08:35:22","date_gmt":"2015-07-30T16:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=34420"},"modified":"2015-08-01T09:55:08","modified_gmt":"2015-08-01T17:55:08","slug":"the-secret-your-meditation-teacher-wont-tell-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/the-secret-your-meditation-teacher-wont-tell-you\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Your Meditation Teacher Won’t Tell You"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve read enough about mindfulness to give meditation a shot alone at home, but there\u2019s something missing. Sometimes it\u2019s as simple as not knowing if you\u2019re doing it right, sometimes it\u2019s the sense that it should be harder than it seems to be.<\/p>\n

Your mind won\u2019t stop wandering.<\/p>\n

An in-person meditation might be in order. You\u2019ve found a Sangha and you\u2019ve showed up. You are so eager to enrich your experience or overcome the shyness of meditating alone \u2013 that you walk into the studio unprepared.<\/p>\n

You have a cushion, sure. You\u2019re wearing loose clothing and trying to \u201cpre-meditate\u201d by putting the day behind you so you\u2019re not distracted once you begin \u2013<\/p>\n

But you\u2019re unprepared for the hardest part: walking into a studio filled with people who all look at peace, who all look happy, who all exude the calm that you\u2019ve been hoping to achieve but are secretly afraid you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

And you know they\u2019re all looking at you.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re suddenly naked in the high school cafeteria.<\/p>\n

And deep down, you wonder if you are the first person in the history of meditation to resent other people for being good at it.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a secret: almost all of us think that \u2013 at first. Until we realize the one simple truth of group meditation:<\/p>\n

Everyone thinks the person next to them is better at meditating.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s actually kind of a thing among Buddhists. After all, the history of Buddhism is full of examples of monks chasing out the newbie who gets enlightened before they do.<\/p>\n

But it shouldn\u2019t be important who is further along! Why is it a competition?<\/p>\n

Those are questions perfect people with gentle smiles ask. Those of us beginning meditation can\u2019t ask them because we\u2019re not perfect. If we were perfect we probably wouldn\u2019t be at the community center\u2019s multipurpose room at 8pm on a Monday.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s an easy way to take the pressure off yourself.<\/p>\n

First, remember that most people meditating in a studio are a lot more concerned about their own struggles than with yours. But once you get over the cafeteria feeling, you know that.<\/p>\n

Then, smile a lot, of course, take your seat as you are able, and get to the point where everyone\u2019s closed their eyes.<\/p>\n

Then, sometime about ten minutes into the meditation,<\/p>\n

GO AHEAD AND PEEK<\/p>\n

Do it. Open your eyes slowly and look a bit. No need to move your head. Just have a good long peek.<\/p>\n

What are you going to see?<\/p>\n

The answer isn\u2019t \u201cthe guy next to you picking his nose.\u201d Probably. What you\u2019ll likely see is everyone with their eyes closed. When you peek you see people not peeking. That\u2019s how it tends to work.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re wondering if this is only going to prove that you are the one who doesn\u2019t belong there, think again.<\/p>\n

By seeing people NOT peek, you give your brain permission to close your eyes without pressure.
\nYour meditating brain knows that a lot more people than you consciously realize are going to peek during their meditation too. And the chances are, they will see you, sitting still, eyes closed, and they\u2019ll imagine, if only for a second, that you\u2019re doing it better than they are. It takes a long time before we\u2019re immune to those insecurities in meditation.<\/p>\n

If the worst thing in the world happens and someone else is looking at you when you peek, you smile and give a little nod. You caught each other. You belong. Close your eyes and feel how welcome you are. Don\u2019t worry about the instructor seeing you. She sees everything anyway, and it\u2019s her job not to judge.<\/p>\n

When you force yourself to meditate out of ego \u2013 constantly telling yourself \u201cI must keep still, I must stop my mind from wandering, I mustn\u2019t look around\u201d \u2013 then you\u2019re going to have a rougher go of it. You might wrestle the Buddha only once or twice before giving up.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t have to be that hard. If you can turn your beginner\u2019s impulses into a way of knowing you belong \u2013 as a sign that you\u2019re in the right place, learning the right skills, among people who are just as eager to find peace as you are \u2013 then you increase your chances of coming back.<\/p>\n

It is always in the coming back where meditation occurs. \"Tweet:<\/a><\/p>\n

Give it a try. Sit with a group, enjoy where the meditation is taking you, and give yourself permission to take a good peek when the impulse arrives. You\u2019ll find that you\u2019re suddenly as far away from the high school cafeteria as you\u2019ve ever been.<\/p>\n

Then return to the breath. Because you\u2019ll want to.<\/p>\n

——-<\/p>\n

Michael Wurth has practiced Buddhism for over 20 years. He is also a Nationally Certified Counselor with Master\u2019s Degrees in Comparative Literature and Counseling Psychology, and an award-winning filmmaker. He teaches overwhelmed people how rewrite the stories in their heads that are holding them back. Check out his free instruction sheet Why Science Doesn\u2019t Understand Meditation \u2013 But You Do! to discover how much you can influence your world at www.wrestlingthebuddha.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve read enough about mindfulness to give meditation a shot alone at home, but there\u2019s something missing. 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