{"id":33785,"date":"2015-07-09T20:57:25","date_gmt":"2015-07-10T04:57:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=33785"},"modified":"2015-07-12T20:59:55","modified_gmt":"2015-07-13T04:59:55","slug":"3-steps-stopping-self-blame-tracks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/3-steps-stopping-self-blame-tracks\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Steps to Stopping Self-Blame in its Tracks"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

It sucks right?! You know on some level it\u2019s probably not your fault at all, but the moment that person said or did XYZ your heart plummeted straight into your stomach and you felt sick with guilt and self-blame, immediately thinking, \u2018Why did I do that? Why didn\u2019t I do that other thing instead?\u2019.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all been there but for some people it\u2019s a daily struggle of feeling bad and taking the blame for whatever seems to be going wrong. This is the realm of the people pleaser, something, as a reformed people pleaser, I know all about.<\/p>\n

The problem with taking the blame for everything, is that quite often it\u2019s not actually our fault which means we’re wasting energy bringing ourselves down when that energy could be better served lifting us and everyone else up.<\/p>\n

As a coach and counsellor I see self-blame more often than I\u2019d like to, but it has meant I\u2019ve got a pretty fool-proof system to detox and reform people pleasers so that they begin to see the value and merit in putting themselves first more often.<\/p>\n

My number one tool for helping clients initially with self-blame is this: there are three simple steps and you do them one after the other:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Recognize what\u2019s going on. Awareness and mindfulness are so key to ANY change. If you don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on, how are you expected to fix it? So next time you get that sinking feeling, catch it, and ask yourself, \u2018What am I thinking right now? What\u2019s going on for me?\u2019. More often than not, there\u2019s some sort of self-blame mantra under the surface like, \u2018I always mess things up.\u2019 Try not to judge yourself for this, just acknowledge it for what it is – a thought.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Challenge yourself. All beliefs are learned, which means they can be unlearned. This is at the roof of all CBT and is a really useful tool once you know what you\u2019re dealing with. Asking yourself the following question once you\u2019ve figured out what you\u2019re thinking can be incredibly powerful – \u2018Why does it always have to be about me?\u2019 This works two-fold. People pleasers will instantly recoil that they could have possibly made a situation all about them and seek to rectify it immediately, and it also actually challenges you to ask if there could be other possibilities. Perhaps the person who was rude to you had had an argument with their spouse on the way to work and decided to take it out on you, rather than taking offense to the way you said ‘Good morning’ to them?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Forgive yourself and ask to see things differently. I love this lesson from A Course in Miracles. When we blame or berate ourselves, we need to forgive ourselves in order to move on, otherwise the cycle just continues. Simply acknowledge what\u2019s gone on and say, \u2018I\u2019m willing to forgive myself and choose to see this differently.\u2019 By doing this you change your energetic vibration from a place of blame to a place of neutrality which allows you to move on. You don’t have to DO anything to forgive yourself. Just say the words and let the Universe do the rest!!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I\u2019d love to hear how you get on with the three steps to eradicating self-blame – let me know in the comments and if you have any questions I\u2019ll answer them too \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

    —-<\/p>\n

    Emma Brooke is a coach, counsellor, avid yogi and meditator. She helps move people from people-pleasing into a new definition of selfishness; one where, by looking after yourself and your needs, you are able to best serve the world. Join the #selfishconsciousness movement in her Fearless Consciousness Facebook Group<\/a>\u00a0 and subscribe for weekly updates at EmmaBrooke.net<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The problem with taking the blame for everything, is that quite often it\u2019s not actually our fault which means we’re wasting energy bringing ourselves down when that energy could be better served lifting us and everyone else up. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":33786,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,33,32,210,112,6],"tags":[4653,4642,4442,4641,637,66,387,207,4629,4441,4640],"yoast_head":"\n3 Steps to Stopping Self-Blame in its Tracks<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you constantly cycle through self-blame, even when it's not your fault? 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