{"id":33609,"date":"2015-06-22T21:49:34","date_gmt":"2015-06-23T05:49:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=33609"},"modified":"2015-06-25T20:58:41","modified_gmt":"2015-06-26T04:58:41","slug":"12-signs-you-care-too-much-about-what-others-think-of-you-and-what-to-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/12-signs-you-care-too-much-about-what-others-think-of-you-and-what-to-do-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"12 Signs You Care Too Much About What Others Think of You (and what to do about it.)"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

Years ago, I missed the bus. On purpose.<\/p>\n

And even though I could do a quick sprint and catch the bus on time – I chose not to.<\/p>\n

Because I could already picture the bus doors closing right in front of me. I could already picture everyone on the bus making fun of me for missing the bus.<\/p>\n

So I chose the cool route – pretending that I was just casually strolling on the sidewalk. Super cool, right? (But of course, I had to wait 20 minutes in the cold to catch the next one.)<\/p>\n

I lovingly call this my extreme case of\u00a0what will others think of me worry<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Here are 12 signs you too might be caught in that\u00a0what will they think worry web<\/i>:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0You are constantly evaluating yourself through their eyes.\u00a0<\/b>It\u2019s as if there\u2019s a constant commentary running through your mind, pointing out where you are falling short and not meeting expectations.<\/div>\n
2.\u00a0\u00a0You are making their behavior mean something about you.\u00a0<\/b>When they don\u2019t respond to an email right away, you must have done something wrong. Or it\u2019s proof that they don\u2019t like you.<\/div>\n
3.\u00a0\u00a0You are crushed by feedback\u00a0<\/b>– even though you often seek it out and you intellectually know feedback helps you grow. You take their comments personally – as proof you are not good enough.<\/div>\n
4.\u00a0\u00a0You want to say the right thing at the right time.\u00a0<\/b>So you self-censor a lot, afraid you might say something that might turn them off. And so to be on the safe side, you don’t speak up, you don’t share your idea or your opinion.<\/div>\n
5.\u00a0\u00a0You try to make everyone like you.<\/b>\u00a0You go out of your way to be interested in the same things they are, to like the same things they like, to make good conversation about things that light them up without sharing what lights you up. Because that might turn them off.<\/div>\n
6.\u00a0\u00a0You crave harmony and don\u2019t get angry often<\/b>\u00a0– for some reason it feels as if you\u2019re not allowed to do so. Yet you are very understanding when someone else gets mad.<\/div>\n
7.\u00a0\u00a0You tune down what you know<\/b>, because others might think you’re a know-it-all. You believe that not showing what you\u2019re capable of, will make others feel more comfortable.<\/div>\n
8.\u00a0\u00a0You are putting yourself last<\/b>, secretly feeling resentful when they don\u2019t seem to notice your sacrifices.<\/div>\n
9.\u00a0\u00a0You secretly feel ashamed about the things that truly light you up<\/b>, because they seem so different from what the people around you seem to appreciate.<\/div>\n
10.\u00a0\u00a0You have a hard time asking for help<\/b>\u00a0because they might think you\u2019re not competent or capable enough to handle it on your own.<\/div>\n
11.\u00a0\u00a0You have a hard time saying no<\/b>, because they might get mad or be disappointed in you.<\/div>\n
\n

12.\u00a0\u00a0You find yourself trapped in life that sounded promising, but that doesn\u2019t fulfill you.\u00a0<\/b>But you’re too afraid to make a change, because they might judge you (and you’d make a fool of yourself).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But the truth is – no matter how careful you are, you can not make everyone like you.<\/b>\u00a0Living a comment-proof life, always being careful not to\u00a0ever<\/i>\u00a0upset anyone, is not possible.<\/p>\n

And trying is just plain exhausting and draining. It\u2019s a recipe for burning out, even though on the outside, you\u2019re walking around with a big \u201cI\u2019m doing great!\u201d smile.<\/p>\n

It sounds counterintuitive, but the most effortless, nurturing way to build genuine connections and a life you love, is to\u00a0be willing\u00a0not<\/i>\u00a0to be liked by everyone<\/b>.<\/p>\n

You get to<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. genuinely connect with people who get you, who love to talk about the same things, share the same interests or have different views that genuinely fascinate you,<\/li>\n
  2. use your talents and strengths to create the work only you can create and be genuinely appreciated for it,<\/li>\n
  3. do things that light you up, honoring your unique voice and flaunt your one-of-a-kind style, so you genuinely feel fulfilled.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    So allow yourself to do your thing, regardless of what they might say.<\/p>\n

    And keep in mind that their \u201cnot liking you\u201d is not a reflection of your value as a person. It\u2019s just a reflection of their preferences, needs, expectations, ideas, beliefs.<\/b><\/p>\n

    By the way – on my way back home from work, I saw my bus just driving off (true story!). Technically, I had missed the bus again. But remembering that morning\u2019s incident, I waved to the bus driver, thinking \u201cWhat\u2019s the worst that can happen? He says no, driving on with a bus full of strangers making fun of me. I\u2019ll just catch the next bus and that\u2019s that.\u201d<\/p>\n

    And guess what – he opened the bus door and I jumped on. Now how cool is that?<\/p>\n

    —–<\/p>\n

    \n

    An Bourmanne<\/a> mentors smart hardworking women who are feeling overwhelmed + (secretly) stuck in a life that sounded promising but feels draining. She helps them untangle themselves from those \u201cwhat will they think of me\u201d worries + that nagging (but carefully hidden) sense of somehow falling short.<\/em><\/p>\n

    Grab her step-by-step worksheets<\/a>\u00a0and learn how to deal with criticism without taking it personally.\u00a0Because life\u2019s too short to keep worrying about what they\u2019d\u00a0think\u00a0+ forgetting about what you\u2019re really longing for, right?<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    It sounds counterintuitive, but the most effortless, nurturing way to build genuine connections and a life you love, is to be willing not to be liked by everyone. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":33613,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,112,6,31],"tags":[4411,4653,4652,207,3637,4640,4412],"yoast_head":"\n12 Signs You Care Too Much About What Others Think of You (and what to do about it.)<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you care too much? 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