{"id":32533,"date":"2015-05-16T09:27:21","date_gmt":"2015-05-16T17:27:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=32533"},"modified":"2015-05-16T09:27:21","modified_gmt":"2015-05-16T17:27:21","slug":"punishing-ourselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/punishing-ourselves\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Punishing Ourselves Never Works the Way We Want It To"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/a><\/p>\n

We all have feelings. That\u2019s obvious. But did you know there\u2019s no such thing a\u00a0wrong<\/em>\u00a0feeling?<\/p>\n

Has someone ever told you you\u2019re not allowed to feel what you\u2019re feeling? Maybe. Have you ever told anyone they\u2019re not allowed to feel what they\u2019re feeling? Perhaps.<\/p>\n

BUT have you ever told yourself\u00a0you\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0not allowed to feel what\u00a0you\u2019re<\/em>\u00a0feeling? I guarantee it. AND you do it WAY more often than you even realize.<\/p>\n

As humans making our way through our lives, going about our business, and doing the best we can with what we\u2019ve got, we sure seem to have this thing with kicking ourselves when we\u2019re down.<\/p>\n

When\u2019s the last time you felt mad, sad, bad, angry, jealous, depressed, lonely, anxious, worried, scared, or vulnerable? Think about it for a second. And then think about what was going through your mind \u2013 what were you thinking when you were feeling one of above said emotions?<\/p>\n

You may not know right off the bat, but I will bet, no, I can almost guarantee you were thinking to yourself something like: \u201cyou\u2019re so weak! How can you let yourself feel this way?\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re pathetic. No one else let\u2019s themselves get in to an emotional state like this!\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you? Why can\u2019t you keep it together!\u201d or some other really encouraging, uplifting, and compassionate phrase.<\/p>\n

To be fair, many of us do believe in earnest that we can whip ourselves in to a calm, peaceful, and balanced emotional state by criticizing and berating ourselves to no end. It is kind of how our society works: use punishment in order to keep the people in line.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately that doesn\u2019t work with our emotions \u2013 and I\u2019m not even sure it\u2019s the best way to run a society either. It\u2019s almost like saying you can scream and yell at a crying child to get them to snap out of it and be happy. Pretty harsh Julia, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n

So now that we\u2019re more aware that we tend to get all nasty with ourselves for feeling bad, mad, sad, angry, guilty, or depressed AND\u00a0it doesn\u2019t actually make us feel any better, what are we to do?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say a good friend came to you and said they were feeling really down, low, worried, scared or anxious \u2013 how would you respond to them? Something like: \u201cYou\u2019re pathetic!” or “Stop being such a baby!\u201d Oh man I sure hope not.<\/p>\n

So then why do we think it\u2019s okay to say things like that to ourselves?<\/p>\n

What would<\/em> you actually say to a close friend who was struggling? Why\u00a0not try responding to yourself in the same way?\u00a0You deserve to be treated at least half decently too.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s really important that we learn to take better care of ourselves \u2013 because let\u2019s face it \u2013 we\u2019re the only one of us we\u2019ve got.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay to feel what we\u2019re feeling. I\u2019ve learned there aren\u2019t actually any\u00a0wrong<\/em>\u00a0feelings. We may not\u00a0like<\/em>\u00a0what we\u2019re feeling, but that\u2019s okay, and it\u2019s normal \u2013 life is not always pleasant. And that\u2019s just a fact.<\/p>\n

And by both giving ourselves the freedom and compassion to feel what we\u2019re feeling, and also working on treating ourselves in the same way we would a close friend who was struggling, those unpleasant\u00a0feelings really won\u2019t stay around very long, AND they won\u2019t be nearly as intense as they were when we were unknowingly making ourselves feel bad simply for feeling bad.<\/p>\n

\"headshot\"<\/a>\u00a0Julia Kristina is a Mental Health Therapist<\/a>\u00a0who lives in beautiful Vancouver, BC, Canada. She runs a vibrant\u00a0clinical counselling practice<\/a>, is a speaker, workshop facilitator, blogger, and recovered \u2018Friends\u2019 junkie. In her spare time she likes to power walk, power talk, and power drill. You can read and see more from Julia Kristina on her\u00a0Good For Me Blog<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Has someone ever told you you\u2019re not allowed to feel what you\u2019re feeling? Maybe. Have you ever told anyone they\u2019re not allowed to feel what they\u2019re feeling? Perhaps. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":32534,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[2162],"tags":[947,66,4343,207,4629],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Punishing Ourselves Never Works the Way We Want It To<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why punishing yourself doesn't work. Has someone ever told you you\u2019re not allowed to feel what you\u2019re feeling? Maybe. Have you ever told anyone they\u2019re not allowed to feel what they\u2019re feeling? 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