{"id":25407,"date":"2014-04-23T21:13:22","date_gmt":"2014-04-24T05:13:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=25407"},"modified":"2014-04-23T21:13:57","modified_gmt":"2014-04-24T05:13:57","slug":"4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Why do you always end up resenting making tantrums, sounding like a bitch, losing your patience or blowing your top? \u00a0Is it because you really were having a bad day or the person you were dealing with was such a pain in the neck?<\/p>\n

Whichever is the case, most of us do not like having to end up making such a scene. Remember those hurtful feelings, regrets, thinking whether you should have done that or not, or brooding over whether you were right in that behavior or not?<\/p>\n

This happens many times when you end up with an aggressive behavior or response. Healthline.com describes this:<\/p>\n

Aggressive behavior is behavior that causes physical or emotional harm to others, or threatens to. It can range from verbal abuse to the destruction of a victim\u2019s personal property. People with aggressive behavior tend to be irritable, impulsive, and restless.\u00a0 Sometimes we think this was the only option to drive across our message.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But there is an option though.<\/p>\n

You can drop that animal route without having to lose yourself into silence. \u00a0You can change the authoritarian style of managing to something else and keep your firm leadership. \u00a0You don’t have to be a strict and heartless disciplinarian parent and can opt to raise disciplined and confident kids.<\/p>\n

In the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness became increasingly popular as a behavioral skill. \u00a0And it is often linked to self-esteem. \u00a0Wikipedia defines it as the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.<\/p>\n

It is a way of standing for one’s right without stepping on others’ rights and giving due respect to individuals and parties involved.<\/p>\n

Here are 4 options to day-to-day activities that challenge our patience. We can choose the alternative path –\u00a0to deal with them appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and at the same time keeping a humane and respectful demeanor:<\/p>\n

1. Instead of fighting your way on an annoying incident, establish whether it is important or not and decide if you need to \u00a0pay attention to it.<\/b><\/p>\n

Every day we face different situations. \u00a0We encounter colleagues, family, friends and even strangers who challenge our patience and bring us to fuming madness. \u00a0Do we put so much effort reacting over the careless stranger who stepped on our toes accidentally? Do you simply brush away a colleague who does not copy you on an email that has something of your responsibility? Do you gush out frustration with a simple sigh when you see the toilet seat up or would you rather shout at your partner for this inconsideration?<\/p>\n

Ask yourself what is at stake when dealing with situations. \u00a0What impact does it give you in the long-term or short-term?\u00a0\u00a0Is it going to impact the way people see you (at least the ones you deal with regularly)? \u00a0Is it leading you to some danger or risk? \u00a0What happens after this event?<\/p>\n

A small accident on the train will stop there and everyone else will continue with their lives. Tolerating a misbehavior by a team mate can result in repetitive acts of abuse. \u00a0Ignoring carelessness of others can end up with a burst of emotions from you or worse behaviors from others. The twist of story may be different for you and so you need to see if it matters to you, your friends, colleagues or your family.<\/p>\n

2. Instead of making hurtful messages on text, email or phone, cool up and use sober face-to-face discussion on crucial matters and complicated issues to avoid further misunderstanding.<\/b><\/p>\n

The advent of mobile phones and other gadgets have left us inutile on face-to-face situations and have relied heavily on technology. \u00a0Yet many messages left to the gadgets can lead to misunderstandings or miscommunication.<\/p>\n

Do you use these gadgets to talk to people miles away from you? Or do you actually even talk to people 2 feet away from you using your gadgets? \u00a0There is nothing wrong with that. But some concerns ought to go in a personal way.<\/p>\n

Telling a subordinate you do not like the way he handles a particular task is of sensitive nature and can be taken badly if done in an impersonal way such as writing a message. Answering an email or a text message that you find strong or offensive can end you up with an even more aggressive tone. \u00a0In such situations, choosing to meet up in person clarifies issues and avoids further ‘damage’.<\/p>\n

3. Instead of making sarcastic remarks to attack people or communicate your dislike for a behavior, make a direct statement to the person by clarifying, asking or re-iterating your expectations.<\/b><\/p>\n

Two people can have the same pet-peeve but do not necessarily end up being bitchy. \u00a0If you tend to be formal and hate people who make noise, you may complain about it by raising your voice in a mad tone. \u00a0But the other option is to raise your voice and politely ask “Excuse me, can you lower down your voice as I am talking on the phone?”<\/p>\n

A landlord can bluntly say in front of a tenant, “Someone is throwing left-overs on the sink instead of dumping them on the waste can” because he is the suspect. \u00a0But the assertive way to do this is directly ask the tenant, “Did you throw the left-overs on the sink?”<\/p>\n

If you do it the aggressive way, you will sound bad. And if there was a mistake about who did it, you will not just sound bad but stupid. It will also strain your relationship with that other person.<\/p>\n

What if you follow the alternative path and he denies it? He could be lying and therefore guilty. What if he admits it and explains it was an accident and apologizes? \u00a0Whichever is the case, you have driven your point and pass off the ‘bad guy’ part of the story.<\/p>\n

That frees you from heartaches.<\/p>\n

It is fine to show anger or disappointment. \u00a0But you do not have to resort to a fuming mad confrontation or merciless disappointment. \u00a0Try cooling off to get back to your senses before confronting the issue head on. \u00a0Surely this will work better for both parties.<\/p>\n

4. Instead of ending up violating someone else’s person, privacy or freedom, be consistent with your own behavior and use reminders on certain expectations.<\/b><\/p>\n

The best example is dealing with kids. \u00a0Parents love their kids but end up having to discipline them – in the way they feel is most effective. \u00a0Nobody can judge that.<\/p>\n

And neither anyone can argue about the parents’ love for their children.<\/p>\n

However, there is an obvious divide to a heavily abusive punishment vs a stern discipline (at the least). \u00a0It has to teach the kid a particular lesson of what is right and wrong and assert authority of the parent.<\/p>\n

Rather than using aggression (shouting, hurting or use of abusive words) to instill fear, show authority by explaining the whys and corresponding appropriate or moderate emotion or expression.<\/p>\n

Likewise, making our position in a team or family clear, we implement a fair way to teach someone a lesson within the bounds of human values and laws. It is always about being clear with expectations, providing a balanced set of expressions and dealing with issues in the most professional \u00a0or appropriate manner.<\/p>\n

The Alternative: Guilt-free, Happy Assertiveness<\/b><\/p>\n

What comes from choosing the alternative path to assertive behaviors? \u00a0It leaves you without guilt or resentment, gives you a feeling of freedom and contentment.<\/p>\n

Whether you build a winning team or a happy family, assertiveness is the middle ground in face of conflict or challenges. \u00a0You can be bold and assertive without hurting feelings or starting a fight unnecessarily. Try it!<\/p>\n

Do you manage with assertive or aggressive behavior? \u00a0How did you feel in comparison with the other? \u00a0Do you think you can take the assertive alternative more often?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

If you are not sure of your answer, do not have the confidence to do so or are intrigued how you can do better, I challenge you to reach out to my FREE email series program,\u00a0The Manifesto of Confident People<\/a>\u00a0for those who would like to gain more confidence, achieve their personal goals and improve personal relationships.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/i>____<\/p>\n

About the Author:<\/p>\n

Rob Leonardo is the creator of\u00a0ConfidenceCues<\/a>, a blog dedicated to building self-confidence following an alternative mantra \u201cbe bold, assertive and happy\u201d. \u00a0In December 2013, he successfully re-opened doors to his FREE 7-week email series program called\u00a0Manifesto of Confident People<\/a>. \u00a0The program continues but is limited to\u00a0the first 100 subscribers for each month.\u00a0 Click\u00a0HERE<\/a>\u00a0to grab a free slot.<\/p>\n

photo credits: KTConklin<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What comes from choosing the alternative path to assertive behaviors? It leaves you without guilt or resentment, gives you a feeling of freedom and contentment. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":874,"featured_media":25457,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[38,205],"tags":[3625,2116,3626,66,498,4629,513],"yoast_head":"\n4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-04-24T05:13:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-04-24T05:13:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"640\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"480\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rob_Leonardo\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg\",\"width\":640,\"height\":480},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/\",\"name\":\"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-04-24T05:13:22+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-04-24T05:13:57+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a829c5c0bf90f43fc2dbb62a256b3d37\"},\"description\":\"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You\"}]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a829c5c0bf90f43fc2dbb62a256b3d37\",\"name\":\"Rob_Leonardo\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d462cdbf368e0bf244686218ad24d5a4?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d462cdbf368e0bf244686218ad24d5a4?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Rob_Leonardo\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/rob_leonardo\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","description":"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","og_description":"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/","og_site_name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","article_publisher":"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain","article_published_time":"2014-04-24T05:13:22+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-04-24T05:13:57+00:00","og_image":[{"width":640,"height":480,"url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"twitter_card":"summary","twitter_creator":"@pickthebrain","twitter_site":"@pickthebrain","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Rob_Leonardo","Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/","name":"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/argument_KTConklin.jpg","width":640,"height":480},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#webpage","url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/","name":"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#primaryimage"},"datePublished":"2014-04-24T05:13:22+00:00","dateModified":"2014-04-24T05:13:57+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a829c5c0bf90f43fc2dbb62a256b3d37"},"description":"Be assertive, not aggressive: to deal with challenges appropriately by standing up for what is right or rightfully yours and keeping a respectful demeanor.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/4-alternatives-aggressive-behavior-can-lead-better-happier\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"4 Alternatives to Aggressive Behavior That Can Lead to a Better and Happier You"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a829c5c0bf90f43fc2dbb62a256b3d37","name":"Rob_Leonardo","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d462cdbf368e0bf244686218ad24d5a4?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d462cdbf368e0bf244686218ad24d5a4?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Rob_Leonardo"},"url":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/author\/rob_leonardo\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25407"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/874"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25407"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25407\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25407"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25407"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25407"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}