{"id":23950,"date":"2014-01-23T20:52:55","date_gmt":"2014-01-24T04:52:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=23950"},"modified":"2014-01-23T20:52:55","modified_gmt":"2014-01-24T04:52:55","slug":"10-tips-overcome-fear-usually-dont-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/10-tips-overcome-fear-usually-dont-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Why 10 \u201cTips\u201d to Overcome Fear Usually Don\u2019t Work"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Most people experience fear frequently.\u00a0 Sometime the fear is minimal and we call it apprehension or mild anxiety.\u00a0 Sometimes the fear is intense and we call it terror.\u00a0 But far too many people experience some level of fear much of the time.\u00a0 This fear is usually attached to something specific, like the fear of failure<\/a>.\u00a0 Sometimes, however, there is just a \u201cfree floating\u201d anxiety.<\/p>\n

Because some type of fear is so common, personal development bloggers have written hundreds if not thousands of posts with \u201ctips\u201d on how to deal with or overcome that fear. Unfortunately, most of the techniques recommended do not work, as blog readers have discovered to their dismay.<\/p>\n

Why is it so difficult to overcome our fear, especially the fear that keeps us from taking action?<\/p>\n

Most solutions ignore the source of the problem<\/b><\/p>\n

Most of the techniques designed to deal with this anxiety are focused on the symptom itself, namely the fear.\u00a0 So we are told to breath deeply as a way to cope with our fear, focus only on the present moment and try not to think about the future, try to realize that what others think about us doesn\u2019t really matter, realize that it\u2019s okay to fail, etc.<\/p>\n

Some of these approaches might reduce our anxiety for the moment.\u00a0 But most of them don\u2019t ultimately help because they don\u2019t deal with the source of the fear, namely, beliefs and conditioning.<\/b><\/p>\n

People do not experience fear because, as some people claim, it is just part of human nature.\u00a0 Fear when there is no threat to our survival is learned and is caused by beliefs and conditioning.\u00a0 The reason the fear is so common is that so many people have formed the same limiting beliefs early in their lives.<\/b><\/p>\n

The real cause of our fears<\/b><\/p>\n

We fear taking actions because we have beliefs like mistakes and failure are bad, if I make a mistake or fail I\u2019ll be rejected, I\u2019m not good enough, I\u2019m inadequate, <\/i>and what makes me good enough and important is having people think well of me.<\/i><\/p>\n

Can you see that anyone holding these beliefs would be afraid to do something new or different if he had these and other similar beliefs?\u00a0 That he would be afraid of failing?<\/p>\n

In addition to beliefs, conditioning is another cause of fear.\u00a0\u00a0 Early in life many of us are conditioned to experience fear when we don\u2019t live up to the expectations of others or when we are rejected.\u00a0 If those circumstances automatically make us experience fear, then starting something new that is not guaranteed to succeed is likely to produce fear because we might not live up to the expectations of others or because we might be rejected for our failure.\u00a0 (Read how stimulus conditioning is formed and how to de-condition that conditioning<\/a> so that it will no longer cause fear.)<\/p>\n

Eliminate the source of the fear and the fear will stop<\/b><\/p>\n

So instead of trying to cover up your fear, or ignoring it, or acting in the face of it, eliminate the beliefs and conditioning that cause the fear.\u00a0 When you do that, the fear will stop.<\/b><\/p>\n

Here is a summary of the steps of the Lefkoe Belief Process.\u00a0 Use it to eliminate the beliefs that cause fear in your life.<\/p>\n

How to use the Lefkoe Belief Process<\/b><\/p>\n

First, find the source of the belief.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have the belief when you were born.\u00a0 What are the earliest events that led you to form the belief?<\/p>\n

Next, realize that, even though your belief is one possible interpretation for those events, there are other possible interpretations that hadn\u2019t occurred to you at the time you formed the belief.\u00a0 These other meanings could explain the events just as well as your meaning (your belief).\u00a0 At which point you realize your belief is \u201ca truth\u201d and not \u201cthe truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then the crucial part of the LBP comes: Put yourself back into the events that led to the belief and, as you look at them, ask yourself: Doesn\u2019t it seem as if I can \u201csee\u201d (the belief)?\u00a0 The answer for visual people will always be: \u201cYes.\u00a0 And you would have seen it too if you had been there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then ask yourself: Did I really \u201csee\u201d it?\u00a0 Because if you really saw it, you would be able to describe it: color, shape, location, etc.\u00a0 When you realize that you can\u2019t describe it, you immediately also realize that, in fact, you never really \u201csaw\u201d the belief.\u00a0 You only saw events; the meaning of the events\u2014in other words, the beliefs you formed about the events\u2014has existed only in your mind.<\/strong><\/p>\n

At this point, for most visual people, the belief is gone.\u00a0 It existed and resisted being extinguished because you thought you had seen it.\u00a0 As soon as you realize you never saw it in the world, that it existed only in your mind, it will no longer be something you thought you discovered and saw in the world<\/strong><\/b>.<\/p>\n

As the final clincher, ask yourself if the events that led to the formation of the belief have any inherent meaning.\u00a0 Did they have any meaning before you gave them a meaning?\u00a0 By that I mean, can you draw any conclusion for sure<\/strong> from these events?\u00a0 You will quickly realize that the events that led to your belief have many different possible meanings; there is no one meaning that is inherently true.\u00a0 So, while the events might have had consequences at the time they happened, they have no inherent meaning.\u00a0 Any meaning exists only in your mind, not in the world.<\/strong><\/p>\n

At that point, for predominantly visual people, the belief is permanently gone.<\/p>\n

Emotionally kinesthetic people are slightly different<\/strong><\/p>\n

The scenario is slightly different for those people who are not visual, who are primarily emotionally kinesthetic.\u00a0 If you are one of these people, you don\u2019t know reality primarily based on what you <\/strong>see<\/b><\/em>; you represent reality with your <\/strong>feelings. <\/b><\/em>\u00a0If you feel something frequently, it must be true.\u00a0 You think: Why would I be having a feeling over and over if there weren\u2019t something in the world causing it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

These people\u2014when asked: Didn\u2019t it seem as if you saw (your belief)?\u2014answer: \u201cI don\u2019t know what you mean by seeing it; I felt it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how to get rid of a belief if this describes how you function.\u00a0 Ask yourself if the events that caused the belief made you feel (the words of the belief).\u00a0 The answer will be, yes.<\/p>\n

Then remind yourself that you had said earlier that the events had no inherent meaning and ask yourself: Is it possible for events that have no inherent meaning to make you feel anything?\u00a0 The answer, of course, is no.\u00a0 So if the events that seemed to have caused the feeling didn\u2019t cause the feeling, what did?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The answer is simple: the meaning you had previously given the events.\u00a0 In other words, the feeling is the result of the belief you had formed.\u00a0 If you had originally given the events a different meaning, that different meaning would have produced a different feeling.<\/strong> The way to prove this is to imagine the earlier events, observing them as a participant, and then give the events one of the alternative interpretations you had given the events earlier in the process.<\/p>\n

When you do that the \u201cfeeling of the belief\u201d is gone.<\/p>\n

It becomes clear that having the feeling of the belief repeatedly tells you nothing about the validity of the feeling, because the feeling was not caused by events in the world. \u00a0It was caused totally by you, by the meaning you already had given the events.<\/p>\n

When you say the words of the belief at that point, they will sound meaningless and silly.\u00a0 The belief will be gone.<\/p>\n

It is possible to live a life without fear. \u00a0Eliminate the beliefs and conditioning that causes your fear and experience what it is like living a life without fear.<\/b><\/p>\n

Copyright \u00a9 2014 Morty Lefkoe<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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