{"id":1965,"date":"2010-03-22T22:46:31","date_gmt":"2010-03-23T06:46:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=1965"},"modified":"2013-08-21T12:05:45","modified_gmt":"2013-08-21T20:05:45","slug":"i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"I See Dead People: How To Deal With Defunct Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.wallpaper.com\/images\/98_ghost_jp040309_a.jpg\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;Ghost Stories&#8221; courtesy of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.wallpaper.com\/art\/ghost-stories-exhibition-new-york\/3159\">Nendo\/Wallpaper<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I see dead people.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Do you remember the film that came from? It was the The Sixth Sense and the little boy was Haley Joel Osment.<\/p>\n<p>There is a good chance that\u00a0<strong><em>you <\/em><\/strong>see them too. Really. \u00a0They may not have zombie faces\u00a0or hide under the bed in the shadows but I guarantee &#8211; you\u00a0<em>do <\/em>see them.<\/p>\n<p>And possibly all the time.<\/p>\n<p>What do I mean?<\/p>\n<p>Well, first I don&#8217;t mean that you see ghosts or spirits.\u00a0I&#8217;m talking real people who you have known.<\/p>\n<p>Kooky?<\/p>\n<p>Only for a minute. Read on.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Have you ever wondered how you determine the quality and importance of the relationships you have with people in your life? (I just &#8216;know&#8217; is not good enough here.)<\/p>\n<p>How do you know?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Who is important in your life?<\/li>\n<li>Who is not?<\/li>\n<li>Who you are close to?<\/li>\n<li>Who you are not?<\/li>\n<li>Who you fear?<\/li>\n<li>Whom you feel powerful around?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">How<\/span> do you know? Why is it important to learn\u00a0<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">how<\/span> you know?<\/p>\n<p>Generally, when life is sweet and you get on with everyone, it doesn&#8217;t really matter.<\/p>\n<p>But&#8230;it becomes important when a relationship with another person is\u00a0significantly affecting you or affecting them &#8211; and you need to know how\u00a0to change the dynamic between you so you can feel and relate to them\u00a0differently.<\/p>\n<p>It becomes\u00a0<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">even <\/span>more important if that person is\u00a0<em>no longer alive<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Then you are seeing dead people. And it\u2019s a problem.<\/p>\n<p>Do you know anyone who is still controlled by the memory of an\u00a0overbearing deceased parent, or who responds badly to certain members of\u00a0people groups because of an experience they had in the past?<\/p>\n<p>I know someone whose parent (now deceased) tried to crush any spirit of independence out of them because of the parent\u2019s inability to cope with ideas different than their own.<\/p>\n<p>However, for years\u00a0<em>after<\/em> the parent died the person continued to relate to people in their life in terms of the way the parent had treated them. It took years of counselling and cognitive change work to update their references for how more &#8216;normal&#8217; people related to each other.<\/p>\n<p>So what is going on?<\/p>\n<p>Each and every one of us carries everyone we know around us in what Lucas Derks calls our &#8216;social panorama&#8217;. This is a psychological type of personal space, created from inside our head, but projected around us like holograms that are invisible to everyone except us.<\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t believe me? Try it for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>So, imagine for a minute that all the people who you have ever come\u00a0into contact with (and your concepts of those you haven\u2019t) are stored\u00a0in a psychological landscape around you (your psycho-scape).\u00a0 They are\u00a0in front of you, behind you, to the left and to the right, far away,\u00a0near, floating above you, and standing as tiny figures below you. Yes, I\u00a0know this sounds a bit weird but it gets weirder because it is true!<\/p>\n<p>Ask yourself: Where is my mother in relation to me? Point to her. Even\u00a0if you can\u2019t \u2018see\u2019 her in your mind\u2019s eye, point to her.<\/p>\n<p>Now\u00a0your father.<\/p>\n<p>Now any brothers and sisters.<\/p>\n<p>Now your best friends.<\/p>\n<p>Notice how near or far they are from you,\u00a0Is there anyone you are currently feeling \u2018distant from\u2019? Chances\u00a0are they are located physically further away from you than someone you\u00a0feel \u2018close to\u2019<\/p>\n<p>(Isn&#8217;t it fascinating that our words reflect our internal experience?)<\/p>\n<p>The people you know (whether dead or alive) exist\u00a0as living memories\u00a0in your head. And when you change how you re-represent the memories to\u00a0yourself, you change the quality and meaning of the relationships you\u00a0have with them in your head.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, you can stop that person who bullied you at school from still affecting your confidence in speaking up.<\/p>\n<p>You can forget that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend more easily.<\/p>\n<p>You can change your relationship with authority figures.<\/p>\n<p>So you want to know how?<\/p>\n<p>The basics are very easy. Pick someone whom you don&#8217;t feel like you have an equal relationship with. Or you feel intimidated by.<\/p>\n<p>1. Ask yourself &#8220;Where about&#8217;s is this person in relation to me?&#8221; Either close your eyes, or just point to where you sense they are.<\/p>\n<p>How big are they in relation to you? It doesn&#8217;t matter if they are actually taller than you, just identify if they are taller in your head.<\/p>\n<p>How close or far away?<\/p>\n<p>Are they facing you?<\/p>\n<p>2. If they are facing you, use your imagination to turn them away. If they are too close to you, move then away &#8211; try 50 feet for starters.<\/p>\n<p>3. If they are bigger than you, shrink them down. Try the same height as you to start with, and then make them really, really small. And adjust as necessary.<\/p>\n<p>4. If you want them out of your life, put them way past the horizon.<\/p>\n<p>Now I don&#8217;t guarantee this will work every time for everyone. There are sometimes higher frames of mind that prevent the change from sticking and that&#8217;s when you need help from an experienced coach (like me!!).<\/p>\n<p>Never-the-less, spend some time playing around with the sizes and locations of the people you know. For example, if you want to feel closer to someone, identify a person (perhaps your best friend) who you are close to and move the new person next to or very close to the best friend. How does that feel?<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, groups of people are represented as symbols.\u00a0I have an amusing story about this one. I did some exploratory work with a guy who had an attitude with the police. When he looked inside his social panorama he saw a giant pig looming over him (In our country, &#8216;pig&#8217; is a derogatory term for policeman) and started laughing.<\/p>\n<p>There is a lot more to say about the Social Panorama but it is a fascinating subject. Start experimenting and remember you can always put people back where you found them. You can also get the book\u00a0<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Social Panoramas<\/span> which has a lot more explanations and exercises.<\/p>\n<p>You now have a tool to change some of the dynamics between you and those you carry around with you!<\/p>\n<p>If YOU are a professionals who procrastinates, then give me a call about a free Explore your Breakthrough session. I helped ambitious people (in most walks of life) get unstuck, start moving and taking action. You can find the details at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.livingwords.net\/freeintro.html\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">www.livingwords.net\/freeintro.html<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on <a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/pickthebrain\">Twitter<\/a>!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/reach-your-goals-through-daily-habits\/\">How To Achieve Your Goals With Health Habits<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/an-analytical-approach-to-self-improvement\/\">An Analytical Approach To Self Improvement<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever wondered how you determine the quality and importance of the relationships you have with people in your life? (I just &#8216;know&#8217; is not good enough here.) <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":12881,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[58,6],"tags":[126,129,350,4635,4651,4629],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I See Dead People: The Importance of Understanding Your Relationships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you ever wondered how you determine the quality and importance of the relationships you have with people in your life? 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(I just &#039;know&#039; is not good enough here.)\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-03-23T06:46:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-08-21T20:05:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/98_ghost_jp040309_a1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"475\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"282\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@pickthebrain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Erin Falconer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/98_ghost_jp040309_a1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/98_ghost_jp040309_a1.jpg\",\"width\":475,\"height\":282,\"caption\":\"Relationships\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/\",\"name\":\"I See Dead People: The Importance of Understanding Your Relationships\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/i-see-dead-people-the-importance-of-understanding-your-relationships\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-03-23T06:46:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-08-21T20:05:45+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2da8ae162c097bdb749ab098472b4cc5\"},\"description\":\"Have you ever wondered how you determine the quality and importance of the relationships you have with people in your life? 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