{"id":15280,"date":"2013-08-14T21:05:28","date_gmt":"2013-08-15T05:05:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=15280"},"modified":"2016-09-05T13:20:11","modified_gmt":"2016-09-05T21:20:11","slug":"four-steps-to-resolving-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/four-steps-to-resolving-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Four Steps To Resolving Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/p>\n

Conflicts arise and can escalate quickly. They often occur in the midst of our day- to – day lives and we blow up at someone due to the stress of the day or the frustration of the situation. \u00a0There are steps that can be implemented to ensure that conflict doesn\u2019t occur or at least it is minimized.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look at the scenario below.<\/p>\n

A group of co-workers are gathered in the conference room for the weekly Tuesday morning meeting.\u00a0 It is ten minutes past the start time and a crucial member of the team is late\u2026.again. \u00a0Reluctant to start without her the other people in the meeting start getting antsy and begin grumbling. <\/i><\/p>\n

The late co-worker comes breezing in 15 minutes late, a coffee in hand.\u00a0 \u201cSorry I\u2019m late.\u201d\u00a0 And she sits down like nothing has happened. <\/i><\/p>\n

The team leader has had enough and she lets the co-worker know it.\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cYou are always late.\u00a0 Every meeting you are late and we sit here waiting for you to show up.\u00a0 You don\u2019t care about our time and you certainly don\u2019t care about the meeting.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

How well do you suppose that scolding will be taken?\u00a0 The late co-worker will get angry and react in one of two ways.\u00a0 She will either be as vocal as the person who scolded her.\u00a0 Yelling right back and becoming defensive.\u00a0 The late co-worker was just attacked in front of her peers.\u00a0 She has decided to fight back. \u00a0\u00a0Let the screaming match begin.<\/p>\n

Or she will just seethe quietly and engage in passive-aggressive behaviors. \u00a0\u201cIt won\u2019t happen again.\u201d\u00a0 She tells the person who just yelled at her.\u00a0 But internally she is saying, \u201cI\u2019ll show them.\u201d\u00a0 Next meeting, she is late.<\/p>\n

How can you avoid these types of interactions? There are four simple and effective ways to successfully deal with a situation before it can turn into a major conflict.\u00a0 \u00a0Instead of confronting the late co-worker in front of her peers, set aside a time to discuss the issue at hand.\u00a0 Preferably a neutral setting, like a coffee shop.\u00a0 Then implement the four steps below:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Use \u201cI\u201d statements.\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

Tell the late co-worker how her actions make you feel or how they disrupt the schedule.\u00a0 For example:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cI am frustrated when you are late to our weekly Tuesday morning meetings.\u201d\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n

Using \u201cI\u201d statements makes you take ownership of the feelings, which in reality is how you feel about the situation.\u00a0 Taking ownership of how someone\u2019s words or actions make you feel is just part of emotional maturity.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Listen, listen, listen.<\/b><\/p>\n

Often what happens is we do not listen to what the other person is saying.\u00a0 Instead we are \u201cverbally re-arming.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAs soon as she gets done talking this is what I am going to say, if she ever shuts up that is, oh my goodness I can\u2019t believe she just said that, I NEVER did that!!!\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 When you have this dialogue going on there is no room to hear what the other person is saying.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Re-state what the person just said.<\/b><\/p>\n

Start with, \u201cThis is what I heard you say,\u201d <\/i>and repeat back what you heard.\u00a0 This is a two-fold strategy. First it lets the person know that you really did listen and secondly it provides you a moment or two to thoughtfully think about how to respond.\u00a0 You do not have to provide a response immediately.\u00a0 You can take a few seconds and think about your response.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Provide a resolution to the issue. <\/b><\/p>\n

Depending on the reason for the chronic lateness a solution to solve the problem is put on the table.<\/p>\n

If the person is just someone who likes to sleep in this will be a possible solution:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you are late to the meeting I will start the meeting without you.\u00a0 You will then be responsible for getting the missed information.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

Or if you find out there is a personal issue at home:<\/p>\n

\u201cI had no idea Tuesday\u2019s was the day you were responsible for taking your mother breakfast.\u00a0 Let\u2019s see if we can start the meeting 30 minutes later.\u00a0 If not you will need to make sure you get the information you missed.\u201d <\/i><\/p>\n

Implementing these four steps is a more adult way to handle conflict.\u00a0 These steps take the issue \u201coutside\u201d the situation and help you calmly and rationally find a solution.<\/p>\n

Shelly is a personal development strategist and founder of The Rescue Yourself Project <\/a>helping women over 40 step into their unique selves so they can create a life they love! \u00a0A few years ago, she\u00a0found herself living a life that wasn’t of her making. Deciding that wasn’t what she wanted she ran away from home and spent eight months “re-branding” herself. Today Shelly helps women find their unique selves by becoming experts about their values, strengths, passions, goals and purpose so they can design a life they love. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How can you avoid these types of interactions? There are four simple and effective ways to successfully deal with a situation before it can turn into a major conflict. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":646,"featured_media":15657,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[58,6],"tags":[4641,1282,4634,2452,4629,4640],"yoast_head":"\nFour Steps To Resolving Conflict - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Conflicts arise and can escalate quickly. 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