{"id":13855,"date":"2013-05-07T21:29:28","date_gmt":"2013-05-08T05:29:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=13855"},"modified":"2013-05-07T21:29:28","modified_gmt":"2013-05-08T05:29:28","slug":"how-to-find-a-new-reason-to-live-when-the-meaning-of-your-life-has-died","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-find-a-new-reason-to-live-when-the-meaning-of-your-life-has-died\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Find a New Reason to Live When the Meaning of Your Life Has Died"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/h2>\n

When death makes its entrance<\/h2>\n

Here\u2019s how it happens: You live your life in dedication to your partner or to your child or to what you believe is your life\u2019s work, day by day, with the usual ups and downs that are part of it all.<\/p>\n

Then suddenly the one you have dedicated yourself to is gone forever, and your life falls apart.<\/p>\n

It is beyond comprehension. The pain is excruciating, and all you can do is just try to survive it and to cope with it somehow. Your friends, family and neighbors come to help.<\/p>\n

But then, after a while, because they can\u2019t bear to see so much suffering, they start pushing you, ever so gently (and sometimes not so gently):\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s time to move on,\u201d they say, \u201cYou need you start doing something with your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do something? Move on?<\/p>\n

How are you supposed to do anything when you have lost your very reason to live? That\u2019s the question \u2013 and it leaves you without answers.<\/p>\n

Well, I\u2019m here today to show you that your situation is not as hopeless as it feels, and that answers can be found after all.<\/p>\n

The thing is that under the kind of of emotional, mental and practical strain that you\u2019re experiencing, it\u2019s nearly impossible to see the real reason why your loss led you to meaninglessness.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not only because the death of your loved one appears meaningless in itself.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also because the relationship with your partner constituted the very meaning of your life.<\/p>\n

Your love was what you lived for<\/b><\/p>\n

So now that your life together is over there\u2019s nowhere you want to go. There\u2019s nothing you want to do. You are trapped in a meaningless void.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been there. I know how you feel, and I respect you and your feelings deeply. And yet, from a perspective of time and experience, it all looks differently. Here\u2019s how I see it:<\/p>\n

Your life\u2019s true purpose is still here<\/h2>\n

Even if you cannot feel it right now, your life\u2019s true purpose is more powerful than you can imagine. You can never lose it. It is here, and it is waiting for you to find it when the time is right.<\/p>\n

Perhaps you have felt it already, like a yearning. Perhaps you have tried to find a purpose and a meaning by reading and thinking about it, by searching your past and your soul. Perhaps you even gained a general idea of what it is \u2013 or maybe not. In any case, an idea<\/i> is not enough.<\/p>\n

Your purpose, the meaning of your life and your ultimate reason to live is not an idea<\/i>. It is more like life itself:<\/p>\n

It is something that resides in every cell of your body. It\u2019s in the way you feel and think. It\u2019s in your soul. It is such a natural part of you that you cannot even see it.<\/p>\n

Discovering your purpose<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve seen this too many times to count, in my life and in the lives of students and clients, friends and strangers who spend years searching for a purpose. In spite of their efforts, their search doesn\u2019t bring them what they were longing for. Or at least not in any permanent way. The pain and the void keep reappearing.<\/p>\n

Eventually they give up the search itself. They surrender and accept that there is nothing they can do but be who they are and be willing to love themselves exactly as they are, for good and for worse.<\/p>\n

Interestingly, it is in surrendering this way that they do find their purpose. It stops being elusive and becomes immediately apparent, in an instinctive sort of way. You just know. There\u2019s no doubt.<\/p>\n

This is the general experience:<\/p>\n

Being your authentic unedited self \u2013 seeing yourself for who you are and loving it \u2013 equals knowing what you\u2019re here for.<\/b><\/p>\n

Becoming and loving your authentic self unconditionally sounds like a big thing \u2013 and it is. But then again, you can do it one tiny step at a time \u2013 and that makes it fairly simple.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how to become yourself and find your purpose (and how not to)<\/h2>\n

Start with being kind to yourself.<\/p>\n

Please notice that your first step is not<\/i> finding a reason to live. Your first step is not<\/i> moving on. Your first step is not<\/i> \u201cdoing something with your life\u201d.<\/p>\n

Your first step is just to start practicing simple acts of kindness toward yourself<\/b>.<\/p>\n

Do these in a similar way that you would with your loved one.<\/p>\n

Maintain simple, daily rituals, such as meals or walks.<\/p>\n

Listen to your needs and fulfill them the best you can.<\/p>\n

Ask yourself in the morning: \u201cHow can I be kind to myself today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Thank yourself in the evening for having been there for you.<\/p>\n

Do it day by day and over time you will see how your care and your love for yourself will start filling that inner void, bit by bit.<\/p>\n

\n

As it does you will not only find a new reason to live, but also a fundamental sense of safety, empowerment and joy.<\/p>\n

———-<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Halina Goldstein is a mentor, teacher and writer living in Denmark and <\/i>supporting widows<\/i><\/a> around the world on their way from grief to growth. Halina\u2019s <\/i>gift for readers of PickTheBrain<\/i><\/a> is the \u201cGuide to Peaceful Evenings.\u201d The guide will take you by the hand and show you three specific ways to be kind to yourself and <\/i>learn to cope with loneliness<\/i><\/a>. \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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