{"id":13593,"date":"2013-04-12T22:14:25","date_gmt":"2013-04-13T06:14:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=13593"},"modified":"2013-04-12T22:14:25","modified_gmt":"2013-04-13T06:14:25","slug":"are-you-messing-up-the-simple-xyz-formula-for-building-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/are-you-messing-up-the-simple-xyz-formula-for-building-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Messing Up the Simple X+Y=Z Formula for Building Confidence?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, you just can\u2019t bring yourself to do it.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You want to start writing, but don\u2019t think you\u2019re good enough<\/li>\n<li>You want to talk to <i>that<\/i> girl or guy, but feel you won\u2019t know what to say<\/li>\n<li>You want more success, but believe achievement is only for others, not you<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Part of the problem? You probably need more confidence.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If you were confident in your ability to write, you\u2019d probably start<\/li>\n<li>If you were confident in your social skills, you\u2019d talk to him or her now<\/li>\n<li>If you were confident in your ability to accomplish goals, you\u2019d begin that new project<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And really, building confidence in <em>any<\/em> area of life is simple.<\/p>\n<p><b>Now notice\u2026I said <i>simple<\/i>, NOT easy<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>I think where many people <em>mess up building confidence<\/em> is they get that backwards. I know I did. I once believed building confidence was complicated and mysterious, but that once I learned the \u201csecret\u201d process to get it, self-assurance would come quickly and easily.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s not how it works. And <strong>there is no secret process for <i>instant confidence<\/i><\/strong>, at least not in my experience. Not for the kind of confidence <em>that lasts<\/em>, anyway.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019ve found there <i>is<\/i> a simple formula for building confidence <i>over time<\/i>. It\u2019s this:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><b>Confidence = Courage + (Proper Knowledge + Proper Thinking)<\/b><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Let\u2019s look into each of these in more detail.<\/p>\n<h2><b>Confidence = <i>Knowing<\/i> You Can Do Something<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>That\u2019s it; that\u2019s all.<\/p>\n<p>And \u201cknowing\u201d you can do something is NOT about visualizing it or willing it to be so. It\u2019s simply about <b>practicing something until you\u2019ve proven to yourself you can do it<\/b>.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Once you\u2019ve written several blog posts or stories, received feedback, adjusted and improved, THEN you\u2019ll trust your writing ability<\/li>\n<li>Once you\u2019ve talked to more strangers and <em>experienced most people as receptive<\/em>, THEN you\u2019ll feel confident in your social skills<\/li>\n<li>Once you\u2019ve begun to reach for your goals and make progress, THEN you\u2019ll believe in your ability to succeed<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you take one thing from these examples, I hope it\u2019s this:<\/p>\n<p><b>Building confidence takes time.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why you <a href=\"http:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/blog\/wired-success\/201210\/why-dont-my-positive-affirmations-work\" target=\"_blank\">can\u2019t just chant in the moment, <i>\u201cI\u2019m confident, I\u2019m confident\u201d<\/i><\/a> hoping a warm feeling of strength, ability and charm will somehow <i>possess<\/i> your body like at a cocktail party in Beetlejuice.<\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t conjure confidence; you have to <i>earn<\/i> it.<\/p>\n<h2><b>+ Courage to Take Action<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>To <em>earn confidence<\/em> you must take action, no matter your current level of ability in the area you lack confidence.<\/p>\n<p>But taking action in an area where you lack confidence is a Catch 22. You fear doing the thing <i>because<\/i> you need confidence, yet you <i>have to do it<\/i> to gain confidence.<\/p>\n<p><b>That\u2019s where courage comes in. <\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Courage helps you write that first story and submit it, knowing it might be rejected<\/li>\n<li>Courage helps you approach that cute girl, knowing she may be put off by your nervousness<\/li>\n<li>Courage helps you tick off steps to your goal, knowing you\u2019ll makes mistakes along the way<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>It takes guts to face your weaknesses in anything, because you\u2019re likely to fail and make mistakes.<\/p>\n<p>But by having bravery to slug through, you\u2019ll gain real-life experience and feedback that will allow you to improve. And improvement leads to confidence.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bonus Tip:<\/strong> Just remember, having courage is easier when you start small and take baby steps.<\/p>\n<h2><b>+ Proper Knowledge to Save Time<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>Taking action is essential to building confidence, but having an idea what you\u2019re doing helps too.<\/p>\n<p>Think about it:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If you have horrible grammar, it\u2019ll take longer to get your writing accepted<\/li>\n<li>If you don\u2019t know basic conversation skills, you\u2019ll fumble for words a lot more<\/li>\n<li>If you\u2019re clueless about setting goals, you\u2019re more likely to set yourself up to fail<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That\u2019s why <strong>having a road-map and proven methods can help you avoid a lot of failure and crippling self-doubt<\/strong>. Both of which can quickly sap your confidence and make you want to give up.<\/p>\n<p>So be sure to seek the advice of someone who\u2019s been where you\u2019re headed. It\u2019ll save you valuable time by pointing you in a direction more likely to end in success.<\/p>\n<h2><b>+ Proper Thinking to Stay Positive<\/b><\/h2>\n<p>Sometimes, even when you begin to see success in the area you lack confidence, your mind plays tricks on you.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You write a popular blog post but think, \u201c<i>Ah, I just got lucky.\u201d<\/i><\/li>\n<li>You hit it off with someone new but say to yourself, <i>\u201cThat was just a fluke.\u201d<\/i><\/li>\n<li>You complete a small task that\u2019s part of a bigger goal but moan, <i>\u201cI\u2019ll never get there.\u201d<\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So you filter out the good and only see the negative. You discount your progress because a limiting belief inside you says, <i>\u201cyou\u2019ll always fail in the end.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Or maybe you don\u2019t see success as quickly as you\u2019d like, and your inner critic starts chanting, <i>\u201cEveryone else can do it; why can\u2019t I? Something must be wrong with me.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n<p><strong>As human beings, we ALL tend to <a href=\"http:\/\/psychcentral.com\/lib\/2009\/15-common-cognitive-distortions\/\" target=\"_blank\"><i>filter<\/i> and <i>think in black or white terms<\/i><\/a> like this and it\u2019s almost always damaging to our confidence<\/strong>. It can cause you to give up before you\u2019ve given yourself a chance to gain any momentum.<\/p>\n<p>So try to be aware of the negative and irrational thoughts that tear you down from the inside out. By acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, <em>and <\/em>by thinking more rationally, you keep yourself positive and motivated.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>Building Confidence is Not Magic, It\u2019s Simple Addition<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>So remember, it IS possible to feel more confident in any area of your life. But please don\u2019t think of it as a magic or mysterious process.<\/p>\n<p>Think of it as math.<\/p>\n<p>You gain confidence in any area by:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>ADDING informative experience through being courageous<\/li>\n<li>ADDING\u00a0 time-saving leverage by gaining more knowledge<\/li>\n<li>ADDING positive perspective by thinking rationally<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<br \/>\n<\/b><\/p>\n<p><b>But one way to build an overall confidence in your life<\/b> is to become more comfortable around people in general. In fact, Dean J is a once-shy guy who now teaches people simple tips on <a title=\"How to Improve Conversation Skills \u2013 9 Top Tips\" href=\"http:\/\/conversation-skills-core.com\/how-to-improve-conversation-skills\" target=\"_blank\">how to improve conversation skills<\/a> and self-confidence. <a title=\"Begin to Build Permanent Self-Confidence\" href=\"http:\/\/conversation-skills-core.com\/freegiftin-confidence\" target=\"_blank\">Click here<\/a> to watch his free videos on <em>how to be more confident<\/em> and have more to say in conversations. You can also find Dean on <a title=\"Author: Dean J on Google+\" href=\"https:\/\/plus.google.com\/118420905347621906273?rel=author\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"author\">Google+<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many people mess up building confidence believing it&#8217;s a complex or mysterious process. Actually, you CAN build permanent confidence with this simple formula. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/are-you-messing-up-the-simple-xyz-formula-for-building-confidence\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":13594,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[205,6],"tags":[4653,4652,4629],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Messing Up the Simple X+Y=Z Formula for Building Confidence? - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A practical look at building confidence as the process of practicing and learning until you get better in an area of your life. 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