{"id":12431,"date":"2013-02-17T01:13:24","date_gmt":"2013-02-17T09:13:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=12431"},"modified":"2013-02-17T01:13:24","modified_gmt":"2013-02-17T09:13:24","slug":"how-to-survive-anything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-survive-anything\/","title":{"rendered":"The One Thing You Must Know To Get Through ANYTHING"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp.me\/pAjjf-3ev\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>No One Said You Have to Like It<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>We accept our experience not because we want it, but because it is already here. <\/em>Shauna Shapiro<\/p>\n<p>Somehow, an idea has come about in the world of self-help that we should enjoy the adversities that life brings our way.<\/p>\n<p>Embrace your fears.<\/p>\n<p>Get out of your comfort zone.<\/p>\n<p>Think outside the box.<\/p>\n<p>Blah, blah, blah.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m a little tired of these trite sayings for a couple of reasons.<\/p>\n<p>First, <strong>sometimes things just suck.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Losing your house to foreclosure sucks.<\/p>\n<p>Getting a divorce sucks.<\/p>\n<p>Having a chronic illness sucks.<\/p>\n<p>Being laid off from your job sucks.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no getting around it.<\/p>\n<p>Life is really hard sometimes and putting a positive spin on it can lead to my second problem with stale platitudes.<\/p>\n<p>In addition to life sucking for you at the moment, reading bullet points about how to make it all better can actually <strong>make you feel worse because you end up shoulding on yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cI <em>should<\/em> be able to handle this better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m engaging my fears and facing them like I\u2019m supposed to. I <em>should<\/em> feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis blog post I\u2019m reading says I <em>should<\/em> get out of my comfort zone. I\u2019m <em>really<\/em> uncomfortable. I\u2019m following all the bullet points in this post, I <em>should<\/em> feel different.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI <em>should<\/em> be better but I\u2019m not. <strong>I must be doing something wrong.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m here to tell ya, you\u2019re not doing anything wrong.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just having a moment \u2013 perhaps a really long moment \u2013 in life that sucks. And when things suck, you feel bad.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>And there\u2019s nothing wrong with that.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>No one said you have to like adversity.<\/p>\n<p>Well, I guess some writers imply that you <em>should<\/em>, but it\u2019s not true.<\/p>\n<p>See, there\u2019s a difference between <em>accepting<\/em> something and<em> liking<\/em> it.<\/p>\n<p>You can certainly accept that you are going through a really crappy time without liking it.<\/p>\n<p>As Shauna Shapiro says, <strong>\u201cWe accept our experience not because we want it, but because it\u2019s already here.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The word <em>accept<\/em> comes from an Old French word, <em>accepter,<\/em> which meant \u201cto take what is offered.\u201d Later, the word acquired the meaning of \u201cto take or receive willingly.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, I would argue that you can receive something <em>willingly<\/em> without necessarily <em>liking<\/em> it or being happy about it.<\/p>\n<p>Case in point:<\/p>\n<p>My late partner, Ruth, had metastatic breast cancer. Early in the process, we were scared and unhappy about the side effects the chemotherapy was causing.<\/p>\n<p>Ruth railed about it to her oncologist, who sat on a little rolling stool looking at her attentively.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, he spoke.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRuth, <strong>don\u2019t resist<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAccept the chemotherapy as it comes into your body and allow it to do its healing work.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Notice that he did not say that she needed to enjoy the process, like the side effects, or be happy about her experience.<\/p>\n<p>He just directed her to <strong>accept it without resistance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>And she did. We both did.<\/p>\n<p>Did we like the fact that she had sores inside her mouth, was achingly fatigued, and had ongoing nausea?<\/p>\n<p>No.<\/p>\n<p>We did not like her experience at all, but we accepted it without resistance because it was already there. There was no getting around it; we had to go through it.<\/p>\n<p>So, what did this stance of acceptance what was already there do for us?<\/p>\n<p>It allowed us to compartmentalize the experience. To say to ourselves, \u201cWhile we don\u2019t like this part of it, we accept the experience as a whole.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It allowed us to hold two opposites at the same time: We disliked the side effects of the chemotherapy while laughing at them.<\/p>\n<p>At one time, Ruth had to wear adult diapers because of unpredictable episodes of diarrhea. She made a remark once that the diapers looked like those things Sumo wrestlers wear. From then on, they became known as \u201cSumo pants.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m out of Sumo pants \u2013 can you pick some up for me at the store on your way home?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you think these Sumo pants make me look fat?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Did Ruth like her diarrhea? Was she happy about it?<\/p>\n<p>Not exactly.<\/p>\n<p>But she accepted it because it was there even though she felt frustrated at times.<\/p>\n<p>By the time Ruth\u2019s cancer was diagnosed, it had already spread to her liver \u2013 the worst thing that can happen.<\/p>\n<p>According to the statistics at the time, she should have lived between nine and eighteen months.<\/p>\n<p>Ruth lived for four years with advanced metastatic cancer and I believe it was because she decided not to resist it or the treatment.<\/p>\n<p>She didn\u2019t like her cancer or the experience, but she accepted it.<\/p>\n<p>Not only did she outlive the statistical expectations, but her life was greatly enriched during her time with cancer because of this very idea of accepting something willingly and without resistance.<\/p>\n<p>She died a very happy, content person without regrets.<\/p>\n<p>What can be better than that?<\/p>\n<p>So I\u2019m not going to end this with bullet points.<\/p>\n<p>Because you don\u2019t need them.<\/p>\n<p>You understand the idea: you don\u2019t have to like adversity in your life. Sometimes things suck.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t like it <strong>and<\/strong> accept it willingly.<\/p>\n<p>Like Ruth, your life will be richer, too.<\/p>\n<p><em>Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping you face life\u2019s significant challenges and regain your resiliency. <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/thebounceblog.com\/pick-the-brain-welcome-opt-in\/\">Download her free ebook<\/a><em>, \u201cBounce Back! 5 keys to survive <strong>and thrive<\/strong> through life\u2019s ups and downs.\u201d You can find her blog at<\/em>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.thebounceblog.com\/\"><em>http:\/\/www.TheBounceBlog.com<\/em><\/a><em> and follow her on Facebook (<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bobbiemel\"><em>www.facebook.com\/bobbiemel<\/em><\/a><em>) and Twitter (@BobbiEmel.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We accept our experience not because we want it, but because it is already here. Shauna Shapiro<\/p>\n<p>Somehow, an idea has come about in the world of self-help that we should enjoy the adversities that life brings our way.<\/p>\n<p>Embrace your fears. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-survive-anything\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":12523,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[82,4641,66,498,4629,4640,1270,2038],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The One Thing You Must Know To Get Through ANYTHING - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-survive-anything\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The One Thing You Must Know To Get Through ANYTHING - Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We accept our experience not because we want it, but because it is already here. 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