{"id":12124,"date":"2012-12-21T21:21:33","date_gmt":"2012-12-22T05:21:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=12124"},"modified":"2015-07-29T17:25:10","modified_gmt":"2015-07-30T01:25:10","slug":"6-simple-ways-to-keep-your-relationships-fulfilling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/6-simple-ways-to-keep-your-relationships-fulfilling\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Simple Ways To Keep Your Relationships Fulfilling"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

<\/a><\/p>\n

I would venture to say that right now you have at least<\/strong> 10 relationships in your life.<\/p>\n

Obviously, I am not just talking about romantic relationships.\u00a0 We also have relationships with our parents, our children, our co-workers, maybe an ex-spouse, etc.<\/p>\n

When one relationship is out of whack it can affect all of our other ones as well.<\/p>\n

Here are 6 simple ways to make sure that each of our relationships is fulfilling and positive (most of the time).<\/p>\n

These tips can work just as well for dealing with your spouse as with dealing with your next door neighbor.<\/p>\n

1. Live Without Expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n

Expectations are resentments<\/strong> waiting to happen.\u00a0 When we expect someone to do something, or make us feel a certain way and they don\u2019t\u00a0 we usually feel let down, disappointed, and resentful.<\/p>\n

One of the biggest expectations out there is the happiness expectation.\u00a0 Especially with romantic partners, we want\u00a0 someone (really, we expect them to) make us happy.<\/p>\n

Then when the shiny newness of the relationship wears off and we start feeling unhappy again (because we have not figured out that we need to make ourselves happy), we resent them for it.\u00a0 We feel they are to blame.<\/p>\n

I know it sounds bleak but don\u2019t expect anyone to do anything for you.\u00a0 Even on your birthday.\u00a0 If you want a special day, create one for yourself.\u00a0 Go ahead, make the reservations at your favorite restaurant, buy yourself flowers.<\/p>\n

Plan a great day for yourself and if other people do something special for you, then that only makes it even more wonderful.<\/p>\n

It sure beats sitting at home, resenting the fact that you are not being treated as the queen you are.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t expect others to find something important just because you do.<\/p>\n

For example, in my house the door to the garage gets extremely dirty.\u00a0 Every time I go out the door, I notice the dirt.<\/p>\n

It used to bug me all the time.\u00a0 I would think why doesn\u2019t my husband do something about this, he goes out just as much as I do.\u00a0 Is he just waiting for me to do it?<\/p>\n

So every time I went out the door, a little deposit would be made in the resentment bank.<\/p>\n

You know what I finally realized?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t bother him, at least not as much as it bothers me.\u00a0 It I want it clean, then I should clean it.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter whose chore it technically should be.\u00a0 Clean it, get it over with, feel better, and move on.<\/p>\n

2. Set Boundaries<\/strong><\/p>\n

Boundaries are about you.\u00a0 They are not to be used as punishment.\u00a0\u00a0 They are about protecting your peace.<\/p>\n

Maybe discussing politics with your father always leads to a fight.\u00a0 You could set a boundary that you will no longer discuss politics with him.<\/p>\n

Decide what you will do if the boundary is crossed.\u00a0 Maybe go for a walk, change the subject, or cut the visit short.<\/p>\n

The next step is to inform the other person about the boundary beforehand.<\/p>\n

You might say something like \u201cDad, I love you and you know I want to spend time with you.\u00a0 However, whenever we discuss politics it always turns into a shouting match.\u00a0 That is why I have decided that I can no longer talk about politics with you.\u00a0 If the subject does come up, I will change the subject or leave if I have to.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Put Down the Magnifying Glass and Pick Up the Mirror<\/strong><\/p>\n

We seem to have no problem finding faults in others.\u00a0 We could probably make a list of the things that bug us about our boss, our spouse, our brother, etc.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing though.\u00a0 If there is repeated pattern of behavior that bothers us about somebody, we need to look inside ourselves.<\/p>\n

Usually a characteristic that we find off-putting in someone else is also something we are trying to deny about ourselves.<\/p>\n

You may be saying \u201cno way, I don\u2019t act like that at all\u201d.\u00a0 Okay, you may not manifest it in exactly the same way.\u00a0 But I bet if you take the time and dig deep you will find a relationship to something you don\u2019t like about yourself.<\/p>\n

4. Use \u201cI\u201d Statements<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ever notice when we are having a heated conversation with somebody we throw around a lot of \u201cyou\u201ds.<\/p>\n

You<\/strong> did\u00a0 this to me.\u00a0 You <\/strong>made me angry.\u00a0 You<\/strong> are a jerk.<\/p>\n

When we use the word \u201cyou\u201d in this way, we are making accusations, blaming, and giving away our power by making someone else responsible for our feelings.<\/p>\n

Take responsibility.\u00a0 I <\/strong>felt hurt when this happened.\u00a0 I<\/strong> am angry.\u00a0 I <\/strong>don\u2019t feel respected by what happened.<\/p>\n

You are in control of your feelings.\u00a0 Don\u2019t give that power to someone else.\u00a0 Choose how you want to let their behavior affect you and then own up to it.<\/p>\n

5. Bite Your Tongue<\/strong><\/p>\n

It can be incredibly hard, but try to not immediately react when someone does something that pisses you off or makes you feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

At least pause long enough to take a breath and plan how you are going to respond.<\/p>\n

Remember the THINK<\/strong>\u00a0 tool.\u00a0 Is what I am about to say T<\/strong>houghtful, H<\/strong>elpful, I<\/strong>ntelligent, N<\/strong>ecessary, and K<\/strong>ind?<\/p>\n

If not, maybe take another breath and either come up with something that is or say you need a longer time out before you continue the conversation.<\/p>\n

If a situation is bothering you, ideally give it 24 hours before you bring it up.\u00a0 In 24 hours it may not seem that important anymore.<\/p>\n

And if there is something that you believe is really hurtful to the relationship and may effect\u00a0 whether you continue in it or not, try to give it even longer.<\/p>\n

Come up with a date in the future.\u00a0 Maybe a month, maybe six.\u00a0 And then let it go.\u00a0 If the issue is still present on that date then by all means take action.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s surprising how many things that we think are urgent and devastating in the moment don\u2019t matter at all in six months\u2019 time.<\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t Take it Personally<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry to tell you, but not everything that happens is because of you.<\/p>\n

Not everything that somebody says to you is a reflection on you.\u00a0 It is a reflection on them.\u00a0 On what kind of mood they are in.\u00a0 On how their day went. Etc.<\/p>\n

Everybody is dealing with their own stuff and sometimes you just happen to be in the line of fire when it hits the fan.<\/p>\n

The best thing to do is just give them some space and continue on with what you were doing.<\/p>\n

They will cool off.\u00a0 Maybe they will apologize.\u00a0 Maybe not.\u00a0 Just don\u2019t let it eat you up inside.<\/p>\n

You may have to set a new boundary.\u00a0 Like \u201cfor my own good, I will hold off on having a conversation with my husband until after he has had his cup of coffee in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Final Thoughts<\/p>\n

Relationships are complicated.\u00a0 Some more than others.<\/p>\n

This is just a small sampling of the things we can do to keep our relationships fulfilling and positive.<\/p>\n

The most important thing is the effort.\u00a0 As long as we are striving to improve then that means we still care.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

About the Author:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nicole is a Mediator, Conflict Resolution Coach, and founder of <\/em>SerenityAfterDivorce.com<\/em><\/a> where she aims to bring peace to divorced families.\u00a0 To find out the biggest mistakes women make after a divorce, <\/em>grab her free special report<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I would venture to say that right now you have at least 10 relationships in your life.<\/p>\n

Obviously, I am not just talking about romantic relationships. We also have relationships with our parents, our children, our co-workers, maybe an ex-spouse, etc.<\/p>\n

When one relationship is out of whack it can affect all of our other ones as well. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":12148,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[32,58,6],"tags":[108,81,4651,2134],"yoast_head":"\n6 Simple Ways To Keep Your Relationships Fulfilling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I would venture to say that right now you have at least 10 relationships in your life. Obviously, I am not just talking about romantic relationships. 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