{"id":11630,"date":"2013-01-09T00:11:34","date_gmt":"2013-01-09T08:11:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=11630"},"modified":"2013-01-09T00:11:34","modified_gmt":"2013-01-09T08:11:34","slug":"are-you-choosing-your-circumstances-or-are-you-a-victim-of-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/are-you-choosing-your-circumstances-or-are-you-a-victim-of-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Are you Choosing your Circumstances? Or are you a Victim of them?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Have you noticed how different something feels when it\u2019s your choice, versus when it seems forced upon you?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a popular phenomenon in psychology, actually. When we think we chose an option of our own free will we like it much better than if it was given to us without our input.<\/strong><\/em> Exact same outcome, the only difference is our perceived level of choice.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s why your kids like spaghetti much more if they have the opportunity to choose it for their dinner. It\u2019s not what<\/em> they actually eat, it\u2019s their ability to choose it. Same spaghetti, but less whining when they got to picked it themselves.<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s likely why your boss gave you a choice of 3 different health care plans. And why signs that say \u201cPlease do not litter\u201d are more effective than signs that say \u201cYou must not litter\u201d.\u00a0 Being told <\/em>what to do never sits well.<\/p>\n

The good news is we do<\/em> have a choice in most everything. And in the instances where occurrences are out of our control, we always have a choice in the way we respond.<\/p>\n

The relationship that\u2019s strained and difficult\u2026you have a choice in that. Yep. You can<\/em> end it, if you want to. You can see them less, stop answering the phone, walk away\u2026<\/p>\n

Where you live, that\u2019s a choice too. Even when you\u2019re under water in your mortgage or your kids love their school or you care for an elderly parent\u2026you know you\u2019re there by choice, right? You do have options.<\/p>\n

And that job you hate. I won\u2019t even go there. You get the picture.<\/p>\n

Of course\u2026and here\u2019s the rub you\u2019ve clearly caught on to by now\u2026there are consequences. You are where you are because you choose it; because the payoffs are greater than the costs.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You always have options. Always. And that doesn\u2019t mean you have ideal options. It doesn\u2019t mean cutting ties with your brother or foreclosing on your house or taking a different job with fewer benefits are perfect<\/em> options, but they are<\/em> options. You have a choice and you are making it. Always.<\/p>\n

So, there are a few things you can do.<\/p>\n

First, examine the payoffs. Anywhere you are less than thrilled in life, look at the payoffs that are keeping you there<\/strong><\/em>. Sometimes the payoffs are obvious. Other times they are less clear. And many times, they are unexamined and due for some re-evaluation.<\/p>\n

For example, why do you keep in touch with your \u201cbest friend\u201d when she has become negative and cynical and you have nothing in common anymore? If it\u2019s \u201cbecause we\u2019ve been friends since kindergarten\u201d, well, is that a worthy payoff?\u00a0 Upon conscious re-examination, it may not be.<\/p>\n

And is \u201cruining your credit\u201d really as important to you<\/em> as you\u2019re making it out to be? Or is it a gigantic no-no that was planted in your mind by someone else, who lived a very different life than yours in very different times?<\/p>\n

Make sure the payoffs are yours<\/em>, and make sure they are truly worth whatever you are putting up with.<\/p>\n

After you\u2019ve examined the payoffs, sit with the reality that you are choosing them. Again, your less-than-ideal relationship or job or city may be the best choice among a bunch of crappy options. That happens.<\/p>\n

But even when that\u2019s the case, you can remember that you\u2019re choosing it because it\u2019s the best option you have available right now.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not a victim; you\u2019re an empowered person making a choice among crappy choices.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re not forced to do anything; you\u2019re choosing to do something. And hopefully\u2014just like with the kids\u2019 spaghetti\u2014knowing that it\u2019s your choice can lead to a little more satisfaction and a lot less whining.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Dr. Amy Johnson is a psychologist, master certified life coach, and motivational speaker. She is the author of Modern Enlightenment: Psychological, Spiritual, and Practical Ideas for a Better Life<\/a>. To find out more, visit www.DrAmyJohnson.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/div>\n
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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you noticed how different something feels when it\u2019s your choice, versus when it seems forced upon you?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a popular phenomenon in psychology, actually. When we think we chose an option of our own free will we like it much better than if it was given to us without our input. Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":12244,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[37,32,21,58,6],"tags":[1615,2104,110,81,4635,2022,4629],"yoast_head":"\nAre you Choosing your Circumstances? 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