{"id":10882,"date":"2012-07-08T23:01:12","date_gmt":"2012-07-09T07:01:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=10882"},"modified":"2013-09-19T09:40:16","modified_gmt":"2013-09-19T17:40:16","slug":"yes-but-does-it-work-how-to-avoid-frustration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/yes-but-does-it-work-how-to-avoid-frustration\/","title":{"rendered":"Yes, but does it work? How to Avoid Frustration and Get Things Done"},"content":{"rendered":"
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A counselor was listening to a client talk about his problems. The client explained at length what was happening when he made himself miserable. The counselor waited until he had finished and then asked him: \u201cDoes it work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The client shook his head.<\/p>\n

So why don\u2019t you just stop doing that?\u201d<\/p>\n

The client looked as if someone had struck him between the eyes with a pole. He gazed vacantly around in shock and said: \u201cOkay.\u201d And he did stop. Right then and there.<\/p>\n

This article is based on a simple question and an even simpler premise. Is what you are doing working? No? Then you can<\/span> just stop it<\/em>. And do something else.<\/p>\n

Here’s how:<\/p>\n

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I have been using cognitive psychology for twenty years and working as a Meta-Coach for six years so I am well aware of the howls of indignation that will be coming my way that I should suggest such a thing. If it were that easy, everyone would just make a decision and change, right?<\/p>\n

No, they wouldn\u2019t. But it can<\/em> be done. I am not even prepared to argue the point so I\u2019ll just state it: most everyone is capable of making quick and powerful changes even on the spot. They just don\u2019t know how and they don\u2019t believe it\u2019s possible. I do, and I do and I have.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m going to spend a little time explaining my thinking and for some of you a light-bulb will come on, for others you\u2019ll hear the Hallelujah chorus, and for the rest you\u2019ll feel the truth of it somehow.<\/p>\n

(And if you\u2019re not at a place when you can receive these ideas keeping working on it and come back to this article once a year. It works.)<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with the idea that we have recognized a habit, a pattern that is not producing the results we say we want.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a hard truth. In some cases you are already pursuing what you most<\/span> want i.e. the bad habit. We always head in the direction of our current values.<\/p>\n

You just don\u2019t want to admit it<\/span> because it\u2019s not acceptable to you that you prefer what you are doing to the change you say you want.<\/p>\n

I am not saying you are un-ambitious or calling you a liar. I am simply pointing out the reality that we pursue what, in our minds, is currently most important to you whether we admit it or not<\/em>. If that is sleep rather than exercise; fast food rather than fruit and veg, or dishonestly rather than honesty \u2013 that is where you are at<\/strong> right now.<\/p>\n

Once you can honestly admit this, you can then mentally step back and ask yourself if what you are doing is working for you in the light of where you say you want to go.<\/p>\n

This is known in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) circles as doing an ecology check. It\u2019s normally done before someone creates a new behaviour but works equally well to evaluate existing behaviours.<\/p>\n

So, with your habit\/behavior in mind:<\/p>\n

Is what I am thinking-feeling and doing actually getting me what.where I say I want to go?<\/p>\n

Or, even more dramatically: What effect is\/has this current way of thinking having\/had on my:<\/p>\n