{"id":1044,"date":"2009-08-27T09:26:10","date_gmt":"2009-08-27T17:26:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=1044"},"modified":"2013-08-20T14:15:19","modified_gmt":"2013-08-20T22:15:19","slug":"how-to-ensure-that-the-grass-is-always-greenest-on-your-side-of-the-fence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-ensure-that-the-grass-is-always-greenest-on-your-side-of-the-fence\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Ensure the Grass is Always Greenest on Your Side of the Fence"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/p>\n

Every generation has had it\u2019s own big world events and challenges, and of course, that\u2019s what\u2019s shaped the values, personality characteristics and lifestyle choices of each generation. One of the big events of our generation has been the birth and growth of the internet – an event that\u2019s brought both challenges and opportunities for all of us. In an increasingly interconnected world where we have access to information about people and lifestyles all over the world, we all have more opportunities than ever before. So many of the barriers to entry that existed before, making life and leadership difficult, have been dissolved by the internet. It\u2019s easier than ever before to find like-minded people all over the world, it\u2019s cheaper than ever before to start a business and serve people all over the world, it\u2019s easier and cheaper than ever before to educate yourself about anything you\u2019d like to learn about, it\u2019s easier than ever before to find out your rights, comparative prices on the stuff you\u2019d like to buy, and the choices available to you, and it\u2019s easier than ever before to create automated systems to provide the scaffolding that can help your life to run smoothly.<\/p>\n

And while this sounds like a great thing, it\u2019s also presented us with more potential for unhappiness and regret than ever before. I\u2019m seeing it in my clients, my friends and family, and I\u2019ve spotted it in myself too. Because we\u2019re so much more aware of the infinite possibilities for places to live, things to see and do, different kinds of work to engage in, different ways to make money…\u00a0 we\u2019ve gotten into the habit of wondering all the time if there\u2019s something more, better, or even just different that we\u2019re missing out on. When we achieve our goals, we\u2019re always moving swiftly onto the next thing we\u2019re striving for, or wondering if we\u2019re investing in the right lifestyle and work experiences – perhaps the grass is greener on the other side?<\/p>\n

How choices affect happiness<\/strong><\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t just my observation. Research into happiness has shown that increased choices often leads to increased dissatisfaction. When participants were given the opportunity to choose their favorite painting, poster or photo in a variety of different studies, the participants who were told that they could change their decisions were less satisfied with the choice they had made than the participants who were told that they had to stick with their choice once it was made. According to\u00a0 Dan Gilbert, when we believe we\u2019re stuck with our choice, we\u2019re able to synthesize our happiness and, in essence, we decide to love what we have.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not proposing we should limit our choices! As a life coach, I\u2019m obviously all for helping people to identify opportunities and see more options available to them for changing their lives, and one of my greatest personal motivations for traveling the world as a location independent professional is to access a greater variety of different life experiences. I love that the internet has made it possible for me to do the work I love while moving around the world, and I especially love that the internet makes it so easy for me to learn and to connect with like-minded people all around the world. Most of all, I love living in a world where there are so many opportunities available to me. What I\u2019m suggesting is that we can learn to have the diverse choices and opportunities available to us AND feel happy with what we have right now.<\/p>\n

How to be happy with the life you have, in an abundant world:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Realise that happiness is just a feeling and you can have all the feelings you want right now, without changing your life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most people think that our happiness is caused or limited by the circumstances around us. Sure our circumstances are triggers for happiness or unhappiness, but you always have the choice about how you feel in response to what\u2019s going on around you. Nazi death camp survivor, Viktor Frankl, said, \u201cThe one thing you can\u2019t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one\u2019s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.\u201d<\/em> Circumstances and material things don\u2019t make you happy – your thoughts about those things are what makes you happy. You have full control over your thoughts, so you can be happy anywhere. Realise that changing where you live, what stuff you have, what work you do or who you sleep with will never make you happy. It\u2019s always your thoughts and the stories you tell yourself about your life that will do that for you.<\/p>\n

Stop comparing yourself to others. <\/span><\/p>\n

Admit it… you\u2019ve probably paged through your friend\u2019s photos on Facebook and compared your lifestyle to their\u2019s. Nevermind facebook, it happens all the time… you ask each other about your work and you\u2019re comparing your work success, you ask each other about your relationships and you\u2019re comparing your choices and level of success with relationships. You go for dinner at each other\u2019s houses and you compare your homes and lifestyles. You attend school events and you compare your child\u2019s progress to the other children. These kinds of comparisons are a great strategy for becoming unhappy with you own life, even when you\u2019re life is going pretty well. There will always be other people who have something different or better to what you have going on in your life, so you\u2019ll never be happy with your own life if you\u2019re comparing yourself to other people. Speaking of comparison, there are some people who don\u2019t just compare, but actively compete, doing their best to look better than other people and to try to prove that their lifestyle choices are better than your\u2019s. Avoid getting into those sorts of games – it only pushes other people away because they feel lousy around you, and it\u2019ll leave you feeling empty even when you \u201cwin.\u201d<\/p>\n

Practice gratitude. <\/span><\/p>\n

Gratitude isn\u2019t just a feeling, it\u2019s a practice. When you\u2019re feeling grateful, it\u2019s because you\u2019re noticing what you have in your life that you love, and that makes you feel loved. Most of us think that gratitude, happiness, peace and all the other wonderful things we want to feel just happen to us, but that\u2019s not the case. Our feelings are always a result of our thoughts. You can get into the practice of creating gratitude by asking yourself questions that focus your awareness on what you love in your life. So ask yourself, \u201cWhat do I love about my life? What am I looking forward to tomorrow? What went well for me today? What makes me feel very loved?\u201d When you contemplate these questions and answer them honestly, you\u2019ll experience authentic gratitude.<\/p>\n

When you feel dissatisfied, ask yourself, \u201cwhat do I value or need?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not proposing that we all go and sit in the corner and change our thoughts so that we feel gratitude all the time, and stop participating in life itself. We\u2019re meant to actively design and sculpt our lives – it\u2019s a process that itself brings great joy. But rather than darting around in different directions according to the latest and greatest new big thing that everyone else is spotting as an opportunity, you can make sure that the grass is always greener on your side by always staying clear on what\u2019s important to you and what you honestly need, and moving towards that. So when you feel dissatisfied with an aspect of your life, ask yourself, \u201cWhat\u2019s important to me? What do I need? How do I already have that in my life in places where I haven\u2019t been noticing? And how can I bring more of that into my life now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Be willing to ask for what you need and value now.<\/span><\/p>\n

Often when I\u2019m working with someone around improving or changing a relationship or a work situation that they\u2019re dissatisfied with, as they get clearer on what they value and need, they realise that one of the reasons why they\u2019ve not had that thing they value or need in their life is because they haven\u2019t shared their needs and values with other people. When you don\u2019t share your needs and values, it\u2019s difficult for other people to help you satisfy your needs and values. Personal and work relationships and roles are all negotiations. When you express your needs and values clearly, other people will often help you to get what you want in that area of your life.<\/p>\n

Finally, remember that happiness isn\u2019t having what you want, it\u2019s about wanting what you have.<\/p>\n

Through her Bottom-line Bookclub, \u201cResource Miner,\u201d Cath Duncan offers accelerated learning programs for professionals who want to develop the Agile Living Strategies for thriving in these turbulent times. You can follow Cath\u2019s blog at www.mineyourresources.com<\/a> and on Twitter she\u2019s @cathduncan.<\/em><\/p>\n

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!<\/a><\/p>\n

Related Articles:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

How To Achieve Your Goals Through Healthy Habits<\/a><\/p>\n

For Real Self Improvement You Need To Invest In Yourself<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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