Too Nice For Your Own Good
If you are similar to me, then you like being helpful. You enjoy reaching out to people that could use a hand. When people struggle and are able to move forward through my help, it gives me a great sense of pleasure and I feel like I helped someone grow.
A lot of times this leads to great friendships and strong connections. You start building trust towards each other and share thoughts that others aren’t supposed to hear.
This can be valuable, especially in work environments. When a tough day has taken the best of you and you just need to blow off some steam, you discuss your situation with that trustworthy person.
But there are others, that use your kindness to their advantage!
I don’t consider myself as a weak person but my good will often takes the better of me and it can lead to situations where I find it hard to say no.
I have witnessed how some colleagues started to throw their workload on my back and gradually made my working life living hell. I wish I could say this was a one time situation, but it happened to me near enough all the jobs I had.
Say Goodbye To Bullies!
When I stepped outside of university like a chick hatching out of his egg, I was eager to spread my wings and fly into the big corporate world. I quickly got my first job and immediately realized how different my expectations were.
As I mentioned above, there were bullies in each workplace. Sometimes I wonder if they genuinely didn’t know they were being mean or if they just enjoyed bullying the new kid!
What I did learn, was to live with the situation. Now don’t get me wrong! I didn’t let them talk down to me on a daily basis. I highly discourage you from doing that. Instead try the following:
- Be nice to them! – Yes! If you are nice to your enemy, it confuses them, takes them off guard and eventually they start liking you. Offer them your pen when they need one or tell them their outfit looks good. This is a good entry to ‘friendship’ .
- Avoid them by all means – If you are in a position where you don’t necessarily need to talk to them every second, try shifting your queries and questions to other members of the team. Only get involved with your bully if no one else is around.
- Move seats – I deliberately sat as far away as I could from all my enemies. Just as I imagined, everyone else really enjoyed my company, as I am quite a joyful person, like to joke around and build friendships. A small bonus to that is, that you can see the bully get angrier that your company makes other people prefer you to them.
- Confront them – Now this is a bit of a tougher decision. If you really have difficulties and you find it really hard to cope, try approaching your rival. Simply ask to have a word with them and be subtle about how to tell them how you feel. I usually tend to talk about the general team, because I realized that people around the office have similar thoughts. It’s just that the bully prefers to target one person. So you can say something along the lines of: ‘Don’t get me wrong, but maybe you could be a bit more selective about the words you use when talking to others. I feel like some of us aren’t too happy with your choice of words when you are joking’. Personally I don’t like confrontations, but there are times when you just have to go through with it.
- Plan B – When all of the above fails, I would talk to the manager. I have been through every possible scenario and tried my best with some people. But there are times when you just have to put your foot down. Tell your manager how you feel and how you’ve tried to change the situation. Trust me that this will tame them a little. But they will try to get you back. If your manager might be the issue, go to your HR department and tell them how you feel.
If you think you can lead a normal life with a negative person in the group, try to realize the seriousness of the situation.
Numerous times I have seen people either flip out or run out of the office and burst into tears. If you have someone making fun of you, throwing tons of work at you or just generally treat you very mean, it can lead to a lot of negative issues such as:
- Hating work
- Bad personal relationships
- Work efficiency decreases
- Bad sleep
These are just a few points that come to surface once you feel like you’re being mocked on a daily basis.
So take it from me, if you are stuck in a situation like this, do something to get rid of it. You don’t want to wake up every morning dreading to go to work, nor do you want to reflect your emotions on your performance.
The longer you try to live with it, the harder it will be to remove yourself from this relationship. Therefore stand up for yourself and handle the moment wisely.
If however you want to completely avoid going through the whole process of having to make a professional relationship work, I highly encourage you to start your own business from home (see how I did it on my personal website you can find below).
Your kindness should be rewarded, not punished!
ESTEBAN PAU – documents his journey from a 9-5 office worker to an independent self employed entrepreneur. He writes about self development, successful thinking and how to generate passive income from the online market, all of which is documented on his website at www.mypathtopassiveincome.com