Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement

Can Anybody Do Anything? 5 Steps to Find YOUR Calling

ScrewtheSystemJoe — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 06:24:21 +0000

‘Talent doesn't exist,’ I heard someone say. ‘It’s all about the hours. You've got to put in those 10,000 hours or 10 years and then you can become a master at anything.’ Anything at all? Is it really possible for anybody, through the process of hard work, modelling, perseverance and learning, to mold themselves into a person who can succeed in any field? It’s a tantalizing question because, if true, it opens the door of opportunity for all of us to realize our dreams. So let’s explore the different sides of the discussion and identify some key factors that will enable you to find your calling. The System’s View No prizes for guessing that this viewpoint will tell you there’s very little you can do with your life. Venerated social scientists will point to studies saying that your environment; access to education, background and parenting will play the decisive role. Even Malcolm Gladwell (author of Outliers) will tell you that no matter how hard you work or how good your idea is, a large portion of your success will be down to luck. In fact, luck and talent are the main factors the system uses to explain success. Either you’re born with an incredibly rare and fantastic ability which enables you to excel above all other competition, or you chance upon a lucky break that virtually puts success in your hands. With both options, the system’s message is clear - a whole bunch of factors out of your control will end up determining your life. Advice: The best thing you can do with this viewpoint is to completely disregard it. Although accepted by the majority, it will NOT help you in any way. With the cause of success always being dependent on factors outside yourself, it can easily lead to feelings of helplessness and dis-empowerment. The Self-Help View The world is yours! You can do anything! (This is what the self-help guru’s will tell you). Through the process of modelling, learning, adapting and a large slice of perseverance, the individual can mold themselves into whatever they need to become to succeed. You repeat affirmations, practice visualization, get in a peak state, push yourself out of your comfort zone and always think BIG. After a period of time, changes will begin to occur that attract success. You become more confident and charismatic; you learn from mistakes instead of quitting and have the self-belief to seize an opportunity when it arrives. Advice: You would do well to practice all of the above. Your chances of succeeding in a field you are passionate about will increase tenfold when you realize that YOU play the deciding role in your success. However, there is one caveat. The self-help view is too general. If you can really do anything then how do you sift through the endless possibilities and find the path you could describe as a ‘calling’? The Third Way Talent DOES exist. This is what I have discovered and it is SO important in identifying your calling. Throughout my years working as a tennis coach, I tracked the development of children who possessed an innate natural talent for the sport compared to those who didn't. In every case, the talented ones learned to master technique more quickly, adapted their game more proficiently and possessed the unique ability to learn some skills without being taught. However, before you accuse me of being a defender of the system, hear me out. I learned two more fascinating insights from my work as a tennis coach. Firstly, despite what the system preaches, there was a significant minority of the children that could be classified as talented. Rather than being the one in a million exception that the system wants you to believe, I had the figure at roughly 20%. The second observation was that talent was a very incomplete predictor of future success. The children who ended up excelling, who 10 years down the line are now playing regionally or nationally, were the ones who were obsessed with the sport. So what does this mean and how will it help you? The key principle is this, you may well be able to do anything but to stack the deck in your favor, you must position yourself wisely. Follow these 5 steps and you can’t go wrong.

Study your self-help. The principles really do work and will give you a solid foundation to succeed in any field.
Ignore the system. It will always be there, telling you that you are powerless to influence the world around you but YOU MUST NOT LISTEN TO IT’S VOICE.
Use your talents. Make it easy on yourself. You may want to be a singer or a sports star but is there something that comes more naturally to you? Give yourself a head start and position yourself in this field. If you’re not sure where your talents lie then look for the skills you pick up quickly and listen to what other people say you’re good at. Finally, don’t buy into the talent is rare myth. You may not be talented at everything but you will be talented at something.
Find your obsession. Talent will only get you so far. To find your calling and see it through, you have to be obsessed about living it. Only the pursuits you REALLY love will inspire you enough to put in the time necessary to become a success. Fortunately, we seem to have a tendency to enjoy what we do well so this should mesh quite naturally with using your talents.
Adapt. You may have more than one calling. Be prepared for the possibility of your dreams evolving along the way.

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5 Ways You Can Be Happy NOW Without Changing a Thing

Chinh Pham — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:03:48 +0000

"I wish that I had let myself be happier." This is one of the top five regrets of dying people. We often have this false sense of immortality, that we can take life for granted, put off resolving conflicts with our loved ones, and avoid doing the things we love because we think there’s “still time”. We put off our happiness and instead keep striving endlessly to achieve yet another accomplishment, never really accepting who we are and realizing that happiness must come from within. I am also guilty of this. For the longest time I struggled with being happy and content because I didn't think I was thin, rich, or successful enough. I put off doing the things I loved, like traveling, getting dressed up to go out with my girlfriends, or celebrating my accomplishments because of these beliefs. And I didn’t allow myself to be happy because I felt like I wasn’t “there” yet in regards to having my dream life. Sound familiar? The ironic thing is, I did achieve a certain level of success, abundance, and fitness that many would be envious of! I moved across the country in pursuit of a richer living experience. I worked out like a maniac and felt healthier than I had been in years. I rose above all my fears to quit my day job so I could grow a business centered around changing people’s lives and living my purpose, and yet, was I really happy? No, I wasn’t happy. The struggle was continuous for me. I still wanted to achieve more, have more, wanted things to be different so I could have a “perfect” life. And it was EXHAUSTING. There is no perfect life. There is just life and all the experiences that come with it. Now I know what you may be thinking. You don't want to allow yourself to be happy because you’re afraid of growing complacent or settling, which will prevent you from moving forward or progressing in your life. Or you’re resisting being happy because you say, how can I be happy when my current situation sucks? Being happy now means that you’re ENJOYING your life while still making those necessary changes: pursuing your goals and dreams, appreciating the things and people around you, and just being present to the beauty and joy that is everywhere. You get to just finally ENJOY life! So here’s why it’s critical to be happy now:

Life is short. Today is a gift and tomorrow is no guarantee. We can't predict what will happen, so the only moment you truly have is NOW. Make the most of it by being happy and enjoying your life!
You want more success, love, or fulfillment? Then be happy! Sounds counter-intuitive, but being happy now will attract the things/changes you want for your life, instead of the other way around!
Your goal to be happy is a moving target; you’ll never really reach it. You may think that you’ll be happy and fulfilled after you find that perfect relationship or build a business that is financially and spiritually fulfilling, but once you accomplish that goal, you will have created 2 more in its place.

It doesn't matter where you are, how you are, or what you don't have in your life. You CAN be happy now without changing a thing about your current situation. Here’s how: 1. Let go of the crap from your past Many people overlook this step. Or they think they’ve let go and made peace, when in actuality they still carry these resentments, memories, and beliefs around with them, clogging their energy level and ultimately harming their self-love and self-worth. And I was no exception either. The resentments and hurts from my past were what prevented me from taking my life and my business to the next level. They held me back from feeling like I DESERVED to upgrade my life. And the scary thing was, I was very unaware of how toxic these thoughts were to my happiness and well-being! "When you hold onto resentments, the only person you're harming is YOURSELF." [Tweet this!] It's like you're drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s just not going to work! You may think that from this point on you just need to focus on doing the "right" things, like overcoming your fears, taking big action, thinking all the right thoughts, or being positive, etc. But you will eventually hit an energetic barrier. It will start to feel unnatural because you'll be forcing yourself to take action from a place of desperation instead of inspiration. And who wants to live life forcing ourselves to do things we really don’t “feel” like doing? Additionally, deep down, your sneaky little ego will continue to fuel your self-doubt and unworthiness, which will end up preventing you from taking the bold action steps in order to take your life or business to the next level. 2. Choose to be exactly who you are and where you are at this very moment The key word here is CHOICE. So you hate your current job, career, or relationship. And all you do all day is think about how much you hate it and how you want to change it, or complain to others about it, and resist the fact that it IS your reality. By resisting your current situation, you are actually perpetuating it. Think about it, exactly how long have you felt “stuck” in your situation, despite all your good intentions and effort to get yourself out of it? What you resist persists. What you leave alone will disappear. Don’t believe me? Try it on. Instead of resisting where you are in your life, e.g. career, business, relationship, health, etc, what if you CHOSE it? What if you CHOOSE to be exactly where you are now? How would you feel differently about your current situation? Can you start to feel the RELEASE of pressure and anxiety from constantly fighting or trying to change your current reality? Are you starting to see it diminish in intensity? When you accept exactly where you are and stop spending time and energy fighting or wondering why you’re in your current situation, you free up mental, spiritual, and emotional energy to take different action so you can create the results you want for your business and life. You may think it’s defeatist, but in actuality you are empowering yourself to OWN exactly where you are so you can begin to create an alternate reality for yourself. 3. Be grateful You’ve heard this one before. Be grateful for where you are and what you have. This is also something I need to be reminded of daily too. So do it now. Take out a piece of paper and answer the following questions:

What are you grateful for?
Who are you grateful for?
What is already abundant in your life?
What is already working wonderfully in your life?
What are the things you’re happy about?
What accomplishments can you celebrate?

I guarantee if you do this exercise or journal about it on a daily basis, you will not only be happier, but you will bring even more abundance, joy, and miracles into your life. 4. Stop striving and just be Stop striving to reach a target that keeps on moving! Achievement of one of your goals only brings temporary happiness until you can accomplish the next big thing. It is a vicious cycle that will leave you frazzled, burned out, unfulfilled, and NEVER really enjoying or appreciating the moment you are in. You will miss life’s miracles by only living in the past or the future. 5. Let go of your identification with all the crap you’ve been carrying around Sometimes we don’t realize that we can get really wrapped up in our limiting beliefs to the point of not seeing anything beyond that, i.e. we begin to IDENTIFY so much with the fears, self-doubt, and feelings of unworthiness that it becomes our reality. We’ve lived with them for so long that we’re not even sure what’s underneath all that gunk anymore (well let me remind you: your wondrous, luminous, gorgeous, and amazing self!). So we cling onto this obsession and it becomes almost impossible to get out of that dark place, i.e., we cling onto that victim mentality. So, are you shielding behind being a victim of your own life? It may be more subtle then you realizd! Even if you are not, it’s time you let go of your identification with all the crap that’s been holding you back. Decide to move past the negative things people have said or led you to believe about yourself, about you failing, not being good enough, never making it, being weird, stupid, ugly or fat! It’s time you stopped giving them power by living like these false beliefs are your truth! Liberate yourself by letting go of other people’s beliefs. 6. Do the things you love today As a matter of fact, stop putting off doing things in general! What is that thing you've always dreamed of doing? Jump out of a plane? Backpack around the world? Write a children's book? Fly an airplane? We often don't go after these things because we are afraid of failing or we think we have lots of time so we put them off. Shift this type of thinking by remembering that life is short! Don’t end up on your deathbed having all these regrets that you didn’t live your life fully when you had the chance. So now I want to hear from you. Here is some food (questions) for thought. What are you not doing or putting off because you are not as successful, rich, skinny, or happy as you want to be? What if you allowed yourself to be happy NOW? What do you CHOOSE for your life now so you can empower yourself and create the change you want? How can you unidentify with all the emotional baggage and limiting beliefs you’ve been carrying around? Chinh Pham is fear conqueror, life coach, and trailblazer helping people find their purpose, embrace their passion, and become badass in their biz and life! Loved this? Then get on her mailing list here for motivation and inspiration delivered straight to your inbox. It's FREE! To learn more about Chinh, check out her virtual home, Facebook, and YouTube channel!

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The 4 Fundamental Pillars of Emotional Intelligence

Steven Handel — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 05:55:27 +0000

Usually when we think of “intelligence” we associate it with things like logic, math, and science. However, according to psychologists such as Daniel Goleman, “emotional intelligence” (EQ) is another aspect of intelligence that is often overlooked. The basic view of emotional intelligence is that emotions aren’t necessarily the opposite of thinking, but a different way of thinking about different types of problems that exist in our world. In other words, emotions can be a very valuable tool in guiding our choices and decision-making. In light of his theory of evolution, Charles Darwin theorized that our minds have evolved to experience emotions so that we can better adapt to our environment. For example, we’ve evolved to experience a “negative” emotion such as fear so that we can better respond to a situation that is bad for survival. In this case, fear is an emotion that motivates us to avoid something when we are in danger. On the other hand, a “positive” emotion, such as joy, can signal to us that a situation is good for survival. In this case, joy is an emotion that motivates you to seek more of something. This is a very basic and rudimentary analysis – and it doesn’t come anywhere near describing the complexities of our emotional world (as well as social world) – but it gives you an idea on how different emotions can guide our behaviors in different ways. Emotional intelligence is about being more aware of our emotions and what they are signaling to us. Below you’ll find descriptions of the 4 fundamental pillars that make up emotional intelligence as a whole and how you can apply them to your daily life. Self-Awareness The first pillar of emotional intelligence is paying attention to your own emotions. Emotions often come in two main parts: 1) The psychological component – the thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs that underlie most of our emotions, and 2) The physical component – the bodily sensations that often accompany different emotional states. For example, an emotion such as nervousness may be a mixture of certain thoughts (“I’m not good at this” or “I’m scared I’m going to make a mistake”) and certain sensations in our bodies (a fluttery feeling in our stomach, ie “I have butterflies in my stomach”). Sometimes just being more aware of our emotional states (and all their components) is enough to manage them better. In one recent study, they found simplylabeling negative emotions can help you overcome them. The next time you’re feeling a really strong emotion, try stepping back and just observing that emotion as it is. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What physical sensations am I experiencing with this emotion?” A little honest reflection of your emotions can really help you understand yourself better and how your mind really works. Self-Regulation Once you are more aware of your emotions, the next pillar of emotional intelligence is learning how to respond to them better. Depending on the situation, there are many different strategies we can use to better regulate our emotions. Some of these strategies include:

Channeling an emotion in a new and constructive way, such as through exercising, writing, or painting.
Avoiding triggers – such as certain people, situations, or environments – that are more likely to bring out a negative emotion.
Seeking positive experiences to reverse negative ruts (such as watching a comedy movie when we are feeling down, or listening to motivating music when we are lazy).
Turning emotions around bydoing the opposite of what you feel.
Sitting and watching emotions as a passive observer, instead of acting on them impulsively.

These are all strategies available to us to help us regulate our emotions better on an everyday basis. Think of “emotional intelligence” as a kind of toolkit. There are many different ways to respond to a particular emotion, and not every tool is going to work depending on what the situation is. The more emotionally intelligent you become, the better you will be at deciding what is the best way to respond to an emotion. But that’s going to take steady practice and awareness. Empathy Understanding your own emotions is half of emotional intelligence, the other half is understanding the emotions of others. As we improve “self-awareness,” we also improve “other-awareness.” We learn that there is sometimes a difference between our own thoughts and feelings and the thoughts and feelings of others. Empathy is our ability to see things from another person’s perspective – and to take into account their individual thoughts and feelings about an experience. This venn diagram shows the relationship between “self-awareness” and “other-awareness” and how the area where they overlap is where we experience empathy: Of course, we can never understand another person’s mind completely, but we can actively learn about a person’s inner thoughts and feelings by paying attention to what they are communicating verbally and non-verbally. Empathy is a kind of “mind-reading,” but it’s based on making inferences about people’s internal worlds based on their external actions. Another powerful tool for improving empathy isperspective taking. This is a mental exercise where you literally imagine yourself experiencing a situation from another person’s perspective to better understand them. Be more willing to ask yourself, “What is this person thinking? What is this person feeling? Why is this person acting in the way they do?” These types of questions will be a great starting point in building more empathy in your daily relationships. Social Skills Once you understand the emotions of yourself and others, the next question is “How do I respond to other people’s emotions?” This is where social skills comes in as the last pillar of emotional intelligence. First, understand that a lot of our emotional world has a social component to it. For example, emotions such as love, guilt, rejection, and embarrassment are almost strictly social emotions (they rarely exist outside the context of our relationships with others). To build healthy relationships it’s therefore important that we are attuned to other people’s emotions, especially how they respond to our own actions and speech. If your actions cause negative emotions in other people, then that can hurt a relationship and your ability to connect with others in a meaningful way. Cultivating positive emotions – like joy, optimism, excitement, and humor – is key toward bonding with others in a strong and lasting way. Have you ever walked into a room of people who are really depressed or stressed out, and you immediately begin to feel depressed and stressed too? This is an example of emotional contagion, which is the idea that our emotions can often spread to others like a virus. In the same way that other people’s emotions affect us, our emotions affect other people. So if you walk around life with a generally positive attitude, that is going to rub off on those you interact with (but you have to first have your own mind in order). The social skills aspect of emotional intelligence is about becoming an “emotional leader” of sorts. But you need to practice turning negative people around by first being positive in yourself. Steven Handel is a long-time writer on psychology and self-improvement. He blogs frequently at The Emotion Machine and is also the author of the brand new e-book The Science of Self Improvement. He encourages you to follow him on Facebook and Twitter, where he frequently shares new articles, as well as answers people’s questions about the human mind and how it works.

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4 Easy Diet Tips to Improve Your Digestion and Manage Your Weight

Premal Patel — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 17:51:02 +0000

You’re tired of hearing about all the different diets, what you can and can’t eat, and how quickly you should be losing weight. You know there’s no miracle weight loss trick. You have a million things on your plate, and the last thing you have time to worry about is making a chore out of your meals. But you want to feel healthy and energetic. You’re exercising and trying to “eat right”, and you want that to be enough. Your body should be your teammate in this game, not your nemesis. You are doing your best to be kind to your body and nourish it; you expect that in return, it should move towards a more balanced state, including a more healthy weight. Ayurveda has 4 tips for you…straightforward to incorporate and bound to make a difference. They hit at the core of your metabolism, helping to remove the toxic build-up that clogs channels and reset your digestive capacity. Here they are:

Drink hot water. Hot water both kindles your digestion and flushes toxins out of the system. Just keep your hot thermos or mug near-by, and sip throughout the day. You will notice a difference within only a few days…your digestion will improve, and your tissues will thank you for it. This isn’t the same as a hot coffee or hot tea. It may take a little getting used to, but plain hot water will become a soothing favorite to carry around with you, at home and at work. In addition to the hot water, be sure to drink plenty of room temperature water to stay well hydrated. Iced and cold water do the opposite of what you want, destroying your body’s natural digestive ability.
Make lunch your biggest meal. Ayurveda teaches that the body’s rhythms align with the natural rhythms. When the sun (nature’s fire) is at it’s peak, so is your digestive fire. Take advantage of this and make lunch your full meal. For breakfast, have something light and warm. And do the same for dinner, or skip dinner on the nights that you aren’t hungry.
Avoid snacks. Your digestion works at its peak when it has sufficient time to actually digest everything that you put in, which happens in phases. If you keep throwing things in at random times, even if they are healthy snacks like fruits and veggies, you get two problems according to Ayurveda. First, the bulk of food that was eaten with your last meal doesn’t get the time that it needs to be fully digested before your enzymes start all over again with the new food, and you end up building toxins. And secondly, your body relies on the snacks as a source of fuel and energy, and so it doesn’t go to your body’s reserves (the accumulated fat cells) for fuel to burn.
Detox. Because of the world we live in, it is inevitable that you end up with exposure to some toxins, and they build up in your system. Healthy bowel movements are one of the main ways that toxins get flushed from your system. Hydration and leafy greens are key here. Herbal supplements like Triphala provide both rejuvenation for your system and support for healthy bowel movements. A healthy movement is a critical part of well-being for any age, starting from childhood through the aging years.

To learn more Ayurvedic tips, find out your constitution by taking the quiz. ------- Premal Patel, MD is the Wellness Director at Banyan Botanicals, a premier provider of organic Ayurvedic products. She is a board-certified Family Practice physician who has also studied Ayurveda and Acupuncture. She loves what Ayurveda has to offer and even uses it on her two golden retrievers.

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Can’t Keep up? 15 Ways to Simplify Your Morning Routine

Matthew M. McEwan — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 04:37:08 +0000

It can become pretty stressful, right? Every morning we have to struggle to get ourselves ready, get everything done and be out the door on time. And not to mention what it's like if you have kids as well who just want to play around :-) How would you like to start you day stress-free, happy and empowered by a new day? Wouldn't that just change not only the quality of your mornings, but also the quality of your life? I just think that many of us haven't realized what the true benefits of a great morning can be. There is a very powerful Chinese saying that goes something like this (freely translated by me...):

"Springtime is the most important part of the year because it makes it possible for a great harvest in the fall and plenty of food in the winter. Morning is the most important part of the day because it makes it possible for great accomplishments in the day and relaxed sleep during the night."

So if you're spending the first hour of every new day rushing and stressing, then that's pretty much how the rest of your day will look like as well. You see, you've set the tone for your way of life. With this mind I would simply like to propose 15 small ways you can use to improve and simplify your morning routine. Here goes...

1. Prepare your breakfast

Having breakfast is for most people the biggest part of their morning routine, and it can be a real stress inducer. It usually takes quite some time to make it and with our head still half-asleep it can be a bit tricky to make the process smooth. So all I do is to simply prepare myself for breakfast. For example, if you have different breakfasts during the week, then write a schedule so you know once you wake up. And if you're going to set the table, use a mnemonic of the items you need or even place them out the evening before. In short, do whatever you can to make the breakfast as automatic as possible.

2. Lay out your clothes

You know why - it just saves time and minimizes stress in your morning routine.

3. Use a bathroom schedule

In case you are several people and only one bathroom in the morning, then I really recommend having some sort of schedule in place. It might sound boring and old-school, but it really works to avoid a lot of stress induced waiting.

4. Set a to-go alarm

I always have a second alarm at 8.00 in the morning. That's the time I want to be out the door. By every day noticing this exact time I can easily see how I'm doing versus my wanted position and adjust something when needed.

5. Write down your morning routine

It doesn't hurt to take 10 minutes right now just to write down how your morning routine actually looks like. You might find out that it's all very chaotic and random. So now you have the opportunity to design your very own way of starting each day. How would it be?

6. Jump out of bed

In essence, snoozing is bad for your morning routine and I bet you know that already. The single most efficient way to remove this type of behavior is to practice, practice, practice. And I mean practice while being awake. You want to make the process of getting out of bed as automatic as possible so you won't even have to think about how tired you are when the alarm goes off. So go to bed, right now, set the timer for 5 minutes and pretend that you're sleeping. Then as soon as you hear the alarm, jump out of bed. Then repeat. At least 5 times for the upcoming days. Just trust me, it will pay off.

7. Let the sunshine in

By opening the curtains and getting some light you will notice how much easier it is to really wake your body up and get energetic. And energy and well-being are both good remedies against stress.

8. Get pumped up and smile

But getting some sun might not be enough. Why not really get excited? For me at least, there's no better way than changing my physiology. By stretching myself tall, extending my back, breathing from the top of my lungs and putting on a big smile it's virtually impossible to try to not be happy and excited. Try changing your state and see if you can still be tired and stressed.

9. Skip the TV

If you want to make your mornings as calm and comfortable as possible, then try leaving the TV turned off for once. Having the TV on in the background just steals both your focus and your time. Don't worry, you will find out what the latest news is quite soon anyway.

10. Ignore your phone

Same goes for your phone as with your TV. Just postpone checking your emails and don't let that new app steal your focus - it will just make your newly awakened mind cluttered.

11. Turn on the music

I am talking about some soothing and relaxing music that will get you all relaxed and down to earth. As you go about your things, follow the rhythm of the music and just let it flow through your body.

12. Have fun

No one can feel bad while having fun. I strongly urge you to make your morning routine a bit more fun and include some activity that you know gets you motivated. If you get to spend some time doing what you really love, that can really make all your other must-dos feel much simpler. Your worries will just go away and you can build on the excitement from having fun. You know what hobby gets you going, so just see if you can include it in your morning routine.

13. Breathe

What's the ultimate way to bring yourself back to reality? To breathe. What's the best way to calm yourself down? To breathe. What's the most powerful way to simplify your morning routine? To just take some time to focus on your breathing. To accomplish all of this, I like to do a small exercise. It goes like this:

Breathe in for 2 counts
Hold your breath for 8 counts
Breathe out for 4 counts

Then repeat that for 8-10 times. It's simple, right? But if really does good for both your body and your mind. In short, it helps to cleanse your body and it gets your mind focused and clutter-free.

14. Wake up early

To avoid putting any pressure on you, I have waited all the way until point number 14 before mentioning this. But we all know it's one of the most efficient ways to improve a morning routine. Nowadays, when I wake up at 4 a.m., I have all the time in the world to do what's most important in my day before heading off to work. I can barely remember the time when I had to eat breakfast in a rush. It just makes everything so much simpler to have the time to focus on myself for a few hours before the normal hectic day begins.

15. Plan your day

If you manage to have a relaxed and simple morning routine, then why not bring that into the rest of your day as well? At least you can try. Just sit down for 5-10 minutes and write down what your main goal and most important tasks are for the upcoming day. Just getting it down on paper will usually make it easier much easier to stay on target and avoid useless worrying. These 15 ways to simplify your morning routine can actually do much more than that. If you try some of these methods and really take your morning seriously (serious as in important, not as in making it like work) you might find that you're taking back a little bit control of your life. Remember, you are the designer of your days and creator of your habits so I wish you all relaxed and joyful mornings! This guest post is contributed by Matthew M. McEwan from Early-Riser.com. His blog is loaded with ideas for how to have an awesome morning routine. He also just started the brand new site 80Words.com - Where change happens fast and each article is only 80 words. You can also Follow him on Twitter.

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5 Ways to Embrace Your Adventurous Side

Jamie Flexman — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 05:01:49 +0000

It’s fair to say that most of us need a little more excitement in our lives. We all crave adventure and that can mean anything from dreaming about being the next Indiana Jones to wishing that we could just be a little more spontaneous with our decisions. The problem is that thinking and doing are two very different things and it’s easier to sit back and let life pass us by than to get out there and start creating some great memories that will last us a lifetime. With that in mind here are 5 ways in which we can start embracing our adventurous side…

1. Do something that terrifies you

When was the last time that you were truly terrified? I’m not referring to those horrible situations that no one wants to be involved in, but situations where you are way outside of your comfort zone. Do you remember the last time you asked someone out on a date? I’m guessing you were terrified but regardless of what the outcome was, I’m willing to bet you felt great afterwards. This is what scary situations do – they enable growth and they toughen you up for future occasions where you may need to leave your comfort zone behind. Seek out the terrifying and more often than not, your risk taking will be rewarded with success.

2. Become a ‘yes’ person

The quickest way to change your life for the better is to totally ignore the word ‘no’. Pretend it doesn’t exist – leave it behind – throw it away. Whatever works for you, just refuse to say it. The next time someone invites you for a night out, regardless of what mood you are in – do it. Say yes, because you never know what could happen. You might meet your future partner or get involved in something that would make a great plot for the next ‘Hangover’ movie. Adventure, excitement and great memories always start with a ‘yes’.

3. Embrace the present moment

Do you let life pass you by because you are always looking too far into the future? We are all guilty of this on occasion and it is s very difficult habit to get out of. The future always looks more appealing than the present because we get to dream about a life that currently eludes us. ‘Next year I will definitely go travelling’ ‘One day I will quit my job’ ‘I’m up for that bungee jump, but not quite yet’ Don’t wait for a time that may never come – get out there and do what you want to do, RIGHT NOW.

4. Do something that you have never done before

Following on from the above – if you’ve done what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you’ve always got. This phrase is so true it’s frightening. Living a life that is boring and bland will just encourage decision making that will follow on from what you’re currently doing. Once in a while do something totally out of character. Spontaneously visit another country or buy an item of clothing that you have never worn before. Get a brand new hairstyle or get that tattoo you’ve been thinking about for the last 10 years. Instead of trying to do what is easy, focus on what you can do that is better, that is different.

5. Relive your greatest moments

Get a pen and paper, or open up a text document and write down the 3 most exciting things you have ever done. For each one, close your eyes and try to remember the situation in your mind as vividly as possible. Try to imagine the sights, the sounds, even the smells. Focus on how you felt inside – were there butterflies in your stomach? How did you react emotionally? After you have done that write down 3 new things that you could do to recreate those situations. You’ve done similar things before so there is no reason why you cannot do more of the same. A truly adventurous person will dedicate their life to reproducing those emotions again and again. --- Jamie Flexman is a guitar teacher and writer who hates the typical 9-5 existence. After quitting his job to enter the world of guitar tuition, he created the blog ‘Psycholocrazy’ to document his thoughts and struggles as he takes on societies norms armed with nothing more than his cheeky wit and undeniable charm! Grab his free 20 page ebook ‘Breaking Free’ – the ultimate guide to quitting your job and following your passion.

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Steps To Obtain Closure And Move Forward

Shelly Drymon — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 22:26:40 +0000

“Closure or need for closure are psychological terms that describe the desire or need individuals have for information that will allow them to conclude an issue that had previously been clouded in ambiguity and uncertainty. Upon reaching this conclusion, they are now able to attain a state of closure.” (Wikipedia) There have been two times in my life I held on to a relationship longer than I should, because I could not obtain the closure I needed. The first relationship was mom after she died suddenly, in her sleep. We didn’t have the mother-daughter relationship I would have liked and her death left many unanswered questions. The second was the heartbreaking way my second marriage ended, the lack of answers to a dozen questions and no sincere and authentic apology. I gained closure with my mother several years ago. After dad died I wrote her a letter. I had let my mother rest in peace for many years but the death of dad brought her to the forefront. The letter was a ritual I performed. My dad’s death was the end of an era for me. The letter to mom and the death of dad allowed me to gain full closure. I gained closure with the end of my marriage…well that happened when I took off to Colorado for seven months and left all that behind. I no longer need or want answers regarding my second marriage. At the time I had no plan to gain closure, but looking back there were steps I inadvertently took. First of all I had to take responsibility for my actions. Questions I began to ask myself:

Why am I hanging on?
Am I just avoiding the pain I know will come with total and complete “letting go” of the person or situation?
Am I just angry and demanding more than I know I can have?
Have I decided to use this lack of closure as justification for my anger and pain?

And one more very important question:

Where does staying in the past lead me?

There are painful events in your life you may never “get over.” However, there are steps you can take to overcome your pain and settle into a state of closure.

Grieve the loss – take some time and just let the grief come over you. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking. This part of the process is very important. Ignoring your pain or incorporating harmful ways of dealing with it will only compound the problem. You may need to talk to a professional, a clergy or close friend. There is no pre-determined amount of time to grieve. This was a step I did not take. But looking back I wish I had.
Perform a ritual – I wrote my deceased mother a letter after my dad died. I burned my 2011 journal on New Year’s Eve. While on the surface these acts may seem trivial, but they really did help me let go of some of the pain I had carried.
Make plans for your future – I began to look at what I needed to change in my life to move forward. I had a job, friends and habits which were not conducive to gaining closure so I had to end those relationships.

Deciding to provide yourself with your own closure, opens the door to so many wonderful opportunities. Just remember it takes time. There is no quick or easy solution. So, be kind to yourself, love yourself and provide your mind, body and soul with healthy ways to move forward. Shelly Drymon is the co-owner and consultant at Training By Design and provides grant writing and volunteer/staff training services to small and mid-sized non-profits. Shelly holds a Bachelor Degree in Social Work. In 2012, she began a personal journey to change and writes about it at The Moments Of My Life.

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How To Have A Success Mindset When You Don’t Think You Can Do It

Jessica Sweet — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 05:17:42 +0000

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” -Henry Ford

You know that in order to achieve your big goal you have to believe in yourself and your ability to achieve it. So you try. You visualize. You imagine yourself having already achieved it. You attempt to experience the feelings you'll have when it's achieved . . . But still, no matter how much you try to believe it, you just can't seem to do it. If you're really honest with yourself, your goal seems improbable at best, if not impossible. You just can't wrap your mind around the idea that you can make this big thing happen. You can lie to yourself. Psych yourself up in the mirror while you paste a confident smile on your face to show to the world. But you secretly wish that the personal development experts were wrong. You wish there were a way around the success mindset because you know that when it comes to this goal, you just don't have what it takes. And because your brain can't cross that chasm, you give up. But what if there was a way around it? What if you could have a success mindset even when you really don't believe you can do what you want to do? Easy. A Case Study I had been working with my client, Dana, for a few weeks when she asked me this very same question. She really wanted meaningful work, but at 55 she was less-than-optimistic that she could find a good job. "I want to believe I can get a job I love, but who is going to hire me? And if I don't believe in myself, why should they?" "Instead of focusing on that big goal," I said, "let's focus in on what you can believe right now." As it turned out, there were lots of little things that preceded Dana's big goal that she could wrap her mind around. She could write a great resume and knew how to dress for success. She was amazing at meeting new people and could strike up a conversation with anyone. Lesson: If you're having trouble believing you can achieve your big goal, instead of focusing it, focus on a stepping stone goal you can believe in right now. Here's what you can do: Write your big goal at the top of a sheet of paper. Then, write 10 0r more things you'd have to do or make happen before that big goal could be achieved. Keep writing list items until the steps begin to feel easily achievable. Then focus on believing in the very last item on your list. Your list might look something like this: BECOME THE WORLD'S FIRST PERSON TO RUN A TWO MINUTE MILE Run a 3 minute mile. Run a 4 minute mile. Run a mile. Get off the couch. Get the idea? The closer your goal is to where you actually are today, the easier it will be to believe in it. Keep setting goals you are able to believe in, and when you look back, you'll be amazed at how far you've come. So tell me, what is the goal you're having trouble believing in, and what are some of the small steps you'll use to get there? ----

Jessica Sweet is a coach for bright, creative people who are stuck in dull jobs and want to start making a living doing what they love.

She is also a trained therapist and Master's level social worker. Read her blog and get access to the 7 day "Live Off Your Passions" course at http://www.wishingwellcoach.com and join the Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/wishingwelllifecoaching

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The 5 Greatest Personal Development Strategies That Actually Work

sguise — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 04:42:51 +0000

There are thousands of different strategies and ideas on how to improve your life. But how are you supposed to know what really works? By these three metrics:

Your personal experience (what has worked for you before?)
Science and research of how humans grow and change (how does change generally work?)
Others' experience (what has worked for others?)

Only you can know the first part, but I'm here to help out with numbers 2 + 3. In my experience, and through all the research I've done on neurological studies, and through all of the case studies I know, these are the five greatest personal development strategies that actually work!

But First, A Few Notes On The Fascinating Science Of Change

I'm basing my conclusions on science that I have also tested successfully in my life. I've found the studies I mention here to be accurate and I believe these methods will work for almost everyone. With a few exceptions, our brains work mostly the same way. Neural Pathways Your brain has an amazing network of neural pathways. These pathways are communication channels in the brain, or how the brain's different areas communicate with each other. From a scientific standpoint, habits are simply thick neural pathways (i.e. strong neural connections). If every morning for the last 18 years, you have woken up at 6 AM, grabbed the newspaper, and fixed coffee, you will have a thick and strong neural pathway to tell you to do that exact routine on year 18, day two. Neural pathways operate like muscles. They get stronger with use and weaker when neglected. Changing a habit is nothing more than simultaneously weakening one pathway and strengthening another (perhaps new) pathway. It helps to visualize your habits in this way because it gives you an accurate mental image of what's really happening in your brain while you're trying to change. Some people believe they can change overnight or in a short amount of time. Generally, it won't work, and it's clear why not. If it's a bad habit you've strengthened over many years, you can't just drop it. Your brain has been well-trained to execute that habit when triggered by the environment or an internal thought. Or if it's a good habit you're trying to start, you'll have to strengthen it methodically over time just like your biceps, baby. Then there is the prefrontal cortex, which I'd say is the "manager" of your brain. It manages your short term memory and current thoughts. Why are these important? Together, they form the entire potential of your ability to change. When you want to change something about your life or grow in an area, you either need to change the basic framework of how you operate (habits) or change your decisions (prefrontal cortex), or both. Example: You want to become a better guitar player Habit Solution: Make guitar practice a daily habit Prefrontal Cortex Solution: Think of playing guitar as a bigger life priority and decide to focus on it. You can see how the two are related. If you think of guitar as a priority, it will be easier to do it daily and make it habit. Unfortunately, habits are automated processes, so you can't directly change them (that would be like hacking directly into the brain and rewiring it...cool!). What you have to do is use your Prefrontal "manager" Cortex to make the right decisions that will gradually change your automated behaviors and preferences. As they change, it will become easier to behave the way you want to. The more times you do something, the less resistance you'll have to do it again. But this information isn't enough. You need strategies that will allow you to conquer the mental blocks and habitual urges that keep people locked out of positive change paradise. So here they are - the best five strategies you can implement to change your brain, and your life, forever.

1. Start small

Every success story in history can be traced back to a small initial step. In Usain Bolt's case, it literally started out that way. The next time you see Jamaica's favorite lightning bolt race at unparalleled speed, picture him as a baby taking his first, small, unbalanced step. Even he had to learn how to walk before he became the fastest man in the world. Did you know that Apple - the most valuable company on planet earth with a $419 billion market capitalization - was never intended to be a company? The Steves - Jobs and Wozniak - were making computer boards for fun, and that wasn't even their first project. Their first "big" sale was to the Byte Shop, a contract for 50 assembled machines. Yeah but, what about personal development? At the end of last year, I created The One Push-up Challenge, a challenge built around the concept of starting small. It has helped many people, including myself, successfully overcome their habitual hesitation to exercise. The minimum requirement of doing one push-up per day beats anti-exercise habits because it is so easy to start. I bet I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too at first. "One push-up isn't much on it's own, so how does it bring results that matter?" Look at this email I received:

"We recently applied the principles from your one push-up challenge to get us back on the 'workout train'…We started the 'Insanity' workout and our first goal was to just get thru the warm-up…we are now onto our 4th week and getting stronger and stronger day by day. Thanks for the inspiration!" (emphasis added)

As you can see, starting small makes you very likely to start, and good things happen when people start. This couple wanted to exercise and get into shape, but maybe they were psyched out by the difficulty of the program or the amount of effort they'd have to exert. Once they started, however, they worried less about the obstacles and focused on the benefits and excitement of really doing it! This One Push-up Challenge wouldn't even exist if not for the small decision I made two years ago to purchase the domain deepexistence.com for $10. At that point, I had no idea my blog would become such an meaningful part of my life and even win some awards. It wasn't planned. What project or habit have you been stalling on? Start small and you'll be amazed at your mindset change.

2. Step small

Starting is critically important, but so is finishing. And the best way to finish and grow along the way is to take small steps. It's making sure that your successful small start doesn't end prematurely. The key benefit of small steps is consistent progress. If you're not moving forward, you'll be acutely aware of it, and when you go a while without making progress, you'll get discouraged. And the neural pathways you started to build might weaken and die out. The power and effectiveness of taking tiny daily steps towards a goal should not be underestimated. Long distance running becomes psychological than physical. At some point, you have to focus on taking that next step, because if you think, "Oh man, 11 miles to go and I'm so tired," you'll give up. 11 intimidating miles is merely a lot of small unintimidating steps. In my one push-up challenge, I like to set "micro goals" during push-up sessions. Every time you set a goal (even a micro one!) and complete it, you get a motivation boost. Break up your projects into tiny bite-size pieces and take advantage of this. Writers: Set the goal of one sentence, or one word. Then set another goal. If you do that enough, you'll have a book! Entrepreneurs: Set the goal to think of one new business idea, or one new idea to improve your business. Bloggers: Connect with one person. Write one email. Help one blogger. Send one tweet to an important person. Create one small product or a tiny part of a bigger one. Every one of these things can be built off of. The repetition of completing these small steps will build your confidence, increase your motivation, and most importantly, give you real results.

2 more push-ups. Done! Ok, now 3 more push-ups. Finished! Ok, now 2 more...

3. Form Habits

If you only tried to form good habits and unlearn bad habits, your time would be well spent. David T. Neal, Wendy Wood, and Jeffrey M. Quinn from Duke University ran a diary study using students as well as the general community. They found that 45% of participants' behavior "tended to be repeated in the same location almost every day." In other words, 45% of the behavior was due to habit, not active decision-making. (source) Habits are the framework our lives are built upon. Many people suggest 30 days to form a habit. That is false information, and it's common sense as to why. Would it take 30 days to get into a habit of drinking one glass of water per day? Of course not, because it's simple and easy. Would it take 30 days to make 200 push-ups per day a habit? Of course not, because it is extremely challenging and has to override a number of easier habits. Starting small and taking small steps are key parts of making a new habit. New habits are like 100 pound weaklings lifting weights. It's tempting to pick up the 70 pound dumbbell habit, but it's not the best strategy. Use your prefrontal cortex to prioritize habit-making as very important, and start out with one habit you know you can complete, even if it takes 67 days to establish. You know something is a habit when it's more difficult NOT to do it than to do it. There are few things that feel better than successfully establishing a new habit. And once you learn how to do it once, guess what? You can do it again and again until your habits form a solid framework for a happy and successful life.

4. Trial And Error

Say you want to quit smoking, so you try running whenever you get the urge to smoke. But later you find out that having to run stresses you out and makes your craving to smoke worse, and you cave in. That's trial and error. You have an idea that might work, and try it to see if it works. Yeah, I sound stupid talking about something so obvious, but why doesn't anyone do it? Why do we spend 30 years strategizing about how to get in shape instead of trying every idea that comes to mind and seeing if it works? Of course, this isn't to say that strategy doesn't matter, because it does. And you can employ smart strategies with trial and error to get the best results. One important aspect of trial and error is to figure out why a particular solution did not work. When you learn why, you can improve your strategy for next time. Even those who have no strategy can succeed with a brute force trial and error campaign. Most of us are simply too scared about the error part of the equation.

5. Focus

Focus is what ties all of personal development together. It allows you to do what you want in life. My definition of focus is choosing one path and deciding not to pay attention to anything that conflicts with it. The world outside of it becomes a blur. I'll tell you why it's important. Say you want to do the previous 4 steps in here. If you can't focus, you won't do them. You can have all of the secrets of life, but without focus, it's worthless information. Focus is the ability to apply what you've learned. It matters most.

"There is clear and compelling evidence of one unit being maintained in focal attention and no direct evidence for more than one item of information extended over time." Brian McElree, PhD - A New York University Psychology Professor

Studies on the mind always reach one conclusion - focusing on one thing works best. As Professor McElree says, focal attention is singular, and that's why juggling too many ideas at once gets you nowhere. I'm sure you've experienced this. Any time you're overwhelmed, it's the result of your focus being divided. It usually happens when trying to sort out a big project. But you can get focused quickly to sort it out. A focused mind knows the single best action (s)he can take right now. It doesn't matter if you have 35 papers due in one hour. There is always a single best action to take (though you can choose wrong sometimes, it's no worse than freezing in place). Decide, take action, and don't worry about anything else. Focus is necessary for any type of personal development because it allows for consistent progress in one area at a time, which is what your brain is best suited for. Focusing is playing to your brain's strengths. Trying to grow without focus is like trying to fill up four bowls, each with holes in them. You can switch them out as fast as you want, but you'll never fill them all up. But if you hold one bowl underneath with holes in it, the volume of water can still fill the bowl up as it's leaking, and then magical focus fairies will patch the holes up for you. Darn, I was so close with that analogy, but I had to call in the fairies. My mission is to help people stay focused in a distracted world. My name is Stephen Guise and if you subscribe to my blog's list, you'll get my anti-stress eBook as a gift and personally written updates for new articles 2-5 times a month. Not only that, but I'm about to launch the world's first interactive personal development story at my previously unannounced website, Interactive Stories Online. You're the first ones to know! It's going to be even more fun than it sounds. Sign up here to keep updated on this exciting stuff!

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Feeling down? Try These Body Actions to Counter the Feeling

Carlos Coto — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 04:21:12 +0000

Are you feeling down? How many times have you felt down, or start to feel sad and just wanted for it to pass, to go away? I know I have. For a lot of people when the feeling starts, they crash. They might get down and depressed. If you are constantly depressed, I urge you to look for help, you might be having chronic depression, or even bipolar disorder. What I will show you will not counteract a full blown depression or a chronic disorder. It is meant for the average person that feels sad or down when there is a reason for it, in everyday life. Sometimes people might get down because of what someone told them, and if this happens at work, you might be in difficult ground. Should you react? should your emotion show? Depending on your work activities, colleagues, friends, etc. you might get in trouble or not. I am writing this today because I was feeling kind of down at work today. I have been having a rough week, and nothing seems to be going the way I expected. Although I´m always in favor of living your emotion in the moment needed, I can´t do it at work. You see, I am a psychology professor and psychotherapist, and I can´t be attending patients and showing them I´m feeling down. I could have done three things: One, become an "Iron man" or man of steel and seem to everyone as cold, using a "mask" before everyone´s eyes. Two, go to my office and close myself to the world, and stop seeing patients and students. Three, is what I usually do, use an Energy Psychology method, but takes a few minutes or Four, take a brief moment and do myself a few body actions that counteract feeling down. Body Actions that Counteract Feeling Down A) Walk on Tiptoes On my last post here at Pick The Brain, I talked about grounding, and how it helps to deal with difficult emotions. A great grounding technique is to walk using the whole foot. Stepping carefully and mindful to every micro movement of the feet. When you are feeling down, or starting to feel down, try walking tiptoeing. When you tip toe, you are lifting the weight of your body, and concentrating the weight on the tips of your toes. When you are depressed, your feet almost get glued to the floor, and taking each step is too much, therefore you drag your feet. When you tip toe, you need to lift your body... A conscious action against dragging, your feet, which is the natural action to get "down". By Tiptoeing you get "up". B) Do Some Jumping Jacks Try doing 20 Jumping Jacks. I know, for a lot of us, 20 is a lot! What I want is to: 1. Lift your body off the ground (explanation as above, like tiptoeing). 2. Exercise makes your body to pump more oxygen, blood, etc. Moves your whole body into action, and fights stasis. The thinking is that if you´re down, you don´t exercise, so if you exercise... 3. Exercise liberates Endorphins, and Endorphins make you feel good.

According to Wikipedia: "Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opioid peptides that function as neurotransmitters.They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise, excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being."

C) Expand Your Chest When you feel sad, or down, you protect your "heart" (emotions) by closing your chest. You use your shoulders and posture to slouch. By slouching your are "protecting" your emotions. What you need to do is actually stand up straight, and expand your chest. Let it show, and expand with a better posture. This will get more oxygen to your lungs, and when you are feeling PROUD, you use this posture. What I want you to do in this situation is to use your proud posture. D) Elevate your arms above the head This is just like tiptoeing. When people are sad, or down, they usually let their arms fall. They let their arms stay by their sides or trunk of the body. I want you to raise your arms, as you do, when you´re feeling victorious. When people let the feeling of victory to show, they RAISE THEIR ARMS. So, raise your arms, and feel VICTORIOUS! E) Elevate your chin and SMILE! When you slouch, you leave your chin down, and you frown, or put a sad face. I need you to expand your chest, and while you do it, elevate your chin. When you are feeling proud, you elevate your chin. Smile Smile, even if you don´t feel like it. When you smile, your muscles on your face act. Your muscles trigger body memory, and your brain triggers endorphins. So remember, if you want to fight getting "down", you must fight against gravity, and go "UP", with your body, symbolically and literally. Let me know what you think about these simple techniques! and if you use them, and help you please let me know, and also if they don´t! Carlos is a Psychology Professor in a local university in El Salvador, a psychotherapist, creator of HandLink Technique (Energy Psychology), blogger, musician, and host of Sight For Sore Eyes Blog. At his blog you may download free his HandLink Technique and two videos that help you Change from The Core, and kick some ... in business and in life.

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