Humans are social beings. We enjoy being understood and accepted; feeling that we belong. Maybe that’s why our friends, family and romantic partners are so important to us.

Unfortunately, Western culture values individual achievement over personal relationships. We’re good at finding career success but less than stellar at connecting with other people. As a result, our relationships often suffer.

But wouldn’t you love to rekindle the spark you once had with your significant other? Be respected and understood by your friends? Admired for who you are by your family?

If you want to make all these things happen, this post is for you.

Here are 5 ways to build better relationships with everyone.

1.    Learn To Listen and Understand

“You never listen.” “You just don’t get me.” 

Children say it to parents; wives to husbands; friends to each other. And they’re probably right – people are always too busy thinking about themselves to listen.

Everyone wants to share the newest story; the great idea they just had; their thoughts and advice. Most of us are either talking or waiting for our turn to talk. This doesn’t make for good conversation – or strong relationships.

The solution is simple: connect with people by listening and understanding.

When talking to someone, hear them out without judgment or interruption. Focus on what’s being said and do your best to understand. Your attention and empathy will be appreciated by others.

2.      Trust Other People

We often find it hard to trust because we’ve been hurt in the past. People coming out of romantic relationships are especially wary of opening their hearts again. But the truth is, ALL relationships – family, business, platonic – require trust.

Having no trust means worrying about what others are doing, thinking and saying when you’re not around. It means monitoring and controlling someone instead of enjoying them. Doesn’t sound fun, right?

At the end of the day, you can never know whether someone’s going to hurt you or not. There are no guarantees in life. You can try to protect yourself – but unless you make it a full-time job, you’re more likely to drive yourself crazy.

3.         Be Honest About Your Wants

Have you ever felt disappointed because someone didn’t act as expected? Maybe your parents said something hurtful; maybe your boyfriend didn’t realize you were mad at him. You probably felt let down at the time.

But if you think about it, we set ourselves up for disappointment so often. We fail to tell others what we want and then blame them for not reading our minds.

When you want something – or want to share something – be honest about it. Expressing your desires might feel uncomfortable, but it gives the other person a fighting chance to give you what you really want.

4. Be A Giver

We’re always looking to gain something from other people: positive emotions, knowledge, gifts. This is fine: humans are selfish by nature. “What’s in it for me?” is the first question we subconsciously ask ourselves.

The problem is, you can’t just take and take in relationships. If you don’t give back something of equal or greater value, there’s no reason for other people to stay around you.

That’s why investing yourself into relationships works so well. Make people feel good; gift them your undivided attention; make time for those who really matter. Giving value is the best way to be appreciated by the people around you.

5. Let Go Of The Need To Be Right

If we disagree with a person, we get angry. If we disapprove of something, we judge. If we feel we know best, we give unsolicited advice. In short, being right feels good; being wrong feels bad.

But when you think about it, nobody likes being told what to do. Unless a person explicitly asks for advice, they want to be understood – not lectured. When dealing with other people, let go of the need to be right.

That means you don’t force your opinion on other people. Don’t be pushy, self-righteous and judgmental– no matter how you might feel. Even when you think you’re right, understand that different people have different opinions!

Accept other people for what they are, right or wrong, and they’ll love you for it.

Conclusion

In today’s world, it’s always about “me, me, me.” This is why our relationships with friends, family and romantic partners are weak. You can’t connect with other people if you’re thinking about yourself all the time!

The best way to build better relationships with everyone is through positivity. From listening to other people to letting go of the temptation to judge, the tips in this post are all based on being a good person.

Now apply these techniques to your life and build better relationships with everyone.

Did you find any of these tips useful? Do you have more ideas on building better relationships with people? Leave a comment; I’d love to hear from you!

—-

George P.H. helps people figure out relationships, find confidence and turbocharge their lives with awesomeness. If you liked this post, check out The Man-Up Blog or tweet George anytime.

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While being Human is never easy, there are three functions we need to stay aware of to make our lives more effective and thereby happy. While life will always be hard work, keeping each function in mind goes a long way to empowering effectiveness. It is not as simple as it seems.

THOUGHTS: An effective life requires effective use of thoughts. Wherever thoughts come from, and this is not the place to debate biology and psychology, it is most useful to be aware as possible that you are both in control of your thoughts and not in control of them. No matter how sophisticated, or even enlightened you become, you will always have a steady stream of negative, what are really garbage thoughts, that need to be treated as such, and positive thoughts you want to hold onto, treasure and use.

FEELINGS: In general while feelings often seem, or can be a reaction to the external world, they ordinarily and most frequently follow thoughts. Effective use of feelings as our central source of available energy strengthens self-esteem, self-confidence and effective living. All feelings are incredible sources of energy, even paradoxically that, the more negative and painful they are the more energy they have locked up in them for use. But feelings come and and go, and you must feel them all, listen to what they are telling you, and then positive or negative, let them do their work and pass in order to access their energy.

BEHAVIOR: Lastly, whether our lives are effective or not depends ultimately on our behavioral choices. Making effective behavioral choices however highly depends on our awareness and choice of thoughts and how we cope and adapt to the resultant feelings or feelings precipitated by external events. In all cases it deeply depends on the ultimate security we feel within ourself which comes from situations not fully in our control like physiology, external events, and most importantly the nature of our early experiences; but most important to know is that we can change the nature of our ongoing experiences.

This may all sound obvious or simple, but it is not. As you try to balance your life, it is important to remain aware that it is the looping between any two functions that causes most distress.This looping will put up massive resistance to adding awareness and use of a third function. This may be part of the etymology of the expression, “he’s loopy.” It may also be seen in the idea two’s company three’s a crowd; or expressed in the ‘oedipal conflict’, the pressure in a child competing with or trying to get between parents; or a parent colluding with a child consciously or unconsciously making a spouse the third; or a child out of control when they are metaphorically allowed to stand on the shoulders of one parent and thereby feel bigger than the other parent.

For instance, say you feel stuck and are not getting on with doing (behaving) what you need to do to live effectively like earning extra money. Your thoughts and feelings will loop and seem like a jungle you have to push through to get on with effective behavior. This may be called laziness by you or others, or take the forms of obsession, compulsion, or hoarding.

Or, if you are looping between thoughts and behavior cut off from your feelings except craving, the temptation to keep ‘doing’, including ‘doing nothing’, to become a ‘human doing’ instead of a ‘human being’, can seem like an overwhelming challenge to control. You think up your latest plan while rushing from ‘doing’ part of one thing, to ‘doing’ part of another. This is where addiction hides.

Or, lastly, if you are looping between feelings and behavior, the rush of feelings driving you to act ineffectively, or even insanely, can make it feel like you don’t even have a mind to think with. In the same way your out of control behavior scares you silly, floods your mind with feelings and completes the fixed loop. That is why this loop is often central to the saying: ‘he’s lost his mind.’

THE THREE FUNCTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS: ‘ME’ and ‘NOT ME’.

In working to become highly aware of your own three functions you must assess how much of your functions are the ‘me’ that you want, and how much are really past patterns with parent(s), or parental patterns, or other authority figures you are automatically carrying on. This complexity of thoughts, feelings, and behavior make it difficult to know just what is ‘me’ and ‘not me’.

EXAMPLE of  ‘NOT ME’:

Your parent(s) dies or abandons you, therefore everyone is a jerk and will abandon you, you can never trust anyone, you’re scared, you’ll abandon your friends before you get hurt, even if your friend is by and large a thoughtful, loving person you feel you must be missing something, you’re getting out of there, you’re being smothered, you’re losing yourself, you don’t want to be the bad one so you set the scene so you’re abandoned like you know was going to happen anyway, no one really loves you, you’re just an add on, they’re big and powerful, you’re tiny and weak, they’re knowledgable, you’re stupid, and yet you must search for them endlessly and you find yourself automatically attracted to older or younger others, and so on.

The point here is to see how these thoughts, feelings and behavior that you mistakenly think of as ‘me’, are actually loops based on repeating and trying to complete transactions from your past. As long as you don’t work everyday to at least try and see where your functions are coming from, you will mistakenly think and feel that you have no chance of owning ‘me’, creating necessary internal security yourself and thereby making your own effective functional choices in relationships, and EQUALLY important, but often neglected, in your interests.

EXAMPLE OF ‘ME’:

Everyday things and people happen that hurt you and help you. Everyday you help or hurt yourself through what you do or don’t do. You watch the thoughts that continuously pass through your mind of criticism, judgment of self or other, of non-forgiveness, of craving, of greed, of superiority, of inferiority, of past traumas and loss, of situations that seem out of control, of every little thing that gets in your way and frustrates you, of violence, of sadness, of anger: and you LET THESE THOUGHTS GO. You watch carefully, observing your own mind, and you choose the thoughts that support and validate you. You put them in your personal bank account so you can see that they are there. They grow and create necessary internal security by earning interest everyday.

Feelings rush in and out of your body and mind and one minute you are in deep despair, the next minute you are panicking, and then for long periods you may feel at peace. You remind yourself repeatedly that whether its source is internal in your thoughts, or external in that someone didn’t hold the elevator door for you, feelings come and go. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. THEY WILL PASS.

You remind yourself in everything you do that I AM ME. It is my decision what I do regardless of what I, or others, think or feel; but as ‘ME’, I WILL BEHAVE EFFECTIVELY IN MY OWN, AND AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE OTHERS’, BEST INTEREST. And WHEN I, OR OTHERS, MAKE MISTAKES, AS I AND THEY WILL, I WILL FORGIVE AND START AGAIN. MISTAKES YOU REMIND YOURSELF ARE ESSENTIAL NUTRIENTS FOR THE EFFECTIVE GROWTH OF THE STRENGTH OF ‘ME.’

Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well.

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“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be” – Joseph Campbell

If you can do it anyone else can do it too. Do you know that to be true? We all have the ability to stretch beyond our believed capacity and reach for the stars. But many of us have self-imposed beliefs that prevent us from getting to the next level.

Do you know who Roger Bannister is? He was the first person to run a mile in under four minutes.. The four-minute mile was believed to be impossible to reach until Roger did it in 1952. The motivating factor for Bannister was to prove that running a mile in under four minutes was not a myth and completely possible to do. In other words, he crushed a limiting belief that had been long-held by sportswriters and fellow runners in his time.

Guess what happened as a result of Bannister running a mile in under four minutes? You guessed it, the ‘four minute barrier’ has since been broken by many male athletes, and is now the standard of all male professional middle distance runners.

The point of this post is not to discuss your running abilities. But rather to show you that anything is possible if you believe it to be. Witnessing Bannister run the mile in under four minutes allowed for other runners to not only know it is possible to do, but to actually do it themselves.

You see, whatever anyone has done can be replicated by you. What was once believed to be impossible is now very possible.

We are living in very special times. What once took a lifetime to carry out can now become real in almost no time at all. Just look at technology for example. We can do things now like have a Skype call face to face in “real time” on a monitor with someone on the other side of the World.

This was just a neat idea when I was a kid. Now it is real and I have experienced it first hand. We are also in a time where our thoughts are manifesting much quicker into reality. I won’t go into the whole LOA thing here but our thoughts are things, and every thought we have sends a signal from our brain out into the physical world. Similar to a radio or cell phone signal.

Now, more people than ever are having psychic experiences, and even more amazing, they are willing to talk about them openly without fear of ridicule. How many times have you thought of someone and you receive a call, email or they just sent you a message through social media? It’s happening, and it’s happening at a very deep level for many.

What about your dreams. Have they been “uber” real lately? Mine have. Very rich and vivid dreams as if they are really happening, well, that is without this heavy, dense suit that I call my body.

Many are realizing that they are conscious beings that actually have more control over their lives than they once believed they had. Human beings are remembering that they are beings and that their being is more important than titles, degrees, social status and so on.

We are in an age of transformation or as many of you know it as the “New Age” of humanity. We are at the place where “old ways” are being removed for “new ways.” We are leaving a place of great darkness and heading to a place of light and awareness.

Many of you are being called forward to step up to the plate and to take your place in this new world of creation. Nothing is impossible in this new time because if I can do it, so can you. If you can do it, so can I.

Are you ready for your new responsibility?

Many of you are in a profession that you are not cut out to be in. Perhaps your parents thought you should be a teacher so you went to school, got your degree, and now you are one. The experience of teaching turned out to not be the best career choice for you, but it has a great retirement plan. Right?

Wrong! Your spirit, the real you is nudging you in a new direction in life but you feel afraid to make the change. I get it, I feel fear too, but I Overcome it and move on in spite of it. This is the only way to real happiness, to real contentment with your life.

How many times can you get up every morning excited about a life that you are not excited about? For me, I’d rather stay in bed than to live a life that isn’t fun and exciting for me. So how do you make the change without losing something? Everything has temporary sacrifices but they will pass. You may need to take a step back in order to take five steps forward. Are you willing to do it?

Perhaps you just need courage to change. Fear of the unknown is the most common of all fears. Most of you have faced your fears in life yet you still have a fear of what lies ahead for you. What if you could learn to transform fear into curiosity? Would you be more likely to take a step into the unknown then?

The only way to truly be free is to not fear your fear, but to transform it into curiosity like; “I wonder what would happen if I went this direction with my life?” What would happen? You won’t ever know unless you move towards it with curiosity instead of fear.

Justin Mazza is the owner and author of the award-winning personal growth blog Mazzastick.com. He invites you to have a look at his latest eBook and audio program: Overcoming Fear: Sticking it to What’s Holding You Back.

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As the cold Pacific storms crossed the skies above my Northern California home, I found myself deep in a rot. This condition caught me off guard because I had no particular reason to feel this way. I’m usually a pretty happy guy. As a result, I began questioning the whole origin of happiness, down to what makes us happy?

This quest of mine wasn’t going very well. Ah, sitting around trying to figure out the timeless questions! As a matter a fact, it was making me feel even worse. What if I’ll never be able to figure it out, I wondered. Clearly I just needed more time to contemplate.

At that very moment, my thoughts were interrupted by a doorbell. My next door neighbor stopped by to ask me for a hand in his yard. I reluctantly agreed. After all, what could be more important than pondering life’s greatest mysteries? Lazily, I assisted him with his work in hope of quickly returning back to my thoughts.

However the work gradually drew me in, and I found myself actually starting to enjoy it. The thoughts which clouded my mind most of the day dissipated. My attention was now entirely in the moment. As my mind became clear of thoughts, I found myself at peace and happy!

A few hours later, as work came to an end, my body cried with fatigue, while my heart celebrated the satisfaction of the accomplishment. Suddenly I broke out in laughter, realizing that once again life taught me a valuable lesson!

I was standing in the yard covered in sweat and dirt, with a grin on my face. I saw that happiness cannot be the direct goal in itself. Happiness can only be achieved as the result of other actions. One does not wake up in the morning claiming happiness as the day’s goal. Happiness and joy are born from love, compassion and benevolence.

Happiness Through Giving

There is a beautiful energy emanating from offering service and giving. This energy is expansive. It stimulates others to continue the gift of giving. Offer selfless service and giving, without any expectation of a reward. The rewards is in the act of giving itself.

Giving, does not have to be limited to material objects in nature. It can be through giving of your time and attention. Offering comfort, listening and supporting, are all gifts that are much needed and appreciated. It is only when we offer ourselves to others, can we experience true happiness and satisfaction.

Happiness Through Acceptance

In terms of happiness, acceptance plays two roles. The first, is the general acceptance of your life for what it is. It’s having what the Buddhism refers to as “the beginners mind”. It’s the practice of acceptance that is devoid of judgement and criticism. In order to be happy, let go of the control, and trust in the Higher Power to guide you to your destiny.

The second role is to practice acceptance of the gifts that are offered to you. It’s to understand the cycle of giving and receiving. Giving is a form of energy. If the gift is denied, the energy associated with the spirit of that gift is also blocked. For it to be fully effective, the gift must be received and reciprocated.

Happiness Through Detachment

Detachment has been practiced in ancient cultures for a millennia, and it leads us to freedom from ourselves. Attaching our emotions to an outcome of an event, will only lead to disappointment. Practice healthy detachment. Keep in mind that letting go, is much more rewarding than accumulating. This includes detachment from objects, outcomes and emotions.

Happiness Through Peace

The state of happiness is undoubtedly a powerful, uplifting emotion. It is however of impermanent nature, as are all strong emotions. I would much rather live a lifetime in a state of peace, than experience moments of intense happiness alternated with sorrow. Engage in activities such as meditation to calm down the mind and develop a peaceful state of being.

In Conclusion

I find that love, acceptance and giving, are the paths that lead to happiness. Happiness is the culmination of these qualities, and not their cause. If you’re looking for happiness, then you need to engage in creating the environment that will lead you to it. To summarize it, put happy in, get happy out!

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Vlad is a blogger, dreamer and a minimalist. As a spiritual counselor, he encourages people to live a life of self discovery. To experience purpose. You can find him on his blog at Simpler Life Today and on Google +.

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Everybody talks about motivation and goal setting. It’s timeless. Everyone is also trying to make it look very complicated, like it’s a secret. They even came up with a DVD called “The Secret.” Really? Since when did all of this “motivational” stuff became a secret. When did taking care of yourself and taking responsibility for your own actions become a novelty? Nowadays, people need to actually read a book in order to treat themselves with respect and love. Personally, I don’t believe that you can buy motivation. You either have it or you don’t. I’m not trying to motivate you with this article; instead, I will provide you with the tools to make better decisions and as results live the life you always wanted.

I’m going to talk a little about something we make every day: decisions.

I hope you understand that everything about and around you is a result of your own decisions. Your whole life is a result of your own decisions.  “Decision” is the bridge between your thoughts and your actions.

We make decisions every day. From simple decisions as brushing your teeth to deciding “with or without crème in your coffee.” Everything you do is a result of a decision.

But what is the definition of a “decision” and why is it so important for you to understand this?

When making any decision, whether you like it or not, you are okay with the consequences. We are instantly and subconsciously validating the outcome of our decisions as we are making them.  If you think about it, it only makes sense to make those decisions that will eventually make us happy and achieve our goals; however, that’s not always the case.  For example, when we decide to stay up all night drinking, we are immediately accepting the fact that tomorrow we are going to have a hangover. Why would you complain about being sick after consciously and deliberately make the decision to drink all night? Because we also made a decision to ignore the consequences. It’s almost a state of denial.  As you take responsibility for the consequences of your decisions, you are also deciding to stay in control, therefore, you cannot complain about the outcome. Remember? You accepted the consequences.  By taking responsibility you have the power to change the outcome. If you don’t like or agree with the results of your decisions, change them.  For example, when you decide to go for a swim, you understand and accept the fact you are not going to drown. Bottom line, when making any decision we are accepting the consequences. When people fail to understand this, they will complain about the consequences and will not be happy with the results.

There are two types of decisions: conscious decisions and subconscious decisions.

A conscious decision can also be associated with setting goals. When we set a goal, we consciously agree to follow a set of actions that are required to make that goal become reality.  Everyone has a goal, from trying to lose weight to wanting to become successful or any other goal. When you set a goal to lose weight, you agree to exercise and eat healthy, right? That is because it is a conscious goal; however, lots of people have a hard time accomplishing this goal. You’re probably asking why? When making a decision to eat poorly, subconsciously, you are immediately accepting the consequences. Subconsciously, you are accepting to look and feel poorly.  Somehow, it serves a purpose for you to feel that way. You have probably heard the saying “everything you do is for a reason”. Let me tell you… It is! Your subconscious goal will sabotage your conscious goal. Most of the time, your subconscious goal will prevail. Why? Because it has been there for a long time and it has become part of who you are. You are a walking billboard of your subconscious mind.  If you are like me, you’ll find it foolish to set a goal to become successful but somehow allow your actions to lead you in the complete opposite direction. Why? Because somehow being a victim serves a purpose for you.

Once you understand that making a decision means agreeing and accepting the consequences, you’re going to gain more clarity in making decisions and your success rate will increase.  It’s going to help you “predict” the future. If you’re aware of the consequences, it will only make sense to make the right decisions that support your goals.  My advice to you:  “Don’t make decisions based on how you feel. Make decisions based on what your goals are.”

Thank you and good luck.

—-

World Wrestling Champion and successful entrepreneur, Leo came to the US 10 years ago with $10 on his pocket and 4 words of English.  Combining his work ethic, knowledge, and adherence to discipline, Leo found a way to share his passion for athleticism and personal growth with people of all ages and walks of life. RESULTS STUDIO and LeoFrincu.com became the embodiment of Leo’s burning desire to contribute to the community by enabling people to overcome personal adversity and reach their best potential.

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“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.” – Charles C. Noble.

Committing to exercise is always a difficult thing.  We throw ourselves at the task only to quit a few months later because we just don’t have the time for it.  Over the years I’ve come to realize that exercise isn’t something we find time for, but rather it’s a behavior we need to build up so that it carves a space for itself in our daily routine.  Just like how brushing our teeth is something we just do in the morning, exercise can be just something we do on a daily basis without having to think about it.  So how can we make exercise as automatic as brushing our teeth? By approaching it with the intent to build a habit.

Here are the 4 steps you can take to build the exercise habit:

1. Shrink the change – If you have ever pledged to work out everyday for an hour only to end up back where you started, it may be because the change was too big.  Make your new exercise habit small and make it so easy to do that you can’t find an excuse not to do it.  For example instead of working out for an hour just exercise for 15 minutes, or get very specific and very small and start with just 10 pushups a day. Shrinking the change helps you get some quick wins, which in turn remove the dread of the task and get the progress rolling toward your new exercise habit.
2. Create a trigger and place your behavior immediately behind it - A trigger is a reminder, physical or not, that spurs you to do a particular action.  For example putting your running shoes right in front of your door might remind you to run for 10 minutes in the morning, or an afternoon text message from a friend might remind you to drop and do 10 pushups.  The best type of triggers are things you already do without thinking, things like going to the bathroom in the morning, or brushing your teeth work well as triggers.  When designing for behavior change place your new exercise habit behind a trigger and do the action immediately after it.
3. Train the cycle and escalate – Habits take time to form.  Some experts say a month, others say less or more than that, really it doesn’t matter how long it takes, just continue to do the action everyday until you don’t have to think about it anymore.  Once you hit this zone, start escalating the habit, for example adding an extra mile, or 20 more pushups. The idea is that now that the habit has carved its own space in your routine you can start adding more things to your workout and feel confident that you’ll keep it up.
4. Shape your environment – This is about assessing your environment and redesigning it in ways that nudge you to exercise.   For example you could redesign your social circle by surrounding yourself with people who exercise daily, or you could redesign your physical space by purchasing a pullup bar to trigger you to do your 5 daily pullups.  You could also add an incentive or reward and connect it to your new habit, like treating yourself to a massage at the end of the week.  Either way it’s important to shape the environment around you to make getting up and moving around as mindless as possible.

Changing any behavior into a habit requires thoughtful design and patience, but on the other side of all that is a sense of control over the habits that that can keep you on a path to health and happiness. So remember, keep the change small, create a trigger, train the cycle and shape the path and you’ll be on your way to a healthier and fit you.

Kevin Asuncion is a NASM certified personal trainer and Founder of Movemo, a health and fitness company that teaches and empowers those who move our world forward to live healthier so that they can increase the positive change they make in the world.

Photo credit: Mike Baird

No one likes to fail. Whether it’s at work, at home, or in another area of your life, failure is painful – and it can also be costly in terms of time, money, or both.

But failure is a normal part of life. If you never, ever suffer a failure, then you’re probably not pushing yourself to your full potential. Often, it’s only through failure that we eventually meet with success.

Here’s how to pick yourself up after you’ve failed:

Limit the Damage Caused

Once you realize you’ve failed, you need to take steps to limit the damage caused by that failure. That could mean:

• You sell off that gym equipment that you’re never going to get round to using
• You step down from that position that you should never have taken in the first place
• You apologize to someone who you hurt by saying something thoughtless or unkind

Whatever the situation, being proactive is always going to be a better option than sticking your head in the sand and wishing it had never happened.

Remember that Other People Fail Too

Most people don’t talk openly about their failures. They’ll tell you about that great new contract they signed … not that deal they worked on for months, only to have it slip through their fingers.

But failure is normal, and lots of people fail time and time again before meeting with success. Here are a few quotes that might help you to remember that:

“Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times.”

– Napoleon Hill

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

– Michael Jordan

“I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I still had a daughter who I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

– J.K. Rowling

Remind Yourself of Your Past Successes…

Failing doesn’t mean that you’re worthless, or that you’ll never achieve the things you want. Think of all the times in the past when you’ve succeeded.

Maybe you got a promotion that you worked for last year, or you had a great GPA in college, or you lost weight, or you learned to play a musical instrument. You might want to write down a list of successes – things that you’ve accomplished over the past few years, whether big or small. If you ever lack confidence, you can go back and read over that list.

…And Your Past Failures

Your past successes are important … but so are your past failures. You’ve made mistakes before, and you’ve survived them. Perhaps you did badly in an exam, or screwed something up at work, or lost your temper and had to apologize.

It’s not fun to think about the times when things went wrong, but by acknowledging your failures, you can remind yourself that today is no different. Just as you recovered in the past, you can recover from your recent failure too.

Make a Decision

Whatever went wrong, you’re probably facing some sort of decision – even once the initial consequences are over. For instance, perhaps you took out a credit card and ended up in debt. You’re facing two choices: keep using the card, or make it inaccessible in some way.

Don’t rush into making hasty decisions – but do look for a forward path. That might require some deep thinking. You can help yourself by:

• Getting some extra advice and support with a particular area of your life, perhaps from a professional like a doctor, personal trainer, life coach, or counselor.
• Reading and learning more, if a lack of knowledge led to your failure.
• Talking through your options with a loved one or close friend, or writing in a journal about the decision(s) that you face.

“Doing nothing” is certainly an option … but it’s a decision in itself, and often one that won’t lead to anything positive.

Whatever failure you’re struggling with right now, you can learn from it, and move on.

If you want to share your experiences or thoughts, leave a comment below.

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Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.  ~Confucius

Motivation is what gets you started.  Habit is what keeps you going.  ~Jim Ryun

When you find your passion, you’ll have a boost of motivation to get started and change your life.

However, this motivation won’t last if you don’t turn it into habits.

We are creatures of habits. Our human nature always looks for ways to create patterns and do things on autopilot.

Habits are what differentiate successful people from others.

The habits that you’ve developed in the LOST phase – where you used to wander aimlessly without a clear passion or purpose – won’t help you build a life of passion.

That’s why you need to develop a new set of habits to serve you in your newly passionate pursuit.

These are 10 habits of passionate people that you can start cultivating today:

1. Wake Up Early:

The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years.  ~Thomas Jefferson

Passionate people are usually early risers. There is something magical in rising early, and preferably at dawn. This peaceful period before the rest of the world wake up can be the most productive period of your day.

When I started the habit of waking up early at 4:30 am everyday, I felt like I was not living before. The amount of progress, inner peace, and joy that I experienced all the day made me regret the years in which the sun always caught me in bed!

2. Read Vigorously

I find television to be very educating.  Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.  ~Groucho Marx

If you replace some TV time by reading a good book, you’ll be the most educated person among your friends and associates. And you’ll be a high achiever too.

My mentor Jim Cathcart changed his life after he listened to Earl Nightingale on the radio saying that if you studied a certain topic for one hour every day, you’ll become a national expert in 5 years!

There is an amazing quote attributed to Mark Twain that says, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”

If you don’t like reading, you can do with audio books. You’ve to find a way to READ, there are no workarounds.

3. Simplify

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.  ~Hans Hofmann

Simplify everything is your work and life. Start by eliminating the unnecessary. Everything that has nothing to do with your passion and purpose should be eliminated. They shouldn’t occupy any space in your daily life, because they are just a waste of time, energy and money.

When you have less needs, and you learn to enjoy more with less, you’ll increase your financial independence too.

4. Slow Down

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.  ~Lily Tomlin

You can never embrace a life of passion in the middle of a busy, stressful, and chaotic environment.

You must find some quiet time for yourself. Slow down and listen to your inner voice. Slow down and evaluate your progress. Slow down and maintain your focus on what matters most.

If you could develop the habit of waking up early, you’ll find it easier to develop this habit. You can easily find time to breathe, reflect and meditate.

Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.  ~John De Paola

5. Workout

Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it.  ~Plato

Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.  ~Edward Stanley

Health care is very important. So many people follow their passion with great enthusiasm, but they put too much pressure on their body and ignore their overall health and well being. They think they are supposed to work really hard to fulfill their purpose and grow their passion.

These are good intentions, but you should be aware that if you don’t take care of your body, it will soon collapse and this will not serve your passion well.

Health care should be on top of your priorities to maintain a good, prosperous and passionate lifestyle.

One of the best books I’ve read on the topic of health and well-being is 8 Weeks To Optimum Health by Dr. Weil.

6. Practice Daily

The more I practice, the luckier I get.  ~Jerry Barber

It has been said that luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

You’ve to practice your passion daily. If you failed to do so, your passion will soon fade away and you’ll be drifted away from the right path by the busyness of life.

Talent can’t survive without or can’t compensate practice.

You don’t even need talent if you exert enough effort in practicing and sharpening your skills.

Practice and be always prepared, so that when the right opportunity presents itself, you are ready to seize it.

7. Network

We cannot live only for ourselves.  A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.  ~Herman Melville

Surround yourself with passionate people. That’s the most important habit of all. It can accelerate your success like no other habit.

Connecting with passionate people forms the best support system for your passion. You’ll find the good advice, the necessary push, and the continuous encouragement.

What is the point of connecting with people who are still stuck in jobs they hate and not following their passion. What are your going to get from them except discouragement and trying hard to pull you down?

I believe the level you can reach in life is directly proportional to the level where the people you hang the most with exist.

It’s been said that your net-worth is determined by your network.

8. Keep a Gratitude Journal

If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.  ~Robert Quillen

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.  ~Epictetus

Gratitude is the best attitude.  ~Author Unknown

This one habit does wonders. Be grateful for what you already have and at the same time aim for the better. Rest assured that when you’re clear about your purpose in life, you’ll recognize better opportunities much easier. Just be patient and grateful.

Remember, when gratitude grows up, more joy shows up.

I urge you to develop the habit of having a “Gratitude Journal”. Every night before you go to sleep, write down just one thing you’re grateful for in the day. Then expect miracles to happen!

My life purpose coaching clients experience amazing results in the first week of doing this exercise.

9. Be Prolific

Over 300 banks refused and the 303rd bank agreed to give Walt Disney a fund to build Disney Land.

Over 1000 restaurants refused and the 1010th restaurant agreed to use Colonel Sanders’s chicken recipe that changed the eating habits of the whole world with KFC.

It took him over a million images spanning 35 years, before Steve McCurry’s photo of Sharbat Gula (The Afgan Girl) was globally recognized and linked to Leonardo da Vinci’s painting of the Mona Lisa.

134 publishers rejected Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen’s Chicken Soup for the Soul before it turns into a mega all-time bestseller.

Edison made 1,000 (or 10,000) unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb.

During his life time, Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting for a very small amount of money. Today, his over 800 known works bring in hundreds of millions.

Mozart died with little to his name. Today, his over 600 pieces of music are considered some of the best ever created!

Can you see a pattern here?

If you want to turn your passion into a worldwide sensation, you got to be prolific and never give up. Keep producing great work, and one may take the world by surprise and make you a globally recognized star.

Produce more work than anyone could think humanly possible. I consider this the secret habit of champions (or legends).

10.    Have a Blog

“Blogs are much more powerful than most realize. They’re a simple way to explore and share the thoughts and beliefs you’re excited about and for people to immediately see and provide feedback.” - Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend

A blog is a multimedia platform through which you can share your passion with the world in text, audio or video formats. People can come read, listen or watch you delivering your value. And if they like what you do, they will share it with their friends and the community will grow.

It is also a perfect way to practice and share your passion with the world on a daily basis. It ensures a constant strong bond between you and your passion.

These 10 habits will make a huge difference for you. They form a strong foundation to build and grow your passion. Like any habit, it takes time to develop and make them work. But once they are there, you’ll be on the fast track to achieve remarkable success.

Now my question to you is this: what habit has made the biggest difference for you?

Mohamed Tohami is a bestselling author and the creator of “The P.A.S. Technique: The World’s Easiest Way To Find Your Passion and Purpose In Life”. Visit his Transformational Motivation blog now to grab a free copy of his special report “4 Steps to a Life of Passion”.

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There have been many times in my life when I thought I was angry, only to discover that it was really frustration. Frustration, at its core is wanting something to be other than it is: A different time; a different place; a different color; a different job; a different feeling; a different person. It doesn’t matter what it is, you just want it to be different.

Since you probably don’t have a magic lamp with a wish-granting genie inside, I am guessing that you have probably been frustrated at one time or another.

For many us, a lot of our frustration comes from our deepest desires being constantly unmet.  If you’ve been chasing something for years, and don’t feel like you’re getting any closer, you’re going to feel frustrated.  There may be times when you feel like screaming to no one in particular, “Just give me what I want already!”  And for some of us, it’s other people who seem to be our primary source of aggravation.  They’re simply not cooperative, courteous, appreciative, or thoughtful enough for our liking, or maybe they just refuse to see things our way.

So what is it that has you pulling your hair out, swearing under your breath, and banging your head against the wall?  Who is it that has you completely mad?  Is it your boss?  Maybe it’s your rude neighbors?  Does your significant other refuse to budge on an important issue?

Do you find yourself increasingly annoyed with our elected officials?  Why can’t they deliver on their promises? Are you sick of struggling to pay the bills, or tired of dragging in your studies?  Fed up with your dead end job?  Are you exasperated that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to lose weight and get in shape?

All of these examples are common sources of frustration, and most of us learn to deal with and accept them.  However, some problems can get you so down, that they can negatively affect the quality of your life.  You could find yourself so overwhelmed and beat down by frustration that you start spending your days wallowing in despair.  Also, chronic frustration will eventually rob you of your motivation, and have you ready to just give up.

Unlocking yourself from feeling chronic frustration is not as hard as it might seem at first glance.  But it does require a drastic change in attitude.  You must resolve to stop giving in to feelings of hopelessness, and start finding solutions.  Here are four good tips for freeing yourself from the clutches of frustration:

Find A Way to Vent

A big part of frustration is the feeling is that nobody’s listening, nobody understands, or nobody cares.  Finding effective ways to vent and be heard can go a long way towards curbing the feeling of being totally flustered.  Annoyed with your neighbors?  Then join or create a neighborhood association to, among other things, address your issues.  Is there serious friction between you and your spouse?  Schedule a couple’s therapy session, or seek out the assistance of your local clergy.  Can’t seem to drop that extra 20lbs?  Arrange a consultation with a personal trainer or local nutritionist, and describe to them your weight loss challenges.  Heck, sometimes all it takes is the willingness to open up to a trusted friend or relative, and confide in them some of your struggles.  Although your problems won’t vanish instantly, the burden of carrying your angst in silence will be lifted considerably.

Set Goals

The most maddeningly frustrating thing about most bothersome situations is the feeling that you’re just treading water; in other words, you’re going nowhere.  However, by setting goals you’re taking definite action towards a solution, or resolution of some sort.  The knowledge that you’re actively working on the problem instead of just being frustrated about is very reassuring, and can help abate any feelings of defeatism trying to creep in.

When I felt thwarted by my sluggish weight loss, here‘s what I did:  I simply set a goal to exercise a certain number of times each week, and eat six servings of fruits and veggies every day.  That’s it.  This simple goal really helped me stay focused, and the realization that I would reach my objective, no matter how slowly, did wonders for my motivation.

Change Your Perspective

Rarely can you come up with an effective solution to a problem or challenge when you’ve given into frustration about it.  One way to free yourself from this trap is to change your perspective, so that you can see the positive in your situation.  Are you frustrated over work, or one of the lucky ones to have a job?  Is your wife driving you crazy, or are you counting your blessings that you have someone?  Is a client slow to pay, or are you fortunate to have clients?  Surprisingly, when you shift your stance this way, uncanny solutions to your problems often show up right out of the blue.

Get Creative

It’s a good idea to start thinking outside the box for clever solutions, strategies, and other ways to tackle frustrating problems.  Are the pounds coming off too slowly?  Start walking or biking to work!  I’m serious!  I used to do it, and trust me; I was adjusting my belt notch every two weeks.  As an added bonus, the additional exercise was an unexpected mood booster, and I felt much less frustrated in general.

Are you frustrated that money is always tight?  Then it’s time to take a hard look at your talents.  That’s right, your talents.  Everyone has a talent at something, or expert knowledge on some subject. Brainstorm long and hard, and find a way to use the Internet to get started.  This can work full-time, or in your spare time.

Fancy yourself an expert on, say, watches or camera’s for example?  Why not start a blog?  Blogs are often the starting point to a myriad of online income-earning opportunities.  Are you a wiz in the kitchen?  Get your name out there and do some local catering.  The list can go on forever, but the aim is to tackle your money problems head on, and alleviate your frustration by bringing in some extra bucks – and doing something you’re already good at.

Let’s face it:  frustration is a part of life.  As long as we want anything, frustration is bound to follow at least some of the time.  In addition, other people have their own quirks, habits, and idiosyncrasies so frustration with them is inevitable at some point.  Regardless, we don’t have to stay down in the dumps, or get depressed when things don’t go right.  Life will always present us with challenges, problems, and difficulties to deal with.  Our job is to stand tall in the face of problems, and discover ways to solve them.  Then you’ll find your chronic frustration has been replaced by a much more welcome guest:  peace of mind!

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Lisa H. is a mother, blogger, runner and happiness seeker. Her blog, Getting to Zen inspires personal success through action. If you want to awaken your spirit, you can subscribe here.

In addition to blogging, Lisa is a co-author of Overcoming Fear: Sticking it to What’s Holding You Back, a unique program designed to help you get out of your own way and create the life that you want. To read more of Lisa’s articles, visit her blog. 

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A customer walked into McDonald’s and said, “One large fries to go, please!”

” Would you like fries with that?” John, the customer service guy, gave a quick automatic response.

“I just asked for fries only.”

“Oh, sorry about that. Would you like to upgrade?”

“But, I already ordered large fries.”

“Of course! Dine in or take-away…?”

The customer looked askance.

I find this incident funny every time I recall it. However, this story underscores something profound in the present age. Transactions happening in milliseconds, be that loading a webpage, response from ATM machines, text messages, responding to emails, staying in touch using your smart phones, have made a somewhat adverse impact on human concentration and patience.

As soon as an email hits your inbox, it is sealed with the expectation of getting a prompt response back. Plus, if the sender knows you have a blackberry, you are expected to respond back in seconds. Technological advances are not bad, they may perhaps even be necessary. They certainly do have a great upside. But, they have also robbed us off our time, time to think, time to contemplate, to cogitate, to plan. They do not give one the time to listen.

This is what I intend to cover briefly today — listening. It seems most are talking, some are hearing but only very few are listening. Listening is an art. It is easy to listen to the subject matter when you are interested in the topic. But sometimes, for example, at work, it can be a great deal more important to listen attentively even when you are not interested in the subject matter. Your performance, your decisions, your job may well depend on it.

Many people are just waiting for the speaker to finish her part so they can begin theirs. They are not actually listening, they are simply pretending they are. Good listening requires concentration. So, are you a good listener? Here is a little exercise for you to help you see where you stand, follow the steps below:

1. Put on your earphones and turn on your mp3 player.

2. Play your favorite song, ideally below five minutes in length.

3. Listen to every single word in the song, every single beat in the music.

Did you hear every word or did you find yourself wandering off into your world of thoughts after the first few lines? An overwhelming majority is unable to fully listen to a song of even three minutes.

Try the above again, promising yourself that you will listen to the whole song no matter what, that, for the whole time you will focus your attention undividedly on the song and nothing else.

Interestingly, you will find that even after your determined resolve, your mind still wanders off. However, with practice one can become an excellent listener. Those who are good at listening are often good at managing relationships, both personal and professional.

Yogic texts lay great importance on mastering the skill of listening. A while ago I wrote a post on the subject, you may want to read it.

An apt anecdote comes to my mind to end this article:

A man approached Buddha once and said, “I want to become wise. Please tell me how do I operate better in the world? What do I do to not mess my relationships?”

Buddha spoke, “It is very simple. You only have to be mindful of two things: Listen attentively to others when they are talking and even more attentively to yourself when you are talking.”

If we can listen to ourselves when we are talking, what we are talking becomes clearer. And as that gets clearer, nothing we don’t want or mean to say can come out.

Om Swami is a monk living in the Himalayan foothills. An advanced yogin, well versed in the science of mantra, sacred syllables, tantra, esoteric practices, and meditation, you can visit his blog on omswami.com.

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