The most important person behind each of your decisions has to be yourself. Your health and attitude are what give you the ability to perceive everything else around you. Often times, we initially make our decisions based on how someone else will react, or how fitting the decisions are to society’s standards, but society would not be visually available if you couldn’t see it, or audible if you couldn’t hear it.
This is a reminder to put yourself first in a big way. Although it may be a big way compared to what you were doing before, it is probably not big enough compared to how relevant your presence is in the world.
Conversation Example
With all the hesitation that you may face when going up to someone in a public setting, conference, or party, most of that hesitation doesn’t take into account that, if it was not for your senses and perception, the person would not be there for you to make conversation with. You’re a puzzle piece in the interaction just as much as they are a puzzle piece in the interaction. When we assume that our presence is not meant as part of an event, we lose the majority of our socializing energy, and get stuck in a mental circular loop of doubt or questioning.
I might have written this article, but as you read it, all the marbles are on your side of the table. If you close your eyes, my text is not there(except in visual or verbal memory), and the only person that is left will be you and your thoughts. You have to keep this in mind when making decisions. After various interactions or questions with others, the point that you always return to is home base in your own mind. This constant reminder gets you to toss away any debilitating thoughts of how people will react, which I know have cut off my actions an immeasurable amount of times.
Two Thought Patterns
Here are the two patterns I routinely see us take, if I had to bifurcate(split) them into a common type and a successful type:
Common Type
- Have a thought
- Doubts come into the mind about how others will perceive it
- Worry and fear comes from each option related to that thought
- Disappointment comes from not even being able to carry out one idea
- The result is nearly no action, and a bit of frustration
Successful Type
- Have a thought or idea
- Have a doubting thought about it, or how people will perceive it
- Crush the doubt in the mind, based on the idea that you also have a say in how the world works
- Keep crushing any doubts while implementing the idea
- See the gains from taking action, and end up without that frustration from not putting yourself first
As you can see, the common way to act gets you almost no output, and also gets you frustration or disappointment, so it is a lose-lose scenario, regardless of the first intent to not let others down. Now, looking at the successful way to act, you can see that it might look rude during the process, in that it doesn’t seem to include much concern about others. However, the result is real action and productivity, lack of disappointment because the process was completed smoothly, and lastly, a result for others that is more beneficial to them than the intent the average type of person would have during the entire time. This case is a win-win scenario. Don’t let that “intent to be proper or not offend” be what constantly leaves you with no end product.
Discard Any Hindrance From Family And Friends
I also have to add in this section about how your family affects you. For those of you who constantly limit yourself due to your family, and don’t want to disappoint those closest to yourself, realize again that you are “numero uno” in that context as well. Family provides larger internal pressure than friends or colleagues, but you have to take this pressure and use it to create more for yourself. Doing something just to impress a family member will leave them wondering if you have your own foundation of goals and intent.
Put yourself first in a big way, because this whole world is only there because you can see it and hear it and feel it.
Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.
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Nice one Armen,
I think putting yourself first is one of those things we do very well when we start off in life, but we gradually loose this ability as we get bombarded with messages from society. But we can always get it back.
Why didn’t you just say “split”? (bifurcate(split))… silly you.
Otherwise, I liked it. Good article…. goes against everything we’re taught about virtue (in some circles), but it is still true.
Well said….I recently did that by quitting the job I hated to pursue something I am passionate about against the wishes of people around me…I am happier now…no more blaming around and carrying the baggage of regrets…its all about taking complete responsibility for your life…after all its your life and nobody else can design it except you.
Eduard,
Thanks about the article. It sure is a thought process we forget to stick to as our focus shifts outward. We have to bring it back inward.
Brian,
I just had to use “bifurcate”~ There are some words that are too good to pass up. Also, it represents the two separate ways of thinking being like a separation in a road or hiking trail, with each path leading to a different result. I put “split” in there so it was instantly defined for those who don’t know it or don’t use some software like the wonderful WordWeb.
Thanks about the message though. It sure isn’t said in many places(I think), which is true of some of the best information out there. Also, it is one concept that is quite important to me.
Nice article… the effect of family affects a person’s life and his way of thinking…
Swati,
Well, that sucks to hear about. Hopefully one day you will be able to go back to the job you hated doing.
I am joking there“ It sounds as though you are on a healthier path. Taking responsibility makes everyone around you happier too.
Kunna,
Thanks there, and it sure does have a huge effect. Family can cause a person to hold back on something for years, or pursue a different goal in order to impress, or family can also be supportive in a way that is more fitting. There is a spectrum of the kinds of help that are provided.
Hi Armen,
A good way to put yourself first, is to define your objectives before, and then to keep them in mind all the time.
If you don’t know where you want to get, what you want to accomplish, it will be difficult to put yourself first, and doubts and negative comments from your family, friends, colleges, will easily overcome you. On the other hand, if you have clear where you want to be in 1, 3, 5 years, you will push yourself, take action, and listen to your own voice before than the others’.
Hi Isaac.
That’s a valid additional point. Defining some objectives, and then sticking to them regardless of others, is a way to help keep self first. Part of our self is what we are working towards, so it is vital that we have something definite that we are working towards.
Glad to hear this.
Definitely agree. Kind of like those oxygen masks on the plane, if you don’t take care of yourself first you won’t be much help to anyone else.
Hi there.
That’s a good related example. There are times when self has to be first, or is required to be, and it is for the good of all. The person who takes care of themselves worries others the least of all.
I totally agree. People think being selfish is bad, but what’s bad is putting yourself second and not following your instincts. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Robert.
It sure is usually labeled as bad. I’d say that folks who are selfish are looked at negatively by some for a short period of time, which is then followed by that perspective fading away when their selfishness starts to pay off for them and those around them. It is a cycle of sorts.
Thanks for the kind words. I have checked out your material and it is quite fitting for our day and age. More from Robert is what the people request“
Public [Including family and friends] greatest enemy of your progress.Only two purpose we give importance or fear the public openion[1]we must not starve and having go to jail.For other purpose donot obey or give importance to public openion.
Good stuff. We should certainly put ourselves frst. I would say, specifically, that we should put our happiness first. This is the way to greater effectiveness and a better way of helping others and contributing to the world.
Nice article, I wish I would pass on this to ma father.
Hello,nice post thanks for sharing?. I just joined and I am going to catch up by reading for a while. I hope I can join in soon.
Great article! I agree with you that we have to consider our own feelings first with a lot of the actions we take. I recently left/in the process of leaving two not so great professional relationships that were not helping me.