The most important person behind each of your decisions has to be yourself. Your health and attitude are what give you the ability to perceive everything else around you. Often times, we initially make our decisions based on how someone else will react, or how fitting the decisions are to society’s standards, but society would not be visually available if you couldn’t see it, or audible if you couldn’t hear it.
This is a reminder to put yourself first in a big way. Although it may be a big way compared to what you were doing before, it is probably not big enough compared to how relevant your presence is in the world.
Conversation Example
With all the hesitation that you may face when going up to someone in a public setting, conference, or party, most of that hesitation doesn’t take into account that, if it was not for your senses and perception, the person would not be there for you to make conversation with. You’re a puzzle piece in the interaction just as much as they are a puzzle piece in the interaction. When we assume that our presence is not meant as part of an event, we lose the majority of our socializing energy, and get stuck in a mental circular loop of doubt or questioning.
I might have written this article, but as you read it, all the marbles are on your side of the table. If you close your eyes, my text is not there(except in visual or verbal memory), and the only person that is left will be you and your thoughts. You have to keep this in mind when making decisions. After various interactions or questions with others, the point that you always return to is home base in your own mind. This constant reminder gets you to toss away any debilitating thoughts of how people will react, which I know have cut off my actions an immeasurable amount of times.
Two Thought Patterns
Here are the two patterns I routinely see us take, if I had to bifurcate(split) them into a common type and a successful type:
Common Type
- Have a thought
- Doubts come into the mind about how others will perceive it
- Worry and fear comes from each option related to that thought
- Disappointment comes from not even being able to carry out one idea
- The result is nearly no action, and a bit of frustration
Successful Type
- Have a thought or idea
- Have a doubting thought about it, or how people will perceive it
- Crush the doubt in the mind, based on the idea that you also have a say in how the world works
- Keep crushing any doubts while implementing the idea
- See the gains from taking action, and end up without that frustration from not putting yourself first
As you can see, the common way to act gets you almost no output, and also gets you frustration or disappointment, so it is a lose-lose scenario, regardless of the first intent to not let others down. Now, looking at the successful way to act, you can see that it might look rude during the process, in that it doesn’t seem to include much concern about others. However, the result is real action and productivity, lack of disappointment because the process was completed smoothly, and lastly, a result for others that is more beneficial to them than the intent the average type of person would have during the entire time. This case is a win-win scenario. Don’t let that “intent to be proper or not offend” be what constantly leaves you with no end product.
Discard Any Hindrance From Family And Friends
I also have to add in this section about how your family affects you. For those of you who constantly limit yourself due to your family, and don’t want to disappoint those closest to yourself, realize again that you are “numero uno” in that context as well. Family provides larger internal pressure than friends or colleagues, but you have to take this pressure and use it to create more for yourself. Doing something just to impress a family member will leave them wondering if you have your own foundation of goals and intent.
Put yourself first in a big way, because this whole world is only there because you can see it and hear it and feel it.
Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.
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