Why No Response Doesn’t Mean Not Interested

Written by Scott Young - 16 Comments
Categories: psychology

no-response

Like it or not, life is sales. Even if you aren’t anywhere near the sales department in your work, I’d bet that almost every day you need to persuade, convince or find an agreement with another person.

A key sales (and life) lesson is simply this: just because you don’t get a response, that doesn’t mean the other person isn’t interested. Although we all dislike the pushy salesperson who goes for the hard sell at our expense, I’d say the majority of people are too passive. The assumption usually is: if people don’t respond immediately or come to me, it means they aren’t interested in what I have to offer.

I can think of countless examples where this kind of flawed thinking plagues people:

  • The person who assumes nobody wants to talk with him because he sits quietly in a corner during a party.
  • The person who thinks that her offer is not wanted because the email wasn’t replied to.
  • The person who believes he isn’t wanted at an event, because he didn’t receive an invitation.
  • The person who feels the customer isn’t interested because she didn’t reply to the first sales message.

I think there are some reasons people are biased towards being too passive (more on that later), but I think the effect can be dangerous. By misunderstanding the feedback given, many people give up too early in going after what they want, and assume a lack of encouragement is a sign of failure.

Lessons in Fundraising

I spent the past summer as a volunteer, seeking sponsorship dollars for University events. In many cases I needed to call, email or voicemail a dozen times before I would hear a response back. However, when I finally did reach the person I wanted to speak with, that person was often happy to participate in the program.

My instincts told me not to step on toes. If I left one voicemail, missed call or email message, that should be enough to compel the other person to want to speak with me. I felt it would be rude to contact multiple times without hearing a response.

My instincts were wrong. People are busy. Unless something is a personal priority, it can often take several messages, several contacts before you can get a response. And, when you do reach the person, they aren’t angry at your persistence, they are usually thankful for your extra persistence.

Although I learned this in fundraising, I believe it applies almost anywhere. How many times can you remember yourself stopping because you didn’t immediately receive a, “yes”?

How Not to Be a Spam Artist

I’ll admit, there is a danger here. Be too aggressive and you become a spam artist. You become the guy (or gal) who invites himself to parties where he isn’t wanted. You become the obnoxious Lothario who won’t back off.

I don’t think the solution is to just go in the middle ground. Whenever there is a compromise, you lose something, and I think this is no different.  I think if you follow just a few simple rules of thumb, you can have the enthusiasm and zeal to go for what you want, while respecting the interests of other people.

Here are a few of my personal rules:

Never invest less in an interaction than the other person.  If you want something, commit the time. Sending a bulk email to 100 recipients is easy, and that’s exactly why most people ignore them. Handwritten notes, personal calls and emails you write individually all show you care about the interaction and not just the success percentage.

No means no. While no response doesn’t mean you should give up, always allow the option of a clear no. I suspect most people wouldn’t care as much about spam if the “Unsubscribe” links actually worked. When fundraising, I would be persistent in my calls, but I backed off as soon as I had an unambiguous answer.

Provide an exit. Don’t corner people. Give them a polite, socially acceptable option of refusal. Some marketers and salespeople twist the social norms to make it difficult to get out of an interaction. Success coerced isn’t success at all.

Always provide a fair deal. In an equal transaction (where you offer as much value as you take), there should be no need to feel guilty. It’s the times when you offer less than you’re asking for that being pushy isn’t ethical.

Beyond Selling

I think this idea has merit beyond the world of sales and persuading other people. I believe it is an idea that fits with how life often works.

Think about the last time you gave up on a project because you were getting mixed feedback.  You assumed that a lack of response meant a lack of interest. When often, a lack of response simply means a lack of persistence on your side. Many goals, even those you eventually achieve, have moments where it seems like you aren’t making any progress.

The people who succeed in life are the same people who don’t give up before they hear a clear “no”. Even if you aren’t remotely involved in sales or marketing professionally, be the kind of person who doesn’t leave before a decision is made. If you want something, go after it, and don’t let mixed feedback stop you.

  • http://writerdad.com Writer Dad

    It’s tough to find the line between spam artist and assertive. Your list rides it nicely.

  • http://successprofessor.ca/2008/07/19/a-wicked-example-of-customer-service/ The Success Professor

    Excellent article. Certainly your thoughts do apply in many areas of life.

    Thank you.

  • Pam Spencer

    Your rule to “Never invest less in an interaction than the other person” is great advice. I work in fundraising now — and you get what you contribute yourself to the other person(s). One-to-one interaction is ALWAYS more successful than bulk mail. Everytime. And in one-to-one sessions, no answer always indicates yes or not now (rarely “no”). Thank you for your great article!

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com Peter | Pick The Brain

    Unfortunately I normally interpret no response to mean not interested.

    As you point out, this is not always the case and there is potentially a large benefit if one is willing to persist. I guess this is something I need to work on…… :)

  • http://shanelyang.com/blogs/articles/ Shanel Yang

    Whether you call it “sales” or “charm,” the art of persuasive speaking has been given such a bad name by fast-talking con-men and women who would say anything to make you buy their stuff.

    However, a good “sales” pitch is none of those things. For example, it’s asking for a date from that person you have noticed seems to be interested in you, too. (See “How to Ask for a Date” at http://shanelyang.com/2008/01/14/how-to-ask-for-a-date/ ) It’s asking for something you’re entitled to at work. (See “Success in the Corporate World” at http://shanelyang.com/2008/02/23/success-in-the-corporate-world-how-to-play-the-game-part-5/ ) It’s also asking for a return favor when you’ve given one at work. (See http://shanelyang.com/2008/03/18/success-in-the-corporate-world-think-like-a-winner-part-3/ )

    In short, it’s how to “communicate” better your needs and wants to those who should care about what you have to say. If you don’t have anything to say that they should care about, then you really shouldn’t be bothering them. But, think about it: if they are your boss and they owe you what they promised you, they should care about that. If they are a single person apparently interested in getting to know you better, they are probably interested in a date with you. And, so on. The best self help advice I ever found for how to become better at being more persuasive in all areas of our life is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” summarized at http://shanelyang.com/2007/10/09/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/ It is a classic bestseller for a reason: It is simply the best! : )

  • http://shanelyang.com/blogs/articles/ Shanel Yang

    A lack of a response can be safely interpreted as a “maybe.” For more about great salesmanship, see http://shanelyang.com/2008/08/24/fbo-how-to-be-a-great-salesperson-or-blogger/

  • Chris Edgar

    I liked this piece, and I’d add that I think one of the reasons many people give up on their projects when they don’t receive a response is that they’re afraid of hearing an explicit “no” if they persist.

    The prospect of being told “I don’t want what you have to offer” or “I don’t want to be with you” brings up a lot of sensation for many people. When we experience this, or worry about experiencing it, it’s important to keep breathing, feel the pressure of our feet on the ground and remember that it’s just sensation — it can’t kill or hurt us.

  • http://eldietario.com Miguel de Luis

    Thanks a lot for this article;

    You could rename it to why bloggers should persever even if they don’t get a lot comments.

    We all know how frustanting it gets when you devote the best of your free(?) time to a post that nobody seems to care about.

  • http://www.somedaysyndrome.com Alex Fayle

    As I’m about to start selling something via my blog, this is a very timely reminder! I know it’ll take a while to build sales and this post gives me some good tools to cope with the wait.

    Cheers,
    Alex

  • http://effortlessabundance.com/blog Effortless Abundance

    I think the concept of ‘market hard’ but ‘sell soft’ is very important. Building relationships and communicating is vital, but there’s no need to keep on pushing products down people’s throats. It just turns them right off. Building a genuine and lasting relationship is far more rewarding in every sense in the long run.

  • http://eldietario.com Miguel de Luis

    An observation: I’m seeing great comments here that could turn into great posts.

  • http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com Stephen Hopson

    Great points here because I know what it’s like to work the phones with the objective of trying to get more clients for your line of work.

    I was once a stockbroker on Wall Street during the early 90′s and working the phones was 1,000 times harder for me compared to the others simply because I am deaf. I had to use a TTY and then go through a phone service to reach out. Many times if people answered the first time around, they’d hang up, thinking it was a prank call. If I left a message, I had to leave them with special telephone instructions, which were thought to be “too complicated.”

    But with persistence, I eventually found people who wanted to invest with me. I am no longer in that business having become an inspirational speaker. Nowadays I rarely use the phone – instead they come to me!

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  • Vilma

    Wow!!! What an excellent idea. Nakakapataba ng puso. This could be a very tough challenge for me to keep going in search for a new horizons. A million thanks…

  • Hila

    In reply to this article and also Miguel de Luis’ comment: “You could rename it to why bloggers should persever even if they don’t get a lot comments.We all know how frustanting it gets when you devote the best of your free(?) time to a post that nobody seems to care about.” which reminded me how sorry I am to be that person to read blog posts, take away something important, but never leave a comment. This time I wanted to leave a comment to express my sincere thanks for sharing this insight with the rest of the world. It has renewed my confidence to continue to face difficult situations rather than run away from them. Thank you.