Why Do We Avoid Doing What We Love?

Motivation aimed at creative types…Excellent.

Brad

The only problem I see is that, most people actually do not know what they want in life as opposed to knowing it.

I agree with everything else though.

This is a timely post for me. I’m “stuck” creatively at the moment and I appreciate the advice. Thanks.

Julia

Great post! Just a few initial throwaway comments to begin: (1) I thought Napoleon Dynamite was a great dancer! and (2) Isn’t it funny how at one time just getting published was enough to consider yourself a “real” writer and how we feel the need to become bestsellers to take ourselves seriously?

I love your tip No. 4. So true that even in our most beloved creative pursuits, it often feels like work if we are really trying to perfect our art. I read from a biography on Truman Capote that he struggled painfully through every sentence, with his normally angelic face grimacing and twisting into one frightful expression after another as if he were physically grappling with the words to make them say what he wanted. And, yet, the finished product always seemed effortless and beautiful! But, there is no denying that he loved to write.

Art is never as effortless as we think. I’m sure even after Da Vinci painted Mona Lisa, he still struggled with his art from time to time. From the beginner to the master, it’s always hard work to constantly improve — but well worth the trouble! Hence, a “labor” of love.

“Why do we avoid doing what we love to do?”

To put it in one word, it is inertia…

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~ Thich Nath Hanh

“All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~ Pablo Picasso

Thanks for the post…

Great! I simply loved it. I believe once we forget the outcome and simply do what we love doing everything else will just fall in place and we will automatically be ready to enjoy the fruits of our labour. Fear is man’s worst enemy.

Ramesh,

I would love to explore an article on finding out what truly excites you and what makes you come alive. Unfortunately, that was beyond the scope of this article. I’m definitely going to consider writing on that topic though.

Julia,

I’m glad that you could find some value from this. =)

“Why Do We Avoid Doing What We Love?” Very good question. Maybe we are conditioned to believe life is about “working hard”? Because we have such a linear way of thinking that what doesn’t seem to bring immediate positive results isn’t considered worth doing?

When I read my clients’ soul records, I often find blocks of this kind. Thank you for raising the question.

Jonathan,

This is an awesome post. Millions of dreams die death of deprivation due to some of these arguments you’ve made in this post. It’s refreshing and enlightening to know that we have within us all the power, all the talent to fulfill our passion but we instead choose to live life of mediocrity.
Needless to say, I’ve stumbled and dugg this post.

Shilpan

This is a great article explaining how important it is to unleash our creative sides! You give true and realistic reasons why so many people neglect their great potential to create!

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Since I’ve been playing piano since I was 5 years old, composing music for the last 7 years, and being a generally creative person in general, I’m going to offer the viewpoint that most of what you wrote is pretty… well, it’s feel good writing. But it’s not accurate in my reality.

“Anytime you feel that you must do something, you lose inspiration. You lose your sense of excitement. ”

I would like to point out that Mozart is/was notorious for *continuously* composing music. In fact, the reason Mozart wrote so much is because it was the only way he could make a decent living – compose a lot of commissioned music, make some okay money. Mozart could NOT wait to become “inspired”, otherwise he and his family would starve to death. Yet Mozart adored what he composed, loved his job, and gave a prolific composition output, even if he didn’t feel inspired at the time he was writing all of those brilliant pieces of music. He just had amazing self-discipline to study the masters before him and to work very hard at what he did.

What about Beethoven, as well? We have sketch book after sketch book where he hammered out his musical ideas. Even up until his death he was composing new pieces (this includes a 10th symphony he never finished). I hardly doubt he waited to become “inspired”, either – he did a lot of simply hard work to become as great of an artist as he did.

I agree with points 1, 2, and 4, but I do *not* think they make us “avoid doing what we love”. They might act as a catalyst to /avoid taking action/, but it doesn’t make logical sense to view them the way you did, as these heavy roadblocks in life. Does anybody honestly, physically resist playing the guitar – something they “love to do!” – because they know they’ll hit a wrong note here or there? Does somebody who love to write, write book after book and then honestly proclaim “I must NOT be a writer because I don’t have anything published!” I’ve never heard of these justifications solely for the purpose of not taking action. Anybody who truly adores what they do will ‘identify’ with that skill, talent, etc., because they’ll feel it as a natural extension of themselves.

Anyways, just my two cents! Throwing in some different viewpoints that I’ve observed in life.

Wow, this came right on time for me. I’ve been in a slump with one of my passions and this was perfect to lead me out of it.

Thanks so much Johnathan!

[...] I’ll be rolling out the changes to my blog sometime next week. In the meantime head over to Pick The Brain and check out my guest post: Why Do We Avoid Doing What We Love? [...]

I know what scares me most! It is the intensity of emotion that some creative tasks and other situations bring about. This is not always a good thing – I want to be in control of all that.

A good, thought-provoking post

When I reread my comment I see I need to clarify. I meant that my desire always to be in control of that emotion is not always a good thing.

One thing that I seem to face is not so much worrying if what i do will be good enough, but I seem to look for a worthy reason to create things. With a few years of trying situations and questionable surroundings, I feel like the place isnt worth “glorifying” with beauty… it is a pretty sad reason, i admit, though.

I loved this article, but I also feel the list is incomplete. What about fear, laziness? Even though a creative life is worthwhile, it can also be a struggle. People also worry about survival & being able to feed their families. Others just can’t work up the motivation. I’d love to read your thoughts on those issues.

I loved this article, but I also feel the list is incomplete. What about fear, laziness? Even though a creative life is worthwhile, it can also be a struggle. People also worry about survival & being able to feed their families. Others just can’t work up the motivation. I’d love to read your thoughts on those issues.

Pol,

I think that’s definitely a scary part of creating. It’s hard for me to be completely authentic sometimes because the emotion is just overwhelming. Ultimately though, I think that’s the only way worth living.

Zoe,

I would have touched on fear and laziness, but I think those are points others have elaborated on endlessly elsewhere. Fear and laziness can be big deterrents as well. In those cases, I recommend building momentum by starting out small and snowballing your way toward success.

I find myself avoiding do what I love when I get caught up in the minutiae of daily life. It helps me to have a coach who can help me stay on course.

Of course there are other times when I’m so caught up in a project that I forget to eat.

“All you have is your personal capital. All you have are your talents, skills, relationships, and enthusiasm. Cultivate your capacity to be fully alive in your work because doing something that matters is a dream worth your life.” – Success Built to Last

Flora,

I too often find it hard to stay focused and not get caught up in the unimportant minutiae. I think when we have a productive mindset, we want to do everything perfectly, get every thing done, no matter how small. Unfortunately this can often derail us and make us lose sight of what’s really important. We’ve got to constantly recenter ourselves.

Eugene,

That’s a great quote. I like the analogy of personal capital.

I’ve noticed a habit that I’ve developed: when I have a long to do list, I routinely save the stuff I might enjoy for last. I make myself do the unpleasant stuff first, thinking (wrongly) that the “fun” stuff will motivate me.

What happens? By the time I get to the “fun” stuff I’m running out of time and feel pressured and stressed . . . so what might have been enjoyable is no longer enjoyable.

I’d sure like to break this pattern.

Well your topic is seriously amazing. I will completely agree with Eugene.

Two things!

1. Awareness: Most people don’t know what they want to do in their lives. They aren’t fully aware of their passions. (Quick Solution: Know Yourself)

2. Making a Living: This is the MAIN dilemma. If you know what you want to do in life, how can you make a living doing it. (Quick Solution: Just do it and trust that the opportunity will knock the door)

Regards,
Tohami, “The Success Pharaoh”

Two things:

1. Awareness: most people don’t know what they want to do in their lives.

2. Making a living: if you know what you want to do, how can you make a living doing it?

Regards,
Tohami, “The Success Pharaoh”

Jonathan, I like tip #2. Most of us have unreasonable expectations about ourselves. We expect to be geniuses instantly, forgetting that even gurus took time to master their craft. Thanks!

Hi Jonathan,

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that we’re most productive when what we’re doing has absolutely no purpose.

We can translate this into our work life, our hobbies, all the stuff we “do” by focusing on the joy of the task, rather than the outcome. It takes staying present in the moment. I often work to let go of getting an article posted, and just focus on being with the activity of writing, which I love so much.

When we create with detachment, we get to truly reap the rewards of our creativity right there in the moment.

Blessings,
Andrea

Jonathan,

In my observation, one of the biggest reasons why people avoid doing what they love is that they experience a very powerful sense of obligation to satisfy the expectations of other people.

For many people, this mechanism is completely unconscious. In other words, if you were to ask them whether or not they live their lives according to the expectations of others, they would say no, but the mechanism informs their thinking and decision making on an unconscious level.

This is a real conundrum – living in accordance with the expectations of others without the conscious awareness that we’re doing so.

Another piece of the puzzle (also unconscious) is the fact that these expectations we experience are actually “perceived” expectations. That is, they live entirely in our own perception, even though we relate to them as external influences, and allow them to shape our thinking and decision making as such.

This is getting a little long-winded, but my point is that in order to do what you love, you have to be willing to confront the extent to which you operate unconsciously and indulge the perceived expectations of others.

Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

Erek

Lovely article on how to make the most of ourselves

Nice article Jonathan,
I agree with Erek, that many people don’t do what they like because of others.

It is the expectations people think others have that prevent them from doing what they really want. I see this often in young people, they do many things not because the like it but because the group of people they are hanging out with expects it and it is cool.

And in many instances this happens on the unconsious level. It is one area life coaches or NLP trainers can help people realising their dreams.

[...] on doing what they love, I would like to share the following article from Jonathan Mead on why some of us are hesitating to do what we love. One crucial thing that Jonathan shared is to suspend judgment. Imperfection is normal in the [...]

I enjoyed your article very much! It gives people a greater outlook of life & dreams, to strive more for their goals and the things they love best. It also helped me to realize that my love is for Photography & Modeling, and nomatter what degree I may have, “I should still live my dream”!

[...] Mead has a very interesting post over at PickTheBrain about Why Do We Avoid Doing What We Love?. If we know what makes us feel alive, why do we resist it? Why do we avoid doing what we love to [...]

Jonathan,
Fabulous article. I love how you end the post thinking about how our fear of greatness plays a role in our shrinking back. I think that so often we become accustomed to our lesser self, the one who is fearful and does not dream that to leave it behind and DREAM BIG seems like lunacy (or at least we convince ourselves of that). What we don’t realize is that our life depends on that dreaming.
Thanks again for another well written article.
Katie

Good article… but I do think that most artists will always be working on something, even if their output isn’t high. It’s something they feel compelled to do.

I’m all for people pursuing their dream, but the sad truth is that the dirty work has to get done too. Sometimes you have to balance a “paycheck” job with your higher calling…

even Einstein worked as a patent clerk.

[...] then I’m reminded. When we create, we come alive; we’re making love to life. We use our unique talents, perception [...]

I don’t do what I love because I have responsibilities as an adult that dictates where I work, how much I earn, where I live etc.

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[...] on doing what they love, I would like to share the following article from Jonathan Mead on why some of us are hesitating to do what we love. One crucial thing that Jonathan shared is to suspend judgment. Imperfection is normal in the [...]

“Perhaps its not our weakness, but our greatness that we fear the most.” – Thank you for that…a definite “A-HA” moment for me! All the best.

Lyle

Another very common reason that people resist following their purpose, is that they believe they’re not good enough to fulfill it. It seems too big, or too wonderful, or too challenging, and they simply believe they’re not up to the task. I’m one who believes that our purpose is synonymous with our Calling. And that if we have a Calling, then there is One who Calls, and the One who Calls has gifted us to fulfill our purpose and will sustain our efforts. In other words, we’re always good enough to fulfill our Calling, because that’s how we’re designed.

Im glad to see that people are actually writing about this

issue in such a smart way

-What we love, isn’t always good ^_^ !!!!
 -Sometimes we love doing something, but we can’t do it,  because of some problems , so we choose to do what we can do; even if we dislike it !
It’s not always to know things we love; we can love too much things, so that we won’t be able to choose which is the best to us;
 We always choose what’s usuful, even if we don’t like it!!

[...] this is what will be the only way to cure all kinds of pain in our lives. Similarly, when facing problems in love life. In this world, every love has a uniqueness and diversity in creating happiness. Therefore [...]