self improvement

The Seven Stages Of Failing At Self Improvement

Posted on April 18, 2010 by Lori Taylor | CATEGORIES: Outrageous

Self Improvement is a lot like riding a horse (or a bike).

Sometimes you go too fast and you fall off.

Or you go too slowly and you fall off.

And you might do everything right, and still fall off.

Don’t hate the player hate the game right?

Bottom line is you must stop yourself from freaking out as you fight to stay on.  Just accept you’re going to fall off every now and then. It’s fine because you’re supposed to fall down – it’s part of the journey.  (But no one said you had to lay there in the fetal position.)

When you find yourself face down in the mud, your growth comes from how fast you get up,

There are many stages of failing at self-improvement and I thought I’d share a few (I’m not making light of your challenges, I’m trying to make you see – it’s part of the process – you’re doing just fine!)…

Stage 1: Fall off pony. Bounce. Laugh. Climb back on. Repeat.

This usually happens before the effects of drinking the kool-aid wear off. The sun is still shining, you got too excited and might have bit off more than you could chew, but you aren’t ready to quit yet!

Stage 2: Fall off horse. Run after horse, cussing. Climb back on by shimmying up horse’s neck. Ride until sundown.

At this point in the self-improvement game, you’ve dig your heals in yelling “I’m a soldier!”. You’re going to MAKE it happen or die trying – damnit!  With grit and determination you launch yourself back into your routine, family and friends be damned!  (Until the next tumble anyway).

Stage 3: Fall off horse. Use sleeve of shirt to stanch bleeding. Have friend help you get back on horse. Take two Advil and apply ice packs when you get home. Ride next day.

This is where doubt creeps in and you start secretly wondering what you’re doing wrong.  It didn’t sound this hard at the time, right?  And now, well maybe you aren’t meant to be a better person anyway. You sleep on it, wake up, shake off the cobwebs of questions and talk yourself into giving it another try – today’s a new day!

State 4: Fall off horse. Refuse advice to call ambulance; drive self to urgent care clinic. Entertain nursing staff with tales of previous daredevil stunts on horseback. Back to riding before cast comes off.

This is where you begin crafting an internal story of how hard or impossible it is to make this change.  You might’ve found a way to drop the old story at the seminar, but now your mind is thrilled because it gets to craft a brand new one! So it begins yammering,   “See I told you old dogs can’t learn new tricks.  Why are you even bothering with this nonsense?” (You’ve now forgotten 50% of the course and are fearful you might revert back to your old habits.)

Stage 5: Fall off horse. Temporarily forget name of horse and name of husband. Flirt shamelessly with paramedics when they arrive. Spend week in hospital while titanium pins are screwed in place. Start riding again before doctor gives official okay.

At this point, you’re starting to wonder if everyone who said this was a load of crap was right. You question why you can’t get it right, becoming frustrated with yourself for “not getting” it. Depression or anger steps in to replace fear, as you begin to get angry at the world.  “It’s pointless”, you mumble to yourself over and over, “no one cares any way – just a bunch of selfless jerks.”

Stage 6: Fall off horse. Fail to see any humor when hunky paramedic says, “You again?” Gain firsthand knowledge of advances in medical technology thanks to stint in ICU. Convince self that permanent limp isn’t that noticeable. Promise husband you’ll give up riding. One week later purchase older, slower, shorter horse.

Your own friends are beginning to mock you.  You feel worse than you did when you didn’t know any better.  In fact, if you’d known it was going to be this hard, you would’ve just stayed “asleep”.  When does  it get easier?  Maybe your goals shouldn’t be so “lofty….

Stage 7: Slip off horse. Relieved when artificial joints and implanted medical devices seem unaffected. Tell husband that scrapes and bruises are due to gardening accident. Pretend you don’t see husband roll his eyes and mutter as he walks away. Give apple to horse.

This is where you just give up.  At best you try something new again, later.  Worse case scenario?  You do nothing – you quit on YOU.

Unfortunately at this point, many people get addicted to looking for solutions and turn into a seminar junkie; always looking for a quick fix by trying to find an answer of what they need to DO to become the person they KNOW they can BE.

My point? It’s a bunch of crap (but funny).

I’m not sure what stage of self-improvement you’re in, but I know this.  It doesn’t matter. And there is no where to “be”.

Your evolution is an organic process; the point of ALL of it is the JOURNEY.

When you resist the journey or try to short-cut the process to get their faster, you end up mostly spinning your wheels.

Frustration comes into the picture because you’re trying too hard to change your movie from Forrest Gump to Top Gun, instead of just making Forrest Gump the best darn movie it can be.

You are who you are and most of the time you miss the point of YOU.

So while you can mix it up, maybe Tom Cruise or Val Kilmer will walk onto your set,  but until they do?

Try just loving the one your with…

YOU.

  • Marsha

    Get a horse, spend lots of time making friends with her…before you start riding.
    Explain to horse that you love riding, falling off–not so much…
    Ask her to help you stay on.
    When you start feeling you’re slipping, ask horse for her help while both of you figure out just what doesn’t feel right and adjust until you both are comfortable again….
    You are both riding for fun, this is not a job!

    • http://www.pickthebrain.com Lori Taylor

      Marsha – love it – to my horse it’s a job. And he LOVES his job – jumping. He’s my heart and soul – but at the end of the day I know for a fact he is my teacher. And some days it’s about riding through fear, others it’s about accepting today is not going to be my day. The worse thing you can do is force it – which I think we agree on :) ! Whether I ride him or don’t – stay on or fall off – it’s not about “doing” anything it’s about what the experience of being is when I’m with him. Thanks for your comment!!

  • Trey

    Bottom line is you must stop yourself from freaking out as you fight to stay on.  Just accept you’re going to fall off every now and then. It’s fine because you’re supposed to fall down – it’s part of the journey.  (But no one said you had to lay there in the fetal position.)

    Your evolution is an organic process; the point of ALL of it is the JOURNEY

    These two lines are SO meaningful and inspirational and really reassure me of what I’m doing and why. I now know and can appreciate and enjoy the journey. If you were just given first place in a competition because you were the only one that signed up then you wouldn’t feel good or fulfilled. The enjoyment, purpose and satisfaction comes from how you get there and the challenges you overcome during the journey. I am never going to go into something purposeless or something that will try to change me because its not worth it. Working hard, but being yourself and enjoying the “movie” you’re in is most important. Knowing that you are creating the script with every choice you make and every action you do is so fulfilling and empowering because there’s always hope and I can always decide to get up after falling down and totally change the script and my life/world. This series has really helped me become AWARE of the possibilities you can create for yourself. Thanks again!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Trey you are a real SOB!! (you got that email right? Simply Outrageous Being!!)

      You get it – you rock…truly you have made my freaking day. LOVE YOU!

      YES YES YES YES – and do yourself one teeny tiny outrageous favor..change this sentence from

      “I am never going to go into something purposeless or something that will try to change me because its not worth it. ”

      TO something even more powerful

      “I am going to find purpose in everything I do because I like doing things with purpose. I will stay true to me.”

      And if you want to truly think OUTRAGEOUSLY – accept life as it comes because occasionally you might find yourself in situations without purpose because the more we focus on not wanting it – we somehow bring it

      Just be AWARE of your frustration and irritation with situations that don’t serve you. Once you see yourself as you respond to triggers you will find true joy – it’s like you figured out the game, you know?

      The power to cause yourself pain diminishes because even in painful situations watching the predictability of you can be at times fun, right?

      It’s part of your movie Mr. Spielberg. :)

      Even when you fall down – enjoy it. Because you were walking, or running or think about it – flying! We hit the ground the hardest the higher we get.

      Soar friend – and then watch the fall – it can be the best part. :)

  • Karen Avila

    Hello there!!!!!

    Well, my behaviour after falling off, is from 3 to 7, and yeah!!!! I’m trying so damn hard!!!!

    I love you, I love your emails!!!

    BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Karen I LOVE YOU TOO! I can feel your joy – you are seeing YOU and isn’t it great – can’t you see yourself on the big screen – stumbling around in the dark, bumping into walls??? The harder you try the more hysterical it is- even when it isn’t!! Does that make sense?? When i get really mad – and I do – the more aware I am of the anger – the quicker I am to “see” it and then it just melts away. It’s like hearing a noise in a dark house when you are alone. You DREAD at times are TERRIFIED to find the light to see what it is. Does the light going on change anything?? If there is a burglar in your house he’s there in the dark or the light. But when you flip the light 9 out of 10 people will see no one and the fear is gone. And if you do see someone? Well now you can see so you can figure out what to do. Right??? Turn on your light – and see YOU. You are beautiful my outrageous friend.

  • Naam

    hahahaa..i never riding a horse but ever rode a bike..yessss it true we must donot give up with many problem..i can used stage 1-3 for solve many problem from job..will try to do other stage

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Naam hello! I have a hallucination you are a people pleaser and just want people around you to be happy. But I also have the hallucination you are around unhappy people. See them as such. Just see them as broken people you’d see in a movie and feel sorry for – and know they are doing the best they can but you might NEVER please them. Remind yourself of how you are doing your best.

      Say “Naam – Lori thinks you are brave and courageous. And you know what? You are. Mr so and so is just stuck in the matrix in a mind game – he can’t see what is really happening, so just smile nod- get it done – and smile to yourself that you know how to think outrageously and know you are a star in every scene of your life no matter how much your supporting cast forgets their lines.”

      The job is what it is – but it only FEELS how you let it.

      :)

      • Smerrill2

        Lori -

        I didn’t quite get the message about trying to ride the horse however I do understand your reply to Naam.  That is very clear to me.  I am working through your emails and I am more aware of my role in this movie.  And I have rewritten my role so it is a happier role. 

        I have more to learn and I look forward to the journey.

        thanks!

  • Tammy

    I enjoyed The Seven Stages Of Failing At Self Improvement.
    I’m at the point of not letting things bother me as much.
    I liked the QUOTE OF THE DAY about life being a play, each
    of us must play our part.I needed to learn to stop being
    negitive and when I read things like this it helps.
    People can be to serious so they forget to see the good
    things.Sometimes people including me well miss out
    because they put the less important things first,like
    wanting what they want,but they forget that family is
    as good as having a job or whatever. Sometimes we forget
    about the good things we already have.I’ve learned to
    count my blessings and to be thankfull for web sights
    like this that teach about inner piece.have a nice day.
    Tammy

    • liam

      Hi. I’m trying to figure out which numbers would relate to my behaviour, as I dont always find it easy to be honest with myself, and accept who I am, but , I think numbers 1, 4 and 5 would probably be where I’m at. I have been reading your emails over the past 2 weeks and i would like to thank you because I’m fianally getting you’re point. Heres a big hug and wet kiss for you. xxxx

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Tammy what a nice message. I think you should own your negativity – I do! I think you don’t lead to learn to do anything differently. All I’d suggest is you start journaling when you were negative – do it in 3rd person – divide yourself into a personality and give it a name and then keep YOUR name for YOU. So in my case it would be “larry” and it would go something like this.

      “Oh my Larry thinks that every single employee hates her and doesn’t care at all about their jobs because they are lazy and incompetent and a bunch of leeches.”

      (I’m hoping you realize this is a crazy thought that can only be driven by the lower mind/ego)

      Then I don’t feel bad – because Larry can’t help it – this is how he was BUILT to think.

      Then my soul whispers – “But Lori knows we are all connected and doing the best we can. And Lori knows these people are just supporting her play/movie by bringing up residual anger that is starting to build up again in general. And Lori is grateful for the chance to face resistance so she can trust, have faith, slow down and let the good things come.”

      Of course Larry usually pipes in or at least rolls his eyes – but either way I chuckle.

      I swear I do – and I bet you would too.

      And you know what? Sometimes you look for gratitude and can’t find it. Anywhere – someone could hand you the official map to gratitude and you’d burn it with your eyes.

      It happens.

      Being outrageous means you see it – you know it’s happening and you let it go that you can’t fix it.

      Then simply go to forgiveness. And say “I forgive me for not being the person I want to be today. I accept I’m doing the best I can. Even if it feels like failure I trust it is serving me.”

      Have an amazingly outrageous day!

  • Nica

    I’m not sure about it could I be all 7 sometimes in different experience or time, I need to re-read it again, actually is I have big problem to learn English and I fail to much now I have doubt if I understand the point well or not, my weakness ENGLISH!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Nica – I’m not sure of your nationality – but I can tell you this…since I ONLY speak English I’m going to tell you that you are a bazillion times better at English than I am at your language.

      Here is the point. Cut and paste into google for translation.

      You only need to love you. That’s it.

      There is NO way to fail in life – it’s IMPOSSIBLE.

      You are creating your life through your choices and there are no bad choices – there are just bad translations. (Ironic isn’t it?)

      You are the meaning of your life. Stop judging things as good or bad, to do or to win – just be – and see. Whatever you are doing is what you are supposed to be doing even when it “feels” bad.

      Find a way to love you no matter you perceived success or failure. You are perfect just the way you are.

      • Nica

        Thank you, You are right I have to love myself! I’m not getting any email from you since 27 April?!
        This is last one “Maybe you’ll never see a pig fly, but did you think you’d ever see this?”

        • Nica

          I’m : Stage 3: Fall off horse. Use sleeve of shirt to stanch bleeding. Have friend help you get back on horse. Take two Advil and apply ice packs when you get home. Ride next day.
          I give time to get doubt, I do try again.

          • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

            Nica – that’s weird – did you get more? Please let me know so I can look into!

  • Francois

    LOL. It’s so true!!!
    Thanks for the insights. Loved it.

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Francois- glad you enjoyed. I fell off my horse for the first time since breaking my back in 2006 – and well let’s just say it was terrifying and awful. So I had to see it differently.

      You’d have thought if I was planning this all out I could have put less harmful booby traps to get my attention!

      Thanks for playing…

  • Rick

    I laughed when I read stage two, because I saw myself. Yes maybe I am becoming a little bit of a junkie and I just need to lighten up a bit. It made me see the absurdity in my quest to be a better person. What’s wrong with who I am right now? NOTHING!
    Sure there are things that I could do better, but so what. This is a journey and I get there when I get there and don’t expect me to be pristine. Life is messy and I intend to get covered in it. I’m doing this for me and I’m starting to feel outrageous and crazy.

    Love you and your ideas Lori, and I’m looking forward to the coming days.

    BOOYAA!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com lori taylor

      Rick – love you love your show – thank you SO much!

      And my friend know this – There is NOTHING you can do “better” – NOTHING.

      Except MAYBE see YOU and LOVE you through AWARENESS and being present That’s it.

      Everything else is an illusion – think of it this way.

      If you went to take a jog in the park and every other person who was jogging was blind and kept bumping into you – would you think you were a terrible jogger?

      Would you be mad at them because they couldn’t see? And even if you did would you really expect them to be able to see just because you were mad at them if they were blind?

      NO.

      Yet in life the judgment or criticism from others cuts us so deeply and we begin to believe it. But the truth is – who you are to yourself is what matters. Find a way to really love you – all the parts even the parts you hope no one sees – just recognize they are part of your image or personality and have nothing to really do with YOU – or your spirit.

      I talk about this in detail in my book which you’ll get a free copy of – but basically we have different personalities so we can experience life. We were given them at birth – think of it as your “uniform”.

      I just don’t think anyone anticipated how hard we’d fight to never take them off, wash them or even swap out a button. :)

      We let our personalities/image define who we are – that’s where it really gets “messy” – so when “you” catch yourself thinking – I need to lighten up – nope – you are doing exactly as planned for your operating unit

      Hack it.

      Send it to the dry cleaners.

      But just find YOU in there and hug YOU – because if your personality is anything like mine (his name is Larry) then he can be a real SOB sometimes – and that doesn’t stand for Simply Outrageous Being this time. hahaha.

      Glad to have you with me on this outrageous journey – I think this was my favorite thing I read all day

      “Life is messy and I intend to get covered in it” I think I MUST quote you on this!!!

  • Alan

    I’m falling off the horse on a regular basis. When I ask the horse for help it darts off in the opposite direction, and so it goes on time after time. One day I will get the horse to stand still long enough so I can stroke its neck but I’m not holding my breath just yet but I do see a slight relaxation in the horses behaviour towards me.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Ahhh – you are cryptic Alan – not sure if you are really talking about riding or life.

      Either way do yourself a favor.

      For a bit – just for a test – try going which direction the “horse” wants to go. Go with the flow. Feel what that feels like. Get the feel of the rhythm and then try using a similar cadence to go the direction you want to go.

      Believe it or not – for the most part “horses” do what we ask. When they can “hear” us and understand what we are asking of them.

      Too many times our signals are jumbled, our brains on over drive and they simply can’t connect with us to work with us as a team. With no other choice, they will take over even when they don’t want to.

      And when is the last time a animal at the bottom of EVERY food chain was a good leader?

      Exactly.

      They call them herd animals for a reason.

      In life, you can be one with the herd, lead the herd or leave the herd – but there is no point in being with a group you can’t lead or follow, right?

      :)

  • http://olivesdesign.com Olie

    Dear Lori,

    You really have a gift with words. Stage 6 really cracks me up.
    I think I’m on stage 3. Even as I’m typing right now, doubt is creeping in my mind whether I’ll be able to be a ‘better’ person.

    I’m trying to do meditation as part of my daily life, but the odds are after been doing it for like 7 days, I notice that nothing change. Aren’t meditation supposed to make you somewhat calmer etc etc. The only thing I noticed is that I’m becoming more judgmental towards people…is this some sort of cleansing, or is it just the old-crappy-me ? Anyway I determined to still do it for at least 21 days. Not giving up in riding horse..just yet.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      How did it go? Did you make the 21 days.

      I LOVE it – yes – with meditation all the crazy gets quiet and the bad stuff comes up. Don’t judge it. Just be aware it’s there. Be GRATEFUl it’s there because it’s always been there in one costume or another.

      And so what!

      I would LOVE for you to shift your focus from being less judgmental to being MORE of something else of your choice,

      More loving, more relaxed, more anything you want – you get to pick – isn’t that outrageous???

      When you see yourself being judgmental – just be aware of it. Do not give it meaning OTHER than to give yourself empathy by having more kind dialogue with yourself.

      “AH HA – caught you! LOL. That’s ok – this is what you do when you are feeling sad inside. Every time she laughs too loud on the phone of course you get irritated because you are always trying so hard to not interrupt other people and it’s exhausting to try and please everyone. Of course you are envious of her ability to just put herself first. This is normal because you have no idea how to do this. But you are in the process of believing you are worth it and accepting you for being you.”

      As for meditation – you know it doesn’t work for everyone – it just doesn’t. I have trouble sitting for that long.

      But as thoughts come – just say “Ah- ha” and move on…

      It’s just about giving yourself a 15 minute timeout – even a nap.

      Seriously – I started with 20 minute cat naps in am and pm until I got used to shutting off brain. It worked for me. :)

  • Mabakoean

    Hei!
    i think i am at stage 4. But there is some little hope knowing that God works wonders. I believe I must and will change.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Wanna know a secret?

      You don’t need to change at all.

      You just need to see you the way God sees you. The way a mother sees her child. Perfect with all their imperfections.

      Think about one thing God could possibly say about you as think of him saying to himself, “Well I did that right – nice job son” and then own that one thing.

      It can be ANYTHING – your sense of humor, your desire to do good, I don’t care – it can be “well his heart is always in the right place”

      Then ALL YOU DO for 30 DAYS is focusing on seeing your heart in the right place.

      Watch the other crap fall away.

      You do not need to change anything but your perception. God doesn’t make mistakes. You just can’t see it. :)

  • sophie

    I’m a 2!
    Just let people get on with being people…AND STICK TO HORSES!!!!
    Much more fun.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      LOLOL

      Live and let live — what magic there is in living that!

  • Jarrod

    I think each one of these stages discribes how I behave when I fall down. I always get up and keep riding. Sometimes I just wonder when I’m going to stop falling?

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Well you can stop wondering right now…

      You will stop falling when you stop moving.

      As Tony Robbins says “If you aren’t growing you’re dying”.

      But let me ask you this…

      If you were on a tightrope and every time you fell off you landed on the cushiest pad ever – would you be afraid to fall?

      Yes – you would be. For one thing – it’s one of the few innate human fears (it teaches us to walk). But you know what?

      You wouldn’t be afraid to LAND.

      In life, it’s about knowing no bad it hurts, how awful it is, no matter what you know how to get up and keep moving.

      Now that’s outrageous!!

  • Ola

    Hiya….

    I have just started with your program a week ago and I have to say I am struggeling to wrap my mind around some of it… Such as this article…

    I generally am a very moody person, sometimes it’s lists, others it’s just let’s go with the flow and see how thing goes… When I was the list person I achieved all that I set my mind to, when I did the go with the flow, I have just stayed where I am, I feel…. Now that I am trying the list thing again, I just either don’t stick thru with it or keep on loosing… Using my feelings of yeah I bored this isn’t working, let’s trash it…

    In regards to the stages above I vary between stage 1, 2, 3, 5 and walking away….

    I am quite an emotional person and my feelings do get in the way… When it just doesn’t feel right I just back off…. And sometimes go into denial…

    You can’t change you, just the way you feel about you I think the underlying msg is…. Well what if u can? What if that personality trait that you’ve picked up is from baggage in the past that has left you in turmoil? You just get defensive and built a fighting mechanism? Then you have to shake it off coz it isn’t the real you?

    Hope I am not rambeling on…. It is so difficult to shake things off…. I do have another charachter, rather than her being the negative side of me, she’s the ideal version of me that I miss…. Lol!!!

    Ah well… It’s in the past I guess, shake it and move on?

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Now these are some outrageous questions girl! Thanks for taking the time and being brave enough to put this out there.

      That’s outrageous?

      Now, let me say I don’t know you and I’m not a doctor…

      But here is what I’d say based on my experience for ME -

      when I’m doing lists – I’m in left side of the brain. When I’m flowing I’m in right side. Period.

      When I’m in between the two and get stressed I find SAFETY and comfort in the left side (logical) side of my brain. I’m UNCOMFORTABLE going with the flow because I am control freak and like to believe (it’s a lie) I can predict what will happen if I do x, y and z – whereas just waiting for it to happen doesn’t feel “safe” for results.

      I’d HUGELY suggest you do yourself an OUTRAGEOUS favor and go to http://ennegramcentral.com and take the personality test. Be HONEST in your answers – not how you WANT to be – or maybe who you are this second – but who you’ve been most of your life.

      I’m going to guess from your comment you are a 7 or a 4. You COULD be a 3 (that’s me) but I don’t think so. The reason it matters is because it will explain your swings etc from one to the other. Helen Palmer is an expert on this and her books on amazon are GREAT.

      But no matter what the number, I believe you are born with a personality/image. This is how you experience life – otherwise we just hold hands and stare at each other – I mean why even manifest here if we are going to be one with the universe 24/7?

      I just don’t think we were supposed to hold on to this “image” and fight for it to NEVER change, wearing it for 80+ years like a stinky old prom dress we never want to take off.

      It makes no sense, does it?

      So yes, once you become AWARE of your personality and how it processes stress, joy etc you have more control over choosing your actions. Even if you choose the “wrong” ones at the time (sometimes you just can’t help being who you are which is glorious as well!), you CHOSE them – they didn’t choose you.

      Which is where most people are at in life. They think life is happening to them when they are creating each and every moment, blow by blow.

      Now that’s an outrageous way to think isn’t it. What if I’m right???

  • Michelle

    I guess I am at the last stage. The seminar junkee. It’s funny, but it’s not funny. It’s difficult looking in the mirror and not liking what you see. It’s hard to accept, when you want change so badly. Kinda like Harriet Tubman. She was told she was a slave. But she wouldn’t accept it.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Michelle I hear you. Been there, done that and most likely will do it again.

      Find empathy for the girl in the mirror. That’s it.

      Look at her like you would a daughter you’d die for.

      See how hard she has tried and how every mistake she’s made has a been a gift to herself – for her soul who is transforming and evolving with every up and down – and at peace because it knows all is happening as it should.

      But so sad its getting all these amazing experiences and can’t share it with you because you are listening to your mind, not your soul. You only see the spots that are truly life’s greatest gifts.

      Your challenge is to move through the experiences not resist them. And that starts with accepting you are doing the best you can – even when it doesn’t feel good enough it is.

      Good intentions for you and others comes from awareness; simply knowing your heart is in the right place. Your mind has no capacity to judge you and your soul has no desire to. It knows better.

      Integration of the mind, soul and body starts with just true awareness.

  • lovness

    unconscious mind around me but still interested in your mail.
    i appreciated your mail.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      All that matter is YOUR conscious mind – that’s it – ok?

      See I asked my enneagram teacher about this years ago.

      “Yeah but what about him? I”m going to do all this – but he won’t – so it won’t work.”

      She howled.

      She said, “You’re right – in the state the both of you’re in – you won’t see him do anything differently. Because you still are at the same frequency. But you do your work and guess what? Your frequency will change. And all of a sudden you won’t be around when he’s mad – so he’ll take it out on someone else who is at the same frequency as he is.”

      And you want to know something?

      I tried it.

      She was right.

      So you focus on seeing all these people around you as unconscious and move on. Not leave them. Just apply the right “meaning” to their actions and don’t let them bring you down.

      Hold. Your. Space.

      THAT’S outrageous!

  • Avelar

    Very fun and helpfull this task today.
    Maybe I am being so optimistic but I think I am in some place between the Stages 1 and 2. Even after be rejected by the girl I was planning start a relationship last night (hahaha). I am enjoying so much these daily reading. Have a outrageously week.

    Suemar

  • kristie

    so-I literally laughed out loud at #2.I could see myself cussing at the horse.But get back on? I dont think so.I was actually thrown from a horse when i was a little girl-i never did get back on.I instead,allowed the fear of being hurt again stop me from trying.And I have done this too many times even today.What I read about me giving up on me,right on the money.Thanks for the laughs today and I cant wait to read more.

  • Tammy

    Stage 3: Fall off horse. Use sleeve of shirt to stanch bleeding. Have friend help you get back on horse. Take two Advil and apply ice packs when you get home. Ride next day.

    Just gotta keep on trying til I reach that goal. One of my fave coffee mugs states “begin each day as if it was on purpose.”

    BTW, love the series – given me some things to think about.

  • Vathsala

    Great article :) . I guess i often find myself alternating between stages.Usually start at Stage 2: Fall off horse. Run after horse, cussing. Climb back on by shimmying up horse’s neck. Ride until sundown. But unfortunately, i often try too hard to change or achieve something that i wind up getting exhausted at the end of it. Then, it’s back to square one where i start questioning myself.While, deep inside i know that it is who you are that really matters, that critic in me never stops nagging me in trying to change for the better.I guess they weren’t kidding when they said being true to yourself is one of the hardest thing to be. Well, still trying to accept myself..while it might be hard trying to be myself, i believe that it not impossible. so, i’m definitely gonna keep trying. Thanks for advice Lori!!

  • Kathy

    Wow, I’m somewhere between 6 and 7! I literally got bucked off my horse 13 years ago. Serious injuries that I have not recovered from as well as a major fibromyalgia flare-up that hasn’t calmed down! I have searched high and low for health answers trying to get myself back! Ain’t happening. I have a feeling your “program” is getting to the root of my physical non-healing. I’m 63 years old! I need to start accepting myself! Thank you. I’ve almost deleted your emails until the horse analogy today.

    • http://lorirtaylor.com lori

      Kathy – well we’re in the buckaroo club – except my guy is a bolter. Broke the back in 2006 and just got back on to show this year. (Had twins in between – and long recovery.) So I get it!

      I have someone I can connect you with in LA – his name is Robert Dursi – he does sound frequency healing. Just needs your voice imprint – he’ll tell you everything wrong with you – then you’ll be shocked that he knew things from years back – and then he gives you frequencies to listen to on your phone.

      I’ve sent him at least 20 people (he helped cure something for me) – 4 celebs – you’d know them – and EVERYONE 100% satisfied.

      But your decision of course. Just let me know.

  • Adal

    Thank you Lori, I enjoy your emails immensely…I think am far beyond 7…lost my horse completely 2 years ago :) and just learning to go with the flow ..m trying so hard to like what I see now or at least accept it as it is coz I know now that there is little option to do any different…have been for so long through the low of negativity but now trying hard on the up of seeing things differently…it has been ages since I enjoyed a read like your emails…

  • Nance

    I couldn’t see myself on the horse. I used to ride a bike and I never fell off. Is there something wrong with me that I just can’t relate to this one? Then I read your jogging in the park with blind people. I work with ALOT of blind people. AHA – I get it!

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com/ LoriRTaylor

      Nance you are fantastic – I LOVE this comment – and yes I took a risk with this one – horses aren’t for everyone – but most people I have met don’t ride because they rode when young and fell or or are afraid to ride because they might fall off – so I was hoping people would get it.  Thank God for blind people in the park – LOL.

  • Kigutapaul

    thanks for your good advice am grateful

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com/ LoriRTaylor

      You are welcome friend.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664147490 Eduardo Ignacio

    Hi Lori,

    In everytime I fall I used to preten

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664147490 Eduardo Ignacio

    Hi Lori,

    In everytime I fall I used to pretend that I never failed even it is very obvious and each time I get up the word pretend becomes reality and then people seemingly unnoticed. Isn’t it unfair life has to give? And failing is not my option in fact I love to write it in my Book of Lesson Learned. Thus, making me difficult to make stop when it is already written.  

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com/ LoriRTaylor

      Eduardo – I think we lose a bit with our language barrier – I’m sad I’m not bilingual like you are…but i think I get what you are saying – and I agree with you – I’ve never failed! LOL – I’m an optimist – and I see every challenge, every fall every time it’s hard – as an opportunity for growth. I don’t always LIKE it – but I GET it.  I’m outrageous like that. Sounds like you are too!

  • Ally

    Hey Lori!!
     
    Man, signing up to your emails is one of the BEST choices I have ever made!! I’m realising that I’m becoming more confident than ever..  The way I think and interact with others has improved outrageously!!! I honestly never thought I’d have the confidence I have always wanted to have.. but I am getting there so quickly and I’m soo proud of myself!! I have to admit something…. I am so in love with you and your words that I deliberately don’t open your emails daily… Every five days or so I log in to my account and read all your emails from the previous five days in one big go! I just love having this huge pile of confident-boosting and outrageous emails to read! It takes me awhile but it is the most enjoyable and rewarding part of my day. That’s why I’m a little behind in commenting here!!
     
    Well… I don’t think I’m at any of these seven stages!! I’m more of a “fall off my horse, hit the ground HARD, lay there thinking I’m going to die, burst into tears, get up incredibly slowly and limp back into the house, refuse to ever go near a horse ever again, then pretty much never let myself even think of horses ever again” kinda girl.. Definitely something I want to change about myself!! I’m so confident when it comes to meeting people, talking to people, helping others, etc. but as soon as I’m heard – I’m a depressive state where it’s all about me and that I suck at everything… Do you have any starter tips for breaking out of this??
     
    All my love,
    Ally

    • http://www.lorirtaylor.com/ LoriRTaylor

      Ally you made my day – TRULY – thank YOU thank YOU thank YOU.  Your kind words mean the world to me today.  THANK YOU.

      Ok – now about you…

      Ahhh, so I get you – you hit the ground – cry a bit – maybe have a small pity party and then never ever go back to that awful place where they were mean to you, right?
      Wow girl – your load must be HEAVY.

      Now me – I fall off – shed a few tears – then want to beat the crap out of my horse for hurting me (I don’t btw – and would never – but man have I wanted to) stomp off, tell myself what a baby I am and strap it on for the next day – pretending I was SUPPOSED to fall off … LOL.

      Neither one of us seems to like being vulnerable much.  We like helping – will kill ourselves to help someone else – but God forbid someone hurts our feelings right?

      Sigh…

      Ok – here’s the ONLY thing that works for me – and it’s a bit outrageous – but it works – and doesn’t really hurt to try, you know?

      See every single person in your life as an actor or actress in your play who’s soul purpose (pun intended) is to make sure you stay on track. They have super human like sensors that know when our internal stuff ain’t working right – ok? You with me? So when they push our buttons it’s to prove to us – see told you that you still believing you weren’t good enough.Every time someone upsets me I see them as my personal trainer for growth and emotional fitness – and even though I might get mad at the time – even hold onto it a bit depending on the “infraction” I realize one important thing…

      If the button wasn’t there they couldn’t “get” me.

      Deactive the destructive buttons and activate the empowering ones – you’ll find you attract a whole new type of person, peer, friend – etc into your life.  You wait and see if I’m not right.
      Ride em cow girl!

      Hope that helps – LT

  • Pooja

    All this self help, presumes we know ourselves well enough to improve.
    How does one reach that stage? How do we find out who we really are? What is the purpose of the movie we are creating?

  • Lin

    Thanks for your inspiration!

  • Celanenkhosi

    i am numbr 6, i only get the humor a long tym has passed

  • Squiz

    Imagine being a star in your own movie! It’s kinda like looking all over for something that’s sitting in front of your face! I’m starting to believe that the universe truly does want us to succeed, but we learn nothing if it all runs smoothly, the challenges push us out of our comfort zone and help us see what we really are capable of . . thank you for taking me on this journey, you truly are Outrageous!!

  • Laura APB

    I think I’m just repeating all the stages all over again, but Every time I repeat it it’s better. Because I ‘m more aware about the things that happen in my life, I’m growing up step by step. And every day feels better. Thanks  for spend your time helping me  to improve myself.  Ps. I love your last video.

  • Aabha

    I love your logic, just trying to implement in my life :)

  • http://necessityofchange.com Mary

    Hi Lori
    I get the point (don’t like horses though).
    Some days I am fired up ready to plow forward and then fizzle out.  It becomes very frustrating, I know what I need to do but somehow can’t pull it together.  Finding that maybe too much is on my plate of needing attention.  I end up becoming overwhelmed and therefore slow down and not get much done.  I should give myself a break and sometimes I do, but guilt sets in.  There is so much riding on what I want to accomplish and each day that goes by with little progress is … well never where I thought I would be at this time in my life.
    There is so much stuff I have learned in the past year, but so much more I need to learn.  Would love to push the fast forward button!  Brain hurry up and learn I’ve got stuff to do and places to go!
    Thanks for the info.
    Mary

  • Viviana

    Dear Lori,
     Thanks a lot for your wonderful emails; I am a kind of sceptical person, but I ended up falling in love with your  outrageously emails!
    I think I am on stage 3. I like a lot stage 2 – though,I never pass through it.
    All stage seems to me great examples of determinations; I wonder how many people have the courage to reach all stages !
    I recognise “Your point” dissapointed me, still how clear it highlight the jorney!
    Thanks again!

  • Akahappy008

    Ouch! Don’t take life too seriously, it’s only temporary. And if you don’t learn how to laugh about what happens (even when it’s not funny) you’re just going to end up crying about everything.

  • Scarlett

    Tom Cruise  better NOT walk onto my set. Or I’ll know I’m having a night mare. :)

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