When faced with a big decision, it is natural for you to seek advice from friends, colleagues, and experts. Sadly, it can also be natural to ignore that advice when you don’t hear what you want to…

I was chatting with my friend Fred and he was lamenting the very high mortgage payments he had to make. Not only were the payments high, but after the real estate bubble burst the property was worth less than the mortgage (not an unfamiliar situation for many these days, I am sure).

Fred says, “the stupid thing is that before I bought the property I was talking to one of these ‘real estate gurus.’ I asked him, ‘is it time to buy real estate yet?’ He said, ‘no.’ So of course I went and bought the house anyway.”

Fred said this not out of anger or spite, but simply out of humorous self-reflection. He knew how ridiculous it made him sound. But we have all been on both sides of this; getting advice that we don’t take and being asked for advice that others ignore.

It’s natural to want to argue against or ignore advice that we don’t like. But just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s right. Seeking advice is a smart thing to do, but before you do, make sure you are ready to accept it.

Here are three questions to ask yourself to before you ask for advice:

Are You Looking For Advice or Validation?

Often when we go looking for advice we are really just looking for people to pat us on the back and say, “yes, what you are doing is correct, keep doing it.” Or we have an option that we want to be right (even though deep down we know it isn’t) so we go looking for advice that will tell us it is.

My friend wanted to buy a house. He wasn’t necessarily looking to find out if the time was right or not; he was looking for someone to validate that yes, the time was right.

Don’t bother asking for advice if all you are looking for is approval. It won’t work out well for anyone.

Are You Ready For the Truth?

Seeking advice without an open mind is like mining for gold while blindfolded: even if you came across a “golden nugget,” you would never even realize it?

If you’re going to go through the trouble of seeking advice, and if you’re going to take up someone else’s time getting it, then the least you can do is be very open to anything and everything they say (Note: this is *not* the same as when someone gives you unsolicited advice; this is just for when *you* are asking *them* for their opinion).

The truth hurts. The person may advise you to do something you really don’t want to do. They may tell you that your brilliant idea has a huge flaw. They may tell you that, in their opinion, you are making a huge mistake.

If you’re not ready to face the truth, don’t bother seeking the advice.

Are You Ignoring Advice Out of Emotion or Logic?

I’m not saying that just because someone gives you advice that you have to take it. Heck, I’ve ignored lots of advice in my day! Ultimately you are in control of your own life and only you get to decide what’s best for you. But if you are going to ignore someone’s advice, then make sure you understand why.

Are you ignoring the advice because you have thought it through fully and decided that in your particular situation it doesn’t make sense? Or are you ignoring it because it makes you uncomfortable, or you don’t like it, or it’s not what you wanted to hear? The former is a perfectly valid reason; the latter is going to get you in trouble.

Be careful! Humans are brilliant at making decisions emotionally and justifying rationally. Make certain that your reasons for ignoring the advice (which you sought out) are truly logical, not emotional.

The next time you are faced with a difficult or complex decision, review these three questions before seeking advice. If you are blessed enough to have smart experienced people who can help you, then these questions just may prevent you from stupidly ignoring what they say.

Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a motivational humorist and blogger, Avish makes people laugh while giving them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

Image courtesy of LittleStar

If you’re reading Pick the Brain, it’s a fair bet that you have goals. You might even have written them down. Perhaps you read them every day, or have them pinned to a notice-board.

How many of those goals are materialistic ones? How many are focus on a dollar amount or a particular purchase?

I’ve been reading a book by Jack Canfield recently, and while I’ve found plenty of good advice in it, I’ve also been a little disturbed at times by his seeming equation of “success” with money and material goods:

Here are the life purpose statements of some of my friends. It is important to note that they have all become self-made millionaires through the fulfilment of their life purpose.

(Jack Canfield, The Success Principles, pg30 in UK edition)

It’s a common theme on blogs and forums, too: I’ve come across a number of people who are creating “vision boards” for goals that all about having expensive items – from watches to yachts – and expensive experiences.

Now, I’m not here to get judgmental. Perhaps it’s true that money really is going to bring happiness for those people. But if you’re finding it hard to pursue your goals, if you find that focusing on that stupendous salary or that huge house doesn’t seem to touch you deep down, or if your goals seem to be draining you rather than giving you energy, then ask …

What’s Behind the Money?

We never really want money itself. We want whatever it is that we believe money will bring us. For many people, this is “freedom” … but it’s worth asking yourself what price you’re paying for that. I was interested in time coach Mark Forster’s explanation of why he abandoned his goal of earning a million dollars:

So did I have to wait until I had earned a million dollars before I could have freedom? Weren’t there things I could achieve in the shorter term, or perhaps even immediately, which would have the same effect? I began to realise that the goal of a million dollars was in itself a burden. In order to reach freedom, I was proposing to enslave myself to a huge goal for an indefinite period of time.

(Mark Forster, How to Make Your Dreams Come True, p115 – currently out of print)

Even if your goals are objects or experiences, what’s the actual motivation behind them? Do you want a yacht to “prove that you’ve made it”? Is your desire for a big house really a desire for security? Do you want an expensive wardrobe so that you can attract the partner of your dreams?

Once you’ve figured out what your real goal or value is, it’s worth taking a long hard look at whether your current actions are getting you any closer. If what you really want is to meet a life partner, are your working hours making that hard? Will your kids really be happier if they have the latest and greatest toys each Christmas – or if you come home from work before bedtime once in a while?

Alex Blackwell wrote movingly about what he’d do differently if he could have his time as a father over again:

I would stay at the dinner table 15 minutes longer and not feel compelled to rush to my office and dig into my work. I would use those 15 minutes to ask one additional question about [my daughter’s] day, to provide the nurturing she wanted and to offer my help in any matter my daughter requested.

(Alex Blackwell, Confessions from a Recovering Father, The BridgeMaker)

What Are You Being Sold?

Marketers and advertisers play on our emotions. Rather than selling us a watch, a car or a holiday, they sell us a particular feeling – perhaps even succeeding in getting to the heart of what we really want. Next time you see an advert and think “I want that”, ask yourself what feeling or emotion you’re being sold. Security? Freedom? Escape from concerns?

Our culture is increasingly materialistic. Just pick up a magazine, watch television or catch a movie and you’ll see that. Even personal development gurus tell us to expect “abundance” and to “raise our financial thermostat”.

It’s often worth taking a step back. Ask yourself whether a new gadget or item will really make you happy. If not … what will? More leisure time, the freedom to be creative, deeper relationships? That’s what you should be pursuing.

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Related Articles:

Why Unmaterialistic People Should Want To Get Rich

The Beauty of Occasional Abundance