I have a group of ladies who are beginner to intermediate level snow skiers that I teach each week for eight weeks during the winter. When we were sitting on the chairlift, we saw some of the little kids below who were fearlessly zipping down the slopes. These kids must have been anywhere from four to six years of age.

Some of the ladies remarked how they wished they had started snow skiing at the same age of these little kids. They claimed that the kids seem to have no fear unlike them, struggling adults. When the kids fall on the snow, they just get up again and laugh it off.

This is in total contrast to adults who often have a deep fear of falling and injuring themselves. Indeed, some of my ladies tend to tense up and ski very slowly when the slopes are a bit steeper or icier. The common objective they all have when I asked them what they wanted to achieve this winter is to have more confidence on the ski slopes.

What these ladies might not be realizing is that they are already setting great examples for other adults. Instead of choosing not to pursue a sport or activity like snow skiing because they think they are already too old, they signed up to take ski lessons from professional certified instructors.

Despite their fears, they are always willing to try out the various drills I show them or venture out with the class on steeper terrain that they otherwise might not have skied down on their own. I give them a lot of credit for this and their efforts slowly pay off as they continually surprise themselves each week with their skill improvements.

Don’t Compare To Others

Although it would have been nice to start a sport like snow skiing at an early age, that opportunity has past for us adults so it’s not even worth dwelling on. My adult students should not compare themselves to the kids speeding past. They should be proud enough to participate in an activity that many other adults consider too extreme to start.

My ladies need not reach the level of the kids to have fun out there. They can enjoy the ski slopes on their own level and they are doing the right thing by learning how to do it safely with expert supervision and coaching.

Progress On Your Own Terms

This should be the same with any new skills whether they are sports or foreign languages or computers. All adults should realize that it is never too late to learn new things. For example, it is great to see more and more seniors are now taking efforts to learn how to use computers and the internet so that they can communicate with their loved ones online or share photos.

In fact, learning new things is a good thing because new skills help exercise our bodies and our minds. This has proven to be one of the best anti-aging strategies out there.

So if you have ever wanted to learn a certain sport or some other skill, do not hesitate to take the initiative to sign up for a course or seminar that will help get you started. Although you might not become an expert, you can still benefit greatly from all the enjoyment that you will get when participating with those new skills.

The ladies in my ski classes should feel no shame because they are slower than the ski kids. Instead, they should feel proud to add yet another skill and activity to their lives.

Feel free to share below a new skill that you learned later in life as well as those that you have still yet to learn.

Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author and Karate World Champion. See his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series to learn how to expand your comfort zone to conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

Personal growth depends to an unknown extent on our ability to be aware of, and think about, our thoughts, feelings and behavior. However if we don’t ‘do internal work’, think deeply about this vast uncharted area, we are certainly going to lead a life that is more lifeless and robotic.

If we lead our life as if the world is only outside of us, repeating patterns of behavior, with no self-reflection, what is effective for us at one point in our life cycle, sooner or later, loses it’s effectiveness.

Below are five ideas to fertilize thinking about our internal worlds:

1) The first is that even if we chew and grind up good or bad food, and drink with passionate love, it still turns into feces and urine. True? No.

It is easy to see the beginning and the end of any process. We forget, or may not even be aware, that all food is something. When we take it in it begins a mysterious journey essential for our body growth; or, if there is too much, too little, or it is poisonous or rotten, this food journey can have destructive intent and lead to misery.

Likewise, ideas and feelings we take into our mind, while in a gristmill of conflict, tension and friction, can contribute to growth or to energy ‘waste.’ This kind of information-food, good or bad, will often turn out to be seeds of vital nutrient for personal growth, the growth of our ‘mind’ and our ability to think.

On the other hand this idea-feeling food, like real food, can also pass through quickly, be burdensome, poisonous waste, and, even if nutritious, it can also be too much, too little, or get stuck and not get worked on and thought about. This can leave us with the feeling we are in a dank, dark and slippery place.

Example: Being constipated with an idea like resentment, and holding onto it inside, can poison us while an idea like forgiveness will endlessly nurture our body, mind and soul.

2) The second is that we can spit out another’s words or ideas, such as ‘God’, ‘science’, ‘truth’, or opinions like ‘God is One’, ‘it’s not scientific’, ‘it’s beautiful’; or we can spit an idea or feeling back: “Hey you, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” In both cases, in so doing, are we acting automatically? Have we briefly, or for an extended period, forgotten our self and our internal world? Are we so rattled, angry and disturbed we’ve ‘lost our mind.’ It’s perilous to not live mindfully, to not step back and ‘see’ things from different perspectives.

Example: All ideas can be thought about from infinite points of view or vertices, to name only the mentioned three: religious, scientific or aesthetic.

3) So, here’s a third idea to chew on: We never really ‘pick the brain’; surely there isn’t brain tissue in a blog. Thinking about it further, the mind is an unproven concept; so picking the brain is a metaphor for chewing on ideas, feeding ideas to others, swallowing some, spitting others out, an exchange or extension of the ideas in our internal world with the internal world of others; an exchange extended across the world with love or hate. How this exchange affects one depends on whether or how deeply it is thought about it.

On thinking further yet, maybe ‘pick the brain’ is not a metaphor. Ideas just might become brain food, brain tissue, not just ‘mind’ food. Unlike minds, brains do exist, we can ‘see them’. Like our ‘mind’ we just can’t ‘see’ ideas.

Should we be aware of and think about ideas before we flush them away? Can we be that aware of them all? How much thinking is useful? Are we failing to pick our brain? Maybe ‘picking the brain’ means learning to think deeply.

Do we ‘think’ in our dreams? Do we do dream work and ‘think’ unconsciously? Is this the only time we are fully ‘awake’? Is this a deeper way to pick our brains, to chew over of facts and ideas?

Example: Are we walking around in a daydream or are we thinking deeply with our minds, right down into our heart, our genitals, our bowels, our very tissues. Is this the way to really ‘wake up’? Or is all this just picking over bones? That’s good. I get it. I like that.

4) Another idea to think about: If we think we can get something for nothing we are forgetting nothing is not only something, it is in its own way everything. We should be careful how we value something, or for that matter anything. Nothing might be priceless and we might be making a fool’s bargain for what we think is something. Yet even if nothing is really only nothing we need to be careful not to value what is valueless.

Example: If we feel entitled to something in the present without working or paying for it, we are forgetting that the ability to work (something) is a gift of love (everything). We might get something we think we are entitled to without working or paying for it but the hidden price tag is starvation (nothing) from living automatically, repeating patterns: patterns of greed, patterns of grievance and regret. Something that turns out to be nothing leads inexorably to the misery of the loss of love (everything).

5) Chew on these ideas, swallow them; Or, what the heck, just spit them out and forget them! Don’t let them get ‘stuck in your craw.’ Maybe these ideas are just a bunch of hooey anyway.

Hmm, will anyone think about this, be wide-open to what they have read? Will it help them grow?

Have you now been able to introduce the thinking parts of yourself to one another so they can sit down and talk? Do you ‘see’ it ‘all’ differently ‘now’?

How can we communicate, see things the same way? Can we, beyond forgiveness and love, ever see things the same way?

How can I listen to what you say, read what you write, be fully open so that it will help me to grow. How frightened am I that your growth or mine might turn out to be malignant and must be killed before it murders you or me or both or all of us?

Can your concept of mind ever really meet with mine? Is my mind ever separate from yours? Mind your own business!! If minds exist can they ever be separate running their own business? If so how separate can they be? Isn’t separation the only real problem? Who and what are we trying to be separate from?

Example: The sun never stops shining. Does it for you? Is it ever miserable outside? Is it cloudy, too hot, too cold, snowing, raining or arid, or really scary?

What’s your conjecture? How much of all this is ‘really’ happening in our internal world in that concept we call our mind?

Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well.

Don’t Forget To sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER!

Related Articles:

The Language of Success

George Orwell’s 5 Rules For Effective Writing

You’re racing through your work, totally in the zone, when…

… the phone rings.

You stop, and answer it. Wrong number.

After a few minutes, you manage to get back into your work. You’re back in the zone when…

… a colleague wanders past and strikes up a conversation.

It takes you ten minutes to get rid of him. And by this point, you’ve lost the thread of what you were doing.

In almost every sort of work, we need periods of highly-focused concentration. Perhaps you have to analyze some complex figures, or write an important report, or put together a presentation: whatever it is, you need to be able to sit down, uninterrupted, and get it done.

The problem is, in most workplaces, it’s hard to get a few hours of uninterrupted time. If you work from home, it can be even worse: you don’t just have potential interruptions from colleagues and clients, you also have a partner, kids or housemates.

It might seem like interruptions are out of your control: after all, you can’t get rid of your colleagues, or stop clients from phoning. But even if you can’t eliminate interruptions entirely, you can definitely minimize them.

Here’s how:

#1: Close the Door While You’re Working

Okay, this one only works if you have your own room with a door – but if you do, then make sure you close the door when you want to focus. (And let the folks around you know that a closed door means that they should only interrupt in an emergency.)

Closing the door also helps reduce noise from outside your office – and it can help encourage you to stay at your desk and work, when you might otherwise be tempted to get up and wander around.

#2: Wear Headphones to Prevent Colleagues Chatting

If you’re constantly being interrupted by colleagues or housemates who want to chat, then wear headphones. (You don’t have to actually put any music on, unless you want to!) That way, people are less likely to engage you in casual conversation.

Again, this also helps reduce any outside noise – and if your headphones are plugged into your computer, they’ll keep you tethered to your desk!

#3: Say “Could You Come Back in Ten Minutes?”

Sometimes, of course, a colleague or family member will interrupt with a legitimate problem. If this happens when you’re in the middle of something, say: “I just need to finish this off, could you come back in ten minutes?”

Chances are, they won’t mind at all, and they may well go away and find a solution to the problem in the meantime – eliminating the interruption entirely. Even if they do come back, you’ve at least postponed the full interruption until a more convenient time.

#4: Let Your Phone Go to Voice-Mail

Do you really have to pick up the phone every single time it rings? We often think of phone calls as requiring an immediate response – but if the same message came in by email, we probably wouldn’t reply instantly. Don’t confuse the urgency of the medium with the urgency of the message.

Let your phone go to voice-mail. After all, if you were in a meeting, you wouldn’t be able to answer it instantly. If you’re worried about missing something urgent, check the name or number of the incoming call – and only answer if you really need to.

#5: Turn Off Skype/Email/Facebook/Twitter etc…

Nowadays, many of us use technology other than phones. Chances are, you’ve got a Skype account, several social media accounts, and definitely an email inbox. All of these can pop up notifications on your computer – which is very distracting when you’re working.

Don’t let Skype and other programs auto-login when you switch on your computer: instead, make a conscious decision about whether or not you want people to be able to contact you at this particular moment.

#6: Get Into the Office Early

This is a little more drastic, so I left it until last! If you’re still struggling to find enough uninterrupted time to complete your work, consider getting into the office early. (Or, if you work from home, getting up before the rest of your household.)

An hour of quiet, uninterrupted time first thing in the morning can set you up for a great day. If you’re struggling to work on a big, long-term task, then try devoting the first hour of your work-day to it.

Do you have any other tips on minimizing interruptions? Or has one of the above ideas already worked well for you?

“Sound when stretched is music. Movement when stretched is dance. Mind when stretched is meditation. Life when stretched is celebration.” ~Shri Shri Ravishankar Jee

How much do you want from life? Right now, stop for a moment and think about one word you would use to describe your life today. Got it? If you knew you could open a door that would lead you to an even more fulfilling and extraordinary life, would you open it? What if there was some manageable pain involved?

Well, here’s the good news and the bad news: that door does exist, but almost always, the pain does to.

All growth involves some level of discomfort. But the discomfort is short-lived. The growth is forever.

If you view life as a circle, most of us live inside that circle where everything is comfortable and familiar. Occasionally, we might be forced outside by unexpected circumstances, and the brave among us might take a moment to look around at this new and scary landscape. But mostly, we scurry back to the safety of our circle.

Here’s a truth you already know: really bold leaps in our personal growth and quality of life happen only when step outside of that circle and keep walking.

The world has so much to offer — great adventures, interesting people, beauty, learning, emotional development, profound experiences. And we have such a short time on this planet — somewhere around 30,000 days if we live to our mid-eighties.

Why do we resist stretching ourselves beyond our circles when real living is on the other side?

Here are some of the reasons:

• We fear the unknown. It might be worse than what we have now.
• We fear failure and looking bad in the eyes of others.
• We fear success. It will require more of us.
• We have limiting beliefs about what we “should” do and can do.
• We don’t believe we are deserving.
• We don’t want to offend other people.
• We can’t or won’t imagine how truly amazing life could be.
• We think it will require resources we don’t have.
• We don’t like discomfort.

On that 30,000th day, don’t look back on your life and say, “If only. . . .” Life is a string of “right nows.” Whatever it is that you hope might happen in the future won’t happen unless you are doing something about it right in this very moment.

Living outside of your circle doesn’t mean you have to go climb Mt. Everest or make a million dollars (unless that’s what you want to do). It does mean shifting up to the next level. Some stretches might move you forward a little, and some might propel you into an entirely new world. Both are good. All forward movement is good.

The key is to take action. Don’t sit around waiting for something to happen in your life. Make it happen.

Here are some practical ideas for doing just that:

1. Start with awareness. By reading this article, you are probably thinking about your life and how it could be better, more exceptional. Recognize right now that more is possible for you, and it can be achieved.

2. Access what you want. What do you want to achieve, learn, accomplish, enjoy and understand? Create a list with categories for career, family, travel, self-development, education or any others that apply to your life. Under each category, write down your heart’s desire — without limitations.

3. Pick your top five. Don’t overwhelm yourself with everything on your list. You will not be able to do everything. But you can do many things and still make your life profoundly better. For now, pick your top five, but hold on to your list.

4. Pick something easy. Create momentum and excitement by starting with an easy goal. Something that won’t involve to much of a stretch. Maybe it’s a trip you’ve wanted to take or a class you have been thinking about. Choose one item from your stretch list. When it’s completed, start with the next goal.

5. For now, don’t think. Just start taking small actions. Write down everything to accomplish your goal — from making calls, saving money, setting appointments, doing research. Don’t over-think it or question yourself. Make your action list and then just do it. One action at a time.

6. Challenge assumptions. Fear and self-doubt will creep in. You must challenge assumptions and negative thinking. If you keep thinking you can’t do something, or you aren’t smart enough, then you are creating a self-fulfilling cycle of inertia. Even if you don’t feel confident, pretend that you do. Mentally resist when you start negative self-talk, and switch gears to thinking, “I can, I will.”

7. Befriend failure. Begin to view failure as a friend, not an enemy. We are not handed a road map to explore new territory. We set out on our adventure with a hazy view of the way forward. We may take wrong turns, but we have to take them to find the correct path. Love every failure, because it is part of growth. If you avoid failure, you are restricting your life.

8. Make it public. This is a real stretch, but a very successful one. When you begin a new goal or challenge, tell someone — anyone, everyone. Make it public. Now, you are accountable. It is human nature, when others are watching you, you will work harder. If you are serious about doing something, tell people. And tell them your deadline.

9. Find a mentor. Find someone whose life you want to emulate. Study that person. Learn how they accomplished and achieved. If they are living and you can connect with them, ask them questions and advice. Find someone who will inspire you to move forward.

10. Look stupid. Be willing to reveal what you don’t know. Everyone has areas of ignorance. Truly smart people are eager to learn and willing to expose their lack of knowledge. Once you get past that embarrassment, the learning is the easy part!

11. Ignore other people. Strive to detach from what other people think about you. People spend more time thinking about themselves anyway. The first and main person you have to please is yourself. Then your family and maybe a few close friends who are authentic. After that, you are chasing your tail. What other people think doesn’t matter.

12. Stop resisting. Remember the old pinball machines? You’d pull a lever and the ball would bounce off walls as it sought it’s way forward. Approach life that way. You are going to hit obstacles — whether it’s negative people or circumstances. Instead of resisting, move in a different direction. Bad things happen along the path, but don’t get stuck in them. Move away from them.

13. Think creatively. You don’t have to be an artist to be creative. As you approach a goal or action step, challenge yourself to find a bigger, better, or different way. The internet is an amazing resource for this. Look at what others are doing. Steal ideas and make them your own. Think big. Now think bigger.

14. Remove distractions. Whatever you are working on, work on that one thing. Don’t get distracted by emails, phone calls, other pending projects, or intruding extraneous thoughts. Focus on the task at hand, every single time.

15. Simplify everything. In order to achieve what will take you to the next level, you have to let go of what’s tethering you to the mundane. Begin some mental, emotional, and mental housekeeping. Where are you spending time that is draining your energy and resources? Are you spending time caring for material things that don’t contribute to a better quality of life? Do you have too many mindless tasks? Start eliminating these things, and free up tons of valuable time.

16. Try new things. Whenever you have the opportunity, try something new. A new hobby, new friends, a new type of book, a new idea. Expose yourself to different ways of doing things and thinking about things. Find new environments for learning. This will open new pathways to growth that you never knew existed.

17. Set a big challenge. Chris Guillebeau, the founder of the blog The Art of Non-Conformity, has set the astounding goal of visiting every country in the world (except those in turmoil) by the time he’s 35. He is 32 now. He chronicles his adventures for his blog followers. Create a big challenge for yourself, just for the fun of it. If you don’t make it, big deal. But if you do . . . .

18. Join a community. There’s lots of support out there for whatever you are doing. Get involved in a group of like-minded people who can cheer you on, inspire you, offer input and provide support.

19. Acknowledge yourself. Every step forward should be celebrated. We get so mired in the doing that we forget the being. Take time to ponder the growth you have made and the goals you have achieved. Share these achievements with family and friends. Write them down. You are becoming a different person.

20. Enjoy the process. As you take steps to stretch yourself and create a better life, don’t forget to savor the “right now.” The process of growth is forever, so you will always be in process. All you really have is this very moment — this is your life, so see the beauty in it.

Barrie Davenport is a personal and career coach and founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about fearless living. She is the author of the free e-book, How to Have a Meaningful Life.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

Words That Overcome Fear and Dread

Words That Heal and Empower

First, let’s find out what the importance of motivation is exactly. Simply put, motivation is that driving force which allows you to achieve your goals and go after what you want in life. If you want to change your personality for the better, get a promotion at work, start a new habit, be a better person who is part of the community, become a better parent for your kid – all of these things would be easier accomplished if you are properly motivated.

As long as you have a strong personal motivation, you can achieve almost anything that you want from life. However, remember not to fall into the trap of looking for short-cuts to achieve your goals. It’s perfectly fine if you have to take a long and winding road to achieve your goal. It will even be a sweeter victory when you finally achieve your goal, knowing that you have had to go through several hurdles to attain it.

How Can I Develop Motivation in Life?

So how can you develop motivation in life? If you wish to accomplish a goal – be it short-term or long-term in nature – how can you find it in you to be properly motivated? Here are a few things that you should keep in mind:

1. Focus on one goal at a time.

This should be partnered with the fact that you should make sure that your short-term goals all help in achieving your long-term goals. One of the best ways for you to focus on one goal at a time is to make a diary of your goals – yes, write it down – so that you will have a visual representation of the things that you want to achieve rather than letting it all get lost in your head.

1. Get rid of all the distractions which might prevent you from achieving your goal.

Let’s say that you are a writer who wants to finish a book. How can you type away on your keyboard one chapter after another if there are many distractions surrounding you like television, friends chattering away or the lure of aimlessly browsing through the Internet. In order for you to stay properly motivated, make sure to steer clear of any distractions.

1. Completely block out any negative influences.

Finally, make sure that you are completely blocking out any negative influences in your life. If you feel that you are being distracted from your goal by a problem which does not seem to go away, ask yourself what you can do to eliminate such a challenge and distraction in your life. Maybe you are being sidetracked by negative thoughts and feelings because you have no faith in yourself. Addressing the root of the problem, completely blocking out any negative distractions and thinking purely positive thoughts is the best way for you to develop motivation in your everyday life.

Constantly Work At Motivating Yourself

A goal doesn’t do you much good unless you are constantly thinking about, and working towards it. Write down your goal and place it somewhere that you will see it at least 1-2 times a day. If you have a weight loss goal, place your written goal beside the refrigerator. If your goal is to get physically stronger, place your written goal near your weight bench so you can see it when you are working out. This provides the extra motivation you need for those tough days.

A great way to motivate yourself with business goals is to put up a motivational quote beside your desk. Do a Google search for motivational quotes, then print off one and put it inside of a picture frame. Keep it there and read it occasionally throughout the day. Whenever you find yourself not looking at the quote anymore, or it no longer provides the inspiration that it once did, it’s time to change the quote. It’s perfectly OK to change this quote every 1-2 weeks for maximum motivation.

Some people make a habit of reading their goals either when they first wake up or right before they go to bed. When you read your goals upon arising, you may begin to notice that you find yourself doing more each day to help you reach your goals. Similarly, when you read your goals right before bed, you may notice that you wake up with good ideas that you never thought of before.

Final Thoughts

It’s important to have motivation in your life. Motivation is the fuel that you need to continue striving for your goals. Soak up motivating things in your life on a daily basis. Read great books that will inspire you. Read great blogs that are both positive and informative.

It’s human nature to have days were you aren’t very motivated. However, if you continue to surround yourself with positive and motivational things, those days will be few and far between.

Ryan Whiteside is a Guest Blogger for PicktheBrain. To learn more about personal development and how to set goals visit the Ultimate Guide To Personal Development.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

A Smarter Approach To Time Management

Tips For Breaking Bad Habits and Developing Good Habits

Everyday I take a break from my work when I get to the point of being tired of what I am doing, and I usually go play basketball. The breaks that I enjoy the most are when I am alone on the court. Uninterrupted. I shoot, shot after shot. I enjoy trying to perfect my shot. I have an inner desire to become gifted. I have come to the point where I know what I need to do to consistently make shots, but I just don’t consistently do what I need to do.

The rim lets me know how I am doing. I love having it’s instant feed back. The loud clang of the rim challenges me to become better, and the soft swish of the net rewards me.

But today, I realized that the rim’s instant feed back is unnecessary.

I realized that I already knew if the shot was off course even before it hits the rim. I know by how I feel during the shot. I know if it is too short, or sailing wide left, and I know if the shot is perfectly on track.

I realized that I was concentrating on the result and not on how I felt during the shot. I was fixed on making my next shot (the destination of the ball), but not on how I should feel during the shot (the journey).

When I let go of my fixation on making shots and instead focused on how I felt during the shots, an amazing thing happened. I made way more shots. Why? I got rid of my self imposed pressure on the result, and became free to follow how I felt during the journey. I didn’t care if I made or missed a shot; I only cared if I was focused on feeling what I knew I should be feeling during the shot.

Our lives are the same way. We want to succeed so badly that we become fixated on succeeding. Our every thought and desire is to succeed in whatever thing it is. Sometimes we want to succeed badly enough that we do things against our conscience and better judgement. You see this happening in our schools. Students want to pass a class without putting in the work, so they turn to cheating, and when they aren’t caught, they continue cheating.

The world has recently seen what this pattern of cheating leads to in the likes of Bernard Madoff and Allen Stanford. They wanted to succeed so badly in their financial businesses, that they lied and cheated for decades. They took their new investor’s money and gave it to their old investor’s, pretending that this money came from legitimate investments.

They let their fixation on succeeding rule their actions and look what it brought. It brought devastation to thousands of honest people who invested in their lies. It brought families heartache and devastation.

In the words of Joshua Marcus Manuel, “It hurts to look at yourself in the mirror and hate yourself, look into the mirror and wonder what ever happened to that smile that used to shine so bright. When you look at yourself, you see this version of “you” that your mind has created, someone that has become so distant and cold that nobody wants to be around. Empty eyes. Fragile bones. The only thing you have left are the lies you tell yourself everyday to survive, lies that have become your painful reality, lies that will swallow you whole and crush your insides, lies that have turned you into someone you never wanted to be.”

Let go. Let go of those fixations that are preventing you from living a successful life. The way to success and happiness comes from letting go and following your heart, from being in harmony with yourself.

Look at what this did for Mother Teresa. For over 45 years, she ministered to the poor and the sick. She lead 610 missions in 123 countries for people with AIDS, leprosy and other illnesses. She dedicated her life to being in harmony with her conscience; she was her best self.

What things do you need to let go of?

Let go of them.

What things does your heart ache to achieve?

Achieve those things of your heart and live a life of success in harmony and happiness. Remember, “It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.” (Mark Twain) and “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.” (Thomas Carlyle)

About The Author: Matt is the creator of Tiepedia – a website all about neckties. His longest streak of consecutively wearing a tie is 2 years and 5 days! (Don’t worry they were different ties) He loves life, his family, his heaven, and his sports (golf, basketball and college football).

Don’t Forget to Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Posts:

7 Steps To Positive Self Talk

Words That Heal and Empower

Image Courtesy of Ginther @ Flickr

In the process of any form of achievement there will be times where you take a step back – where things don’t go as planned and you fall into a bit of a slump. These moments can hurt, sometimes even enough to make you quite altogether. But don’t quit.

Persistence is an aspect of success that many people struggle with because it is difficult to keep working, fly past the tipping point point. I hope these strategies make the road towards your goals simpler, with less interference from steps backwards.

Identify the cause. Any solution requires a clear problem. What is it specifically that you’ve deemed to be a step away from your goals? When you break things down like this instead of responding immediately with “Everything’s gone wrong, I’m doomed!” you’re able to think logically without the interference of emotion. Smart decisions can be made in response.

Remember where you’re going. Have a clear direction, an end goal. This is a key tool for motivating yourself through times where everything feels to be going against you. Every day visualise the exact outcome you want from your goals.

Realize it’s just a pot hole, not a canyon. It’s a scrape not a flesh wound. Any step back is reversible and rarely requires any major shift in actions or thoughts. Be mindful of what went wrong, acknowledge it, and move on.

Inspire yourself. What is your inspiration? Music, good books and the videos from Gary Vaynerchuk rarely fail to get me back in my groove. Discover your muses and then exploit the hell out of them in your down times.
Stop doing anything. Be still and relax. Taking a step back can be spurred from burning out and you can’t recover from that by running your engines even hotter. Don’t feel guilty for purposeful unproductiveness. Enjoy it.

Blast some music. Nothing gets me pumped up more than playing some Ben Harper at a most likely unhealthily loud volume. Get some good speakers (fan of the Logitech Z-10 system myself) and get lost in the melodies.
Get something done. Make some form of progress. Whatever it is doesn’t particularly matter, just kick your mind into gear by realizing that the step back was only temporary.

Hang out with friends. This is essentially “Stop doing anything” but with the added distraction of your buddies to help take your mind off your step back. If you want to take a more active approach consider joining a mastermind group. Then you can hang out with like-minded individuals and take steps forward at the same time.

Solidify your plan. What is your current plan of action? Run through it, slowly, and begin revising or removing any weak links. Make your plan a flawless sequence of events to take action on – there’s no room for mediocrity.

Smile. Force one if you have to. Just smile. It’s proven that the physical act of smiling has the same effect as being genuinely happy. Sit, smile and breath.

Step forward. Don’t live in the past. Take action that takes your forward towards your goals. Stepping back is an inevitable part of life – make sure it doesn’t become he only part of life.

David Turnbull is a Guest Blogger For PickTheBrain and is the founder of DavidTurnbull.com.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

Tips For Breaking Bad Habits and Cultivating Good Ones

7 Ways To Grow The Action Habit

In my last piece I outlined the place that the sale of fear is taking in our life. I noted the role fear plays in creating illness. I highlighted the major role of particularly guilty industries: the pharmaceutical companies, politicians, insurance companies and the news and advertising media, to name just five. These are entities that go out of their way to create a culture of fear to sell their products.

Because it is not a one-way street, however, this is not the whole story. Here in FEAR II, I outline the role we play in putting our self at the mercy of fear and dread and the personal responsibility we must own to manage these feelings. If you are interested, I explain this in greater detail, with clinical examples, in my book.

The first difficult and complex reality is that fear and dread are a very large and significant part of being human. These feelings and others, like a sense of doom, are essential elements of the human experience. Repeat this to yourself: “If I want to be fully human then I accept that fear and dread are a part of what I am.” Only by accepting this can you utilize your essential inner energy and at the same time ward off salesmen selling you more fear. You already have a plentiful supply.

The second reality is inherently more difficult to acknowledge. This is because most of us spend so much time trying to rid ourselves of fear or trying to avoid fear all together. In doing this we are denying the reality that it is quite normal to feel profoundly scared every day. If you have no sense of this you are likely cutting yourself off from your feelings and the vital energy and creativity that goes with them.

The third part, the hardest, is to realize how much it is in your interest to look into your own doom enclosed as you are as a physical entity. Close your eyes and stare into the abyss, the dark, the nothingness, the end, the loneliness, the abandonment, the sense of fading away, the terror that is in you. It is here, often to your shock, that you will find the light and source of energy that shines most brightly.

When, shaking with fear, you accept your fear the next step is to look it in the eye. Allowing your self this experience several times a day will ease your being at the mercy of your lower consciousness feelings. Doing this is only useful, of course, if you otherwise get on with what you WON’T and what you WILL do each day while accepting this experience as only one important part of feeling alive as you live. This practice frees you from being manipulated by the authoritarian voices in your own head or the voices outside who would encourage you to not feel, to look away, to seek safety and security, or conversely to attack, seek revenge, or retaliate against yourself or others.

Remember, finally, this decision, is a choice: to LOVE and BE WELL, or act out on your feelings as if you are a separate, isolated, strange specter alone with your ghoulish thoughts and fears. This you will recognize is the essence of all vampire, monster, horror and slasher books and films. This is commonly known as evil.

To know it, our fears and our dread, so we may contain it within ourselves, is to not inflict it on others, but instead to put it into the world in art or symbols of art, narratives or images. This allows us to then take it back inside our self in a more refined and less terrifying version. Here we may know our feelings and our self with comfort again.

This all, of course, depends on our having had a necessary amount of affectionate holding by parents or parent substitutes. If you have not had this amount of holding a therapist may be able to help you develop a sense of safety inside yourself. If you did have security as a child and you follow the practice outlined you will see that you think you are afraid of the forest, the dark and nothingness but you are really afraid of ‘nothing’. And, of course how can ‘nothing’ be fearful, except in the sense Augustine and Nietzsche said evil is ‘no-thing’.

As words are also not things, the words you choose will determine the thoughts that lead to your actions; this in turn will lead to consequences in terms of your peace of mind and your overall health and creativity.

If you choose to LOVE and BE WELL, then each day, morning and night, take a moment, close your eyes, let yourself relax, breath in and out, then say:

I WON’T deny my fears.

I WON’T let others project fear into me.

I WILL accept my doubts and fears.

I WILL extend love to the world.

I AM light and energy and LOVE in the midst of all darkness.

Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well. To receive daily tips on the power of words follow Clark on Twitter.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain of Twitter!

Related Articles:

Words That Overcome Fear and Dread

Words That Heal and Empower

Is there an ‘essential key’ to personal development? One without which the ‘unlocking’ of your potential might be difficult if not impossible?

If we define personal development as growth involving the mind and the body, then ‘yes’ – I think there is.

Without this ‘key’ personal growth is slow, and sluggish. Without learning how to tap into this essential human ‘tool’, change will be sporadic or imposed from the outside.

And I believe the really important part is this: without developing this function of consciousness, all deep change will be difficult.

It does not matter what courses you buy, which ‘gurus’ you listen to, how many self-growth seminars you take. Because this is one thing you cannot do without.

The ability to self-observe, what some people call self-awareness.

Self-awareness meaning the ability to become aware of what is going on in:

* Your mind’s eye (the cinema screen of your mind)

* Your inner ear (verbal self-talk, sounds, talk from other ‘parts’ of you)

* Your feelings (meaning tactile and visceral feelings inside and outside of your body)

* Your emotions (feelings that you have labelled as ‘emotions’)

* Intuition- literally ‘inner-knowing’

If you are not aware of what is going on inside YOU – what your perceptions are reporting to you on the inside, you lack access to vital information. It’s like sitting in a sport’s car without a key to the engine or being locked in first gear.

You can’t change what you’re not aware of.

According to Shelly Rose Charvet in Words that Change Minds x% of the population predominantly think using their visual system. But a common complaint for people learning technologies like Neuro-Linguistic Programming is: “I don’t see pictures”.

Actually, they do, they are just not aware of them.

But since so much of that field’s techniques use the questions: “Imagine that…” or “Remember a time when…” it is useful to understand some ways of accessing that information.

The most powerful way I have found (and I’ve been using it since at least 2001) is Image Streaming by Win Wenger.

This is a process of describing out-loud anything you are aware of in your mind, and numerous methods for kick-starting a ‘stream’ of images in your awareness.

I’ve found that people who ‘can’t see images’ report ‘break-throughs’ to ‘seeing’ in only a few minutes, thereby automatically increasing their access to their perceptions and self-insight (literally in-sight!)

My metaphor for using this technique is like clearing out a partially blocked drain.

At one end is the unconscious that wants to push answers and ideas through to the consciousness. But this conduit is blocked by rust (lack of use!) Image streaming allows you to receive more information from your incredibly powerful God-given unconscious mind.

Another way – if you already see blurry or indistinct images – is to use the snapshot method.

Quite simply, look at something like a rose or a car and ‘snapshot it’, close your eyes and describe as much of what you see in your minds eye as you can. Use only sensory words: I see…red, I hear birds warbling..I feel soft wool”. Then open your eyes and compare what you saw inside with what you see outside. This has the effect of sharpening your visual memory as well.

Benefits

Why would you put so much effort into becoming aware of your perceptions?

Well, if you like ancient advice the school of Socrates had ‘know thyself’ over the door. And if you have habits you want to change then you often need to find what’s making them tick.

The famous therapist Fritz Perls said “Awareness per se is curative”.

Think about it – have you ever realised something you didn’t know you thought, and exclaimed : “that’s stupid! I can’t believe I thought that” – and it was gone. That’s what he meant! The realisation can be the catalyst for the change!

An added bonus, however, is (and I saved the best for last) image streaming offers an increase in measurable intelligence.

Creator Win Wenger had tests of image streamers conducted by Charles P. Reinart at South West State University and the results found that there was nearly ½ point of measurable IQ increase for every hour of use and an average of 9 point increase after 20.5 hours of use (http://www.vth.biz/kb/html.php?category=10#category-10

- CTRL+F and search for ‘Reinert’).

Now, most of us know that nowadays intelligence is not considered to just be linguistic and mathematical abilities – Howard Gardner writes about Multiple Intelligences such as visio-spatial, musical and kinaesthetic.

But Image streaming can help with all of these.

I’ve personally used it to solve problems, get insights, create new techniques and improve as a coach.

In fact, Win Wenger has produced a kit with Paul Scheele of PhotoReading fame called The Genius Code: It has all the directions you need to tap into your ever-flowing unconscious yet brilliant Image Stream.

You can get it at by clicking here and searching for ‘Genius Code’.

If you are starting at the beginning I understand it can be frustrating to have to build little by little each day. But before long you will make a quantum leap and your self-awareness will show you things you never knew about yourself and your potential.

Douglas Cartwright is a meta-coach whose speciality is helping professionals who procrastinate get unstuck and start taking more action. Visit www.livingwords.net and get two free e-books and a presentation on coaching along with a bonus ebook on overcoming procrastination.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

What is EQ and Why Should You Care?

Words That Heal And Empower

]]> http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/personal-development-an-essential-key/feed/ 11 http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-internal-dialogue-mastering-the-unseen-forces-that-shape-our-destiny/ http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-internal-dialogue-mastering-the-unseen-forces-that-shape-our-destiny/#comments Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:28:01 +0000 Rande Howell http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/?p=1147

Though a positive, successful, and engaging person, Pam avoided prolonged looks into her mirror. When she was brushing her hair or applying make-up, she stayed focused on the activity – but would intentionally not make eye contact with herself. Except sometimes. On those occasions a tirade of negative judgments erupted in her thoughts.

If she didn’t avoid the negative assessment machine in her mind by distraction or busyness, the stream of thoughts that flooded into Pam’s awareness would chide her, “Your nose is too crooked. Your skin is a mess. You’re getting wrinkles under your eyes. You’re too fat. Nobody would give you a second look. You need surgery to look better.” In these moments, Pam would cringe and feel the familiar black pit in her stomach suck the positive energy right out of her. And she would begin to doubt herself and her ability to create a rewarding life.

The strange part of this internal conversation going on in her mind was that Pam knew there was no truth to the accusations. Pam has a dancer’s body and is a highly accomplished dancer. In addition, she teaches dance to serious students. She also is a sought-after model due to her beauty and flawless complexion. Over the course of time, she has attempted to debate the negative voice and has tried thought stopping, positive affirmations, and positive thinking. And for awhile these techniques worked – then, like a thief in the middle of the night, the character assassinations would creep back into her thoughts and cast seeds of doubt in her mind.

Pam’s current stategy, common for many people, for dealing with this discomfort was to avoid the discomfort of this internal dialogue by busying herself with work, activities, or friends – anything to distract herself from listening to the critical Judge living within her.

The Internal Dialogue: You and Your Thoughts are Different From One Another

What Pam is experiencing in the example above is her internal dialogue masquerading as thoughts in her mind. This particular conversation is between a harsh critical voice and her self doubt. And like Pam, all of us have some variation of this internal struggle, whether we like to acknowledge it or not. The key is whether we identify with it as who we are.

If you have ever been conflicted about something and were of two minds about it, you have experienced the internal dialogue first hand. Most of us simply pay it no mind and believe that “it is only our thoughts running through our mind”. However, not being aware of it or not understanding it does not stop the force it exerts over your life. It drives our lives. It is like driving on a freeway while looking through binoculars. You are at the mercy of chance to see and understand the world you are attempting to negotiate.

The Internal Dialogue Goes Underground

Most of us are aware of this internal dialogue, but we push it away (much like Pam in the example above). We never mention it to others because of what they might think. This is our loss. Gaining a window into this internal dialogue is essential if we want to discover a deeper purpose, meaning, and joy for our lives. As we learn to observe the voices that lie beneath our thoughts, the transformation of body, mind, and Spirit becomes possible. Learning about these voices within the self is crucial for creating lasting transformation.

There is a lot at stake in this inner struggle going on within the internal dialogue. Staying mindless keeps Pam (and us) aimlessly drifting in the currents of life. Things happen repetitively that we do not understand. What is revealed in Pam’s internal dialogue is that the self is composed of a number of voices – some good, some bad. Let us explore this further.

Like Pam, many of us don’t even realize that an internal dialogue is happening in our mind. This is what I call “mindlessness”. To be blind to the internal dialogue of the mind is to be swept along on the unseen currents of life. Those who are swept along are blind to it – and to its power. Others hear an almost inaudible whisper that is moving too fast to comprehend. Still others hear the internal dialogue and it makes them uncomfortable and they do not understand it. So they avoid listening to it, and this limits their lives.

The Internal Dialogue Creates the Box of Our Comfort Zone

Instead they will distract themselves so that they are not aware of it. They busy themselves with work, conquest, exercise, drugs, sex, the latest toy, or whatever is necessary to distance themselves from the discomfort of getting out of their comfort zone. Others come to live in fear of the negative assessment machine in their mind and shrink their lives into a comfort zone so that they will not be noticed. The comfort zone locks them into familiar, habitual ways and they get stuck in old repeating patterns. This is called a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Very few people learn how to observe the internal dialogue, question it, and explore the design of its nature. It is through the exploration of these voices within the mind that we set ourselves free of their control over our lives and tap into the potential that lies buried within us. There are some negative aspects of the self that have to be observed and confronted, and there are some powerful parts of the self that we need to awaken. It is in awakening these empowering parts of the self that we change the historical script of our life and find new life.

We have to become aware of the war being waged in our minds. Once we grasp that thinking is simply a biological activity, a powerful question can surface – who, or what, is in control of the perception and thinking apparatus of our mind? The answer will surprise you. Thought is important, but it is the voice (or aspect of the self) that controls the thought that keeps us from becoming who we were born to be and transforming the potential of our lives.

Internal Dialogue:
Conversations in the Mind that Shape Our Perception of the World

To wake up to the internal dialogue opens the door for you to become an active participant in the creation of your life. We are all born into and adapt to a world of established patterns of perception. This is how we come to know our world. These perceptual patterns govern how we understand the world and what we see as possible in our lives. These historical patterns of perception are called conversations or narratives and become our comfort zone.

These conversations become us long before we develop the capacity to become aware of them. Once established, they become the world we live in. We don’t have patterns and internal conversations that govern our perception, they have us! If you want to transform your world, you have to have to learn how to identify the conversation that controls the thinking in your mind. And you have to learn to break free from the hold the narrative has over your life.

Breaking Free of the Narrative of the Comfort Zone Creates New Possibility

Let me give you an example of how this works. I work with an attorney who is employed by a large, high powered, litigating law firm and he is very unsatisfied with his life. In fact, he has become “depressed”, and feels hopeless. Yet if he could look at depression as a conversation, rather than a condition, a new world would show up ripe for transformation.

He feels like a victim (is consumed by a conversation of victimhood where he has always had to sacrifice his needs to win approval). With his wife and kids accustomed to an affluent lifestyle, he speaks to me as if he is trapped by his job. This produces his despair. He sees no escape from his dilemma and beats himself up for even wanting to change his life. He lives all week for the weekends when he can live his dream of having a small scale farm. Yet on Saturday afternoons, he begins to despair that he will have to go to work on Monday.

As he developed the ability to observe the internal dialogue and woke up to the conversation of victimhood going on in his mind, he also began to realize that these did not have to be the thoughts that controlled his life. He was able to label the participants of this internal dialogue as the Prosecuting Attorney (who wanted conviction) and a Victim (that beat himself up for not being good enough).

Simply becoming mindful of these two different conversations in his mind – and no longer identifying with them as who he was – gave him a new freedom. In that freedom he discovered that he could awaken other voices that could contribute to his internal dialogue. He found a Courageous Self and a Confident Self that, with practice, he could invoke to be part of the internal dialogue in his mind. He also discovered a Divine Voice living within him that (to his amazement) he had never connected to even though he was a practicing Christian.

As he developed these aspects of himself (voices within the self), his internal dialogue shifted. He no longer was trapped in a “victim conversation”. Discovering he could call up courageous and confident elements of himself into the thoughts of the internal dialogue created new possibilities for his life. Now, instead of drifting mindlessly in the currents of life, he began to learn how to navigate its currents. In doing so, he became a participant in the creation of his life. And yes, he is moving from being stuck in unseen patterns (comfort zone) to consciously designing the patterns that create his life.

Transforming the Conversations of the Self

This opportunity, this choice, to become a participant in the design of your life is available to all. What is required is the motivation, skill development, and discipline needed to learn how to observe the patterns and internal conversations that drive your life, disrupt them, and begin consciously developing new patterns and conversations.

As a human being, it is the greatest gift we have been given. The criterion is to recognize that the gift was not designed to serve the Ego. Rather it is built to serve a purpose greater than the self. Our job is to accept the gift, nurture the gift, and to bring forth the light that lives within us into the world.

It is at this moment that we begin the journey to becoming fully human. In the words of Nelson Mandela from his 1984 inaugural speech:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…. Your playing small does not serve the world…. We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us….. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. We are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Rande Howell is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain. He writes about Igniting the Spark of Your Potential and Creating a Lasting Transformation at www.randehowell.com

Don’t Forget to Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Posts:

7 Steps To Positive Self Talk

Words That Heal and Empower