Everyone has up’s and down’s in their love lives, most commonly there are “those relationships” you’d rather forget, but should you forget them entirely? Why not use negative experiences from your love life to prevent you from making similar mistakes in your career? At least you’ll have something to show from those lousy relationships!

Although using a one-night-stand in your work environment isn’t recommended, there are some popular relationship problems which can be likened common career complaints. You can learn from these mistakes to resolve pressing issues in your career.

The Stale Marriage

Much like a weathered marriage, you’ve hit that point in your career where you generally feel BORED. You may feel that there’s no opportunity for progression within the company you work for and getting out of bed to go to work has become more challenging than the role itself. You feel you can’t just quit because you have financial outgoings and a family you need to support but the job is making you miserable.

In this situation you have 3 options: to stick it out and remain miserable and unfulfilled but financially sound; try relationship counselling to mend the damage or file for a divorce.

If you’re constantly miserable you’re not helping anyone; yourself or your family. It can also have effects on your health such as depression and fatigue. Taking no action means things will only get worse.

Trying “relationship counselling” with your boss is a viable option. Speak to your boss and say how you feel your skills would be better utilised in a higher role with more responsibilities. If you work for an organisation which values its employees then they should be open to negotiation (providing you’ve proved your worth), if not then maybe you should consider whether a job elsewhere would be more fulfilling and gain you more respect.

If the counselling really hasn’t worked then it’s time to file for a divorce. Your health and happiness is more important than the money your job brings – you have to take a few risks in life to be successful. To avoid putting a financial strain on your family, continue your employment in your current role until you’ve been accepted for another position elsewhere.

The Comparative Couple

This situation is similar to when you compare your relationship to other friends’ or family member’s relationships, common thoughts are “why’s my relationship not as passionate as theirs?”, “why don’t we do things as a couple like them?” This can also happen in your career if one of your friends or family members gets a new job, jealousy can rear its ugly head and occupy your mind.

This can be a dangerous situation to be in as you may begin to question your career or feel dubious about your job. The first thing to consider is why you are feeling jealous of other people’s jobs. Perhaps there’s more of an underlying issue; are you feeling undervalued at work? Do you need more feedback on your development from superiors?

The key here is to address you own issues and forget about your friend’s passion for their new job. Focus on what drove you to apply for your current job in the first place. Perhaps you’re feeling complacent in your role and need a new challenge, talk to your boss about the possibility of taking on new responsibilities that will challenge you. You’ll soon forget about your friend’s career as you buzz off your new accomplishments.

The Honeymoon Period

When you first start a new job you’re filled with excitement; meeting new people, learning new skills and taking on new challenges can all be exhilarating. Much like newlyweds however, this honeymoon period has to come to an end as normality sets in. For some people this isn’t a problem, for others it can cause them to come down with a crash and feel bored, stressed and even miserable.

As routine begins to set in you have to accept that certain aspects of the daily grind will begin to irritate you – the same commute will bore the life out of you and your colleagues will irritate you beyond belief but that will probably happen with every job and usually wanes with time! If you really feel like you’re not fitting in after a considerable amount of time then maybe you could ask for a transfer or look for a new job elsewhere.

When it comes to relationships there’s plenty to be learned from bad experiences. Rather than dwelling on them and feeling filled with regret, you may as well use them to build on in the future. Prevent the same mistakes from happening in your career as well as your love life!

This was a guest post written by Stephanie Staszko who writes career building tips and advice for Blue Octopus. They can help you to find a job if your current one’s driving you stir crazy.

Whatever your plans are for the coming year, your friends can help.

You might be reluctant to let them. Perhaps you feel that accepting help will lessen your own achievement – or you’re worried that your friends might laugh at your goals and ambitions. You might think that asking for help is futile: the people you know might not possess the skills or knowledge that would be valuable to you.

The truth is, no-one achieves much if they work entirely alone. And by allowing others to help, you not only increase your chances of success, you also reinforce your relationship with them.

Even if your friends can’t offer advice about your new venture, they can still support you. Here are three key ways in which friends (and family, and co-workers) can help you reach your goals.

#1: Encouragement

Friends don’t need to share your goals in order to be encouraging. Your best friend might not know much about nutrition and exercise, but he can cheer you on when you’re trying to lose weight. Your sister may have no interest in writing a novel herself, but she can ask you how yours is going.

Some friends are naturally encouraging; make sure you let them know about your plans and your progress. They’ll probably be delighted for you, and keen to find out how you’re getting on.

If you’ve got a strong friendship group online, perhaps on Twitter or Facebook, that’s a great place to turn for encouragement and for accountability. You might want to post your weekly weight loss or your weekly word count or some other meaningful metric related to your goal.

#2: Practical Support

Although encouragement can be a huge boost to your motivation, it often isn’t enough to get you to your goal. Practical support is invaluable, and may well make the difference between success and failure.

This type of support might help free up time: your friend could babysits your kids on a Thursday night so you can go to Weight Watchers, or your spouse takes care of the chores so you can study. It could also involve resources: a co-worker lends you a useful book, or your friend gives you some exercise equipment that they no longer want.

#3: Advice

This final type of help is directly related to your goal. Good advice can save you lots of time, money and energy. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member who’s pursued a similar goal, or who has expertise in this area, don’t be afraid to ask them for advice.

If you’re starting up your own business, for instance, and you have a cousin who did something similar five years ago, ask them what they wish they’d known then. People will usually be very happy to talk about their experiences and to share their knowledge.

Your Wider Network

Unless your friendship circles revolve around a shared set of goals or hobbies, you’ll probably find that you have some plans that no-one seems to be able to help with. Perhaps you’re keen to go to grad school, but none of your friends and family can offer any practical support or advice, or you want to learn the guitar but don’t know where to begin.

Start to look beyond your own circle, towards friends of friends. Although you might not know anyone who can help, your friend might have a relative or a contact who can lend a hand. Tell everyone what sort of information or support you’re looking for, and ask if they know anyone who can help.

You might feel nervous about approaching friends of friends. A great way is through a short, friendly email. Be specific about how they can help. You might write something like:

“John Smith suggested that I get in touch with you. I’m starting up my own small business as a graphic designer and I’m struggling to set my rates. Would you recommend charging by the project or by the hour? Do you have any tips for giving accurate quotations? Thanks so much.”

One of the best ways to achieve your goals faster is to let others help you. Who could you turn to today for encouragement, practical support or advice?

I was having a chat with my fiancé one night recently, and burst into tears. I was bitter, sad, and angry. Why doesn’t anyone help me in return, I asked. Why is it when I am good to people and it feels like the kindness and generosity isn’t reciprocated? My fiance, with one eyebrow lifted, looked at me tenderly and said, “Perhaps because you aren’t really giving?”

I’ve always thought of myself as a kind person. When I moved from city to city with my expatriate job, I hosted many friends from Hong Kong, where I grew up, to visit. After all, who doesn’t want a free place to stay in when in Paris, Tokyo, London… ? So I would be more than happy to put them up while they traveled.

However, when these people come and board in my guest room, do I realize that they have other friends in the same city. And so, in the five days they stay with me, I see them perhaps only one night for dinner – and they don’t even attempt pay for dinner to thank me for letting them stay at my home.

The other four nights they were out with their other friends. Why did they not invite me to join them? Why did they not offer to introduce us sooner when I first arrived in the new city, a stranger to the land, so that I could make some new friends? I tried asking them, they just shrug and smile.

I did not understand why it wasn’t reflex for them, for every time I hear that someone is going somewhere I offer to connect them with people I know in that city in case they need some support. I got upset that no one seems to care about my plight.

Then I got angry. I am generous with my contacts. Even over a coffee chat and I learn about your latest venture, immediately I will skim through my address book in my head, and offer to introduce you to people whom I think could help you with your endeavors.

Yet hardly has that happened to me in reverse. Sometimes I even have to ask others whether they could introduce someone to me.

So I am bitter that the favors aren’t returned. That despite all my giving, helping, supporting every friend and acquaintance I can, it seems that no one gives back to me in return.

Almost timely. After that little episode with my fiance, I was simply bouncing from website to website, and searching for ebooks on the Internet to read. I came across Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth.” Rummaging through the free pages, I came to this line: “Whatever you think the world is withholding from you,” writes Tolle, “you are withholding from the world.”

Suddenly, the ripples cleared up and I saw a pristine reflection of the reality.

Every time I had given before, was actually not genuine giving. At the back of my mind, I was keeping an invisible tally of favors and acts of kindness I had bestowed on others, making a mental note that some day, I’d cash it back.

I didn’t give, I invested.

As with investments, I expected something in return. And with every investment there’s a risk of gain or loss. Therefore, when I didn’t receive something back, let alone something in addition, I counted it as loss. That was why I became resentful and sour.

My intentions were therefore, not pure. I was subconsciously calculating, expecting, scheming. I put myself on a high horse, as if I was doing them a good deed, and that made me a better person.

As Tolle wrote so powerfully, I lamented others for withholding from me. Yet, it was I in the first place who reserved from others, not giving fully and wholeheartedly with the best of intentions.

In the end, who became the most upset? I did.

I’m slowly changing that mindset. There is no miraculous way or 10 steps to follow.

Simply, just decide to give without expecting anything in return.

I now invite people to dinner because I enjoy their company and want to get to know them better, not because down the line I want to be invited back. When I find out that my friends decide to spend only 5 hours with me on my wedding weekend, but flit around town to see several other groups of friends – whom they’ve never introduced – those few days, I am grateful they will fly all the way for my wedding. Let it be. I’ve done what I can.

But this is just one part of it. Tolle finished the paragraph with, “You are withholding it because deep down you think you are small and that you have nothing to give.”

Indeed, it was also my insecurity with myself that I wasn’t able to let it all go, and just share my knowledge and resources. I had to make it sound like I was trying really hard to find a contact, or that they might not appreciate it. Consequently, I discounted what I had and rocked my own self-confidence.

It’s a paradox, but very real one. The more we are unsure of ourselves, the more we try to hold on to what we have, thinking we can’t lose it or let others benefit from our knowledge. So we withhold always a little for ourselves, and yet blame others and the universe for not giving to us without reservations.

Believe in who you are and what you have. Help others and give your all.

You will feel happier. Trust me on this one.

Give, don’t invest.

Raised in Hong Kong and Australia, Noch Noch was a young, overachieving executive for an international corporation, working and living in the world’s most premier cities. After seven years of living the life she dreamt of, or so she thought, she suffered a serious episode of stress-related depression that turned her life upside down. As she battles with depression, Noch Noch is on a quest to be the wake up call for others in similar plights. She strives to be true to herself, jotting down her reflections on living with depression and self-awareness at “Be Me. Be Natural.” (http://nochnoch.com).

If you’ve been reading a lot of articles on how to make friends that tell you to start conversations, be more outgoing, and be yourself, and you’re not getting the results you want, I’m writing this because I found myself in the same situation seven years ago, and I had no idea how to make friends, or how to build relationships and take things from the “acquaintances” stage, and I’d like to share with you what I learned in this article.

Most of the advice you read is very similar to telling someone with no knowledge of how to fix a car to “go fix a car”, then them out and expecting them to be able to do it.

They tell you “start conversations” and “be real” and “be yourself”, but they don’t give you action steps on how to do any of those things… and that’s the missing gap in understanding that you need to fill in if you want to be successful at making friends.

Since being able to start conversations is the starting point to making friends… and being able to keep a conversation going is the key to building relationships and making friends, I figure it’s as good a place as any to start talking about.

In this article, I’m going to give you two very simple techniques you can use in any social situation to IMMEDIATELY improve your conversational skills, help you start making friends, and getting people to like you and want to be friends with you.

1) Have Something Interesting To Say When You Speak

A lot of people throw around words like “interesting” or “boring”, but few people actually take time to understand what the words interesting and boring actually mean, and how that information can help them to be more interesting.

Here are the definitions according to Dictionary.com:

Interesting: engaging or exciting and holding attention or curiosity; arousing a FEELING of interest.

Boring: not interesting; tedious; so lacking in interest as to cause mental weariness.

Which one of these two things are you doing during your conversations?

Being interesting literally means arousing a FEELING of interest inside another person to hold their attention.

Being bored means not interesting (aka no feelings)… and if you think back to times when you were bored, it’s because of the way you were FEELING in that situation… and when you started to become interested in something your FEELINGS changed in that situation.

So the first thing you want to do is make sure you’re interesting by making sure you’re stimulating people’s EMOTIONS when you’re talking to them.

This leads us to our next question:

How do you make your conversations, or whatever you’re talking about, more interesting?

It’s actually ridiculously simple and easy to do.

2) Tell A Story During The Conversation

Building on using feelings, and how you can’t have an interesting conversation without them, I’d like to talk about the second piece of the puzzle, which is telling stories (which is the key to keeping someone’s attention and keeping them focused on YOU and interested in what you’re talking about).

Here’s the first rule about stories:

Our brains think in pictures.

For example, if I say the word beach, a picture of a beach forms in your mind, and you can build a story off that by putting people in it, and talking about how they were all swimming together as the waves came crashing down over their heads.

Did you notice how you’re imagining these images almost like you were watching them on television, how the thoughts of a beach create FEELINGS in your body, exactly the same way as when you’re watching something on television, and  that it’s holding your attention, making you FEEL things, passing the time, and keeping you focused on what I’m talking about?

But if I say an abstract word like productivity (a word that doesn’t have a physical equivalent), your brain can’t use its imagination to build pictures… and since your imagination and the pictures you form in your head are what cause the feelings you experience in your body, you can’t hold a person’s attention for very long.

If you can’t build a picture in a person’s head, you can’t make yourself or the other person FEEL anything… and you can’t, by definition, be INTERESTING.

For this reason, when you’re talking to people, you want to use vivid DESCRIPTIVE words that build a picture in the other person’s mind, and always be focused on telling a progressive story that has a theme and is always leading somewhere, creates curiosity, interest and keeps a person focused on what’s happening.

This is the difference between talking at a person, and communicating with them… when you’re communicating with them, you’re building a picture in their mind as you’re telling a story, so that there is a connection between the two of you, and their brain is being entertained (much like watching television) by the story in their head.

In fact, if you watch 99% of television you’ll quickly realized it’s focused on exactly what I just did:

Telling stories to hold attention for HOURS and stimulate emotions… and when you finish the first series of your favorite DVD series, even after 7+ hours, you could literally watch 5 more episodes because it is INTERESTING and holds your attention.

This use of storytelling and emotions is how a television show can hold your attention for HOURS without any hesitation, how it keeps your attention, and how it makes you feel focused and captivated on it (and tune out everything else)… that’s the effect you want to have on people socially with your words.

Another example is sports… all sports do is make people feel emotions to get them involved in the game and hold their attention, and if you can do this when you talk to people, you can make them instantly like you and want to be friends with you.

Using sports and television as examples, you can see the EXACT formula for making friends, and getting people to like you… because both (two of the most popular forms of entertainment ON EARTH) both follow this formula… people are literally ADDICTED to sports and television.

People like a story, drama, a plotline, tension, curiosity, they like something to wonder about, to debate about, argue about; something to focus on and think about that can get a genuine conversation going.

As an example of this social principle, think about Facebook, it’s another perfect example right in front of our eyes of how socializing works:

People post something that has debate or opinion value, and other people respond by posting their thoughts/opinions/feelings on the subject… that’s the core of what socializing, and two-way communication, is all about.

Or if you want a further example look at music; it has two things:

EMOTIONS and a STORYLINE that makes us FEEL a certain way… and it’s the most universally popular part of life throughout the world, and all throughout history.

We relate to the story in the lyrics, and the FEELING that the melody gives us as we’re listening to the song (notice we listen to certain songs when we want to FEEL a certain way).

This is what creates laughter, pleasure, excitement, drama… and this is the key to arousing FEELINGS, and being INTERESTING, which is the key to starting and maintaining a conversation going that really grabs people’s attention and makes them want to be friends with you.

The reason just “starting conversations” alone isn’t enough, is because if you start a conversation, or you just start talking to people, but you’re BORING, and you’re not grabbing people’s emotions while you’re talking to them, you can get their contact information, or try to build relationships all you want, but people are just going to see you as an acquaintance and nothing more, and they’re going to have no real interest in being friends with you, or hanging out with you.

So next time you’re in a conversation, remember that you’ve got a prime opportunity to make a friend… but what you say and do is going to determined where the relationship goes, what happens, and whether the other person is even interested in talking to you at all.

So make sure you keep them interested in whatever you’re talking about by focusing on telling stories, generating feelings by using visuals to create the story when you talk, and letting people know that, like a TV show, you’re interesting and entertaining, can hold their attention for long periods of time, and you’re someone they would FEEL GOOD around by being friends with.

Chris Nosal is a social skills expert who learned everything about how to make friends through trial-and-error trying to make friends in the real world, as well as from a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology, and used his unique experience of combining textbook education with real-world education to develop revolutionary social strategies that work in any situation and are incredibly simple and easy to learn and use.

If you want to learn more you can visit his website to download his free eBook, and read more free articles and advice, that will show you EVERYTHING you need to know about starting conversations, overcoming shyness and social anxiety, and cover every inch of how to make friends in step-by-step detail.

By asking yourself this question will allow the freedoms of your mind to speak it’s truth. No running or wearing a mask or acting. We all know who we aren’t. We aren’t the President of the United States or the Prime Minister of Canada. YET.

What is it that you tell yourself you could never do? Why don’t you trust yourself to do the things you used to daydream about? What is inside of you screaming to come out but the thought of it creates unspeakable amounts of stress for you?

In fact isn’t it actually more stressful NOT doing it? The what if’s, if only’s, I wish I could…

And who first posed the question to you, ‘Who do you think you are?”

Did you know stress is fear?  That’s it. Fear. And what is fear? Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Who decides for you what is a threat, or that something is dangerous? And note the word ‘belief’. A belief is a thought. A belief is something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion or conviction.

Why don’t we all have the same beliefs? Why aren’t we all fearful of the same things? If these fears of ours were real and truly a threat to us, wouldn’t we all be fearing the same thing?

We are all human. We all have the same human needs. We all carry around with us our bodies that require nature and nurture in order to function properly.

So why do we not all fear the shortage of water, or loneliness or disease? Why doesn’t every single person in the world fear the same thing, if all our needs and physical requirements to survive are the same?

Our beliefs. It is our beliefs about things that create disease in our mind and carry forward in our lives. We have bought into the idea(s) of things that aren’t necessarily real. Things will only be real if we ourselves bring them to life.

Isn’t that fantastic news? That we can bring the things we choose to life? You are the actor, director, camera man and heck, even the camera, producer and editor. Imagine the things you can do with this talent. Since you bought into your beliefs you can now do what you want with them. They are yours. No one else’s. And like fingerprints, everybody’s is different.

But you can choose that even though you bought and paid for your beliefs again and again, you got your moneys worth now and it is time to replace them. Like Grandma’s floral chesterfield, it’s time to update.

Now you need to understand the flipside. If you choose to hold on to your old beliefs, the ones that are creating the fear, you are by default not taking responsibility for your own feelings. In this case you are not trusting yourself to handle the new. That is new as in exciting, juices flowing, sparkling eyes, aliveness.

This leads to blame. We blame others and or the circumstances around us. When we do this, we are allowing ourselves to be the victim.

So ask yourself this question:

What are you doing to yourself that is creating the fear within you?

What beliefs are you hanging on to that causes you to create this fear?

What is it worth for you to hang on to it?

What is it worth to you to dispose of it and buy into a new belief?

My name is Suzanne Jones. I am a Certified Hypnotherapist and a Writer. I have a bloghttp://www.pristineperception.com and write based on true experiences. I guide people through either Hypnotherapy or my Writing to regain personal and mental control of their lives. Just one degree of perception change is all it takes.

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Many people start out the New Year excited and say they are really ready for a better year. They tell their friends that they are ready for better times and they make lots of New Year’s resolutions. The problem is that most people are only excited for the first two weeks of the New Year, then by the third week they have forgotten their resolutions and are back to doing exactly what they did before.  And what usually happens is they end each year the same way they ended the year before.

Why is that?

There are two main reasons: one is because they get caught up in the “New Year’s Resolution Trap” and the other is because of a lack of continuous motivation.  I call it a “resolution trap” because it feels good to make New Year’s resolutions, yet it rarely actualizes into anything tangible. Statistics show that the sale of diet products and health club attendance are highest in the first two weeks of the year, but the enthusiasm starts to dwindle by the end of the month.

I tell my audiences that resolutions are a nice little feel good activity, but are really a waste of time.  They have no substance and rarely, if ever, create any sustained improvement in people’s lives. I recommend you DO NOT make any New Year’s resolutions, but rather you set some new goals for the New Year! Goals are one of the main keys to achievement. How can you distinguish a goal from a resolution? Goals are measurable, they are specific, they have a time element attached and they are written.  Resolutions are nebulous, are not specific and are almost never written.

The best ways to reach your goals is to SMART them.  Here’s how to do it:

-       Specific – Don’t just say I want to lose weight.  Get specific!  I want to lose 20 pounds by March 1^st and I’m going to eat right, exercise three times each week and not give into cravings.

-       Measurable – Set a goal that is measurable so you can check your progress as you go. Don’t just say, “I want to be happy.”  That’s not measurable.

-       Attainable – This means a goal that is in the realm of possibility.  The idea is to push beyond your comfort zone, but not so far where it becomes impossible and you become frustrated and give up.

-       Relevant – Is your goal important to you?  Are you passionate about it?  Does it involve your purpose?  If you answer no it’s going to be nearly impossible.

-       Time-bound – Set a date by which you want to achieve your goals.  This eliminates procrastination.

Whatever you want to achieve this year, set the goal, set the date of achievement, write it down, read it daily and GET BUSY!  You will see your life change!

The next thing that stops people from growing each year is a lack of continuous motivation.  They get motivated at the first of the year but don’t keep it up.  Some people say the problem with motivation is that it wears off.  Well, so does bathing, yet most people bathe everyday (we hope).  The same has to be done with motivation; it must be ongoing to maintain effectiveness. Make a commitment to read or listen to something motivational each and every day. Make a commitment to fill your mind with that which is positive and encouraging.  Find something that inspires you such as a book, motivational tapes or inspirational music that makes you want to dream and then motivates you to go after your dreams.

Make a decision and make it important to seek motivation and inspiration and make it a daily part of your routine and you will make this a better year…I guarantee it!  So folks, On Your Mark, Get Set, Let’s Go!  Let’s Thrive in the New Year!  

Willie Jolley is a world-class, award-winning speaker, best-selling author and media personality.  Success Magazine hailed Mr. Jolley as the ‘Comeback King.’ Willie Jolley was named “One of the Outstanding Five Speakers in the World” by Toastmasters International. Willie Jolley is the author of several international best-selling books including “It Only Takes a Minute to Change Your Life,” “A Setback Is A Setup For A Comeback,” and “Turn Setbacks into Greenbacks.”  For more information, visit http://www.williejolley.com/

To be in control is a good thing. To be controlling is not. There is a big difference.

One who is too controlling is in fact so out of control they lose everything in their grasp.

I’m sure you have seen it before. Someone who is so controlling they need to get their voice heard in every situation. They set guidelines and rules so stringent no one could possibly measure up. One slip up and there is war. The ‘My way or the highway mentality’.

It’s like they have a choke hold on every aspect of their life and maybe yours too. If it is a parent, the kids are given the idea they can’t trust in themselves because everything they do is never good enough. As an adult the same message is received however it is also demeaning to ones character.

We see it time and time again, these people’s lives come crashing down and they don’t understand why. To those of us looking in we could see it coming. When all of our suggestions to help went on deaf ears, we just shut up and did what we were told.

But there are some things you can do to either understand their controlling behavior or at the very least, minimize the effects on you.

Understand The Controlling Behavior

- People who try to control others are themselves out of control – in their mind that is. Often, they have many conflicting thoughts which create havoc in their mind. They will then latch on to that which they know they can control thus making them feel better. It is kind of a protection for them.

- Whatever is going on for them is never about you. Human nature allows us to take things like this personally. Don’t. Remember, they are doing this for their own sense of inner control, but doing it via outward expression.

- Being a control freak is a compulsion. Recognize that it began for them long before you showed up. In other words they try to do it to everyone.

- More often than not, control freaks have low self esteem. They do not have enough inner trust to handle outcomes other than ones they plan.

- Control freaks never want to appear vulnerable. But in fact they are.

Be In Alignment With Your Values

- Don’t engage with them. Do not allow yourself to fall into the same behavior you are trying to avoid. Situations like this aren’t about winning. Or at least they shouldn’t be from your end. Do what you need to do in an unfavorable situation whether that is hanging up the phone, walking away or not responding to an email. These are subtle reminders to that person that what they are doing is not ok with you. Remember people do what works. When you stop allowing it they stop doing it. It won’t be overnight but it will happen.

- Do not react. Knowing now what you do about control freaks, when they become aggressive take off your armor. Show them you are not a threat to them and you just want to help. You can do this by simply remaining calm no matter how much turmoil they are trying to create. This more than anything shows great strength.

- Remain fearless. Everything is energy and we are emitting energy with each emotion. We are also receiving other people’s energy. Note the energy in the room while with a control freak. The minute you begin emitting fear energy they pick up on it and the behavior gets worse.

Ask For Help

- Control freaks like to be in control. By asking for their help you are giving them that control. They can now ‘tell’ you something and they will have your undivided attention. They may teach you something very valuable and it may also help build trust with them as well.

- If you are being issued orders ask them how they would like to see it done. If they have already done that, find a relevant question and ask it. The point is you are asking the control freak to help you and letting them know you understand the importance.

- Try to find a solution to their problem and ask them for help resolving it.

Offer Extra Help

- Do something that proves to the control freak that they can trust you to get the job done.

- If there are moments where the controlling is at a minimum do more. This also sends a message.

- Ask for the opportunity to do something to lessen their load. Make sure it is something you want to do and do it well. They will soon see someone other than themselves is quite capable to get things done.

Trust Yourself

- Self trust is crucial. When you trust in you, all fear goes by the wayside. Knowing you can handle whatever comes sets you apart from failure. Not everything works out exactly as planned. When you trust yourself it doesn’t matter. You know that there is a deeper meaning and move on. You don’t dwell and fret and stew over it you simply learn from it and proceed with the next thing.

-With self trust you don’t take these things personally. You accept what is and remain calm and intact.

-Decision making becomes easy and self confidence builds with inner trust.

There are reasons people have control issues and should not be judged. We need to look past these outward expressions and try to understand them as people.

So starting today, do your best to see others through new eyes.

My name is Suzanne Jones. I am a Certified Hypnotherapist and a Writer. I have a bloghttp://www.pristineperception.com and write based on true experiences. I guide people through either Hypnotherapy or my Writing to regain personal and mental control of their lives. Just one degree of perception change is all it takes.

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How do you relate to others? Is it through talking, games, work, or is it something else?

One of my worst habits in life is being shy. I’m wasn’t naturally attracted to meet with others. It wasn’t because I didn’t like people. It was because of my fear of how people would react. However, around the time I turned 16, I discovered that I had a strong desire to be with people. However, I was deathly shy.

I had no idea how to effectively relate to others. I just passively walked by, and wasn’t relating to others as I should I have. And I hated it. But why was this? Why wasn’t I able to relate to others, even though I desperately wanted?

It was simply because I was too passive.

Your Relationships are your choice

When we choose to relate with others, there are two ways we can do it; Actively or Passively.

I always allowed my parents to lead instead of attempting to build relationships. Another person was always leading my relationship

Passive relationships are ones that exist, but aren’t important to you. These are the relationships that we have with a local cashier, a mechanic you just met, or even friends you see every week at church. You might see each other often, but neither of you extend your relationship beyond your expected roles of co-workers or customer/seller.

An Active relationship is a relationship that you actively are trying to grow and expand on. These include parents, friends, family, and some co-workers. In these relationships, you are actively engaging the other, in order to enjoy and understand the other more.

Both of these relationship styles are a big part of our life. We need all of these relationships. However, Active relationships are the most essential relationship, because they fulfill our natural need for others.

It is the Active relationship that is the most scary. It is where we are more vulnerable and open. It’s where we are more likely to grow.

But too many of us are having only passive relationships because we are afraid of what comes with a true Active relationship: potential pain and broken hearts.

That doesn’t remove the importance of those relationships. However, we can improve and grow how many of these relationships we have.

Learning to Actively engage others

What’s the first step a person can take in building an Active relationship? All you have to do is invest in them.

When we engage with another person, we are choosing to actively invest our time into them. Self-development expert Stephen Covey on described this relational technique as “investing in their emotional bank”. Whenever we relate to others, we are either investing in their emotional bank account, or withdrawing from it. Obviously, when we want people to be interested in us, we need to remove as much personal cost from the others.

What’s the best way to do this? Simply ask questions about them. What person doesn’t love to talk about themselves? However, not every person wants to get to know you. So, asking good questions will help you figure out if these people are even interested in an Active relationship.

You must lead the way

This simple step will help you to build more Active relationships. We are naturally built with a need to Actively relate to people. That’s why we need to take time and meet others. But if you do this, you’ll not only work to find people who care, but you’ll find more fulfillment in all of your relationships.

Christopher Hutton is a Rivendell Sanctuary student and blogger at Liter8 Ideas. Liter8 Ideas is a “curiousity blog”, dedicated to the subject of “useful ideas that make you think”. You’ll find all sorts of ideas that will help you improve your life and your learning.

Each day, you play a number of different roles in both your professional and your personal life.

Your professional world is a large part of what you do – but if you’re striving for excellence in this part of your life, it makes sense to strive for excellence in every area.

How are you doing in each area of your life? What are you committed to in each of those areas? What’s the gap or the creative tension between where you are and where you want to be?

As the people around us grow and change, our roles change too: as parents, children, siblings and spouses. We need to be intentional in looking at the roles we have and the level of priority that we give to each. Being excellent at each of our roles means following a constantly moving, evolving target – bridging the gap between our current reality and our vision for the future.

Consider how you spend a typical day:  perhaps you go to the gym at 5am, work from 8am until 5pm, and then spend time with your family in the evening. How might you change and evolve in each of your current roles?

Professional Life

In my professional life, I’m not just a coach. I’m also a community leader, board member, and speaker.

As a community leader, I love to support individuals and organizations in Michigan to lead more fulfilling professional and personal lives.

As a board member for the Troy Chamber of Commerce, I am able to help many small businesses in my local area.

As a speaker, I can be a catalyst for change for a whole group of people by delivering a customized presentation to suit their needs.

As a coach, I’m part of a large network of coaches. Today, I can point to literally hundreds of coaches who I’ve influenced. To me, that’s the true power of community.

For example, I saw a new acquaintance on LinkedIn mention how awesome her coach was: it turned out I was her coach’s coach years ago. To see my contributions showing up in this way gives me an enormous amount of pleasure.

Sometimes we take on roles out of a sense of obligation. These can feel oppressive, like carrying a heavy weight. Other roles reflect our genuine self and are characterized by lightness and joy: they allow us to express ourselves with authenticity and delight.

How could you shift your perspective about the more difficult roles that you play? Could you bring a sense of playfulness to these? What could you learn from them?

Personal Life

In my personal life, I’m a husband, father, brother and son. Each role has its challenges – and its rewards.

As a husband, I’ve learnt to focus on becoming the person I need to be in the relationship, rather than thinking that my wife should be the person I want her to be.

As a father, I am honored and delighted by my children’s evolution and growth, even now that they’re both out of the house and doing astoundingly well.

As a son, I try to live by “honor thy mother and father” – and as I observe and embrace my parents’ life changes, I become increasingly aware of my own.

And as a brother, I try to stay in contact with my older sister and younger brother, and be the “glue” in my family.

Reflect on your own role as a partner, parent, sibling or child. What opportunities have these relationships given you for growth? How do you live out your core values in your relationships with family members?

Barry Demp is a highly-skilled Michigan Business and Personal coach, working with small business owners, executives and other professionals. He has a free downloadable workbook on “Masterful Networking” available on his website www.dempcoaching.com, and he blogs regularly about self-improvement.

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So many people live life in a constant state of anguish in their relationship. Either they don’t like their partner or they don’t like them enough. Everyone can improve their relationship to make it more satisfying. Yet, most people don’t.

It’s most likely because they don’t realize how significant love is in life. Love can improve your life in so many ways that we can’t possibly list them all here. However, I have chosen the top 5 reasons how love can greatly enhance your life in hopes that it may persuade people to finally take action on their relationship and make it one that they truly want and deserve.

#1 Love Energizes You

Think back to when you first met the love of your life. Just for a few moments, put yourself back in that time. How did you feel? Elated? Walking on air? Did you feel like you could do anything and everything? Now, think about what if you could have that feeling all the time. That feeling you had was being in love with your partner. Finding that love again could bring that incredible feeling back and give you that love for life that you had once before.

#2 Calms You

When you come home, do you instantly release yourself into your partner’s arms? No? Well, wouldn’t that feel nice? Just imagine if after a long grueling day, the both of you could come home and take comfort in each other, knowing that whatever happened during the day is now over and you can now relax with the one person who wasn’t part of all that mess during the day.

#3 Makes You a Better Person

Having love inside of you enables you to share it with others. This will show in your behavior as you open doors for strangers or hold them open for them. It shows as you stand in line and someone cuts you off and all you do is say, “It’s okay, you must be in a hurry today.” rather than the usual curse word. When you are in love, others benefit from it just as much as you do and that is something to be proud of because it makes you a better human being.

#4 Helps You Solve Problems

Life isn’t easy and there are many challenges along the way. When you truly love someone, you trust them completely to help you with problems. This can be a relief when your suck and don’t have a clue which way to go. Two heads are always better than one and when you love your partner, you’ll always have that other head on your side.

#5 Live Longer

Being in love will mean that you want to take care of yourself so you can be your best for your partner. You may exercise more, you may not want to get sick as much because it’ll mean not being about to spend time with them, and it also means that you’ll take precautions to protect yourself from an early death. Love also has physiological effects since it’s a natural stress reducer, which prevents many chronic stress related diseases, such as heart disease.

How much do you love your partner? It’s time to pay more attention to this area of your life. The New Year is coming upon us. Make a resolution to renew your relationship. Everyone needs someone that they can love and lean on in life – bring that wonderful feeling back into your life.

Marcelina Hardy is a guest blogger for PickTheBrain. If you need help with relationship problems so that you can get to a point in your relationship where you can love again, please visit Relationship Repair. I am an experienced relationship coach with a passion to help individuals and couples overcome relationship problems and improve their relationships.

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