PART 1:

I was probably 7 years old when this happened. It was fancy dress competition in our school. My mom, a simple housewife, did not even clearly understand what it meant by fancy dress. My dad, a simple and hard working man, never believed in participating in such events. He always focused more on literary competitions. But I was adamant that I would participate.

I asked my mom to dress me up in whatever fancy dress she thought I had. She took out a bright lanhga chunri. I hated wearing it but this time I draped it without much hesitation. 

At the school, mostly girls were dressed as fairies with expensive, shiny, long, satin frocks that had pink, white net feathers on their shoulders. Boys were mostly policeman adorning police uniform and holding plastic guns.

Our class teacher called out our names. When she called mine, I went upto her.
“Who would you become Surabhi?” she asked me politely.

I had no idea of who I was dressing up as, so I said “anyone ma’am. Whoever you say. But I want to participate.”

“Hmm.. ” she paused for a moment and suggested that I could act as Radha. “You can become Radha – Lord Krishana’s wife. You know right that she wears a dress similar to yours?” asked my teacher.

“Yes Ma’am. I have read that in books.”

“Okay then, good. Do you have your speech ready?” she asked.

I did not know what she meant by speech but I did not want to be out of the competition without even participating so I nodded.

“Good girl. Watch out other students as of now and when I call your name on the stage, go from that side and start speaking.” She patted me on my shoulder and left.

I did not know what I would speak when I walk onto the stage but I was sure I wanted to be there.

After a few students did their show, it was my turn.

“And now comes Surabhi Surendra, as Radha” she announced from the dice.

I walked on to the stage in front of hundreds of people, colorful little beings and my teachers.

Mustered the courage to speak, looked at my two young siblings who were watching me from the corner of the stage and I started off.

“I am Radha. I am Lord Krishna’s wife and his best friend. We live in Vrindavan. My Krishna plays the best flute in the world and all the women and girls surround him when he plays it. People worship him and since I am with him all the time, I get worshipped too. You can read about us in book and see our pictures and idols in various temples. If you all also worship me and my husband with pure heart, we will bless you and your wishes will come true.” These are the lines I exactly remember but I know I spoke few more lines and was cut down only when my teacher told me that my time was up!

Amidst a huge round of clap, I walked off the stage in the green room. It was now time for results. I had not received any prize before so I did not know what or how it felt to get a prize and I was not even thinking on those lines. But soon they announced, ‘third prize goes to Surabhi Surendra.’

I was not sure what to do. My teacher held my hand and took me to the stage where I got my first prize ever!

Later she told me that the jury liked my speech and confidence and which is why even though I exceeded my time limit, I was one of the winners. From there on, one place where I feel very confident is – stage. I participated in numerous debates, speeches, extempore competitions and won and even today I like passing my time on stage.

But unlike me, my husband had a fear of public speaking. Though, now he has overcome his fears to a very large extent with his own capabilities, he gives huge credit to me.

With my personal experiences and my husband’s approach, I am now going to tell you three simple ways that will help any one of you to master the art of public speaking. If any of you feels hesitant in standing up and having your say, follow the following basic, simple steps and be ready to stand up and speak.

Be Confident. Whenever you want to say something in a group of people or you are on stage, feel confident. Imagine that you are the smartest of all of them present there, which is why at the moment you are speaking and they are listening. Don’t think what they would think about you. Have confidence in your ability and your words and think it is better that they have an opinion about you than you speak nothing and they have no opinion about you. If you do not agree with the general conclusion of the group, feel happy that you are not the crowd. That you have your own voice and a different opinion.

If you are not confident of your language, let it be. Concentrate on your thoughts and let them flow. If your thoughts are right, they will go in the right direction even if you choose not-so-right words.

Imagine you are on the world stage. Whenever I was on the stage to deliver a speech or to participate in a debate, I always thought that I am on the world stage. I would think that this speech of mine is going to be terrific and it would make news headlines and I would be the next world leader.
Feel that this is the opportunity that will let you voice your opinion. Who knows someone out there hears your views and falls in love with you. Or simply gives you an offer of employment or better still, asks you to be his mentor!

Say the right thing. This one is the key.
If you are sure you are saying the right thing, you would never be afraid to speak even in front of millions of people because you know you are saying it right.
Don’t just speak for the heck of it. But do speak, when you know what you are talking about and when you feel that others should listen to you on this.
Read and stay aware. Spread awareness around. So, speak up. If you know something, let others also know. Just do it politely. Polite is usually right!

Surabhi Surendra lives in Andamans and blogs at Womanatics – a blog about women, relationships and inspiration. If you enjoyed this article, you may like to follow her on Twitter or become a fan!

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Get Over Yourself: Learn This Secret To Boost Your Confidence

How To Be Persuasive

We’ve all been there…that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re about to give a big presentation, fearful that you may blow it.  The hesitation that grips your chest when you step into a party and you don’t know a soul, dreading the moment you have to introduce yourself.  Most of the time, when we’re out of our comfort zone…it’s uncomfortable!

For some people, those same situations seem effortless…enjoyable, in fact.

Ah…yes, the gift of the gab.  Some people are born with it, others come to it by practice.  But the gift is not the ABILITY to gab, it is the ACTION of communicating.  Every person on this planet has a gift to give and when we learn to communicate effectively, we are able to share our gift with the world.

So, how can it be easier to stand up and start talking?

1.  Give yourself permission to be fabulous.

That’s right, you are the star of your own life and the sooner you start regarding yourself that way, the better.  Forget peering at limp People magazines lying around your dentist’s office.  The fascination with stardom has left our society crippled.  Judging yourself against a photo-shopped lay-out of famous people walking their dogs, simply drains your personal energy.  YOU are fabulous, in your own unique way.  When you embrace that notion, you create a magnetic presence.  TIP: Write down ten things you love and admire about yourself.  Read that list everyday. When you focus on your fabulousness, others will too!

2. “I am an incredible public speaker.”

This is your new mantra.  If you change your story, you change your life.  When you think about a public speaking opportunity, this needs to be the first thought popping into your mind.  Write this statement on post-its and place it all over your house, your car, anywhere you can see it, as many times a day as possible.  You are creating a new imprint in your mind and even if you don’t believe it at first, you will in time.  TIP: If you have a negative thought arise, stop yourself and repeat “I am an incredible public speaker.”  You are training your mind, and it will take at least two weeks to make the switch.  Practice pays off, so stick to it!

3.  Tune In.

There are opportunities to speak up all the time.  When you remove your hesitation about public speaking, you can begin to look for chances to speak at every turn.  Why?  Because who knows what will come of it?!  A new job, a promotion, a new contact…perhaps a new love interest?  The possibilities are endless, but you need to regard the effort with JOY, not FEAR.  Now that you have trained your mind to think positively about public speaking, you can begin searching for your chance to seize the limelight.  TIP: Find at least one opportunity a week (unplanned) to speak your mind.  Start with a no pressure situation, like chatting with a stranger, and gradually raise the stakes…a work meeting, an important toast.  Make it a game.  Trust me, you are already the winner.

4.  Open yourself up to the world.

Head up, shoulders back, and eyes forward.  Simple directions that create wonderful results.  When your body is open, you silently communicate that you are READY to tackle life’s challenges.  You are available to take people in.   If your arms are crossed, shoulders slouched over, eyes withdrawn, you are cut off from the world, hiding behind your own uncertainty.  Now is the time to check in with yourself and choose to change.  TIP: Notice how you hold your body in different situations.  If you find that you are closing yourself off physically, subtly change your posture.  Feel the difference.  How does the world respond?

5.  Now, settle down and listen.

Yes, you will taste the thrill of speaking soon enough and when you do, you will likely want to go on and on in front on everyone you meet, but remember, the art of effective communication involves LISTENING.  People love it when you pay attention to them.  Take in your surroundings and give someone the gift of your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.  This one act alone will make people love and appreciate your presence. TIP: Go to a meeting and purposely do not take your cell phone.  Focus your attention entirely on the conversation, removing any possibility of personal distraction.  You may think you do that already, but c’mon… aren’t you in the car next to mine making the phone call?

You already have the gift of the gab, so go and give your gift to everyone on your list!

Alexa Fischer is the creator of Lessons for the Limelight.  Inspired by her work as a professional film and television actress, Alexa translates advanced performance skills into step-by-step guidelines for anyone desiring to maximize their personal presence.  She teaches how to command the attention of a room, how to deliver powerful, engaging messages and how to look effortless doing so!  Alexa believes that when you stay connected to your true passion and project your message effectively, your light illuminates and inspires everyone around you.

During our lives we encounter many situations where we feel the need to change someone’s mind about something.

When someone is resistant to changing their mind about something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are stubborn or annoying but rather can simply mean that somewhere in their belief system there is something that is preventing them from believing you.

In order to be able to change someone’s mind about anything you need to understand how they thinks, what they believe in and how you can insert your ideas into their belief system with minimal resistance.

Changing someone’s mind, a step by step guide

Here is a step by step guide to changing someone’s mind about something:

• Throw the bomb: Start by saying your argument directly, clearly and briefly. For example “What you did yesterday was wrong”
• Draw a map of the defense lines: As soon as you oppose someone’s beliefs they will start to argue by giving you many reasons for their actions. At this point you must remain silent and record what they say into your mind. As with many things, LISTENING is crucial to success. I call these arguments defense lines because as soon as you penetrate them you will easily change the person’s mind.
• Debunk their arguments one by one and in the same order: The mistake lots of people make while trying to convince others is that they focus on the main point without understanding that if they managed to get rid of many arguments the other person gave the way to convince him will be opened. Don’t try and bring the castle down all in one, chip away, soldier by soldier until you start to make a big dent.
• New arguments might appear and that’s normal: If you successfully managed to refute all of the arguments presented they might dig deeply into and find a last one or two arguments. At this point you shouldn’t lose hope but instead know that what you are doing is working! They are running out of arguments and they are down to the strategic reserves.
• Reply back to the final arguments: Again you should reply to his final arguments by giving valid reasons that proves them wrong
• Repeat your beliefs and its over!!: As soon as they tell  you “I don’t know” or “I am not sure” repeat your main idea again many times and he will believe in it. For example “You know it is wrong, why did you do that?”

Things that can help you to change a person’s mind

Of course the process is not that simple and you won’t be able to convince someone that his arguments are wrong unless you sound really convincing, this won’t happen unless:

• Be Real: Nobody is going to believe something willy-nilly. Your perspective must be grounded in reality. No matter how many times you repeat something, if it doesn’t come from a place of truth, nobody’s going to buy it.
• Do Your Homework/Offer solid proof: Like many things, preparation is key. After all the other person needs stronger evidence than the ones he has in order to believe you
• Back your arguments by facts: Use statistics, numbers, research findings or even quotes from authoritative figures to sound more convincing.
• Use social proof: Let the person feel that he is odd but giving him examples of many other people who have opposite beliefs. The social proof theory states that at the time of confusion people tend to stick to what the majority is doing
• Repetition: the more you repeat your argument the more convincing it will become. If you managed to let another friend repeat the same argument then your probability of changing the person’s mind will become much higher.

Finally changing someone’s mind is all about removing the obstacles he is holding in his belief system one by one then repeating your idea over and over.

Want to have a solid self understanding? Checkout http://www.2knowmyself.com

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10 Ways To Conquer The Fear Of Public Speaking

The Principles of Public Speaking

The most common phobia people have is the “Fear of public speaking”. Some people dread public speaking even more than death. Most of us live with this fear throughout our lives. Being an underrated skill we fail to get proper guidance to overcome our stage fright. As schools and colleges do not provide any training on public speaking, most of us lack the confidence to speak in public when we reach adulthood. Public speaking is necessary for each one of us irrespective of our age or profession. If you are wondering how public speaking can help you in your life, then let me list out some of its benefits–

As public speaking boosts your confidence levels there are more chances of you succeeding at job interviews

You will be more comfortable working in a team and giving effective presentations and seminars in the workplace. This improves your professional life and your relationship with your colleagues.

As a confident speaker you will be comfortable breaking the ice and starting conversations with strangers. This expands your social circle and improves your personal life.

If you are passionate about public speaking then you can also consider being a professional speaker. There are many people out there who make a living out of speaking or use it as a source of additional income.

With all these and many more rewards that it offers don’t you feel it is worth conquering your fear of public speaking? Let us look into some ways to overcome our fear of public speaking.

1. Take the Plunge

The only way you can get over your fear of public speaking is by going ahead and speaking. It might sound counter intuitive but this is true. The longer we wait to do whatever it is that is causing the fear, the more intense our fear would become. So go ahead and give that speech or presentation you have been pondering over for such a long time. Enroll yourself in public speaking groups or organizations like toastmasters club where you get to constantly challenge yourself and move out of your comfort zone. (Check the Toastmasters International website -  http://www.toastmasters.org/ to know more about this organization and to find a club near your area)

2. Mind matters

Dr. Robert Schuller once said “You are what you think about all day long”. This statement is true when it comes to public speaking. We all have this preconceived notion about the things we can do and the things we cannot do. I have heard some people say “Oh…I am such a terrible speaker” When I ask them how many speeches they have given so far, they would say “ Well… none” How can you assume that you are not good at something even before trying it?

Change these self -sabotaging beliefs you are holding in your mind. You can become a good speaker only when you believe you can.

3. Preparation pays

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration – Thomas Edison

I remember my initial stages of transformation from a shy and incompetent speaker to a more confident speaker. I would practice my speech around 15-20 times before delivering it in Toastmasters club. This preparation played a major role in alleviating the jitters I would feel on the day of my speech. When you are well prepared you are more confident that your speech would turn out well and this keeps you in a relaxed mode.

Public speaking is not an inborn talent but rather a skill which can be cultivated by anyone. It’s true that for some people it comes naturally but even they have to practice in order to spruce up their skills. I have seen some excellent speakers not doing well due to lack of preparation. A word of caution though – Do not over practice. Preparation should be done well in advance and just relax in the in the last 15-30 minutes before delivering your speech .

4. Know your audience

Get to know your audience. We get nervous when we are speaking in front of a group of strangers. If we were to give the same speech in front of our friends we would not be that fearful. Try mingling with few people in the audience before starting out your speech. This makes you feel that those in the audience are not aliens but people just like you. Apart from relaxing your tension this also helps in improving your connection with the audience.

5. Reach out to like-minded people

The best thing about joining a public speaking group is that you get to meet people who are highly supportive and encouraging. You realize that you are not alone; in fact there are millions of people out there with the same mission as yours. You get inspired by those who have transformed from a timid speaker to a confident speaker. You think “If he is capable of doing it then why not me?” You also learn a lot from the experienced speakers. They will be ready to lend you a helping hand by giving you tips on how they have achieved success. There are also people who can give you some genuine feedback on the areas you are good at and the areas you need to work on.

6. Take criticism positively

We all love to receive compliments but when it comes to criticism we prefer to be on the giving end rather than the receiving end. The successful you are, the more criticisms you will have to handle so learn to handle them with a positive attitude. I have seen people who have given up after receiving few negative comments from their peers. Don’t dwell on your criticisms. When someone‘s giving you a negative feedback take it as an opportunity to learn and grow, not a reason to quit.

7. Persevere

Be patient. Do not expect things to change in a jiffy. Some people might take more time to improve and others might take less. Do not push yourself too hard by comparing yourself with others. Just go with the flow.

8. Let go of the perfectionist in you

There are people who are unable to take the first step, forever waiting to attain a state of perfection. You feel that your speech is not perfect or your preparation is not up to the mark and wait endlessly for the moment when you would feel everything is perfect. But that moment never comes resulting in never ending procrastination. You don’t have to be perfect in order to be good speaker. All that matters is how passionate you are about what you are saying. Just speak from your heart and your audience will appreciate you for your sincerity.

9. Bounce back

Failures are stumbling blocks to success. Let me quote my personal experience here – It was my 9th speech in toastmasters club. After uttering few lines, my mind went blank and I forgot my entire speech.  Standing silent I tried to recollect the speech but could not recall a word. I pulled out the sheet where I had written my speech, went through it for few minutes and then continued the speech from where I had left. It was a bit disappointing at that moment but not as dreadful as we think. Now looking back I am glad to have experienced this. Had this not happened I would not have been overjoyed after successfully delivering my 10^th speech. You learn a lot from your failures. Resist the temptation to give up and keep bouncing back

10. Celebrate your success

We often take our success for granted. Reward yourself for the success you have achieved however small it might be. Give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to get over your fear. By rewarding yourself you will feel good and stay motivated to take the next step.

Don’t take yourself very seriously. Approach public speaking with a committed yet playful manner. Children rarely experience stage fright because they approach public speaking in a playful manner. They are having fun while doing it. Adopt the same attitude

Let today be the day you take the first step to triumph over your public speaking fear. So go ahead and rock the stage.

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