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Mentally Hijacked: How to Recognize Constructive and Destructive Emotions

Joe Wilner — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 06:02:20 +0000

Emotions are a natural and basic part of life. They signal how we feel about a certain situation or occurrence, so we can take the necessary action to deal with the situation. Emotions in this sense aren’t positive or negative, but are more along the lines of constructive or destructive, depending on how they are utilized. Emotions can become destructive and cause serious distress when they become overwhelming and take over how we act, what we say, and what we do. This emotional high-jacking is where many problems emerge.

The high-road and low-road

Taking a closer look at the human brain and how it relates to emotions, we can examine two overall parts of the brain; the high-road and low-road. Both parts communicate with each other and help us navigate through the world. The low-road is the primitive part of the brain, where our emotions immediately come from, and signals when we feel sad, mad, or fearful. This can be helpful when it’s necessary to act quickly for our safety, or to remind us how we felt in a previous similar situation.

But, this low-road route is where emotional high-jacking occurs. It can lead to rash decision making, not thinking before acting, and ultimately hurting ourselves or others.

Your low-road sends the immediate signal of an emotion, and the high-road then assesses the situation to see what needs to be done to deal with the threat. The high-road is there so we can think about things before acting, and find the best options to solve our problem.

If you’ve ever been emotional distraught, you know it can be tough to think straight.

Using emotions advantageously comes from thinking before acting, and can help to prevent causing harm to yourself and others.

Can destructive emotions be avoided?

Emotions are very powerful and it can be tough to stay mindful and aware of all our feelings. Take fear for instance. Fear can be a very adaptive emotion. It helps signal to us when something isn’t safe, so we can deal with the situation and prepared to either protect ourselves or flee to safety.

What would the emotion of fear signal if a bear were next to you right now!?

You would probably want to run to safety, and of course, this would be a natural and healthy decision to make.

Though, on the other hand, more generalized fear can be debilitating and prevent you from doing important things in life. It can become destructive by taking over all the decisions you make, leading to missed opportunities.

This is the same with anger, humor, or sadness. They all can be either constructive or destructive, depending on how the emotion plays a role in your life.

How will you know the difference between constructive and destructive emotions?

A simple way to recognize this idea is connecting with how you feel. Constructive emotions make us feel good, and destructive emotions make us feel bad. More specifically, constructive emotions help to improve a situation, and destructive emotions tend to make a situation worse.

For instance, let’s look at humor. Humor helps us feel good and provides a funny joke to laugh at. Though, at the same time, it may hurt someone else if they are the butt of the joke. Also, sadness and grief can be healthy, and help us get support from others in times of need. Though, if the melancholy persists it can lead to depression, thus becoming a destructive emotion.

It’s as simple as that. All emotions are a normal part of life, and you will experience emotions in either a constructive or destructive way, but learning why you feel a certain way and what caused it can help you start to feel better and improve your situation.

How to deal with emotions – Learn to self-monitor

Self-monitoring involves self-awareness and self-management. Or more specifically, it involves learning to recognize your emotions when they’re emerging, and developing the skills to manage this emotional state.

Recognize emotions

Know triggers – Gain knowledge and understanding about what sets you off. Learn to recognize the signals in life that seem to elicit a strong emotional response, and which tend to be difficult to deal with.

Understand bodily reactions – Emotions come on very quickly. One way to try and recognize emotions and prevent a high-jacking is to notice the automatic, quick impulse that emotions produce. Develop awareness of the body to better recognize emotions coming on, as well as awareness of when they are present. For instance, notice changes in your body temperature, heart rate, and breathing pattern.

Manage emotions

Develop meditative skills – Focus on breathing and mindfulness to counteract the emotional arousal that occurs when feeling upset. Take a deep breath, calm down, and think through the situation before immediately acting. This provides a chance to process emotions before making any hasty decisions.

Work through the emotion – It can be helpful to express your feelings in order to work through emotions. In order to make this a productive experience, talk to someone you feel safe expressing personal feelings to, or journal and write about the way you feel to process through emotions.

All in all, managing emotions is the ability to better deal with our emotions so we don’t act out of line and make things worse.

Managing emotions involves learning to recognize our feelings and deciding the best response to deal with how we feel. Sometimes we must work through the way we feel and not let our emotions take control of our behavior and actions. We may need to accept our emotions for what they are, and begin dealing with them by talking with someone else or taking action to solve the problem.

You can start to think before you act, recognize how you’re response will impact others, and recognize what the consequences will be. We cannot move forward and reach toward better things until we take control of our life and start to manage our emotions.

Bio: Joe is an personal development and career coach who manages the blog Shake off the Grind, where he helps people find success through the up’s and downs of life. You can also find Joe on Twitter.

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Fire Up Your Life

Swati Ramnath — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:59:33 +0000

Image courtesy of Krystal ‘Kito’ Cunningham

Yippee! It’s Monday. I am dying to get started with this exciting week.

Do you utter these words while making your way out of the bed on Monday mornings? Do you jump out of bed every morning in the state of excitement?

If your answer to this is “ Yes” then let me tell you that you are already living a life full of passion.

But if you are like most of us who are sleepwalking through life your answer to this would be “No! I would prefer to stay in the state of slumber. My dream world is far more alluring than my real world.”

We all go through life dealing with mundane matters. There are times when we feel that there is something missing in life, that there is something more to life. We might even try to dismiss this feeling of inner void by saying “ How could I be so greedy? My life is just fine. I should stop asking for more and be happy with what I have.” With this notion deeply rooted in our mind, we consider ourselves to be happy. But deep down our heart we are still craving for a life that is more joyous and more exciting.

Whether we realize it or not, this kind of superficial living is self –destructive. We are sabotaging our growth and falling prey to our circumstances. Our life is meant to be colorful and enthralling and passion is what makes our life fulfilling in the true sense. Everyone is capable of pursuing their passion. All we need is a little effort towards creating our dream life.

What is “Passion”?

The word passion has lost its charm and true meaning these days. We find people using this word when they are vaguely referring to a desire or hobby. Passion goes beyond the realms of wants and desires. We all wish for several things in our life. But are we really passionate about them? Are we ready to go out of our way to achieve them? We need to ponder over these questions to identify our passions and discern them from mere wants.

Why is passion so imperative in life?

A source of motivation

On windy days we often notice leaves tossing and turning around, acting according to the whims of the wind. The wind says “Go east”. The leaf goes east. The wind says “ Go west”. The leaf goes west. The wind says “ Stop”. The leaf stops flying. Without passion we are like this leaf. We might know where we want to go but our lack of motivation will easily derail us from our track. Our Passion transforms us into an arrow. The storm might knock the arrow off course but it would keep flying. Passion provides us motivation to keep moving whenever life tries to knock us down.

The secret of success

Have you ever noticed that most of the millionaires and successful entrepreneurs are high school drop outs. Almost none of them finished college. What makes it possible for these people who might seem ordinary to have an extraordinary life? The answer is passion. Think of all great achievers and you will be struck by their passion. Mahatma Gandhi’s passion for human rights, Winston Churchill’s passion for freedom, Bill Gates’s passion for technology. All these successful people have proved the fact that “The only path leading to success is the path paved with passion.”

Now that you know why passion is so relevant in life, let us look into some ways to nurture passion in life.

Ways to rekindle passion in life:

Look within

“I just can’t find my passion” I often hear people say. In this world where we are tuned in, logged on or dialed in virtually non- stop, taking time to let ourselves contemplate is very rare. But quiet reflective time is all it takes to find our passion. Try taking a trip down memory lane. What was that one thing you could for hours and hours when you were a child? It gave you so much pleasure that you lost track of time. I discovered most of my passions by ruminating over the things I loved to do as a child.

Beware of the thief

Our passion is like a precious pearl we possess. There is a thief who goes around stealing our passions. This thief of passion is nothing but fear. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of stepping out of our comfort zone. This fear is what deters most people from pursuing their passion. If you want to live a more fulfilling life then you have to let go of your fears. Never let your passion get stolen by your fears.

Shield your passion from naysayers

“ Have you gone crazy” “ Forget it you will never make it” This is what we get to hear when we decide to go off the beaten path to pursue our passion. Do not let these pessimistic people derail you from your path. Following the herd will not get you anywhere but following you heart will surely take you to your dreams. So shield yourself form the outer noise and just tune into your heart.

Align your passion with your profession

Your passion need not be restricted to your weekends. Many people have found ways to turn their passion into rewarding career. I recently read an article about a bus driver in Chicago who sings while he drives. Apart from attracting passengers his unique style of driving attracted even the media. When he was being interviewed on television, he said “Don’t call me a driver. I am a professional singer. My passion is singing not driving. I only drive to get a captive audience every single day”. Here is a person who has found a creative way to align his passion with his occupation. Like this “Singing driver” you too can find ways to align your job with your passion.

Mingle with passionate people

Ever noticed that person who always seems to have spring in his step and a spark in his eyes. Passionate people can easily be spotted in a flock of people. They have an aura of positivity and charm that draws other people to them. And what more their passion is contagious so that the people who interact with them also get infected with it. Whenever you feel that you have lost your fire get around these fire lighters. By spending time with passionate people you can’t help getting infected with their passion.

Keep your eyes wide open

Explore for new passions when you feel that the old ones have just faded away. Do not hesitate to experiment. You never know when you would stumble upon a new one that can rekindle the joy in life. I personally believe in having a variety of passions in life. I feel each of my passions add a new color to my life thereby making it more colorful.

Swati Ramnath is a Guest Blogger and avid reader of PickTheBrain.

Krystal ‘Kito’ Cunningham is a Photographer from Hawaii and her piece: Reflections Of The Heart is a selection from our PTB Blog Art Submissions Project.

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