In today’s busy world, it’s easy to put everyone else first. With the demands of work and family, it might feel that there’s not much time left over for you. Perhaps you even feel guilty about taking time for yourself – after all, shouldn’t you be spending that time with your kids, or your spouse, or your in-laws?

We all need time to rest and recharge. If life feels so busy that you’re convinced you can’t manage to have a few hours for yourself, then it’s especially crucial that you carve out some “me time”. Here’s why:

You Need to Take Care of Your Health

If you run yourself into the ground, you’re not going to be much help to the people around you.

That might seem a rather cold way to look at things – but if you’re struggling to justify your daily meditation practice, your exercising, your book club, or whatever it might be, then you need to remind yourself that your health is vital.

Good physical and mental health requires upkeep of your body, mind and soul. That might mean:

• Body: Jog for 30 minutes, three times a week
• Mind: Read a book during your lunch hours
• Soul:  Go to a religious service (or other act of worship) regularly

You Want Space to Breathe and Think

If your life is starting to feel like a treadmill, it’s time to hit the stop button.

When you’re in the thick of things, it’s hard to get much perspective. Perhaps you’re struggling with a particular decision – like a choice of career paths, or the opportunity to take an important qualification. It can be all too easy to put off decisions or make hasty choices if you don’t take the time to stop and think.

If you’re engaged in any creative activity – writing, designing, computer programming, running a business – then this down-time is vital. You need to be able to get away from the constant busyness in order to do the best work that you’re capable of.

To get space, you could:

• Go out to a coffee shop on your own for a couple of hours
• Take a long walk in the countryside
• Book a weekend’s retreat, away from everyday life

You Are Important Too

Sometimes, we put other people first because we’re secretly convinced that they’re more important, or more needy, than us. We downplay our own needs in order to help them.

Perhaps you’ve got a relative who’s ill, or a friend who’s facing huge struggles in his life. By all means help them – but don’t forget that you are important too. Don’t pour all of your energy into doing things for others at the expense of taking care of yourself.

You might need to get back in touch with your own needs and desires:

• Write in a journal for 5 minutes every day, and look for patterns emerging
• Make a list of goals that you’d like to accomplish over the next 1, 3 and 5 years
• Join a local group (or an online forum) that’s devoted to a particular hobby or goal of yours

However busy you are, you can find time for yourself – even if you have to start with just a few minutes each day, or an hour or two every weekend. What could you do this week to make more breathing space in your life?

We all fall in the trap of comparison wherein we inevitably compare ourselves with others.  This comparison does more harm to us than good. This does not mean we stop looking up to others. But there is a difference between learning from others and simply comparing yourself with them and then feeling, ‘Oh! Wish I was like her!’

This comparison is the main cause of inferiority complex. We compare ourselves with our neighbors, colleagues, batch mates, celebrities, siblings and with strangers too!

It happened with me several times that often while traveling I spotted fashionable women around. I looked at their dresses, their style and matching accessories and then glanced at my attire which was usually a comfy, simple dress. In the name of accessories, I generally wore a wrist watch and my make up comprised of a light color lipstick. That’s all. So each time I came across a hip girl on street, I was ready to sulk and to term myself a ‘dodo’. But this was long ago.

Over time, with some self conscious efforts and with company of some wise, supportive friends, I have overcome my inferiority complex of not being able to dress up in style. Also I realized that beauty lies in simplicity. In the process, I have learnt several lessons and am ready to share them here.

Determine your specific inferiority

It is better to be specific than generally feeling low. Narrow it down to a specific type first. Do you feel inferior to rich people, educated people, good looking people, famous people? First find out your category of inferiority. I had the weird complex with people who had a trendy, contemporary dressing style!

Once you are done with finding your category, lean it further with names. List down the names of people. I felt inferior with particularly two friends of mine. So come up with the names. Once you have the names, you need to know why you feel inferior to them. Do they make you feel low? If yes, dump them right now and move on. If no, then ask yourself ‘who says I am not as good as that Xyz’? You have the answer and that is the solution.

Your Thinking Matters

Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your permission’ and she said it so right. It is us who feel inferior and if we change our thinking, every thing about us changes.

There is a difference in being inferior and feeling inferior. Being inferior is simply a game of relativity. But not everyone feels inferior.

If we lay more emphasis on what others think about us, we attract more problems in life. This is our life and only our opinion should matter. Finding faults in ourselves based on whether others find us good enough or not is not going to help anybody. It becomes dangerous when we may actually be better than others but somehow feel worse than them.

Chuck that habit of taking others’ judgements about you seriously and then feeling low.

Love Thyself

The one thumb rule for a happy life is learning to love oneself. I am totally in love myself so much so that many of my friends call me a narcissist. No doubt, earlier I was not too confident of my dressing sense but slowly, I overcame that guilt as well. And now, I love myself just the way I am.

We would never even find the need of comparing ourselves with others if we are satisfied with our ‘self’. Loving oneself is the first step to achieve confidence and that sets the path for high self esteem.

Stop wanting to be some one else. Just be yourself and create your own identity. Someone probably sometime told you that you were not good enough and you have been carrying that luggage even today! Drop it right now. I threw it off and I am much lighter and better and happier.

Seek Positive Company

It is very important to be in company of people who are very positive in nature. If you are surrounded by people who spend half of their time in analyzing others and judging them, probably you would get influenced too.

Be with people who like others the way they are. Seek positive company. In a good company and with people who gladly accept you as you are, you would grow up to be more confident of yourselves.

Finally, again, your confidence should not depend on others. It should exude from within.

In the end, I would like to quote the following lines:

Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but self expect applause;

He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws.

About the Author:

Surabhi Surendra lives in Andamans and blogs at Womanatics – a blog about women, relationships and inspiration. If you enjoyed this article, you may like to follow her on Twitter or become a fan!

I was driving yesterday, happily minding my own business and practicing my new skill of not texting while behind the wheel. (I’m doing very well, thank you for asking.) Suddenly, some light started blinking. It looked like a genie in an oil canister to me. I am a girl, so I am thinking; I need to change the oil in my car. As I was driving towards the gas station, I started thinking, hey- when does my dashboard blink to tell me I need something. Water. Sleep. Play? What are my indicators that I am running out of some essential component to thrive?

Maybe, my nose does not flash when I am dehydrated. Or my ears don’t let out steam when I need more sleep. But I still need to drink and nap. So how do I hear my signals that my inner car is not functioning optimally? They may not be as clear as a blinking light but you can learn to recognize your specific icons.

Check around you. What’s different? What are you doing more of, or less of?  Increasing your coffee intake might mean you’re not sleeping enough. Snapping at people might be a sign you have had too much coffee. Eating junk, not taking your vitamins, cancelling on friend’s last minute might all be indicators that you’ve had it.

When your car starts blinking at you, you listen. For the most part. You push a little…because why not, the car manufacturers expect you to. And we all have different threshold for letting things blink before we do something about it. But I can guarantee you that if you do not take the car to the mechanic at some point, there will be deeper damage. Sometimes unrecoverable damage. Yes. You are correct, that is where we are going. You too. If you don’t develop an ability to decode your signals and you do not take your inner-self in for a checkup, you will permanently injure the one vehicle you can’t return before the end of the lease.

So, take a breath and assess the state of your Self. When is the last time you took a day off? When have you read something for fun? When was your last home-cooked meal? When did you consciously take a deep breath in? Please do that. On behalf of broken cars everywhere, please do something to take care of you. Please, take yourself on a gentle walk. Please look someone in the eye. Or take a nap.

On my way to the gas station, I had to admit to myself that there are moments in my life where I take care of my car better than I take care of myself. It made me sad. But while I was standing there waiting for my car to get fixed, I called my chiropractor…my back ‘s been blinking for a few days.

Sophie Chiche, catalyst, visionary, curator of characters and mom is the founder of lifebyme.com, a global community gathered around the question, “What is meaningful to you?” She has master’s degrees in business, journalism and psychology. www.lifebyme.com

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There have been several scientific studies that have revealed that mindfulness meditation can actually change the structure of the brain ion a positive way. It is only now that we can more appreciate the positive benefits of meditation, since modern technology is allowing us to delve deep into the recesses of the mind.

Details Of Research

Here are some details of such research, and a simple explanation of how to perform mindfulness meditation.

In a study in the January 30 2011 issue of ‘Psychiatry Research’, results show that by participating in an 8 week mindfulness meditation program, significant changes in brain regions associated with memory, sense of self, empathy and stress can be made.

Mindfulness meditation essentially involves focusing on your own inner mind, and tuning out or ignoring the world around you, whilst you focus on your inner mind. There are many different ways of achieving this, and I will show you one such method later in this article.

MR images were taken of the brain structure of 16 participants two weeks before and after they took part in an 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Program at the University of Massachusetts Center for Mindfulness. During the 8 weeks they received weekly meetings and had guided meditation audio sessions to take home with them. It was found that the participants spent an average of 27 minutes per day practicing mindfulness exercises.

The analysis of MR images after the 8 weeks found increased grey matter density in the hippocampus, which is important for learning and memory. It also revealed an increase in grey matter density in areas associated with self awareness, compassion and introspection. This shows that meditation literally improved the brain in almost every way.

Most subjects also reported reductions in stress. This was confirmed by the decrease of grey matter density in the amygdala, which is known to play an important role in stress and anxiety.

In 2007 researchers at the University of Pennsylvania also conducted a study on mindfulness meditation and they concluded that practicing even small amounts daily improves performance and the ability to focus attention.

Benefits Of Meditation

Therefore it would seem that science firmly points to mindful meditation helping our minds in many ways. Just these two studies showed improvements in learning, memory, self awareness, compassion, introspection, and a reduction in stress and anxiety. It is likely that further studies will reveal even more improvements, such as improved energy, sleep patterns, and even happiness.

This is why we owe it to ourselves to practice meditation. It is not difficult, and you do not need to be some sort of obsessed spiritual guru to benefit from meditation. I will show you one quick and simple method.

Meditation Method

In order to do mindfulness meditation, try these following steps.

1. Get your self seated in a comfortable position with good posture.
2. Focus on your breathing. Listen to the sounds of the air as it is breathed in, and as it flows out.
3. Any stray thought that comes into your mind, simply allow them to pass. Remind yourself that you are meditating and you can think about these things later. This is your time.
4. Continue to focus on your breathing and enjoy doing nothing. There is no right or wrong, so don’t judge yourself. By doing nothing you are actually achieving so much by improving your mind.
5. If you have any stray thoughts, simply remain calm and continue to focus on your breathing.

It is better to do this little and often. 10 minutes per session, once or twice per day if you can. After some practice you will be able to build this up to much longer periods of time.

Conclusion

It should quickly become apparent that your mind is improving, and you will feel calmer, happier, and more relaxed. It is also likely that you will experience improvements in other areas that I have not even mentioned in this article. For variety, you may soon wish to discover different methods of meditation. There is almost a limitless amount of different techniques to experiment with. With a little experience you can probably develop your own unique techniques, specifically tailored for yourself. Enjoy!

Jon Rhodes is a clinical hypnotherapist, musician, author, and meditator. He is owner and operator of the Meditation Den. If you want some help meditating, then please click here for details of our collection of Meditation Mp3s.

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Warning: this post may irritate you into thinking.

I will say this short and sweet:

Emotions are not God. Stop listening to them like they are.

Your emotions, and visceral bodily feelings are not designed to carry the burden of proof you put upon them. Yes, you! Stop looking around like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  Emotions were never and are still not infallible guidance systems like certain gurus (who are usually quite bright) stupidly say.

You actually need to think, not just feel. Despite what the shopping channel says.

Use your emotions as your major decision making tool and you are sunk.

Now, do you want to know why?

Let me set the scene. As we grow we experience bodily and mental ‘feelings’ as we experience current or think about past events. We win a race, everyone cheers, we see our parents smile, we get feelings we come to label as ‘good’ or ‘positive’. We also get feelings that are not so pleasant which we often label as ‘bad’ or ‘negative’.

These are mental classifications, ways we categorise our experience, and we then respond to those as if they were real when in fact they exist only in our body and mind.

Emotions are created in the psychological-physiological space between the way we think about the world and our actual experience of it. When we get what we expect we tend to feel the nicer emotions. When we get less than we expect or something different and unwanted we experience the ‘negative’ emotions.

Emotions, as a general rule, only tell us about OURSELVES and what already think. They are a feedback mechanism giving us the ‘temperate’ of our current thinking, so to speak.

To make this clearer I will quote Albert Ellis, author of the wonderful How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything Ever Again (Yes, ever).

“We feel our thoughts.”

There – that’s it in a nutshell.

We feel OUR thoughts. But we are not always AWARE of those thoughts – sometimes we have the feeling that “it just feels right.”

The UK has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in Europe. Now, whilst I think part of that is due to the general decline of sensible moral boundaries (and yes, I do love my country!) the other reason is probably that “it felt right at the time”. Try telling that to the aborted babies, the children born outside a stable relationship. To be clear I am not down on single parents per se – I was raised by one.

But those children could have been born into better circumstances if the people involved were not thinking with their groins or with the awareness elevating participation of alchohol.

If we elevate good or bad feelings to the role of the deciding factor in our decisions we are setting ourselves up for trouble. Emotions, essentially exist as echoes of our thoughts manifested in the body (we are not just a body carrying a brain, our brain expresses its responses IN our body – what is called somatism) and they reflect our current thinking.

How can a feeling (however strong and labelled as ‘right’) evaluate the quality of a decision? How can it compare options, decide the worth of criteria?  How can it reason, eliminate, take different perspectives etc.

Its not designed to do that. It’s a symptom of a cause – the Energy in Motion (E-motion!) in your body proceeding from the thoughts you ALREADY have. Primarily using your emotions as your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ indicators cannot give you the quality of decision that learning to think things through can.

Emotions do work as information but a very poor quality information overall.  The quality of the feeling from ‘wonderful’ to ‘awful’ can only tell us about how we feel about a circumstance.

It does not evaluate the usefulness of that thinking in the first place.

Let me give you an example. I know someone who invested a great deal of money in a foreign property because it ‘felt right’. If this person had done their due-diligence (that is investigated and thought about the results of the investigation) on the company they used they would have found out that people worldwide were having terrible experiences with them, there were opposition groups and so on. Now he has had to take them to court for years and stands to get back maybe half of what he put in. For what?

35K lost for trusting a feeling?

Something to realise is the effect of ‘state dependency’ on our thinking. This occurs all the time. It means that:

“when you’re smiling…the whole world smiles with you”

…and when you’re in a bad mood anything someone says has the potential to be interpreted wrongly. Know someone you don’t want to meet on a bad day – that’s state dependency – their state of mind depends on their current mood.

This is another reason it’s not good to make decisions when you’re not in a good state of mind. What is ‘not a good state of mind?’

Too many good feelings lead to over-optimism.

…bad feelings …lead to stupid, impulsive decisions.

A clear headed objective state (not that such a thing really exists but one where you can think carefully about your choices!) is best.

Am I advocating becoming an emotionless robot? No, I am advocating treating emotions and feelings as the bodily function (haha!) that they are. It’s ok to check in with them (how do I feel about this?) AFTER you’ve thought it through.

What do I mean thinking it through?

The following is a list of healthy thinking styles (you can look up cognitive distortions on the net and find thousands of them):

Contextual Thinking: What, when, where, who, how? How much?

Both and thinking: win-win, combining options for the best result.

Reality testing thinking: What is actually happening? How is this really going to play out as opposed to how do I wish it will play out?

Responsibility thinking: How much of this am I responsible for? What am I not responsible for?

Tentative predictive thinking: What could happen? What might happen?

Perspective thinking: what is the point of view of other people involved? How does this look to me from the outside? What would an objective observer think?

… and many others.

There is a time when it’s useful to put emotions at cause. That is when you want to use them to boost your emotional state of mind. You can do this using the Meta-Stating Process designed by L. Michael Hall.

I give several powerful and useful examples of this in the Personal PowerPack which you can get at www.personal-powerpack.com/ppp.html . Here I teach you how to use emotions to build powerful states of self-acceptance, appreciation and esteem.

To your highest and best,

Douglas Cartwright

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As mentioned before, I like to focus on receptive and expressive intelligence, which I call CQ. Passive Aggressive Communicators (whom I call the PACs) have a low dose of CQ and can often trigger your own CQ to plummet as well. It takes a great deal of skill, self-empowerment, and candor to remain unfettered and productive around PACs.

My way of dealing with these people is simple: when they are being slippery and elusive, I know I need to be forceful and direct. This cuts through their unclear communication and forces them to speak honestly. In the end, it’s better for everybody involved.

You know you’re in the presence of a PAC if you start to think to yourself:

1. “What is this person getting at? Why won’t they just say it?”
2. “I don’t understand what this person is saying, but he certainly is talking quite a bit.”
3. “When will she get to the point? She’s been floating around it for over ten minutes now.”
4. “I need some clarification before I can commit to this person, but he seems so enthusiastic. Does he understand what he’s proposing?”

This can be frustrating to no end. There you are, standing with a drink in your hand, listening intently to someone you only just met, and they are weaving a tale that doesn’t make a bit of sense. Still, you were drawn to them initially and you don’t want to throw away what may very well be a fruitful interaction. How do you respond? Try something like this:

1. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid you’ve lost me. What is it you’re getting at?”
2. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I don’t understand. I have a few questions before you continue. [Questions]
3. “Hold on. I’m sorry, but I’m a little confused. In one sentence, what do you want me to know?
4. “That’s all well and good, but before I make any promises or commitments, I need clarification in a few areas. [Questions]

The important thing to remember is that passive aggressive people get wrapped up in a lifestyle of never being straightforward. Don’t let them pull you into that. Responding assertively to them may be unexpected, but your way of communicating – clearly, effectively – will leave no wiggle room for them to guess at what you’re saying. And, if anything, asserting yourself will raise you in their esteem as someone who is not interested in nonsense. That reputation is more valuable and comforting than all the fluffy chitchat in the world.

Now, you may have noticed that in 3 of my suggested responses, apologizing is always one of the first things I do. That’s because, as useful as candor is, compassion is an important balancing factor. In all those situations I could have said something like this:

1.  
   1. “Stop. What are you trying to say? Just spit it out.”
   2. “Hold on. You’ve been saying nothing but nonsense. What are you getting at?”
   3. “Get to the point already.”
   4. “Despite all your grandstanding, I’m still not sure if you’re serious. Do you understand what you’re proposing?”

Saying things like that can burn a bridge that you may want to cross later. Balancing out your candor with a dose of compassion is the best of both worlds: you’ve filled in the gap of your understanding and avoided being rude. By being compassionate, you’re being respectful to someone who you may have, admittedly, judged incorrectly. You cannot know a person’ whole story in a single night, but neither can you afford to waste your evening.

If you’re ever caught in a quagmire of someone speaking passive aggressively (PACs), do not hesitate to be assertive and to communicate clearly and effectively (CQ). You’ll get farther and it will save you a very unwelcomed headache later.

I hope this has been helpful to you.

Be well.

Everyone has an inner dialogue that runs day and night signaling what to do, what to say, and how to feel. Most of time, people just go through the day unaware of the impact their inner thoughts have on their everyday behavior.

Though, what we say to ourselves has serious ramifications, particularly if the thoughts are critical, worrisome, and victimizing.

You probably don’t notice many of the thoughts you’re reacting to because they’ve become automatic. They arrive spontaneously and can be tough to recognize. Thoughts can be like tapes playing over and over in your head, and when negative, can tell you things like, “you’re not good enough,” “you’ll never get over this problem,” and “what if something horrible happens?”
If this sounds familiar, it’s likely that these self-defeating thought patterns have been a part of your self-identity for a long time. They’re just like a bad habit you can’t seem to break, and maybe don’t really recognize you’re engaging in half the time. They seem to be a part of who you are, and how you interact with the world.

Don’t let your inner-critic control who you are and what you can become. These thoughts are often irrational, and don’t have much ground in reality. Think about how much of the worrying you do actually comes to fruition?  For most people, it’s not much.
“I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
It’s time to tame your gremlin and manage that inner critic?

Separate thinking, feeling, and acting

Recognize when you have limiting and critical thoughts, and accept you’re going to feel anxious, inadequate, and uncertain at first. Begin to understand this connection between thinking and feeling, and break the identification with the feelings that accompany negative thoughts.
You need to recognize how these thoughts make you feel and pay attention to the physical sensations that accompany these destructive thoughts and emotions. This can mean paying attention to your bodily reaction first. How does your body change? Do you get butterflies in your stomach of feel nauseous? Does your heart rate increase and palms start to sweat?
This can be easier than noticing your thoughts, as thoughts can be automatic.

Most importantly, separate your behavior from thinking. Don’t let feelings of inadequacy prevent you from taking action and moving forward in life. Don’t immediately react to your thoughts. Be willing to separate the irrational thought from what is really going on, before reacting and jumping to conclusions.

Learning to recognize how thinking, feeling, and acting influence each other, helps you to develop emotional awareness, and to start monitoring and managing negative thoughts and behaviors.

Teach yourself a new way of thinking: “Challenge” negative thoughts

Use the ABC model to help manage your thoughts and feelings
A = Actual Event: State the actual situation that brought on the emotional state.
B = Beliefs: Describe your thoughts and beliefs about the situation that created these emotions and behaviors.
C = Challenge: Dispute the negative thoughts and replace them with accurate and positive statements.
It’s time to realize that the thoughts you have are driving you life. You have been habitually thinking yourself into your current situation, and probably don’t believe you can change the way you feel.

Though, this can be done by recognizing the thoughts you’re having and replacing any negative thoughts with more positive statements. When you start to notice your bodies’ reaction to anxious and detrimental thinking, you can start to become present, consider how you want to react, take a step back, relax, and rationalize what’s really going on. This is where the “Challenge” step comes into play.

Start to counter negative self-talk with questioning and supportive statements.
If you experience critical, worrying, or victimizing thoughts, ask yourself, “What is the evidence for this?” “Am I being fair and objective with this thought?”
If you can realize the foolishness in your previous negative thought, then provide a counter-thought, or positive statement to replace the negative thought.
Pay close attention to your triggers
Start noticing the thoughts you’re having, and write down any that cause worry, anxiety, or distress. You may have to keep a log or diary to gain the necessary self-awareness to make serious progress.

After you capture the thought in writing, consider:
What was the trigger for this thought?
How did it make me feel?
How did I react?

Pay attention to what you’re doing and who you’re with when the negative thinking emerges. This will help you gain insight into those people and places that can prompt self-limiting thoughts.

Again, provide an alternative way you could experience the situation, write down your counterstatement and REHEARSE!

Keep focusing on healthy positive statement and begin training your thinking patterns to change the way you feel. This will ultimately start to change the way you act and the activities you pursue. Notice how these new thoughts make you feel, and the new quality of life that is emerging.

It may take awhile, but eventually these new thoughts will make you feel more confident, assured, and resilient. With awareness and practice you can start to discredit your negative thinking, and recognize you were meant to feel good and be great.

Bio: Joe is an entrepreneur and coach who manages the blog Shake off the Grind, where he helps people find success through the up’s and downs of life. You can also find Joe on Twitter.

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When you’re worried about something, your thoughts start chasing each other round your head and don’t let up. You run the same scenarios through over and over, as if practicing them would make them turn out right.

Sometimes they’re in the past, sometimes in the future, but in either case – worrying about them isn’t going to fix anything. It’s just going to keep your thoughts in a groove they can’t get out of, upset you, keep you awake at night, and limit your creative response to the situation.

So what can you do?

Here’s a simple technique for calming your racing thoughts down. It’s as easy as watching a movie (and much cheaper).

1. Imagine, first of all, that you’re in a movie theatre. Smell the popcorn, feel the fold-down seat under you, hear some relaxing music over the speakers. On the screen, there’s a peaceful blue sky. Just stare at it for a while, get lost in it, and absorb a little of its peacefulness as the orchestra on the soundtrack plays calm, peaceful music.

2. Now the camera dips down out of the sky into a busy city scene – and it’s speeded up. People and cars (probably a lot of yellow cabs – this is a New York kind of scene) are zipping back and forth on the streets, as the camera’s viewpoint gradually drops down until it’s in among the hurrying people. The soundtrack speeds up and it’s full of hooting horns and beating drums.

3. But you’re a bit detached still, just watching the movie, and it’s like it’s a movie of your racing thoughts. You’re just sitting back and watching them hurry back and forth as if they had somewhere to go. Where could they be going that’s so important? They don’t seem to be getting anywhere.

4. Now the movie’s slowing down to a realistic speed, and the music’s slowing too, and the camera is moving among the people, along the street, and you’re watching the cars go past and the people go past, still a bit detached. You’re watching a movie. Have some imaginary popcorn, it’s low-calorie.

5.  And as the music slows and becomes peaceful again, a lot more strings and woodwinds, the picture gradually dissolves into a scene of natural beauty. It can be whatever you like (it’s your movie), but I suggest lots of greenery and some gently moving water, maybe a waterfall, or a calm sea with gentle waves lapping on the beach. Have both if you like, why not?

6. And now the music is fading out and being replaced with the natural sounds of birdsong, moving water, and a gentle wind in the trees. The sky is a beautiful deep blue, calm and peaceful. And you’re in the scene now, walking around, enjoying the beauty and the calm. It’s an ideal environment.

7. And as you enjoy that scene, just gently press your finger and thumb together on whichever hand you like, and connect that feeling to the calm and the peace of the beautiful scene, the way it looks and feels and sounds and smells. And that’s your signal that you can use to return yourself to that same state of mind any time you want. If you find yourself on that New York street with your thoughts rushing everywhere, just press your finger and thumb and take yourself instantly back to the peaceful, relaxing garden. And enjoy.

Mike Reeves-McMillan is a hypnotherapist and health coach. He loves to connect ordinary people with the resources they need to become more integrated, healthier and happier. For more resources to overcome stress and calm yourself down, get his free guide.

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Have you ever had a thought that stressed you out, rattled around in your brain, and just wouldn’t go away? I’m sure it has; it happens to everyone. The problem is that when non-useful thoughts get stuck in our heads, they destroy our focus, creativity, and productivity. One simple nagging thought can throw off an hour, a day, or even an entire week. If you want to avoid losing those precious hours and days, then you need to let go of those thoughts…

“Letting go” doesn’t mean ignoring the problem. It simply means that you realize that there is nothing you can do about the issue right now, and rather than having it consume your life with stress and anxiety you are going to put it aside until you are in a position where you can deal with it.

Distracting thoughts suck up time, energy, and attention. By letting them go you free up all those resources to solve your problems, tackle your day, and pursue your dreams. Not only will your work get done faster, but it will also be of higher quality.

Obviously, your best bet is to just deal with what’s bothering you. Do the project, have the conversation, go deal with the overdue bill, etc. But if you can’t address the issue right away (or if it’s not something you can or want to ever address), you are much better off letting it go than letting it stew and fester in your mind.

Here are 7 ways to let go when something is bothering you:

Breathe

It is amazing what a few simple deep breathes can do for you. When you find stress rising, close your eyes (if you’re not driving!) and breath in as deeply as you can. Fill yourself with air from the bottom of your belly to the top of your chest, hold the air in for a few seconds, and then let it out. Repeat four or five times, or until you find yourself coming to peace with your troubles. For added impact, imagine that with each breath out your are letting your troubles and negative energy go.

This is the simplest and fastest way to let go and re-center your mind. It won’t last forever, but it will last long enough for you to get into a good flow state on another, more productive activity.

Empty Your Mind

Sometimes you may forget that you are the one in charge of your thoughts. When something is bothering you, you let it run amok all through your head. One of the best things you can do to let go of your troubles is to calm your mind by emptying it of thoughts.

This is very much like meditation, only our goal here is not to reach a higher consciousness or stay in a Zen state for an hour. Our goal is to become adept at removing all thoughts from our mind and be still. When you empty your mind, you remove all the negative thoughts and can exert a certain amount of control over what you let back in.

If you have not done this before, it won’t be easy, especially when you have stressful thoughts bouncing around your head. It’s a good idea to practice emptying your mind when you are not stressed, just to develop the skill. That will make it much easier when you need to let go of much bigger, badder thoughts.

Visualize

There are many great visualization techniques to help you let go of your troubles. Here are a few:

- Imagine the thing that is bothering you, and then visualize placing it in a balloon and watching it float away
- In your head, write down the issue and then imagine yourself crumpling it up and throwing it away
- Picture the thing that is bothering you, then change the color in your mind to black and white. Then shrink it down so it is very small. Then imagine it very far away.

Some of these ideas may sound odd, but they can do wonders for helping you to put troubling thoughts aside.

Write

Writing is a powerful way of getting thoughts out of your head. The simplest way to do this is to take out some paper and let whatever is in your head flow out. Don’t edit, don’t beat yourself up for what you are feeling, and don’t try to be correct. Just write. In the Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron refers to this as “Morning Pages,” and it is one of the best ways to clear all the gunk out of your head.

Another method is to write an in-depth letter to the person or situation that is troubling you (yes, you can write a letter to abstract concepts or inanimate objects). You never have to send the letter! In fact, you probably shouldn’t; it will just add another layer of stress to your mind. Instead, put it in a drawer or throw it away. The act of writing your thoughts will be cathartic in and of itself.

Distract Yourself

Not the best solution, but let’s face it: most of our stress will diminish with a little time and distance. Sometimes you just need to get your mind off of things for a little while. Go out with friends, exercise, engage in a hobby you love. The key is that you do something that truly engages your mind. Watching a movie could be good, or it could just leave you sitting in a dark theater festering over your problems for two hours.

Ritualize

You can physicalize the letting go process by performing a ritual. Don’t be put off by the word “ritual,” there is nothing spiritual or cultish about it. A ritual is just a consistent procedure you regularly follow. By turning your letting go process into a ritual, you can train your mind to automatically let things go once the ritual starts.

For example, you can write down the thing that is bothering you on a piece of paper and then burn it in a bowl or fireplace (be careful!). Some people use chants, mantras, or affirmations to let things go. I know a person who takes a picture that represents their thought, takes a short walk, and throws away the picture in a public garbage can a few blocks away. Not only have they thrown it away, but they also got it out of their house first!

The act of doing something physical represent letting something go is very powerful. Using rituals may sound strange, but don’t knock it until you try it!

Use Logic

This is probably the least effective method, but worth a shot, especially if you are a logical person. Keep explaining to yourself all the logical reasons why you should stop worrying. Yes, we as humans are emotional creatures, and logic very rarely wins out over emotion, but repeated logical reasoning can eventually engage the emotional part of your brain. If nothing else, by using logic you can force your attention off of what is bothering you and onto where you want it to go.

Troubling thoughts are dangerous, insidious things that can take hold, grow, and completely derail both our small and grand plans. The next time a nagging thought takes hold in your head, try applying one or more of these seven techniques and get back on track!

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Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a speaker and on his blog, Avish makes people laugh while sharing with them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit his Motivational Humor Blog at http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

Photo Credit: Alaska Photo Path: Photos: Alaska Natives Photos:
Smiling Native Indian Woman

Everyone loves the quote “laughter is the best medicine,” and as a nurse, I have experienced the benefits of smiling and laughter with my patients. In fact, smiling can boost your mood and even your immune system. Keep reading for more fascinating facts about our smiles.

1. Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood: Psychologists have found that even if you’re in bad mood, you can instantly lift your spirits by forcing yourself to smile.
2. It boosts your immune system: Smiling really can improve your physical health, too. Your body is more relaxed when you smile, which contributes to good health and a stronger immune system.
3. Smiles are contagious: It’s not just a saying: smiling really is contagious, scientists say. In a study conducted in Sweden, people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own.
4. Smiles Relieve Stress: Your body immediately releases endorphins when you smile, even when you force it. This sudden change in mood will help you feel better and release stress.
5. It’s easier to smile than to frown: Scientists have discovered that your body has to work harder and use more muscles to frown than it does to smile.
6. It’s a universal sign of happiness: While hand shakes, hugs, and bows all have varying meanings across cultures, smiling is known around the world and in all cultures as a sign of happiness and acceptance.
7. We still smile at work: While we smile less at work than we do at home, 30% of subjects in a research study smiled five to 20 times a day, and 28% smiled over 20 times per day at the office.
8. Smiles use from 5 to 53 facial muscles: Just smiling can require your body to use up to 53 muscles, but some smiles only use 5 muscle movements.
9. Babies are born with the ability to smile: Babies learn a lot of behaviors and sounds from watching the people around them, but scientists believe that all babies are born with the ability, since even blind babies smile.
10. Smiling helps you get promoted: Smiles make a person seem more attractive, sociable and confident, and people who smile more are more likely to get a promotion.
11. Smiles are the most easily recognizable facial expression: People can recognize smiles from up to 300 feet away, making it the most easily recognizable facial expression.
12. Women smile more than men: Generally, women smile more than men, but when they participate in similar work or social roles, they smile the same amount. This finding leads scientists to believe that gender roles are quite flexible. Boy babies, though, do smile less than girl babies, who also make more eye contact.
13. Smiles are more attractive than makeup: A research study conducted by Orbit Complete discovered that 69% of people find women more attractive when they smile than when they are wearing makeup.
14. There are 19 different types of smiles: UC-San Francisco researcher identified 19 types of smiles and put them into two categories: polite “social” smiles which engage fewer muscles, and sincere “felt” smiles that use more muscles on both sides of the face.
15. Babies start smiling as newborns: Most doctors believe that real smiles occur when babies are awake at the age of four-to-six weeks, but babies start smiling in their sleep as soon as they’re born.

NursingSchools.net is a website dedicated to proper care giving, healthy living and nursing student resources.

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